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The 4th Handful of Love

Yoona continued ignoring me when we arrived at the hospital. The nurse had called us into Siwon’s office and we went inside together after sitting in the waiting room for almost two hours after doing some early morning shopping.

“Jessica…” Siwon began. “You do remember the surgery we did to remove one of your kidney’s previously, right? The surgery that took place about two years ago…” He said, trying to remind me about the painful memory.

I remember it. It took me almost two months to heal after surgery. I don’t even want to recall the pain I went through. Feeling weak all over, going through immense pain that even pain relief couldn’t even help and the infections I got that required immediate treatment, not even giving me time to rest. It’s pretty hard to forget.

“I remember that, why? Is there a problem?” I asked, worried.

“Well, we did a scan earlier this week, right? The report came out yesterday lunch time.”

I nodded. The test was taken on my first dialysis of the week.

“Well, the results weren’t positive.” He said. I felt my whole body tense up and my heart was beating faster. “I’ve spoken with the medical team and we’ve come to a conclusion that we’re going to suggest you take on biological therapy.”

I took a deep breath and Yoona stayed quiet as she grabbed onto my hand tightly. She was shaking and I held her hand while looking at her and smiled to make her feel better.

“Why do I need to do the biological therapy? What did the results say?” I asked.

Siwon put his head down. “Your cancer is at an extremely high risk of coming back because it’s been removed surgically.”

“THEN WHY DID YOU DO THE SURGERY IN FIRST PLACE IF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED?” Yoona shouted and got out from her seat, leaving the room while slamming it shut.

“I’m sorry about that, Siwon.”

“No, it’s okay. How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine… can you continue please?” I force a smile.

“There are three types of treatments you can choose from that we can provide for you.” He took out a leaflet from his drawer and gave it to me. “Read through it and you can call me when you’ve made your decision.”

I nodded. “I will go through it when I get home tonight.”

“Tonight? Aren’t you celebrating Donghae’s birthday today?” He suddenly asked and I swallowed the lump in my throat.

“We’ll celebrate it before midnight, he’s just going to spend it with his friends first.”

“But you’re supposed to come first!”

“It’s alright, we’ve sort of spent our morning together anyway…” I smiled again. “Well, I’ll be going back then. Thank you very much Siwon, again.” I started to get up. “I’ve got to go find Yoona… I’ll explain it all to her.” Turning around, I held onto the knob on the door but I heard Siwon walking towards me.

I turned around to see him right in front of me.

“Are you having problems with Donghae recently?” He asked and I tensed up once again.

“N…no… why would you say that?”

“I don’t know… you just seem completely out of it today or maybe I’m looking into it too much.” He scratched the back of his neck and I laughed. “Well, you see Siwon, I tend to get shocked when I’m told my cancer is returning.”

“No, it’s not returning yet, I said it’s at a high risk of coming back!”

“Actually, you said an extremely high risk, but whatever! I’ll forgive you. Hey, when are you free?”

“Hmm… why?”

“Just tell me!”

“My shift ends at about 7pm, why?”

“Let’s have dinner tonight!”

“You said you’re celebrating with Donghae!”

“Actually, I said before midnight, get that straight!”

“Ugh, if you weren’t my patient I’d so punch you. Well, alright then. How about I pick you up then?”

I smiled. “I guess that means I will pick you up then.” He said with a sigh.

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Well, Jess… petrol fees are quite expensive.”

“But I’m treating you!”

“Really? Oh my gosh, we have to go to somewhere expensive and like… oh my days, I need to send you into the reds!”

I glared at him, making him stop hyperventilating and we both laughed.

“Siwon, it’s such a shame that all the nurses don’t know about this not-so-handsome, unmanly and un-cool side to you… if they did, that’s your popularity going downhill Mr. Cool Guy!”

“Well, as long as Donghae doesn’t step foot in this place, my popularity wouldn’t even shake!” He stuck out his tongue and ran back to his seat before I managed to punch him.

/

I added the final touches to my make up and grabbed my handbag before checking my watch for the time when I was walking down the stairs. It was a few minutes past seven. I walked into the kitchen and sat down to look at the cake I baked for Donghae and the one I bought from the store. 

I was going to leave a note saying he could choose to eat the one I made or the one I bought, but I couldn’t really be bothered. He was obviously not going to even take a second glance at my cake and probably wouldn’t even bother with the one I bought knowing they were both from me.

The doorbell rang and I hurried over to open it with a huge smile plastered over my face as Siwon stood there in a plain shirt with jeans. He raised his eyebrows to look at what I was wearing. I looked down to see if anything was wrong with it. Nope, nothing. A red checker shirt with a pair of shorts and trainers, nothing wrong with that other than I’m dressed as if it’s summer when it’s freezing outside.

/

My arm was linked around Siwon’s as we strolled down the streets. We stopped at an outdoor restaurant.

“Excuse me! Can we order?” I shouted and a waiter ran over to us.

“Could I get naengmyung and ddukbokki please. Also, some makkeoli!” I ordered and Siwon hissed at me.

“Could we get two of what she ordered? Also, no makkeoli! Thank you!”

I hissed right back at Siwon for taking makkeoli off the order list and we watched the water walk off after thanking us.

“Well, who knew that a rich girl like you would sit outside a cheap restaurant?” Siwon said as he leaned on the table.

“Your perception of rich girls aren’t totally wrong, but it’s wrong for me. You of everyone should know I’m not the kind of sit in a grand Italian restaurant to eat servings of food the size of my fist which cost a fortune!” I said, showing him my small fist.

“We just did that though!”

“Yeah well, now it’s time for some real food. Italian food doesn’t make me full and it empties my purse. These places are perfect!”

“So, do you and Donghae come here often? Or places like this…”

The order had arrived at we picked p our chopsticks and starting to dig into our food. While eating, I started speaking, “Nah.. me and Donghae… we… we don’t go out on dates much.”

“Oh… but he told me that you both went out on dates often though…” Siwon said and I choked on my noodles.

“Jess, are you alright?”

I wiped my mouth and nodded with a smile.

“Are you sure he wouldn’t mind you coming out with me on his birthday? Wouldn’t he be jealous?”

It would be a miracle if he was, but he would never be jealous. I shrugged in response to his question though.

/

I was playing around with Siwon, running around on the pavement and linking arms while laughing until we reached my home since Siwon had ran out of petrol and we couldn’t be bothered with waiting for someone to come and fix it.

At the gate in front of my home, I unlinked my arm with his and turned to face him.

“Thank you for cheering me up today.”

“Just remember to look at the leaflet and call me as soon as you made your choice.”

“What if I didn’t want to do the treatment and wanted to die?” I said the thoughts I had when making Donghae’s birthday cake. There was nothing to live on for, I’ve experienced everything I wanted to. I didn’t want to live on my life in constant fear of this cancer.

“I’ll make sure it won’t happen.” Siwon said and climbed onto the brick wall beside me. Once I got on, I leaned over and kissed Siwon on his lips but I accidently slipped. I had no idea why I had kissed him. Siwon caught me on time and held onto my waist, turning me around slightly to our original position. I leaned in closer to him, on my tip toes to deepen the kiss and he responded.

“What are you two doing?” Someone said and we both parted to see who it was but before I could even understand the situation I and Siwon was in, I felt a slap across my face from someone. That someone walked away, and an even harder slap came across my face and I fell down to the ground.

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Thank you very much to eternalsnow and sweet_selina for subscribing!

supershineegirls03: Heh, go Yoona indeed! Donghae totally and utterly deserves it but I don't think he's jealous of Siwon. Well, it's only the fourth handful of love... he'll fall in love eventually though.

sicabias: Hehehee, but it's only the fourth handful of love, like the name - handfuls but handfuls, they'll pile up and he will eventually fall in love with her!

sweet_selina: Here's an update, thank you very very very much for subscribing and commenting!

choki2lovejessie: Haha, most people thought he might have soften up a bit but I'm too cool of an author to let that happen. Yep, here's Siwon's not so grand entrance to the story but yeah, you are right, Donghae is quite sarcastic when it comes to "Jessica and Siwon" together. However, he's not jealous.

eternalsnow: Glad to have caught your attention even though you don't ship Super Generation. To be honest, it took me Haesica fanfics and writing it to become a total Ice fishy! LOL.

reyn26: Here's the update, hope you liked it and thank you for commenting~!