The weeks that followed were hard.  Gwiboon was still getting used to being a mother, and caring for the baby as well as maintaining the home was difficult.  However, managing her own grief was even harder.  Her mother came to help often, especially in the beginning, but there was little to be done.  Gwiboon found herself crying easily and often, the hurt and the pressure proving to be too much.  She was doing her best to care for their beautiful child while mending her own brokenness but it was just too much.  

Jinki seemed at a loss as to what he should do.  He tried to help with the baby when he was home, even rising in the middle of the night to soothe her crying so Gwiboon could get more rest.  He tried to comfort her, to remain strong for her despite his own suffering but Gwiboon couldn’t open herself up to his love.  She too busy drowning in her own grief.  

They were both exhausted, physically and emotionally.  

Jinki reached his breaking point first.

He arrived home from work looking worn and aged beyond his years.  The baby was screaming and Gwiboon could feel the tears streaming down her face.  Eunsook hadn’t stopped crying for what felt like all day, and Gwiboon didn’t know what to do anymore.  The defeat and panic must have been clear on her face.  

Jinki said nothing, only setting his things down before taking the baby from her hands.  He bundled Eunsook up in her blankets before walking straight out the door, leaving Gwiboon in the now quiet home.

When he returned empty-handed, Gwiboon hadn’t moved.  She was still standing uselessly in the kitchen, still crying, still overwhelmed with everything that had happened.  It wasn’t that today was any worse than other day.  Eunsook wasn’t being more difficult than usual and her workload at home hadn’t increased.  She just felt like a stone being worn away by the steady flow of water.  Each day got just a little bit harder to deal with.  Each day a greater struggle than the one before it.  

Jinki wrapped her up in a hug, letting her cry against his shoulder.  And cry she did.  She knew Jinki was hurting too, but he was trying so hard to be a pillar of strength for her and it only added to her weight of guilt.  

“She is— my mother’s?” Gwiboon choked out.

“Yes, she is sleeping,” He assured her, guiding her slowly to the couch so they could sit down.

“I am sorry,” she whimpered, her tears neverending.  

“Do not apologize.  Things are difficult now.  We lost something precious, tis alright to mourn,” he murmured, one hand keeping her close against him and the other making comforting stokes down her back.  

“It is my fault.  We lost our precious baby because of me.  I was too weak,” Gwiboon finally whispered, the words tasting like acid against her tongue.  She had been holding it in for so long, suffering through the guilt and shame alone. 

“Gwiboon, no!” Jinki gasped, pulling her back so he could look into her eyes, his own looking horrified that she would even think such a thing.  “If it is anyone’s fault, it is mine.  I shouldn’t have laid with you so soon after you had given birth.  I didn’t even think—” 

“It’s not as if you forced me,” She snapped, the tears choking out any venom the words might have held.

“Gwiboon,” his tone softening as he cupped her cheek with gentle fingers, “You heard the doctor.  It is common.  You are not at fault.  I do not blame you, please do not place the blame on yourself.  When you are ready, we can have another.  It will never replace what we have lost, but we can still have another.”

She nodded.  

“Would you like some tea?  Your father said he will bring her back to us in a few hours when it’s time for her to eat.  Until then let us relax.  I have missed you.  Even when we are together I feel like there is so much distance between us now.”  Jinki wiped the last of her tears away with his thumb, giving her that soft smile she had learned to take so much comfort in.  

“I am sorry.  I am trying—” She started to say but he placed a finger against her lips to shush her before she could finish.

“Gwiboon, I am not faulting you.  Just know you aren’t suffering alone.  Please lean on me,” he whispered, placing a reassuring kiss against her forehead.   

She nodded, a weak smile tugging at the corners of her lips, “Tea sounds lovely.”

Their evening was quiet for once, Gwiboon secure against his chest as they simply soaked up each other’s warmth, taking comfort in being together.  When her father returned with a fussy, hungry baby; Gwiboon was still tired, she was still wounded to her very soul, but the suffocating pressure was eased.  She could breathe.  As she leaned against Jinki, for the first time in weeks, she could breathe.  

still sads

but getting better.....?

there is fluff to come, i promise