Chapter 4: Hush Hush

It was late at night, and he was doing some coloring in his room. He couldn’t sleep, for some reason, and found himself to be at ease when he was able to color the pictures in his coloring book. It was as if he was in his own world only. A world filled with the pictures of the characters he colored, and sometimes he imagined that they really came to life and played with him, keeping him company.

He didn’t have any toys inside his room, not even one. His room only had a single bed, a small study table and his closet. It wasn’t that his parents weren’t able to buy him any, but he himself had no idea why they never wanted to buy him any toys to play with. They often settled him with coloring books, saying that they were much better than toys.

He took them without any complaints or a protest, thinking that it was better than nothing was. At least he had something to keep himself occupied or he would’ve died in boredom.

Didn’t he have any friends to play with at school?

Well, he tried to blend in with them but none of the students wanted to get close to him for a reason he cannot fathom. They kept their distance with him, leaving him thunderstruck each time he told them that he wanted to join them.

Each time he went to the playground not far from his own house, the parents there would give him those eyes, before grabbing their own children and took them away, far away from him.

In the end, he was left all alone again.

He couldn’t comprehend why everyone was treating him that way. What had he done wrong? What did he ever do to anyone to make them look at him as if he was a disease carrier?

Was he a monster for everyone to stay away from him?

He couldn’t remember ever doing anything wrong to each of them, and yet they looked at him with full hatred. He could see it in their eyes. He may be young, but he knew.

Those eyes that were looking at him, he’d seen them in his own mother’s eyes before when she was looking at his father.

He asked his mother once, why everyone was looking at him like that, and the only answer his mother could give was silence. She never wanted to say anything at all, or at least comfort him. He’d expected that a lot from his mother now. Every so often, his mother will keep quiet and turn away, before leaving him in the dark again.

They no longer communicated with each other. It was difficult to even get his mother to speak to him. He didn’t know what was going on with his mom but he knew that something was wrong.

Sometimes at night, he could hear her crying all alone in the living room.

From time to time, he could hear her screaming and went berserk. She’d throw everything she could lay her eyes on in the living room. She’d break all the glass, tore everything apart before breaking down and cry again. The room would be in a mess each time he went out from his bedroom in the morning.

Her shouts at night terrified him, causing him not to be able to sleep. His heart kept pounding each time his mother went out of control, and he would cry alone in his bedroom in utmost fear. It was as if his nightmare had come to life, and the thing that was terrifying him was right outside his room.

He didn’t know why his mother was acting that way. She’d been so strange lately and daunting at the same time. Each time his mother went bananas, he could only wish that she wouldn’t enter his room. His mother was only like that when his father wasn’t around, and his father wasn’t home often.

Even if his dad was at home, all they ever did was fighting about something that he couldn’t understand.

And each time that happened, all he could ever do was to hide in the shadows.

In a split second, his coloring stopped as he heard the sound of a familiar shriek, causing him to create a slight mess in his coloring book. He cursed to himself, as he hated it when his coloring was interrupted.

The shriek came again, and then sounded a cry.

He told himself not to bother, and ignored it as he always did on most of the hours of darkness.

But somehow, he can’t just disregard it. The sound of the cry touched his ears and then his heart and he felt sadness taking up most of the space in his soul.

It wasn’t the first time he’d heard her cry, but that night he can’t help but wanting to cry with her too. The sound of her crying was tear jerking, and it was painful. It was filled with so much sorrow, and he sensed remorse that sounded almost like a lifetime.

He closed his ears, trying to block her voice from entering but it was impossible. It was like haunting him.

And the next thing he knew, he was already on his feet, walking towards his bedroom door.

His mind kept telling him not to go out, for he might not be ready with what he may see, but his heart urged him to at least take a look at his mother. He felt scared, but worry surpassed his fear.

A part of him wanted to make sure that his mother was all right, though he knew that she wasn’t as she was crying so miserably. Maybe after having a glimpse of his mother, he would return to his room and sleep. Yes, he intended to do just that, only having a glimpse of the complicated woman.

He slowly walked towards the living room with his tiny little feet in quiet steps, worried that he might startle her. He didn’t even dare to make a single sound, and breathing itself felt like a scary thing to do.

His eyes found his mother, sitting on the floor in the middle of the room that had turned upside down.

Her hair was a mess, and if it weren’t for the lights that were on, he would’ve thought that it was a ghost instead. Thank God, she wasn’t wearing anything white, or she would’ve really looked like a ghost.

The room was a total ruin as he took the sight of it in. The furniture was in ruins, the photographs that used to be on the wall were now on the ground and broken. He could see shards of glasses on the floor, all came from the decorations that used to ornament the room.

He watched his steps carefully as he walked towards his mother, who was now crying while hugging her knees. Her shoulders rose up and down and her voice echoed throughout the soundless house.

He wanted to call her, but he was scared.

He slowly lifted his right hand up, and it landed softly on his mother’s shoulder.

The woman was surprised, and quickly turned her head around to see who was disturbing her. Then, she met eyes with her son, who looked absolutely frightened and concerned at the same time.

“Mom ... are you okay?” He asked timidly, preparing himself for any kind of outbreak that he might receive. He didn’t dare to look at his mother’s face for long, as it scared him especially her eyes.

His mother’s eyes were bloodshot red, like she’d been crying non-stop for days. Her face was white, and there were tearstains on her cheeks. Her lips were trembling, as if she’d been sitting in a frozen room.

“What are you doing out here, boy?” she asked, her voice void from any love or tenderness. “Why on earth are you out here and not in bed? Do you know what time is it right now? Don’t you have school tomorrow?” Her voice pitched higher in every question, and the little boy was shaking right where he was standing.

“I ... I was just worried about you. You were crying so I was wondering whether you’re okay now.”

His mother scoffed at his question, and his heart broke with her action. It was as if she thought he was lying, when he really was feeling worried about her. Besides, how can he ever sleep if she kept causing ruckus in the middle of the night?

And of course, he dared not to tell her so.

His mother laughed all of a sudden, causing him to flinch in shock. It was already late, and his mother was acting weirder than usual. He started to regret coming out there to check on her, and kept in mind not to bother next time. Perhaps staying locked inside his room was much safer than being outside. He felt like being inside a prison, despite living in his own home.

“Oh, my dear lad, looks like someone does care about me after all. I thought you were just like your father. A heartbreaker, never cares about how I feel, and bloody cruel. He is a very cruel man, my boy. He’d never loved me and yet he left you for me to look after.”

The boy curled his fingers, forming a tight fist, which he kept hidden from his mother’s eyes.

No, his father wasn’t a cruel man. His dad loved him. His dad loved his mom.

His dad loved the both of them.

His mother was lying. She was feeding him with deceits and he won’t believe any of it.

“He’ll never come back to us, to you. He won’t be coming back. Now that his heart is as broken as mine is, he’ll have to search for a way to mend that shattered soul of his. Now that she’s gone with their kid, he’ll have to search for them.”

His mother then suddenly reached for his hand, and trying his best not to pull back, he just let her.

“We’re left abandoned here, my son. Your papa will never come back to us though we’re both still waiting for him here. All that he can see in his mind is her and their child. Even though she’s gone now, they’re all he ever thinks about but never for once, he thinks about us here. We’re still here, aren’t we? We’re not going anywhere and yet he takes no notice of us.”

She gripped her son’s hand, unconsciously tighter but the boy didn