Chapter 6: Akatsuki

He was just sitting there, alone, staring into space while kicking his feet back and forth, his ears catching the sound of the falling rain outside. It was pouring very heavily, like millions of tiny little bullets being shot from the sky.

Drip, drip, drop.

What was that sound?

Drip, drip, drop.

He felt something was wetting his face, and raised his hand to touch the liquid that was moistening his cheeks but mostly his eyes. The liquid felt warm, and seemed to be cascading down his eyes endlessly. It took a moment for him to grasp that it was his own waterworks.

And now they appeared to drop on the floor, the sound of it echoed throughout the empty room.

Drip, drip, drop.

Why the tears were falling from his eyes, he wondered. He looked outside the window and noticed the heavy fall, and couldn’t help but to think how similar the rain was with his tears. It was pouring endlessly, just as his tears that kept falling like a river escaping dam.

Just then, he felt a sudden pain in his chest, on the left side. He didn’t know what it was but he could feel something breaking on the inside, and it seemed to go well with the tears. He assumed that the tears fell because of the pain he felt.

He held the aching spot on his chest, thinking of a million ways to make the pain and the tears to stop.

He was scared if the pain never went away. He was scared if the tears would keep falling. He didn’t want any of that.

Drip, drip, drop.

He didn’t know for how long had he been sitting there, but it felt like a thousand years. What was he waiting for anyway? He wasn’t sure himself. All he knew was that he was supposed to wait, as he was told to do so.

Maybe it had only been half an hour or just a few minutes, but when he looked outside again, the rain had finally stopped. The grey and dark clouds lastly went away, revealing the bright Sun that they kept hidden. The bluish sky returned, and it was happy days again.

But when will his own tears end, now that the rain had stopped? The pain was subsiding, and he hoped the same for his tears. He hated the feeling of having some liquid wetting his face against his wishes.

He kicked his legs back and forth again, and this time, he began whispering a song he knew by heart. It would’ve sounded like a murmur, but in the soundless room, his voice was loud enough.

“Lavender's blue, dilly dilly,

Lavender's green.

When you are king, dilly dilly,

I shall be queen.”

His body swayed a little to the left, then to the right, and then to the left again.

“Who told you so, dilly dilly,

Who told you so?

'Twas my own heart, dilly dilly,

That told me so.”

He kept repeating the same song, over and over again. Despite his age, the melody was very close to his heart and he would continue singing it for as long as he shall live. It was the only thing that would remind him of his mother, for she used to sing it to him each time before he went to sleep, afore the whole turmoil came to pass.

He didn’t know how many times he’d been singing the song, but once he muttered the last line, a man entered the room, and wasted no time to walk up to him.

The boy knew of him, detected his presence inside the room but made no effort to look up at him. Instead, he hummed the next song he knew, while taking no notice of the man’s existence.

“Time to go, son.” The man said, interrupting the boy’s humming. Only then did the boy acknowledge the man’s presence, and looked at him with a smile. His tears had stopped, but the marks were visible on his face.

It didn’t take the man long to learn that the boy had been crying. He was just a little surprised that he made no sound either. He was just outside the room, and if the boy had cried, he would’ve heard.

“Where are we going, Papa?” The boy asked, standing up and taking the man’s hand in his. Despite not wanting to have any contacts with him, the man gave in. He told himself many times not to pull his hand back, as the least he could do was to let the little boy hold his hand after what he’d done to him.

“We’re going to a new place.” The man replied concisely, not knowing what else to say to the younger lad. Throughout the child’s lifetime, he was barely there to watch him grow, let alone interact with him. He felt distant with the kid, though the boy himself looked at him as if they were buddies.

With his hand towing the little boy, he led him out of the room, soon out of the building and helped him enter his car, which was waiting just right outside. The boy didn’t utter a single word, but his expression showed that he was rather excited about the ‘new place’ they were heading.

The man hopped on the driver’s seat, and having turned the ignition on, began driving away towards their destination.

The boy looked out the car’s window in amazement. He had no idea where he was going, but the thought of going somewhere new thrilled him. Where they could be heading, he wonder. Wherever it was, he bet it was an awesome place, as long as he had his father with him.

He couldn’t remember when the last time he saw his dad was. It felt so long ago and the memory itself seemed distant. But now, it didn’t matter, as he was there right beside him. He tried to think of all the nice things he would do with his dad, just like other boys his age would do with their own fathers.

He’d imagine them going fishing, or maybe hiking, or maybe playing soccer together. He wasn’t really good in soccer, so he was hoping that his dad would teach him. And he wanted to go camping with his dad, as he often heard the other kids at school constantly said things about camping with their dads and how enjoyable it was.

Wherever their destination was, he was eager to have his father back with him. He felt as if he was dreaming and that the reality was surreal. His father went away lots of times before, leaving him alone with his mom and came back only once in a blue moon. To have him back here now felt very exciting, especially now that his mother was gone.

He’d believed that his dad would take care of him this time. He was sure of it. His father wasn’t around when his mom was still alive, but now that she’d passed away, someone had to take care of him, and assumed that his father would.

He cannot be that cruel, can he?

As much as they weren’t that close with one another, surely his father wouldn’t neglect him now that no one was able to care for him.

He strongly believed that his father wasn’t that kind of person. Yes, he was away many times, but there were also moments when he came home to see how his son was doing. That itself had proved that his father loved him and nothing like what his mother used to say.

Perhaps his mother was wrong after all.

Maybe his dad did love him; he just didn’t know how to show it.

The little boy felt his eyelids getting heavier, as the journey felt so long and never ending. Even though he was curious to death to know where they were going, he’d decided not to ask, as that would spoil the excitement.

He leaned back on his seat and his eyes starting to close, with the rain once again began pouring heavily outside. He was no longer crying, and wondered why the sky still did. He couldn’t help but to hope that the rain would stop soon, as he was looking forward to spending time with his dad outdoors.

He closed his eyes, and heard nothing except for the sound of the rain, which, in some ways, reminded him of the sound of his own tears prior.

Drip, drip, drop.

“Are you sure you want to go back to school already, love?” Ms. Zhang asked for the umpteenth time, as she stood there with arms akimbo and watched as YeonAe tied the laces of her school shoes. It was just another day, but unlike any other days, that day YeonAe decided to go back to school, and shocked Ms. Zhang who at the same time was delighted by the idea.

“I mean, it’s okay if you want just another day off. If you’d told me sooner then maybe, we could’ve spent a day together. You know, before you get busy with school activities and whatnot.” Ms. Zhang said again, now watching YeonAe grabbed her school bag and was ready to head out the door.

“It isn’t that I don’t want you to go to school, but it was so sudden that I myself wasn’t prepared for it.” She added. YeonAe only looked at Ms. Zhang and threw her a small smile. Yes, she’d finally made up her mind to go back to school, despite still feeling rather half-hearted about it.

If she could, she wouldn’t want to go back to school at all, but then she knew that that was out of the question and there was no way she could do that. She had to go back somehow, and besides, staying inside the house the whole day would only remind her of YiXing more.

She’d thought that by not being inside the house the whole time would lessen the pain, as she could only see YiXing’s shadows wherever she went, and the thought itself was driving her crazy.

“Sorry for suddenly making this decision, mother, but I guess it’s the best thing that I should do right now.” YeonAe explained. “It’s just that ... the more I stay inside the house, the memories of YiXing will only haunt me more and more. I just ... couldn’t take it anymore. Too, I have a lot to catch up on with the subjects at school. I’ll have to go back sooner or later, so why not now?”

Ms. Zhang managed a pleased beam, and patted YeonAe’s shoulder as she took the sight of the girl in. If she had to tell the truth, YeonAe was in no physical shape yet to go back to school actually. She’d lost her weight; her complexion was pale, and she still looked dreamy and sometimes in her own world. She got so thin that Ms. Zhang was very sure that even the wind could blow her away.

Ms. Zhang was worried to let her go out, but had to agree with herself that it might be the best thing for YeonAe to do. From what she saw, it seemed that YeonAe was trying her best to move on, and probably by going back to school was just another way for her to keep her mind busy and not only think of YiXing most of the time.

Or so she had hoped.

The previous episode when YeonAe went out of the house alone only happened just a couple of days ago. That was why Ms. Zhang was rather shocked to hear that YeonAe wanted to go back to school. But then, if that was what YeonAe wanted, then Ms. Zhang had nothing to argue. At least she was there to keep herself occupied instead of weeping inside her room all day long.

“Fine, then. Of you go now. Be careful on your way and make sure to be on your guard all the time, alright?” Ms. Zhang said, a little bit sternly, considering how YeonAe could get lost in her own thoughts sometimes.

YeonAe nodded at the reminder, and was off moments shortly after giving Ms. Zhang a quick hug.

All the way to school, she kept telling herself to start anew, and leave the past behind. If she could be very honest, it was actually a difficult thing for her to do, but she had to for the sake of Ms. Zhang, and for herself.

As she got closer to school, her heart started to pound a little faster.

It wasn’t only just the house that often reminded her of YiXing, but the school too actually. She could already recollect the precious moments that she spent with YiXing at that school even before she reached the school gate.

She somehow felt scared all of a sudden, but then decided to gather up her courage and embrace it. She was already there, and there was no turning back now, was there? It would be so pathetic of her to turn back now and go home, and she felt angry with herself. She felt like such a loser, to be so weak and overcome by grieve that she could hardly think straight. She was too engrossed in her own sadness that she can’t seem to even think of the things that could make her happy.

She entered the