(Review by sweetieheart2)

Remember, I Love You

by kyuri91

Title: 3/5

Just not very original or eye-catching, is all. But it’s nice and suits your fic absolutely perfectly :)

Description/Foreword: 8/10

I really like how you set out your description and foreword. The repetition of “Do you remember” and the emphasis on the senses really create the mood, and the way you incorporated the title into them was creative and nice too.

One small thing only:

1. Do you remember the day I proposed you under the fireworks? -> Do you remember the day I proposed to you under the fireworks?

Your description and foreword give a good indication of the genre and style of your fic and doesn’t give away too much information, which is great. I also loved how each sentence then became the title chapters that followed. Very original and it certainly works magnificently :D The only thing is that, upon finding out that these sentences will build the foundations of the chapters that follow, readers will come to know what eventually happens. The biggest spoiler for this is figuring out that Hyesu will be marrying Yoseob before really getting to it.

Characterization: 20/20

One thing that really gave your fic originality was the fact that the female protagonist was not clichéd and “perfect” and filled with aegyo. Your female character is unique and has “layers”, making her a lot deeper and secretive, which therefore means there is a lot to her that keeps the readers guessing.

Your characters are unique, have depth, and develop through the course of the story. I especially love how Hyesu changes and gains confidence gradually; it makes the fic so much more enjoyable as readers watch her grow and move away from the “creepy girl” she was in the past. The way she returned to how she was in the past after the incident was also outlined beautifully.

Plot/Originality: 19/20

Your plot was absolutely amazing. I don’t usually cry when reading (only while watching dramas/movies etc. ;D) but you managed to make me tear up slightly. The story had direction, it was clear that you knew what you were doing, and all the events just built on top of each other perfectly. I only docked one mark due to the overused theme of a popular boy and nerdy/dorky girl getting together. But aside from that, absolutely beautiful <3

Mechanics (grammar, spelling, punctuation etc.): 16/20

Only a few errors. Chapter 1 only:

1. there are almost nothing they can't do -> there is almost nothing they can’t do.
2. and infamous among girls -> There isn’t really anything wrong with this, but the word “infamous” tends to lean towards being negative. Maybe choose another word, or simply use “famous”.
3. They must won over five top players from the team to win free lunch for a week from the basketball team. -> They must win over five top players from the team to win free lunch for a week from the basketball team.
4. It's not because they are genius but both of them love to learn new things including sports. -> It’s not because they are geniuses, but both of them love to learn new things, including sports.
5. the captain of basketball team asks them. -> the captain of the basketball team asks them.
6. With that they leave the basketball team, heading to the grab some drinks. -> With that, they leave the basketball team, heading to grab some drinks.
7. They sit on a bench, discussing about another challenge they received from soccer team. -> They sit on a bench, discussing another challenge they received from the soccer team.
8. He asked me to come with you tomorrow morning...," Yoseob pauses because he notices that Junhyung isn't listening to him. -> you can omit the comma after the ellipsis
9. returning his gaze on Yoseob again. -> returning his gaze to Yoseob again.
10. Hyunseung's house was robbed by thief at night after he sat next to her. -> Hyunseung’s house was robbed by a thief (or thieves) at night after he sat next to her.
11. He thinks in logic way -> He thinks in a logical way
12. But we don't attend same classes withs us -> But we don’t attend the same classes as each other
13. "Don't blame me if something happen to you!" -> “Don’t blame me if something happens to you!”
14. He looks around to find a clue about the girl whereabout. -> He looks around to find a clue about the girl’s whereabouts.
15. he heard nasty rumor that some students mock her whenever she walked pass them. -> he heard nasty rumors that some students mock her whenever she walks past them. OR he heard nasty rumors that some students mocked her whenever she walked past them.
16. If he is on the girl's position, he will try to find a secret hiding place where no one can find her. -> If he is in the girl’s position, he will try to find a secret hiding place where no one can find him.
17. And there is only one place comes in his mind. -> And there is only one place that comes to his mind.
18. No one comes to this place because they think it's dangerous site. -> it’s a dangerous site.
19. wandering his eyes to find the girl -> a little awkward… maybe try “his eyes wandering around to find the girl”
20. Letting his curiosity to take over -> omit the “to”
21. He tilts his head and finds a girl is trying to hide herself with her long black hair. -> He tilts his head and finds a girl who is trying to hide herself with her long, black hair.
22. making his silver bracelet to tie with her long hair. -> making his silver bracelet tie with her long hair. OR causing his silver bracelet to tie with her long hair.

This section was generally quite good, and the things I picked out are only very minor.

Flow/Pace and Style: 9/10

The way you show time passing is really subtle and nicely-woven into your fic. Your writing style meant that you only showed “snippets” and significant moments in their relationship, which is very creative. The only thing is that I would have liked perhaps a little more detail in the beginning on how Junhyung and Hyesu really fell in love with each other, rather than explaining it briefly in the following chapter.

The style of writing was perfect.

Appearance/Layout (fonts, posters etc.): 4/5

I would personally suggest you choose a slightly larger font size, as it got a little tiring after reading for a while. But others may find that perfectly fine. Your poster and background suit your fic really well, but the background, although beautiful and capturing the mood very well, was a little bright and distracting from the main body of your fic. Other than that, it’s all pretty good.

Overall enjoyment: 9/10

Your fic was so touching. All the details were so intricately woven and the story was utterly moving. It was an absolute pleasure to read through your whole story. I only docked one mark because the story lost its sense of “anticipation” since the reader already knows what is going to happen from the foreword.

Total: 88/100

Comments:

A deep, beautiful, heart-wrenching and wonderful story. I don’t have much else to say, apart from the fact that I really did enjoy reading it ^^ From reading only one story of yours, it is clear that you have the potential to become a beautiful writer. Just watch those few grammar things and you’ll be good to go~ :D Thank you for requesting~ ^^ <3

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Thank you very much for the review~
Really need to work for my grammar!

Should I write another drama story? XD

Credit goes to thissteadyheart creations ! ^^