This story is dedicated to Gaia, whom was pretty much the first incle I ever got to know, fellow yoon stan and all around interesting person. The idea for this story was to attempt to write something angsty without too much of a conflict between the two characters. It did not turn out that way. Consider this an attempt at a slice of life kind of story. I apologize if it’s slightly OOC.

Banner by Kwuintessence

Warnings: mental health issues/swearing 

You and Me, We're Like a Symphony

Written by Eiryia for Gaia

Checking one last time if he had locked the door Seungyoon dropped his bag to the floor. Living in the city weren’t as easy as he had expected it to be. Hearing the floorboards creak as the person living above him walked around he pulled out his earphones.

If he can’t hear it he can’t be bothered by it. Cold sweat still making his shirt cling to his skin he pulled it lose to get some air. He felt as if he was slowly suffocating in so many way lately. Pressing play the song started right away and he tapped his fingers anxiously as the familiar beat kept building. Making his way over to the one big window of his tiny apartment he sat down on the windowsill. It was just wide enough for him to sit comfortably on it, but only because he was so skinny.

Leaning his forehead on the cool glass he looked down onto the busy city street far below. The people looked like ants and the cars like beetles. Scurrying around mindlessly to reach goals that really didn’t matter in the end. He often sat like this after having one of his uneasy moments. It had gotten worse lately and he knew deep down he was dealing with a bad case of anxiety by now.

Calling it an uneasy moment made it less scary. It was just a matter of coping after all. Any strategy for that was better than having none. The second song started playing and he knew which one it would be before it even started.

Music was his escape and as long as he had the beats within earshot did he also feel that his heart could keep beating for a little while longer. 

Take away the music and what would be left? Would his heart keep beating on its own? He knew the answer was yes, of course, but it didn’t feel like that to him. In his reality was it the beat that kept his heart going. Nothing else. He scared himself with his thoughts on this matter. Was he going insane? As long as he knew that this wasn’t reality he would be fine right?

"Right!"

He exclaimed to himself as if saying it out loud made it more reassuring. Focus and to keep pushing forward. It was all he could do now and he still got a little fighting spirit left. Climbing down from his spot in the window he got undressed and went to bed. He had work that night and needed to catch a few hours of sleep.

Taehyun was leaving the conservatory, it was his last time there in a long time, possibly forever. Even so did he pay little attention to his surroundings. It was over and he intended to leave it all behind as quickly as possible.

Out on the busy street he pulled out his umbrella and hurried to the closest cafe. Something warm to drink was all he craved at that moment - at least that’s what he told himself. That and to be able to play music again, he would always crave that.

"I can’t have everything can I?"

He asked himself out loud as he sat down on one of the seats by the window. The person in the seat next to him looked up startled, but Taehyun just shrugged, as if he cared what a stranger thought of him. Sipping on his coffee he watched people hurry by in the rain. After a moment of blankly staring into nothingness he returned to the ever present question; what was he should he do now?

Music had been his life for so many years already. Now that he weren’t going to play anymore, what was he supposed to do?

Having played the piano since he was very young he had put everything he had into practicing. Making it big, while he was still young he had the opportunities to play on stages around Asia. Now, still in his early twenties it was already over. His left hand had been hurt in an accident half a year ago, they had promised that it could be fixed and so he had undergone surgery. The surgery gave him the use of the hand back, but not at the level that he could ever play the piano like he used to.

The conservatory he was part of had offered him to stay and teach, but being around the piano without being able to perform like he used to? No, he didn't want that. Why would he want to teach and train someone who would eventually take his place? Probably also surpass him with the guidance of someone like him.

Telling himself over and over he didn't care every day for the last 6 months and done things to his mind. He honestly felt like he didn't care now, at least not as much as he used to. The problem was that he didn't care about anything anymore. Nothing had meaning, when he lost his grand goal, he lost everything. Now he was purposeless. Purposeless and bored.

"Go back to school"

He huffed under his breath before taking a sip of his already cold coffee. Surprised at how it had gone cold so fast he made a disgusted face and put the cup down. Didn't he just sit down? And it was already cold? At least time passed quickly he thought. Getting to his feet he headed into the rain again.

The coffee had not helped at all. All it had done was to make him restless.

Seungyoon woke to the alarm interrupting his music. He had gone to sleep with his music still playing in his ears and the loud alarm was a rude awakening.

It was only an hour left until he had work and so he rolled out of bed to change his clothes. Having decided on his work outfit the night before he put it on without giving it much thought. Taking of his headset with his music for only a moment gave him shivers and he sighed as he put it back on.

Pulling his leather jacket over his outfit he picked up his wallet and keys where he had left them and headed out the door.

Landing this job at the club only a short walk from his home had been more than perfect. He could stay around music all night and the beat from the huge sound system was enough to even make him feel a little alive. His theory about how his heart would keep beating as long as the beat went on was reinforced by this experience every night.

Taking his place in the DJ box he pulled out his computer and attached it to the sound system. A sense of relief hit him as music filled the room. His music.

It was still early and so the club weren’t nearly as packed as he knew it would be in a few hours. Feeling better than he had for a long while he changed up the beat and watched the crowds movements change. Standing far up above them he saw them more as a fluid moving unit than people dancing. Their movements would change as he changed the beats and it was mesmerizing to watch. Add the disco lights and peoples colorful outfits and the stage was set for another great night.

He probably wouldn't have been so comfortable with this job if it weren't for the fact that he was positioned so high up above the crowds. No one could reach him and the manager rarely let anyone come up there.Tonight he had done an exception however, much to Seungyoon’s dismay. A tall blonde girl covered in neon lights arrived a few hours before closing time. The manager explained how she would start working there if she proved herself good enough and wished for him to show her the way of things for the rest of the evening.

From her arrival on had the evening become increasingly worse. She had no idea what she was doing and seemed to think she could charm him into helping her by making faces and pressing her s on his arm whenever she laughed.

Utterly disgusted by her lack of respect for his work or the music he ended up cutting his shift short saying he didn’t feel well. Packing up his things he excused himself to the girl and offered her to take over completely if she felt up to it. She had winked at him, attached her phone and something horrid had begun spewing out over the crowds moments later.

Only catching a short glimpse of the manager’s vivid angry expressions he shrugged and headed for the exit. He could deal with his own mess when he brought in people like that.

Taehyun had intended to go home after finishing his coffee. Instead had he met up with a few acquaintances whom he had ran into randomly. They had gone out for dinner and then drinks afterwards. Living only a few blocks away from where they had gone drinking he had insisted on making his way home on his own.

In hindsight had that probably not been his best idea. Staggering along the poorly lit side street he hugged the occasional lamppost for balance. His vision was blurry and he could feel every fiber in his body reject the alcohol he had consumed hours before.

He had reached the main street leading to his building when his feet buckled in under him and he had to sit down. Luckily enough for him was there a huge stairway right beside him and he dropped down there. Staring up at the sky in an attempt to focus his vision he felt the first drop of rain hit his face. Still unable to get to his feet he felt as more and more raindrops fell on him.

"Great"

He mumbled and leaned forward so that the rain at least wouldn't hit his face. The intensity of the weather kept increasing and something in his mind kept yelling that he really had to get home before he caught a cold. He didn't care enough to listen. Didn't he already decided that nothing mattered anymore? Then what was a little rain?

It was then the rain suddenly stopped.

Looking up to see what caused the sudden change in the weather he saw bright green. Not comprehending right away what was going on he squinted at it trying to make sense of it with his blurry drunken vision.

"You shouldn't sit out here in the rain at night, don't you have a home to go back to?"

Staring up at the stranger he replied that yes he did indeed, but that he was drunk and dizzy.

"Is it far away?"

The stranger asked. Giving him his address was probably not something he would have done if he was sober. His drunken state was a bit more trusting however. Moments later and the stranger had offered him his hand for support and was leading him down the road towards his apartment building.

"This is it"

He exclaimed way too cheerfully for his current state of mind. The guy let go of him then and said something he didn't catch. He felt the guy’s eyes on him as he staggered forward towards the entrance door. Turning to take one last look at his late night hero he caught only his back. Wishing to see his face just in case he would be able to remember in the morning he called out.

"Thank you"

Waving a weak wave he leaned heavily on the entrance door for support while waiting for the umbrella man’s reply. After a few steps had he stopped, turned and then he gave him a small wave back. After that had hi smiled and Taehyun felt himself smiling as well without intending to. The stranger had a kind smile and his ruffled black hair looked nice even if it was weakly colored green by the umbrella.

Struggling with his key he finally got inside his apartment. Dripping all over the floor he got out of his wet clothes and dropped onto his bed. Falling asleep the last thing playing in his mind was the kind smile from moments before.

Seungyoon sat watching the neon lights of the city bellow enjoying a cup of tea. He weren't that big a fan of tea, but he had ended up getting wet after helping a drunk guy on his way home. Coffee was a bad idea this late and so he had arrived on tea.

The sound of an ambulance passing far bellow bounced of the walls and it was first then that Seungyoon became aware of the fact that he was not listening to music. At least ten minutes must have passed since he got home. Maybe even more as he had managed to both change and brew his tea. It must have been the first time in weeks, maybe months even he had gone this long without any kind of music surrounding him. As soon as he realized had he scurried to find his headphones and when he returned to his seat by the window was it with clammy hands.

Finishing his tea before had his mind returned to thinking of the stranger from before. It was no other explanation, the reason for his daze like state must have been him.

It certainly was something interesting about him. Who sits in the rain like that when they live only a short walk away? And in such a fancy building as well. He could probably have taken a taxi if he wanted to. They didn't live that far from each other either. Leaning his head on the glass he glanced over at the apartment building at the end of the street. Did he make it up to his apartment? Was he okay? Walking over to his bed he silently hoped he would run into the strange man again sometime.

Morning came and Taehyun faced the day with a headache worthy of the worst hangover of the century award. All he could remember from the night before was rain and a green light. Wondering how he had even managed to get home in that state he fought himself out of bed.

A couple of paracetamol later and he returned to bed deciding a day in bed sounded like a great idea.

It was afternoon the next time he woke up. Wondering what century he had awoken to he looked at his phone to see a message from his old music teacher at the conservatory. He was talking about a job opening, but really he couldn't care less. He had no motivation for a new job and he got more than enough money to make it by for a while without any job.

His head felt better and he decided to head out just because he had nothing better to do. The weather was good and he didn't cook.

"Fresh air and takeaway, doesn't sound bad to me"

He said to himself as he stepped out of the building. Not that the air around his neighborhood was anything close to fresh. Living in a big grimy city he could feel the smog dig into his lungs for each breath. Actually craving fresh air he decided to take a detour down to the river as there was at least a breeze there.

Finding himself a nice spot right on the edge of the river he leaned back on the concrete pillar behind him. The last rays of sunlight of the day still had some warmth to them and it had just the effect he had hoped for.

"I see you are feeling better"

Startled by the sudden approach he almost fell into the river. Clutching the concrete pillar to stop himself from falling in he looked up at the stranger. There was something familiar about him, but he was clueless about where he had seen him before.

After being pulled back up into a safer sitting position by the stranger he gave him another examining look.

"This is the second time I save you the last 24 hours"

The guy told him with an honest smile.

"You were the cause for why I needed saving just now. When was the other time?"

Looking a little surprised by his response his so called hero replied

"You honestly don't remember? I guess I just approached and almost scared a stranger into the river then"

Getting to his feet he walked up to the guy giving him a closer look.

"Sorry, I don't remember you at all"

He said laughing a little before continuing:

"You were the one who helped me home last night? I figured it was a bit too good to be true that I managed to get home on my own"

The stranger still looked a little awkward and he noticed how he was clutching his fists in his pocket. Deciding to change the topic he thanked him for helping before asking where he was headed.

"I’m on my way to work"

The guy told him pointing behind them up the busy city street. Having planned on picking up food from a restaurant in the same direction he suggested that he could to tag along. The stranger didn't seem to particularly mind, but he didn't look happy either.

Seungyoon wondered why he had spoken to the guy in the first place. Seeing him sitting alone on the edge by the river he had felt a sudden concern for him. It was as if he emitted an aura or mood similar to his own. He weren't able to put a finger on what it was exactly, but it was a kind of desperation or even resignation that he knew too well.

Now that they were walking side by side up the busy city street chatting casually he weren't so sure. The way the stranger spoke about things made him seem careless, like nothing was important to him. He had explained about his job and how he had gone out to celebrate his freedom.

"I’m Taehyun by the way"

He told him as they approached the club he worked at. Having introduced himself as well they said their goodbyes.

"Something tells me we might meet again"

Seungyoon mused thinking about their two random encounters. Taehyun however laughed a silent laugh while giving him a funny look through squinting eyes.

"I’m sure we will, I know where you work now after all"

Well if he was going to be like that. Seungyoon copied his squinting look before imitating his way of speaking

"I know where you live after all"

He said before they both laughed realizing how creepy both their statements sounded. Would either of them ever approach the other again? Seungyoon weren't so sure that he would. It was something about Taehyun that intrigued him however. He didn't miss his music and even if his heart was racing while they spoke did he never get to that uncomfortable panicky state.

Watching Taehyun continue down the busy street he now turned around to walk into work. He was met by the manager close to the entrance and he looked more stressed than ever. After watching him scurry around in the empty club, yell on his phone and at one point hunch down in a corner muttering to himself had he approached him.

"What is going on?"

He asked and the manager looked like he had just noticed his arrival although he had waved acknowledging to him when he first arrived.

"Water leak, in the basement! Water everywhere! Everything is ruined and we have to close for at least a week, probably more"

It looked like he suddenly got a weeks’ worth of holiday, maybe more. He put an arm on the manager’s shoulder and tried to say a few reassuring words, but it seemed nothing helped. Muttering something about opening a public swimming pool down there he headed towards his office. Watching him go Seungyoon wondered what would happen to him. As if he had spoken the reply came as the manager yelled in a squeaky voice from inside his office

"I’ll call you when you can comeback to work, I can’t pay you in the meantime. I’m.."

More didn’t Seungyoon hear as the office door slammed shut. It was okay, he had money to get by a couple of weeks at least. Making a turn he stepped out into the humid evening air, a week off? What would he do for that amount of time? He had intended to just go home, but his feet led him down the street towards the city center as he pondered his options.

He weren’t hungry, but unsure of what to do with himself after walking around for a while on the busy city street he stepped into a tiny takeaway place. The smell was what had pulled him in and after studying the menu did he end up ordering several dishes for him to bring home with him.

"I thought you said you had work?"

The question had come from behind him and turning he saw Taehyun standing there with his own bags of takeaway.

"Water leak"

He explained after recovering from the surprise

"I got a week off while they fix it - I just found out"

Taehyun nodded and didn't say anything more. They had both slowly began walking down the street where they had come from earlier in the day.

"You prefer eating alone?"

He suddenly asked. He had not planned for it, but he was curious about Taehyun. What exactly was the qualities he possessed which made him forget about his need for music to stay calm?

"No not really - I have no set preference for eating. All I know is that I need food and so I eat"

Taehyun replied staring of in the other direction. It weren’t hard to pick up on his slightly wonky attitude. It was true of course, but most had a preference and certainly most didn't just eat because they needed food.

"You still went out of your way to get this takeaway even if it must be almost an hour walk back to your place"

Taehyun smiled a wide smile now, eyes closing completely and Seungyoon couldn't help but to smile back just as brightly.

"I admit it, you got me - I prefer some kinds of food more than others. It also seems we got the same preference"

Taehyun noted and nodded towards the plastic bag filled with food in his hand.

Discussing what food they had ordered and why that specific type was their favorite they kept walking until they reached the river where Seungyoon first had spotted Taehyun earlier. For some reason did he feel that this was goodbye and so he stopped looking expectantly at Taehyun for him to say his goodbyes first.

"You know, I don’t think some company would be such a bad thing today"

He said looking over at Seungyoon for just a moment before switching his attention towards the river. The sun had gone down now and the lights along the river cast long beams along the riverbed which was partially dried up in places due to the late summer heat.

"Should we sit out here?"

Seungyoon suggested, it was still warm outside even if the evening breeze was a hint too cold for his preference.

Taehyun pulled out the chopsticks from his plastic bag and pointed at the bench behind them.

"I already almost fell in once, let’s not tempt faith"

Tempt faith Seungyoon repeated in his mind. They probably shouldn't and so he walked over to the bench first as a quiet response to his suggestion.

They had sat like that eating and talking for over an hour. Then had the breeze become so cold he could feel the hairs on his arms rise for every breath of wind that hit his skin. It was strange he found that he could enjoy someone else company this much yet he knew so little about him.

Arriving at Taehyuns apartment first they said their goodbyes for the second time that day.

"Enjoy your holiday"

Taehyun said with a grim smile watching Seungyoon’s slim back as he walked on down the street away from him. Seungyoon didn't turn around to reply this time, yet he stood there watching him until he disappeared among the few pedestrians crowding the evening streets.

Walking up into his apartment he thought about his day. It was rare for him to take much interest in strangers, but he was thankful for how Seungyoon had helped him the other night. Chewing on his bottom lip he concluded that he didn't really care about that. Had it been someone else who had helped him would he probably have kindly thanked them and gone on with his day. Never offering them a second thought.

Seungyoon on the other hand had that feel to him that he sometimes detected in himself. A feeling of having given up on things, just going on with life because it was the right thing to do. Did he even bother with that anymore? He weren’t so sure about that. When you are at the point where you doubt if life is worth living and you randomly run into someone who even manages to awake a small hint of excitement.. Taehyun made a grimace before continuing his thought. A person like that certainly is someone worth paying attention to.

The week Seungyoon had off from work turned into one more, then three and when he was in his fourth week the manager had called and told him he had sold the place. Promising to be a reference for him when he applied for a new job the manager had hung up before he had spoken a single word.

Staring at his phone he wondered exactly what he should do next. He would need a new job, and that quickly, but he felt absolutely defeated by these news. Sliding down the wall to the floor he sat down unable to think clearly. Having spent these last two weeks alone, eating alone, sleeping alone and barely leaving his apartment he had felt himself balancing on the edge of some unknown abyss. Having no desire to go there he had struggled to keep calm and sane.

Now that he sat there on the floor, hunched over, wondering what to do with himself he suddenly felt that this abyss of his didn't feel so frighten anymore. Maybe things had to get worse before they could get better? Or could things even get any worse?

Pondering these things while the heavy beats of his music system pounded on from the headphone on the floor next to him he slowly drifted off to sleep.

It was the weekend of the fourth week before he had managed to convince himself he needed to get out further than the kiosk across the street. Just looking at the apartment door made him queasy, but he told himself he was simply too hungry. Living on instant noodles, water and salt crackers for over a week couldn't have done him much good.

He had planned it carefully, timed it perfectly and was now turning up the volume of his music as he stepped out of apartment complex. He observed his surroundings for a moment; Minimal traffic, next to no people, no scorching heat and it was not yet evening. He had done well, he praised himself as his feet took him to the nearest convenience store.

Catching a glimpse of his reflection in one of the dark windows on his way he regretted not brushing his hair properly. It was all flat on one side and standing up all ruffled on the other. He tried, without taking of his headphones, to flatten the bushy side while at the same time keeping up his pace.

When he reached the convenience store had he forgotten half of the things he had decided to buy and felt his nerves acting up as a consequence. He was staring blankly at the meat section when a warm hand grabbed his shoulder. Almost jumping up the wall in surprised he turned around only to almost smack the person by accident.

Pushing his headphones of his ears he stared into the face he had thought the most about these last passing weeks.

"You look like hell"

Taehyun noted and took a step back as if he was carefully studying the mess that was Seungyoon’s look for the day. Mockingly copying Taehyun he observed that he weren’t in much better shape himself and so he let out a small laugh. It weren’t exactly a laugh, but it was the closest he had come to one in all these weeks.

"You are one to speak"

He mused taking in Taehyuns unexpected change in appearance. His hair weren't neatly parted in the middle, but messily flopped over to one side. He wore a large sea blue sweater with khaki shorts and looked a little like he fell of a boat in the Caribbean Sea and stranded in this convenience store.

"What have you been up to?"

Seungyoon asked casually as they walked along one of the aisles looking for milk after Taehyun had said he needed to buy some.

"I traveled a bit, but honestly it was a waste of time. I was just as miserable there as I am back here"   

Not sure what to make of that he kept silent waiting for Taehyun to say something more. They had found the milk and were approaching the cashier when Taehyun asked

"How about you? Back to work?"

He shook his head. Being reminded that he didn’t have a job weren’t something he enjoyed being reminded of. They didn’t say anything more until they had left the store. It was placed just between their two apartment buildings and so they would be heading in separate directions. Seungyoon hesitated, it had been too long since he had spent time with another human being. Taehyun didn’t seem bothered by them parting ways, but after seeing him hesitating he suggested

"I think we both could use an excuse to clean up a little and get out. How about eating together again?"

Going out weren’t exactly something Seungyoon enjoyed these days, just getting out to the convenience store had taken him a lot of planning and effort. Even so did the wish to meet Taehyun again, to win over his anxiety yet again that day, just by going out at all.

"Let’s meet back here then, at 7 pm?"

"At seven then"

He replied and gave Taehyun a small smile before putting his headphones on. Anxious to forget the time he repeated it in his head until he reached home. There he scribbled it on a note. It was still a few hours left until then. 

Taehyun stepped out of his apartment a little later than he would have liked. For some reason had picking out his outfit suddenly become hard. Blaming it on how he had stopped giving a about what he wore for quite a while he mumbled to no one in particular that he was not worried. A fat pigeon stared up at him and he gave it an angry glare.

"It’s not a date"

He told the next pigeon a few meters down the road. Stopping to re-tie his shoelaces he thought about it for a moment more. Definitely not a date. They had eaten together before, but this was different - it was planned.

"When did I start caring anyway? ..I certainly don’t"

Stopping the sentence half way he finished it in his head. The reason was simple; It’s just a better way to pass time than staring into the wall back at his place. That was all.

He had started his sentence by talking to a seagull whom was now squawking on top of a trash bin. Throwing out an arm to scare it he only got a judging look back from the bird before it continued its hunt for food. After walking a short while longer was he back at the store. He had arrived first by the look of things and was now waiting for his definitely-not-a-date to show up.

Minutes ticked on, half an hour passed without no sign of the guy. Angry that he had no way of contacting him he sighed and moved over to the bench across the street. What if he had walked straight into the road, not paying attention because of those ridiculously big headphones he always wore? Was he smashed against the pavement somewhere? Did he get the time wrong? He needed to pay more attention. Taehyun shook his head at himself, there was nothing he could do. He had been stood up for the first time in his life, by a guy.

There was no bird to talk to this time and so he kept it to himself, but on the inside he admitted that it ing hurt. No one left him hanging like that. There would be no second chances, he had enough to not care about to suddenly start adding random guys to the very short list of things he actually cared about.

He not been able to go and he hated himself for it. His own mind had been the reason and he was angrier with himself now than what he had been for months. He had wanted to go, but when the time came for him to step out of the apartment had he not been able to.

It was dark now and the city quiet, having squeezed onto the windowsill yet again he sighed. He had to admit it, things had become worse. Yet the feelings he felt now was different, he wanted something - Someone. Why weren’t that feeling strong enough to help him get out? Why had that door handle been so hard to reach for? He had showered, dressed and was about to put away his music when something snapped. His posture froze and he felt as if he couldn’t move. He was terrified.

This was different for some reason. He couldn’t leave his music for Taehyun, but he could forget about his worries connecting to them because of him. It only went one way. What if my heart stopped beating? He had thought yet again, from there had his mind tumbled downwards with him until he reached the point where he questioned his own sanity. Do I create my own reality? Will I die if it stops?

For the first time in a long while had he felt like he had something to live for, but becoming aware of that he had suddenly also become afraid of dying. In the end had he managed to calm himself enough to go to bed. He had to figure things out, then he would seek out Taehyun and apologize. 

It took him another week to come up with a plan he could convince himself of being able to execute. He had no idea if Taehyun would be home, but he had written a note to leave behind if he weren’t.

On it had he explained in a few sentences about his issues and how he had freaked out before their meeting. Deciding to share this in such direct way had been what took him the longest to decide on, but he needed to be honest. In doing so he also felt a step closer to being honest to himself about how things were for him.

That night he had the same nightmare he often dreamt of when he was younger. Everything was blurred now, but he could still distinguish their faces. See them walk in separate ways and feeling the emptiness of losing one part. Even if he had never really been neglected had the feeling of being unwanted and abandonment somehow made him seek an escape. That dream always brought back the raw feelings connected to those memories and it hurt. Able to see how it fit together in one long

Reaching for the music player to turn up the volume he accidentally hit the radio button. Instead of his heavy beats had soft piano music begun spreading out throughout his tiny bedroom. Usually would he have gotten up to switch it back to his CD, but the sound of the piano had a strangely calming effect on him.

In the end had he been able to go back to sleep and the nightmare didn’t return for a second round like it so often did. He needed his rest, come morning and he would have to face the world outside yet again.

Taehyun was restless, still unable to decide on what he wanted to do he had begun visiting the library again. Going there was nothing new in his life entirely, but avoiding the music section was. In the end had he found himself amongst the music sheets that he had worked so hard to avoid.

Stiff fingers going through page after page of familiar pieces he felt a quiet rage at his destiny rise slowly as the hours went by. That urge to escape it all from weeks ago had begun emerging for a second time. Tonight he would research places to go and come morning he would make reservations yet again.

He weren’t sure why he kept escaping like this, all he knew was that faraway places kept his mind of things - kept him busy. That was all he needed to know and all he craved. At least that’s what he told himself.

Without meaning to had he spent much of the day looking at his favorite music pieces, playing them in his mind over and over as if revisiting old friends. When he left had he still been able to feel the dry paper against his fingers and an itch deep inside that he couldn’t possibly reach to scratch.

Picking up food as he still didn’t cook he headed home. Because it was still early afternoon did he contemplated stopping by the river for a moment, only to shake it off as it reminded him of Seungyoon. They had not run into each other again and he was truthfully still bitter about how he had been stood up. If he saw him again would he not react calmly, he would give him a piece of his mind!

Still grumbling when he reached his apartment he dropped the bag of food on the floor and headed to the bathroom. The food could wait - he wanted a bath.

Seungyoon spent the first part of the day trying to not think about what he had planned for the evening. He had practice going outside all week. It was no different this time. When the time he had decided on came had he stepped out on the street only fifteen minutes later than planned.

Note folded and put in his pocket he weren’t sure what he hoped for the most. For Taehyun to be there or not to be there. Walking in quick strides he timed his breathing with the steps, he didn’t notice how the pace was too quick for him to breathe comfortably as he was so nervous to begin with.

By the time he reached the apartment building was he feeling lightheaded - too much oxygen and to many nerves. He turned off his headphones as he approached the guy at the desk. No taking a moment to ponder exactly how rich Taehyun must be to live in such a place he asked for the exact position of his apartment in the building. The guy seemed to hesitate for a moment, but then told him and added that the resident indeed was home as he had spoken to him an hour earlier.

This information had sent his mind into haywire and he could feel his heart beat hard against his chest as he approached the elevator. Well inside he listened to the awkward elevator music, counting the floors as it kept going up. He was feeling dizzy now and clutched the railing inside the elevator for support.

When he stepped out was he for the first time faced with complete silence. The floors were covered with carpets so he couldn’t even hear the sound of his own footsteps. Palms sweating and ears ringing he stopped in front of the door. He then rang the alarm and waited.

Every fiber in his body screamed for him to escape. Yet he stood there fighting it as seconds went by. No one came for the door, had the guy downstairs misunderstood him? He rang the bell again. The silence was pressing on his mind now and he pocketed and unpocketed his hands a few times while waiting. It was during his third round of doing this he thought he heard footsteps, but before he could see who opened the door was he out cold.

Taehyun was swearing as he almost feel back into the tub. The ring of the doorbell had awoken him from his half slumber. Trying to get his bathrobe on he slipped on the tiles, startled from the sound of the second ring. Clutching the side of the tub, face inches away from the bathwater he said another couple of lines of profanities before pulling himself up to his feet again.

Walking quickly towards the door he wondered who it was that came bothering him like this. When he peeked through the peep hole he saw no one and guessing it was some kind of mail delivery left at his door he opened it.

There he was, laying on the fluff scarlet carpet, asleep? No, definitely not Taehyun figured. He must be passed out as his skin color was all pale and a thin layer of sweat covered his face. In his hand was a note and so he hunched down to look at it.

"Sorry for exposing myself to you in this manner mailman"

He mumbled as he unfolded the note still hunched down next to the passed out Seungyoon. It weren’t a long note, but it told him all he needed to know.

"I can’t leave you out here after reading this now can I?"

Taehyun said, he then grabbed Seungyoon by the shoulder to get him into a sitting position before swooping him up into his arms. Seungyoon weren’t heavy at all and so carrying him the short way into his apartment was no trouble. He considered placing him on his sofa first, but then decided on the bed as it was closer. After having placed him snuggly on the side and covering him with a blanket he left to get dressed.

Seungyoon woke up only to be faced with darkness. Unsure of where he was for a moment he reached out beside him. It was obvious that he was in a bed of some sort as the silk bedsheets and the soft duvet couldn’t be anything else. His left hand found only air and so he laid still for a moment contemplating his next move. It was a strange situation he found himself in and after spending a couple of more seconds thinking he recalled where he had been during his last waking moment.

Embarrassment, nervousness and his anxiety then hit him straight in the chest. He wanted to get away, from the darkness, from the unknown and definitely from the silence. He needed a plan first, an excuse. He couldn’t just avoid things this time. Heartrate increasing with his growing anxious state he reached out with his right arm this time.

What it found was not what he expected as he felt soft, warm skin brushed under his fingertips.

"Taehyun?"

He whispered questioning into the darkness, but all he got as a reply was a weak snore. The warmth under his fingers felt nice and he didn’t wish to remove his hand even if the situation felt awkward. Something pulled him in and so after another moment of contemplation had he let his fingers trail from Taehyuns chest and up to his neck. Seungyoon tried to lean in a little and had soon wriggled so much closer that his head found his shoulder. Resting his palm on Taehyun's chest he felt as it slowly rose only to go down again just as slowly moments later. This rhythmic motion somehow helped calm him a little.

He was about to pull away again, scared that Taehyun might wake from his sudden closeness. That was when Taehyun suddenly moved in his sleep, trapping him under his arm. He then found himself laying there, his face inches away from Taehyun’s chest. In the end had Seungyoon let an arm slide around Taehyun’s waist while letting his head rest against his chest. It weren’t like him at all, it was certainly not the logical or rational thing to do. Feeling the warmth of another person, being embraced by someone he was pretty sure he liked a lot. It was nice. Things had not gone as he had planned or expected, but Taehyun couldn’t detest him as much as he feared. Not when he had brought him inside his home and helped him like this.  

He feel asleep like that. Lulled to sleep by the steady heartbeats of a man he had grown fond of faster than he would have liked, but whom he now was unable to let go of.

Authors note: Here we are at the end. I'm curious about what you though about this one. The concept I tried to illustrate is the relationship between different mental diseases. The case for these two is how one often get the other after developing the first one. As for their relationship with music, it became their curse in a way didn't it? The original plot for this story was a lot darker, especially concerning trauma, but I think it's fine as it is. I'm sure you my clever readers got the essence of it even so :) as for the ooc part, yes I realize that it can be precived as slightly ooc by some, but even so do I think you can see a lot of positive acpects which are rather characteristically for the two. Daring to trust your own feelings in a situation like this, that demands bravery more than anything and a lot of people would never dare to do that. 

I hope you enjoyed it even if only a little bit, thanks for reading and I hope to see you back here soon!