_____________________________________________________________________________________________

The 8th Handful of Love

“Are you two even sober?” I asked in disgust when I spotted many empty bottles of wine and cans of beer scattered over the floor and on the coffee table.

“No, Sica. Can you listen to my explanation please?” Yoona pleaded as she held onto me. She stank like alcohol. “I really didn’t mean to… the alcohol…”

I wanted to immediately call Heechul to tell him what I just saw but I couldn’t. For one, it would hurt his feelings and another would be that he’d know it was Donghae and he’d obviously become his violent self towards him.

“I’m not going to listen to any of our explanations. What do you expect me to think when you were just so close to heading towards… doing that… with him? With him? With my husband? Really Yoona? I thought you were better than that.”

“No! Seriously, I didn’t mean it. The alcohol got the hold of the both of us and we didn’t know what we were doing. Don’t tell Heechul, please.”

I glanced over her shoulder to look at Donghae who was blankly staring at me.

“Yoona, I’m going to trust you this one time. If it happens again, actually no. It’s not going to happen again, but if it does – I’m going to make sure you finish it off with Heechul because I don’t want my brother to be hurt.” I warned her and she nodded her head and thanked me.

“And you.” I said while looking at Donghae. “I filed for a divorce and I’m moving out. You can keep the house, I don’t care anymore.”

“Sica… what happened? Why are you saying this?” Yoona asked.

“Yoona, don’t look for me for the next few weeks. I’m going to be busy.” I said as I walked out the room and headed for the front door. I made my way out and started to head to the main road to catch a taxi.

“Jessica!” I heard someone call for me. I turned back to see Donghae. He was running up to me and stopped right in front of me. I turned my entire body around and put my hand out for a taxi but none were going past.

“Just now was a misunderstanding.” He said. It shocked me to hear him say that, was he in a way, explaining himself?

“Last night wasn’t a misunderstanding though, was it?” I said, still not looking at him.

“I wasn’t thinking straight.” He said and I waited for an apology but I didn’t get it. “Do you really not remember what you said two years ago? And the divorce, I won’t allow it!”

“Lee Donghae!” I raised my voice and turned to face him. “You can’t just expect me to magically remember what I said two years ago when I speak every day of my life! I don’t care if it was you I was saying it to, I don’t remember and I don’t want to! I just want to forget you. I want you out my life like how you want me out of yours! I’m tired. I don’t want to go through this all anymore! I can’t live with someone who doesn’t love me!”

I took in a deep breath. “If you’re scared your pride will hurt again, then I’ll just say I cheated on you or you can say it yourself. I’ll take everyone’s critics in for myself.”

He took in everything I said and I turned away, a taxi caught my eye and I put my hand out for it. It stopped in front of me and I got inside.

I gave the address of Siwon’s apartment and he drove off, I looked out the window to see if Donghae was still there and he was.

His words rung through my ear, ‘And the divorce, I won’t allow it!’. He’s so confusing. What is he thinking? First he hates me for a year, then suddenly one night he gets pissed at me, me, the following night he’s all over my best friend, and then tells me he won’t allow me to get a divorce. It’s what he wants, is it not?

/

I arrived at Siwon’s door step and rung the bell. He came after a couple of seconds, rubbing his eyes in his pyjamas.

“Sorry…” I apologised, only realising the time now.

“No, it’s alright.” He said as he gestured for me to come in. I stepped in and took off my shoes and jacket. “Sorry for always having to rely on you for everything.”

“Argh, Jessica. We waited all night for you to come and you come at this hour of the night?” Kyuhyun groaned as he walked out into the hallway and I scratched my head. “And you can’t threaten my about my job because this is my home.”

I shook my head. “Actually, this is a home you share, Kyuhyun.” Siwon said to him. He turned to speak to me. “Ignore him, Jess. The guest room is upstairs but you’re going to have to sleep in the clothes you’re in right now because I’ve put away your luggage in that secret place of ours.”

“What secret place?” Kyuhyun asked as he eyed us both.

Secret place? That would be my personal hospital room. That’s the joy of having a glorious family background.

“It’s a secret for me and Siwon to share, and you to not know.” I said and he mimicked what I said while pulling a face and turning up his tone so it was pitchy.

“You two are very suspicious.”

“Yeah well, you can stop it now. I’m getting divorced with Donghae anyway, go and tell Sunny. Or maybe Donghae has told her already… nahh… I just told him an hour ago only.”

Siwon coughed before Kyuhyun could speak. “It’s late already, and Jessica needs her sleep.” He turned to face me. “You will be needing it. Enjoy the relief of no pain, it’s not going to last very long.” He said as he ruffled my hair. Kyuhyun looked as us both, confused.

“Well, the genius Cho Kyuhyun needs sleep too. Ta!” He said, strutting back to his room in his pink pyjamas like a diva.

/

After changing into the hospital clothes I stepped out into Siwon’s office. I was going to be wearing this for about a month according to the leaflet. I walked beside a nurse and Siwon towards my personal hospital resting room.

I laid down on my bed and put out my right arm for the nurse to do her thing. She put in the medication intravenously (liquid substance that is given directly through the vein) and I winced at the pain. When she was finished she gave me a little pat on my shoulder with a reassuring smile.

“Call me when you need anything, the red button, okay?” The nurse said and I nodded before she walked out the room. Siwon, who was standing at the door came over to the chair beside the bed and sat down.

“She’ll be back in 8 hours to change it, and it’ll be the same for the next five days.”

“So every eight hours, for five days, I’m going to have this stuck in my wrist?”

He nodded and I rolled my eyes. “What are the side effects again?”

“You’ll probably lose your appetite and maybe develop a rash but it’ll be gone when the treatment ends. When it ends, you’ll be stuck in here for 9 days and go through another five day treatment. We’ll then take another x-ray scan and we can then tell you if you’ll be going through more or if that’s the end of your entire cancer!”

I smiled in response. Hopefully it all turns out good.

/

Three and a half weeks had past since the first day of treatment and I could safely say I hated it. I hated the hospital and I was bored because I had no one but Siwon, my parents and Heechul who wasn’t much help because he got bored without Yoona and I didn’t let him tell Yoona about it.

Siwon came out with the x-rays in his hand but he didn’t look too happy. I knew the results wouldn’t come back positive.

He sat down opposite me in his leather chair and looked at me, worried.

“What is it?”

“The results are positive; you’re free from kidney cancer.”

I felt relieved to hear that, but his face made me worry. “Then why are you looking so down? Sad that you won’t see me as much as before?”

“You’re getting divorced with Donghae, still, right?” He asked and I nodded. “I’m just waiting for him to sign the papers, it seems like he still hasn’t because Tiffany hasn’t been in contact with me.”

He took in a deep breath.

“What is it?”

“Jess, you’re pregnant and because you went through all the treatment from so long and the x-rays, from my knowledge from medicine school, if you go through with the pregnancy – the child will have some problems.”

I froze in the chair, I almost couldn’t breath and I couldn’t think.

“Wha… what?”

“You’re pregnant, you’re getting divorced, meaning you’ll be a single mother, won’t be with the father and you’ll be in a foreign country.”

“How would you know who the father is…”

“So it’s not Donghae?”

I froze again. That night… that he me.

“I have a right to be quiet about who the father is, Siwon. It’s not Donghae.” I looked up at him after I lied. “Is it alright if I go through with the pregnancy?”

He nodded. “However… you might need to bear with extreme responsibilities later on.”

I shook my head. “It’s my child, and we will be able to survive. I have the money to make sure of that and plus, I’m only going back to California.” That was where my mum had arranged for me to stay but with the child… that wasn’t part of the plan.

“Are you going to tell the father?”

“NO!” I raised my voice and Siwon looked shocked at my immediate response that didn’t require thinking. “I mean… no, I’m not going to tell him.”

“But he deserves to know.”

“Not when the child was created by force.” I stated. Siwon took in my words and it seemed like he finally understood it when he brows furrowed together. He only did that when he was extremely serious about a matter.

“You didn’t even care to tell anyone that when… that happened? Jessica! What is wrong with you? How did you get through such a situation alone?”

“Siwon, I’ve always been alone. You should know that well enough. Even till now I can’t tell anyone my deepest feelings. If you weren’t my doctor and were simply a close friend, I wouldn’t have told you. Yoona wouldn’t know if she didn’t know you.”

“You’re so stubborn, you know?”

“I’m not being stubborn. I’m trying to grow up. Like you said, I’m pregnant with a child. I need to grow up.” There was an awkward silence after I finished speaking.

“Don’t tell anyone about this, please…” I pleaded, breaking the silence.

“Only on one condition.”

I glanced up at him.

“Let me come to California with you, to look after you. I don’t trust that you can look after even just yourself when you’re there. It’s also a part of my job that I know English.”

I felt guilty listening to him even saying that. I knew he liked me and I couldn’t find a reason to reject him again. Love isn’t enough anymore.

“I’ll book your ticket for you. We leave this Saturday which is in about five day’s time.” I quickly left the room and took a seat outside. I pulled my knees up to my chest and put my head down.

A child? Worse, Donghae’s child? Everything is taking the wrong turn. I hate this.

My phone suddenly started vibrating and I took it out of my pocket. I read the callers ID and it was an unsaved number. Answering the call warily, a familiar voice came through.

“Hello?” He said.

“Hello? Jessica speaking, who is this?” I asked.

“It’s Donghae.”

I swallowed a non-existent lump in my throat. This was the first form of any communication we had since that night he and Yoona were together.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

PLEASE SUGGEST ME A MALE CHARACTER (ANYONE AS LONG AS THEY ARE KOREAN) WHO WILL BE PLAYING A SIGNIFICANT PART.
I'm stuck with who I want to play this part so who else to turn to other than my readers?
Choose the male character you want to play in this! If a certain name comes up a couple of times it's most likely it'll be him but yeah...

Note: You all might be slightly confused with the relationships so I'll just clear it up here...

Heechul is Jessica's older brother, and his girlfriend is Yoona.
Tiffany is Jessica's (and Heechul's, obviously) cousin who is married to Eunhyuk (>D) with a baby, Seohyun.
Kyuhyun is Sunny's boyfriend and he lives with Siwon.

Thank you to sickal for subscribing!

sicabias: Hehe, well cliff hangers are here to leave you all hanging haha. Anyway, tsk to Donghae like you said - and happy ending? That's far from happening.

mar5122: Yoona was with Donghae >DD

sweet_selina: Noooooo, I said this to someone before - there's gonna be no deaths (sort of) in this story because that's cruel.

choki2lovejessi: Well, I sort of have every day updates until next week because it's back to college -____- lol. We soooort of get to see Donghae's reaction in the next chapter, haha. It was Donghae but it wasn't on purpose, Yoona does love Heechul, she doesn't liek Donghae more than a friend.

lalagrl: Well, Sica said it all in this chapter with what Yoona did that she needs to explain herself to Heechul but she doesn't in the end as Sica keeps quiet about it.