"We won't say our goodbyes,
You know it's better that way.
We won't break, we won't die,
It's just a moment of change."

 // Preamble ||

“I’m leaving.” EunMyung said without looking at the person in front of her, though she was dying to see his reaction once he registered her words. Her tone was almost inaudible, but despite the noisiness of the café, she was certain that he heard her loud and clear.

EunMyung didn’t have the courage to meet his eyes, but she knew that he gazed at her unwaveringly. A wave of guilt and nervousness swept over her, but she steadied herself to let the words slip out of .

“I’m sorry.” It was all she could say since no answer was forthcoming from the boy in front of her. Slowly, she lifted her eyes, only to see that not even a flicker of change passed over the boy’s expression. Guilt had taken up a permanent place inside EunMyung, burrowing deep into her heart.

He might not show it, but she could see it in his eyes. She’d known him long enough to know that he was trying to hold himself back from letting moisture pooling in his eyes. She could detect the minor confusion on his face, based on the slight wrinkle on his forehead.

After what seemed like an eternity of silence, SeHun cleared his throat. “It’s okay. I understand.”

EunMyung started to frown herself, feeling perplexed now upon SeHun’s casual answer. She’d expected him to be angry, demanding for explanations as to why she made this decision so suddenly. He should be shouting at her for being unreasonable and making a decision so hastily. She didn’t even discuss this with him, nor had she mentioned anything about leaving.

Everything was normal between them, until that day. Her decision to leave should’ve had SeHun knocked for six, but there he was sitting in front of her, looking as if he’d been expecting her to say that she was going away.

“I’m sorry.” She apologized again. “I know this must seem too unexpected for you but, I have this strong pull inside of me, telling me that I have to go, that I must go. I ... I no longer recognize the face in the mirror looking back at me, SeHun. I don’t know who I am anymore. It feels like one moment I am somebody else and it keeps changing. It has come to a point where I can’t take it anymore. I feel like going away will help me to find myself, to find me, and escape from all the troubles here. I think I can do that without having anyone to influence me to become someone who I am not.”

EunMyung didn’t know how, but slowly she’d been getting the nerve to let the words out, the words that she’d kept for so long inside her heart.

“I don’t expect you to not be angry, SeHun. In fact, I get it if you’re mad. Throughout the years, we’ve known each other, we never keep any secrets from one another but here I am telling you that I am leaving. Again, I am so sorry.”

Back then, when she was planning of telling SeHun this, she’d expected him to walk out on her, but much to her surprise, SeHun reached out and tousled her already messy hair. She looked at him enquiringly, but he only gave her a smile. “Didn’t you hear a word I just said, EunMyung? I told you that it’s okay, and that I understand.”

“But you’re supposed to be mad or something at me.” EunMyung said, not quite believing that SeHun was taking this much easier than what she’d originally thought.

SeHun kept smiling and said with a small shrug, “I actually have no right to be angry. It’s your decision and I must respect that. Even though I’ve known you for years, I know that there are certain things that you cannot share with me straight away. And for you to keep this from me until today must’ve meant that it took a lot of your time to think it through.”

EunMyung tried to speak, but the words catch. SeHun knew that she was in a difficult situation, so he didn’t want to make it harder for her. Somehow, he’d always knew that this day would come. EunMyung had been acting tough for so long that he was sure one day; she would come to a conclusion where enough is enough.

Yes, SeHun was extremely sad that she was going away, but if letting her go meant she could find herself, he was more than willing to do that even though he knew that he was going to miss her dreadfully.

“I don’t know when I’ll be back.” EunMyung muttered, looking at SeHun now. The boy nodded his head. “Take your time. I won’t go anywhere. I’ll still be here when you come back.” SeHun knew that EunMyung had been saving for so many years, working multiple part time jobs when she was a teenager hence he knew that she probably wouldn’t be back anytime soon. He didn’t know where she was going, but he had a feeling that it would be far.

“Do you think I’m making the right decision?” EunMyung asked, wanting the certainty from SeHun, as she’d always trusted his judgments and opinions. He’d always been the sensible one, while she was always the reckless girl who dived in headfirst. But unlike any of her previous actions, she was confident that this time, she was doing something right.

“I am not the person who should be answering that, EunMyung.” SeHun said while looking at her with a soft smile. “The only way for you to know whether you’ve made the right decision or not, is to find it out yourself.”

“It almost feels like the right thing to do.” EunMyung said, and SeHun nodded his head. “Then maybe it is. Sometimes you have to trust your gut feelings.”

“And those gut feelings are the ones that got me into trouble countless times.” EunMyung replied in exasperation, and buried her face in her arms. All of a sudden, she didn’t know any more whether this was a good idea. Maybe it wasn’t. Remembering all the things she’d done in the past, they were all based on her so-called gut feelings and SeHun was often involved.

She felt a hand ruffling her hair again, but this time, she didn’t lift her head. It was almost soothing to her and somehow that was what she needed at the moment.

“You know, if I could, I don’t want you to go. I’d prefer it if you were here where I can see you and make sure that you’re fine. I’m always wondering what I would ever do if I ever had to leave you even for a day. Now, you’re telling me that you’re leaving, in search of yourself. Well, go on ahead, EunMyung. I’m setting you free.”

EunMyung raised her head now, feeling much more encouraged after hearing SeHun said that. One way or another, she was more convinced now that SeHun understood that she had to do this, and not for the sake of having fun or getting away from trouble.

“I’m sorry to leave you.” She said, having a lump in . “We always do things together and after all you’ve done for me, I’m leaving you in order to find myself.”

“And I hope you find everything you need, EunMyung.” SeHun said. “I can’t get close if you’re not there. I can’t fix you, nor can I save you. This is something you’ll have to do on your own. And when you’ve seen what you need to see or find what you need, come back to me. I’ll be right here.”

DramatisPersonae:

Oh SeHun

Cho EunMyung

"So i'll let you go, I'll set you free.
And when you see what you need to see,
When you find you, come back to me." 

Title : Come Back To Me

Author : moonlightJHN

Chapters : 5