The furious storm was still falling hard outside even when the clock had hit 12 am, prohibiting people to enjoy the midnight’s peace; but even though rain forms a heavy curtain with it’s clear drops, from an old house you could see weak light coming from under the front door and through the close windows. Shades of red, orange and yellow were illuminating dimly a dark, cold living room; outlining weakly the figure of the two boys sitting in front of the fireplace. The hot fire was burning, trying to kill and push away the coldness that the storms had brought with it tonight. The sound of wood and paper burning slowly was all what it could be heard, because neither the two boys’ breathings were loud enough to pass through the harsh natural symphony of the rain… and neither of the two boys had said anything since they got there long minutes ago.

In Taeil’s dark eyes you can see reflected those bright flames coming from the fireplace, that little by little are warming up his body along with the comfy clothes Jihoon had gave to him: even if the hoodie and the sweatpants are too big for him, Taeil can feel Jihoon’s scent filling his lungs and Jihoon’s warmth slowly impregnating in his skin. They didn’t say a word since they arrived to Jihoon’s old home, but Taeil feels Jihoon won’t say anything unless he asks for it. But even if that is the case, Taeil can hear clearly Jihoon’s voice in every little thing he does for him; even now, when Jihoon is just drying his hair with a towel Taeil can feel how Jihoon does it carefully –extremely carefully- like if he was saying that it doesn’t matter how long it takes, he will always be by his side… and that’s something that warms Taeil’s heart a little much even though it still hurts and feels so cold inside.

-Jihoon, you can stop. My hair is dry already.- the brunette boy mumbles softly, feeling how that gentle hand above his head stops moving, and slowly moves away.

There aren’t words slipping from the blonde boy’s mouth directed to him in form of an answer, there’s just Jihoon sitting straight beside him and the almost nonexistent noise of the soft fabric falling upon Taeil’s shoulders. Their eyes still couldn’t meet, they seems to be glued to the burning, red flames long inches away from them. They mouths remains shut as well, one of them waiting for the other to speak, and the other one making it’s best effort to keep quite because if it dare to open again emotions will slid out in form of gloomy tears once again; as a mute aura embrace the two silent boys tightly. But it wasn’t uncomfortable, though. Taeil needs this moment of silence, this moment wordless and voiceless even though he knows it won’t last forever like he wants to.

A long, low sigh left his trembling lips. And soft words trails in the air like a weak question. -Why are we here?-

He liked the muteness in the room, the calmness of the space he created; but he couldn’t be so selfish to make Jihoon drown in the silence along with him… even when he knew the tall boy was waiting for him to speak at least one word.

-’Why’…?- Jihoon’s voice is as weak as his, but with more life on it than his. –You know why, Taeil.- and Jihoon’s answer it’s more honest of what Taeil could have asked for.

In crucial moments like this lies could be good, lies could be fair; but it’s not strictly necessary to be a genius like Taeil to know what Jihoon’s wants… and that is what Taeil was avoiding with his mouth shut and distant eyes.

-I don’t want to talk about it.- words formed his response in a muffled whisper, being just as honest as Jihoon.

-Why?- it’s the only word Jihoon’s voice name, and it was the only word Taeil couldn’t wanted to hear.

-You know why, Jihoon.- his whispers is soft, but loud enough to break the noise of the wooden burning in the fireplace.

And then words sliding softly off from Jihoon’s lips reach his ears in form of tiny little crystals that slowly pierce his cold hear and make it ache, and make Taeil feel the tears running to the edge of his brown eyes. -How could I know ,Taeil? You never spoke a word about it to me.-

His lower lip starts to tremble as words keep coming and stab his shattered heart a little more. His eyes close tight trying to hold back his crying, and Taeil could just hate himself, wondering if Jihoon hates him this much.

-Jiho does know, though. He looked out for you in all the places you hide years before in this day, but it seems you knew he will do that because you weren’t in those places… Oh, but Jiho is your best friend, of course he knows everything about this. I am just your step brother who used to bullied you… what right do I have to know?-

Even though Jihoon’s voice was soft and low, his words hurt so much, so deep inside Taeil’s broken heart.

-Any right, I’m conscious about that. But Taeil, why did you run away from me? Why didn’t you want my shoulder to cry on? Why didn’t you let me hold you? I could have not asked for anything else, Taeil… I could’ve just been there for you to not let you fall.-

So there it was, Jihoon’s honesty being spoke through his soft, low voice in words that pierce Taeil’s heart again… but with an improper happiness that makes Taeil unable to hold back his tears anymore.

And indeed, Taeil was the most terrible person.

-J-Jihoon … if you d-don’t hate me too much… can you h-hold me now?- his scoundrel question mixes with his shaken voice in a shy whisper, feeling his completely weak anatomy trembling violently.

His fearful, torn heart beats with the joy he thought could never fill him again when those strong and warm arms wrap tightly around him; squeezing them together until the point there’s no part of their bodies without touching in such a sweet contact... And the only thing he can do is cry loud and deep in that comfortable shoulder as Jihoon’s voice fills his heart with the warmth just Jihoon can give him. -Why are you so dumb, Taeil? I could never hate you, I can’t hate you.-      

-J-Jihoon, I-I’m sorry…- his voice is choked and slides off his trembling lips in a noisy whine.

And Taeil can feel how Jihoon sighs long, and he can feel how Jihoon’s hand his hair gently still in such a sweet, tight embrace. -You are really dumb, aren’t you Taeil? Why are you apologizing? Just stop crying, please stop crying.- and Jihoon’s voice is charged with worry and it is so pleading that only makes Taeil hug him even tighter.

He could just cry, and sob and whimper as the distant sound of the rain falling outside was almost the perfect background. Almost because of the sound of his pounding heart was stronger and happier and warmer that for the slight fraction of a second it made Taeil forget about the pain he felt all this long day, all this long years…  He doesn’t know why, he can’t explain why, but Taeil now understands how wrong he was all this time. He shouldn’t had run away to hide and suffer alone, he shouldn’t had to judge his mother neither, because that wasn’t what his father asked him to do, that wasn’t what he promised to his father before he was gone.

-Jihoon…- he sighs soft and low, pulling away a little as his trembling hands wipe those warm tears from his blush face. –I want to tell you… I need to tell you.- he mumbles as their eyes meet finally, admiring that worry twinkle in those brown orbs that makes him feel treasured.

A small, soft smile curves in Jihoon’s lips after his words, and Taeil can feel those warm and gentle fingers brushing away the gloomy tears which keep falling from his eyes. –Let’s lay down on the couch.- it’s all what he whispers, and before he could even wonder why Jihoon was already lying the two of them above the comfy cushions.

The bright and warm light coming from the fireplace illuminates dully Jihoon’s soft yet strong features in front of him, and thanks to that Taeil could watch in detail how dim those brown orbs are at the moment. Taeil remembers the way they always used to shine when they looked back at him, with such a spark full of something Taeil still doesn’t know what it was, with such a spark it seemed it could never disappear from those beautiful clear oceans… but now, having these eyes impregnated with sorrow placed on him, Taeil knows how much he hurt Jihoon by running away to be all alone.

An irregular sigh escapes from his trembles lips to try to calm himself down, as he shyly cuddle closer to that warm chest, feeling an arm closing around his waist in a protective embrace as he can hear clearly the fast beating of Jihoon’s heart pounding right into his blushed face. He swallows hard while words forms in his mind, remembering every single detail of this story because he doesn’t want to let anything untold because he wants Jihoon to know the whole tale, because he wants Jihoon to understand him. Mute seconds pass and pass; until eventually Taeil feels strong enough to tell the story he just spoke once.

-My dad… ummm… H-he was a physicist, an experimental physicist; and h-he always did amazing experiments. I loved to watch them, to watched him doing it because his face always was so bright. He really loved Science and Physics. He was the one who gave me my first Physics book when I was a little kid, he gave it to me because he believed I was a really smart child, and since that day I loved Science and Physics as much as my dad.- a nostalgic soft smile appears in Taeil’s pouty lips, as Jihoon’s hand slowly caresses his hair in calm silence.

-So there’s where you got that thing of always doing experiments to understand everything, uh?- Jihoon wonders in a low, smooth whisper; making him smile a bit more wide.

-Yes, that’s why… but my experiments never were, and will never be, as brilliant as my dad’s.- Taeil comments in a slight, really slight amused tone, knowing that experimental Physics was never his thing.

-So… what happened next?- it was Jihoon’s sweet tone asking what it make him feel a knot starting to form on his throat.

-Umm… m-my mom was worry, because I-I’ve never be sociable and when my dad introduced me to Physics I became even more… mmm… unsociable? Well I never care about making friends, kids are really cold and evil, why could I want to have friends if they will laugh and mock about what I like? I was happy with my immense Physics’ world, I was happy doing experiments with my dad or watching him doing it… I didn’t need anything more; I didn’t need anyone else.- his heart was aching again, because Taeil knows what part of the tale it comes now.

-But… w-when I was 5 or 6, I-I don’t remember, my dad started to work more and more at home. The times when he went to the laboratory started to be oddly a few in months; and his experiments begun to be every time less and less… until the point he only did paper work. When I asked him to do a new experiment, he just smiled at me and said ‘It’s too dangerous for a little baby like you, Taeil’ even when it was just a silly thing. I thought he had a lot of paper work to do, so I never insisted about it…- tears are falling again from Taeil’s eyes, and the pain in his heart it’s deeper and stronger of what it had been in years.

Arms are hugging him tight, arms are giving him warmth… and that voice, that voice is giving him strength. –It’s okay, Taeil. Even if it hurts, I’m here with you, I won’t let you fall.-

Even if it hurts this much, Taeil can feel a dim light of happiness still in his shattered heart as Jihoon’s  sincere words echoes loudly in his head; because Jihoon is with him, because he is not alone… and now, thanks to that, he feels the pain a little bit less overwhelming.

-A day like today… m-my mom woke me up in the middle of the night, she didn’t said a word, she just lifted me up and took me to the car… I was really sleepy so I didn’t notice my dad’s absent; she didn’t answer my questions either, so I just sat there in silence until we arrived to the hospital. I was really confused at that time, why were we at the hospital? Was I hurt and I didn’t know? I remember hearing a lady talking through a microphone, calling a doctor’s name; I remember seeing people waiting for a doctor as well… and then I remember the way my mom squeezed my hand when she stopped walking, staring at the door in front of us. She staid like that long minutes, and I could feel her grip even tighter until it hurt… not only my hand but my heart too… b-because when I looked up at her face, she was crying, it was the first time I saw her crying… and I-I just knew it…-

He sobs, he bites his bottom lip and he fights against more tears but he was weak, because memories are so fresh in his mind like if it had happened hours ago. After all these years, he still can smell his dad’s perfume filling that hospital’s room. He still can hear the monotonous sound of the machine marking a steady ‘beep’. He still can see his dad’s eyes shining with his loving and caring spark on them when he closed his eyes. He still can see his dad’s smile in every single dream… and Taeil still can hear his dad’s soft voice saying his last words, so clear and so loud that they still ring at the back of Taeil’s mind just like if he was saying them right now.

“Make sure your mother will be happy, Taeil… make sure you will be happy, son.”

And Taeil remembers the way his dad’s smile got wider and happier when he promised him he would… and what it comes next are vague memories: his mother hugging him tight and crying on his ear its relative audible, the ghost of other voices saying how sorry they were for their lost is still as empty as that day, the distant sound of a pen writing and footsteps walking away it’s maybe even colder. But what it’s really printed in his mind, in his memory, it’s his dad’s last smile full of peace and joy when he promised him he will make sure his mother will be happy and he himself will be happy as well… That’s the only thing it has always matter to his father.

-I-I promised him my m-mom will be happy, I-I promised him I will be happy… A-and I shout to my mom because s-she is happy… I-I…- Taeil mumble, and cries, and tugs the soft fabric of Jihoon’s shirt; feeling how his torn heart fills with pain and guilt and hate for himself.

-Taeil, look at me!- he hears Jihoon calling him, and he feels how Jihoon takes his face between his big, warm hands; staring at him directly in the eyes. –Are you happy, Taeil? Think and tell me, are you happy.?-

Jihoon’s soft, yet deep voice echoes in Taeil’s head along with all the memories where his heart pounded happily because of the boy in front of him… and the only thing he can do is nod, because that knot of emotions on his throat won’t let words pass through it.

-If your mom is happy and you are happy Taeil, then why are you crying and suffering like this?- Jihoon wonders in a gentle, slight sweet tone; wiping away those warm tears even when they keep falling.

-B-because… I-I yelled to my mom… I-I judged her when I-I promised to my dad s-she will be happy…- Taeil mumbles almost audible, his broken voice reaching just the older boy’s ears.

And so Jihoon smiles, and kiss sweetly those trembling lips for short, almost unexciting seconds. –Taeil I’m sure your dad is not blaming you because he knows you miss him and that’s why you always get so sad on this day. I’m sure your dad is not blaming you because he knows you need him and that’s why you always push everyone away on this day… and I’m sure your dad is not blaming on you about yelling and judging your mother because he knows you can’t accept another man by her side… He is your father Taeil, he knows how much you suffer because he is not here with you and that’s why he asked you to be happy.- he tells, caressing carefully those red cheeks.

But Taeil could only keep sobbing and look back at him not really understanding what Jihoon wants to say with that last phrase. -What are y-you trying to say?- he wonders in a muffled whisper, feeling how his heart beats fast and awake.

And Jihoon just smiles at him, is that smile it makes Taeil’s heart fill with something he is not sure how to call it but it definitely makes him happy like his father asked him to be. -Can’t you see it, Taeil? He asked you to be happy so you couldn’t be sad because he is not with you.-

Jihoon’s sweet voice naming those words is echoing loudly in his blank mind, and the only thing Taeil can do is swallow hard and mumble a word in the lowest tone it can be said. -What…?-

So Jihoon chuckles soft, really soft and gentle, leaving a loving kiss on Taeil’s slight frowned forehead as Taeil can see how the spark on those brown orbs had come back, and the blonde’s voice hears so warm and serious. –Your father asked you to make sure your mother will be happy and you will be happy because you two were, because you two are the most important for him, Taeil.- 

But the brunette boy frowns a bit more as tears keep falling from his dark eyes. His small hands moves slowly up, grabbing weakly those big ones which still are holding his burning face as a shaking whisper leaves his lips in a question’s form. -How can you be so sure?-

Jihoon’s brown orbs are shining more than the fire behind his back, Taeil can see it clear it; and Jihoon’s voice… Jihoon’s voice is so sweet and sincere that it fades away all the pain and the sadness in his heart like it they never had being there. –Because… if I should die now, I’ll ask you the same. I’ll ask you to be happy and always smile because I’ll be by your side all the time, even if you wouldn’t see me. You don’t know how important you are to me, Taeil. I just want you to be happy… and I wish I could make you happy.-

There are not much things Taeil can say at the moment those words stabbed his heart in such a beautiful way like when in cartoons you can see how Cupid throws an arrow to someone and that someone falls in love. It hurts, but it hurts because his heart is beating faster and harder like Taeil had never felt before. It seems it’s going to explode at any instant with an overflowing happiness. Where did the pain go? Where is the cold that used to make his heart numb? Where is the unpleasant smell of melancholia? Where is the bitter taste of sad memories? Where are those sad memories?... How it’s possible to be this happy just by releasing something? It’s really hard to explain, it’s even harder to understand it, but in Jihoon’s eyes Taeil can see the exact same spark his father’s eyes had before they closed forever. It’s that twinkle full of something you can’t really put a name on it: it’s a shine full of emotions, lot of them in levels you could never know because they are so strong and pure that there’s no physical way to know their  whole  splendor except for witness it like Taeil does right now.

It’s mesmerizing, it’s intriguing and it’s wonderful the way Jihoon can make him this happy when he was so sad, so hurt, so deep in desperation. How can Jihoon wish to make him happy if that’s one of the things nobody but him can do?

A trembling smile curves in Taeil’s pink lips when his crying turns uncontrollable. His bright red face sinks deep in that warm, strong chest as he can feel how Jihoon hugs him even tighter. –You are quite dumb… you w-wish to make me happy? D-don’t you know you are the only one w-who makes me happy? I-I’ve never feel so happy since I-I lost my dad… Y-you can tell how important you are to me, stupid monkey boy.-

Taeil mumbles between sob and sob, feeling how those warm, sweet lips leave a small, loving kiss on his head. –You make me happy too, Taeil. But can you please stop crying?-

Jihoon’s pleading is soft, with a sweet echo of worry that only makes Taeil’s pounding heart beat frenetically fast. –I-I can’t, I’m happy. Because my dad is happy too… a-and because you are here with me.-

What it was a harsh and mad storm outside it’s now a soft and calm rain; just like the whirlwind of tormentors feelings inside his heart is now a warm breeze which blows the cords of his heart making a harmonious sound of beautiful music and emotions… A big, bright smile forms in Taeil’s face as Jihoon’s last words keep ringing in his ears along with the last question his father made; composing the sweeter background Taeil had heard in a long time.

-Well then, I think it’s okay to cry if it is with joy.-

I swear I won't make Taeil suffer anymore, this is the last time!!!