Chapter 3 : La Vie En Rose

A year later.

She was running, running as if her life was depending on it. Everyone thought she was being chased from behind but when they looked, she was actually alone. And since it was none of the onlooker’s business, they didn’t bother to ask her why she was running.

Her heart was thumping so hard against her chest; she felt that it could burst out any minute. She tried to catch her breath from time to time so that she won’t pass out. The rain was pouring on her mercilessly, obscuring her vision but that didn’t stop her.

She didn’t care if her clothes were now soaked to the skin. She didn’t give a damn if the bystanders were giving her weird stares, looking at her as if she was a crazy young girl to be running in the downpour. When she sort of lost her pace and fell several times on the ground, she pushed the pain aside and continued running.

The pain didn’t matter, as well as her bleeding knees. Her wet clothes weren’t important and she ignored the eyes of the pedestrians. It could be due to the rain that somehow now froze her brain, but it wasn’t that.

There was only one thing that kept appearing inside her thoughts, and there was only one figure that she could see in her eyes, despite her thoughts a jumbled messed of fear and sadness. She kept running because she had to get to him. She had to get to his side before it was too late. And suddenly, the journey to the hospital seemed miles and miles away, purposely wanting to delay her from getting to him.

She cried as she ran; though the tears weren’t visible and quickly wiped off by the rain.

She screamed as her legs picked up the speed, and tendrils of fear now began to coil her heart.

She continued running, hoping that she wasn’t too late.

Her thoughts kept replaying the remembrances they had together, and tears began welling up inside her eyes again. She cannot let those memories remain as memories. She cannot let him slip away. She wanted those memories to be the things that they will ponder together, not she alone.

She wasn’t ready to let him go, no, not yet.

After what seemed like a long time, she was finally there. She’d finally arrived and she was grateful that she made it alive. She dashed into the entrance and straight away ran to the room she knew well enough, ignoring the calling of the nurses behind her. She didn’t have the time to stop. She had to get to him and make sure he didn’t leave her. He cannot leave her yet.

She halted when she’d reached the room, and her trembling hand began reaching the doorknob. With a shaking grasp, she twisted the handle and pushed the door aside, before her legs making their way inside the white colored room.

Her steps were slow, but her heart was still thrashing like crazy. Her head was getting a little dizzy but she tried to pull it together. It wasn’t the right time to lose consciousness, especially with the sight that greeted her that time.

As she walked towards the room, she saw a woman, older than her, sitting beside a bed with a sorrow expression on her face. She was holding the hand of the person who was lying on the bed, and from the corner of her eyes, that person wasn’t moving. The woman’s eyes then caught the sight of her, and a small, sad smile appeared on the woman’s face.

“YeonAe.” The woman called.

YeonAe walked towards the edge of the bed, a blank look was evident on her face. Her eyes trailed the figure who was lying on the hospital bed, and when their gazes met, that somebody threw her a smile.

A painful smile.

A forced smile.

The smile could hardly reach his eyes, and YeonAe could see just how much energy he took just to smile at her. YeonAe couldn’t return the smile, for all she felt that moment was to collapse on the floor and cry, especially when she saw the dimple on his left cheek. She closed her eyes and clenched her fists, willing herself not to cry there and then.

The woman who’d been sitting there the whole time, stood up and softly said, “I’ll give you two some space. I’ll be just right outside if you need me.” Her words were almost inaudible, and it took every ounce of energy she had to say it. Sorrow and despair coated her words, and before she could break down and cry, Mrs. Zhang quickly walked out of the room, unable to control the sadness that had taken up a permanent place inside her, burrowing deep inside her chest.

After she left, the room sank into silence – complete and absolute.

YeonAe was still standing there; drops of water were dripping from her hair onto the floor. She couldn’t open her eyes to look at him, as much as she wanted to. She didn’t know what would happen to her, or what she would do, if she looked into those eyes again. That could be the last chance she had to look at his smile, his assuring and loving gaze, and she wasn’t ready for that all to be taken away.

“YeonAe ...”

She ran to him, collapsing at his side on the bed and embraced him tightly, never wanting to let him go. And finally, the tears that she’d tried so hard to keep finally spilt over and flowed down her face like a river escaping dam.

YeonAe wept as her chest rose up and down and her almost inhuman sobs coming from deep within her soul. She cried as if the entire world and all of its beauty had ended. She could imagine it being that way if he was gone. She tightened her hug around him, feeling scared that if she let go, he would be taken away from her forever and she didn’t want it to happen.

Yixing let out a heartfelt sigh softly after hearing her voice cracked and the tears that kept cascading down her face. He wanted so much to console her, but his energy limited him to do so. Hearing her sobbing next to him, holding him as if he was her only source of life, caused his own tears to fill up his eyes.

He never wanted to make her cry. He knew that YeonAe was a strong girl and it wasn’t easy for her to cry. She was a cheerful girl and she always smiled. Hearing her crying like that, he felt as if his heart had been pierced with a knife.

He slowly lifted his hand and began her back, though he knew it would only make her cry harder instead of making her feel better. “Now, now, YeonAe.” He whispered. “It’s okay. Everything is going to be fine. You’ll be all right.”

YeonAe slowly extricated herself from the hug, and Yixing softened when he saw her face. Tears lined her cheeks, and her eyes had gone red and puffy. If only he could do something to stop those tears from flowing. His heart broke each time a tear fell from her eyes, and it pained him just as much.

“Nothing is going to be all right.” YeonAe said in a trembling voice, each word pitched higher than the last. “You can’t leave me. I don’t know what I would do if you’re not around. You can’t leave me now. You promised that you would always stay with me.”

“And I will.” Yixing said as his own tears began tumbling down his face. “I will always be with you, YeonAe. In your thoughts and in your heart.”

“No! You can’t leave me too! You said you wouldn’t leave me as my parents did! You promised me.” YeonAe wailed as more and more tears began rolling down her cheeks. No one could express her agony. No light or tender words could penetrate her sorrow.

Fear began to take up most of the space inside her heart. She didn’t want to lose him; he was very special to her. He was her best friend, her first love. He taught her what a family was all about. They went through thick and thin together. She wasn’t prepared to let him go. There were still so many things they planned to do together.

“Nothing is ever going to be the same.” YeonAe sobbed. “Please, don’t leave me.”

Yixing reached up and tried to wipe her tears away. “I wish I could, pumpkin. I’m sorry that I’m not able to fulfill any of the promises I made you. I know that we’ve planned to do many things together in the future. But, my time is until here. You have to do them all for me. You better do, because I’ll be watching over you.”

YeonAe enveloped him into a hug once again as she wept. Yixing closed his eyes as sorrow, for a long moment, silenced everything inside him. He rubbed YeonAe’s back again and let her cry her eyes out. He could only hope that this would be the last time she ever cried this hard. He couldn’t imagine her being alone and cry again, when he wasn’t around.

“Hey, YeonAe. Do you remember the words to our favorite song?” Yixing asked, his voice getting weaker and each word sounded like more of a whisper. It was getting harder to keep his eyes opened now. His breath was getting slower, and his vision was starting to fade.

“Can you sing the words for me?”

YeonAe nodded and slowly broke the hug. She positioned herself next to him, and with a croaky voice, she tried to sing the first verse.

“If you ever find yourself ... stuck in the middle of the sea ... I’ll sail the world ... to find you. If you ever find yourself lost in the dark ... and you can’t see ... I’ll be the light ... to guide you....” She’d stopped crying, eventually, but tears kept cascading down her cheeks and wetting her entire face.

Yixing interlocked their fingers, and YeonAe noticed that his grip was getting weaker. She held his hand tighter, hoping that she could channel every bit of her energy to him. Her lips were trembling so badly, and her heart was beating at a rapid pace. It was difficult for her not to cry, but she willed herself to continue the song for Yixing.

“You can count on me like 1, 2, 3, I’ll be there ... And I know when I need it, I can count on you like 4, 3, 2, you’ll be there ...”

“YeonAe, I told you to be careful! Why wouldn’t you listen to me? I told you to wait for me to take it for you, didn’t I?” Yixing scolded, blowing the scratch on YeonAe’s knee at the same time. YeonAe’s face was red now that she was in pain, and her lips began quivering when Yixing reprimanded her like that. “I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.” Yixing sighed and put a bandage on her knee. Once that was done, he tousled her head with a smile. “It’s okay. Just promise me that you will wait for me next time.”

“If you’re tossing and you’re turning and you just can’t fall asleep ... I’ll sing a song ... beside you....”

“YeonAe? Why are you still up?” Yixing asked, noticing that YeonAe was sitting all by herself in the dark living room. He was on his way to the kitchen to get a drink when he found her sitting on the couch alone. She had her blanket wrapped around her and her eyes seemed sad. “I had a nightmare. Now I can’t go back to sleep.” She said. Yixing smiled softly at her and walked towards the couch she was sitting on. “So by sitting here all alone in the dark doesn’t make you feel afraid?” He asked, sitting beside her. YeonAe pondered the question before shrugging as an answer. Yixing laughed. “Well, I know one or two songs that can make you feel sleepy. Do you want to give it a try?” He asked, glancing at her. YeonAe thought about it and nodded her head eagerly. “Sure, why not! I feel so tired but I can’t fall asleep again because of the nightmare.” Yixing tousled her hair. “Okay. Here goes.”

“You’ll always have my shoulder when you cry ... I’ll never let go, never say goodbye....”

“YeonAe? Why are you crying?” Yixing asked when he saw her walking towards the school gate with an unhappy expression on her face. By one look, he knew that something wrong happened. He’d known her long enough to be able to read her like an open book. YeonAe reached where he was and crossed her arms. “I’m not crying.” She said, still looking somewhat angry without meeting his eyes. Yixing lifted his eyebrows and crossed his arms as well. “Then how do you explain those tear marks on your cheeks? They don’t look like sweat to me.” He queried. “Those kids picked on you again, didn’t they?” He pressed, and when YeonAe’s expression hardened, he knew he was right. Yixing sighed and hugged her shoulder before leading the way home. It happened almost every day. The kids would pick on her especially the matter regarding her parents. It seemed that YeonAe could no longer take it. She used to ignore them before but lately she appeared to be rather distressed about it.

“Remember what I told you? Just ignore them, YeonAe.” Yixing tried to cheer her up, as he’d always done when she was in a black mood. “Just take no notice of what they say. They don’t know anything. Those types of kids are not worth getting angry with. What matters most is that you do have people who love you, though they’re not your real parents. You have my mother, who loves you as if you’re her own daughter. And you have me.”

“You can count on me like 1, 2, 3, I’ll be there ... And I know when I need it, I can count on you like 4, 3, 2, you’ll be there ...” And sleep mercifully overtook her as she whispered the last sentence while she rested there beside him. Her energy tank was empty, and exhaustion consumed her.

Yixing knew she fell asleep, and he didn’t have the heart to wake her. She must’ve been so tired, worried, and scared all at the same time. It was evident enough by the look in her eyes. He sighed as he took in the features of her face and a small smile played on his lips. She had eye bags under her big eyes, her hair was a total mess, and her clothes were damp.

How can he ever leave this girl behind? How can he ever believe that she will be fine after he was gone? He knew that she was going to hav