Finally, I decided.

I told him.

“ Let’s give us another chance. We’ll try to stay with each other once again. If this time is also a failure, I hope that we will end all in peace.”

Yes, I didn’t give up on him. After all the thing I did and I still couldn’t let go of this bleeding love, so I thought…what goes around, comes around. I will do what my heart wants, just once more time.

Loving the same person who once hurt you badly, sound so crazy. Deciding to be with him again, I’m really crazy. I know. Still…right here in his arms, my heart is beating…for him, only for him….

This time, I also changed. I…I’m going to learn how to love myself more. Loving one person, doesn’t mean that you must love him more than yourself. You don’t have to sacrifice yourself for what calling love. If you don’t ever love yourself, how can you make people love you ? From the beginning, I chose the wrong way to start my love, so it turned to be a bleeding and so painful love, one mistake can’t be made wrong twice…

Kwon Ji Yong, that man…he’s a sensitive person, the kind of person who is so scared of lonliness and hurt so much. Sometimes I thought, he has chosen that woman over me, because deep inside, he was scared, because the dream that he always wants to achieve, must be broken.  I…kind of understanding him when I could think about us clearly. I put me in his shoes, and I could know. However, I may understand him, but I won’t accept him. If one day, another woman appears, and she makes him hesistant again, I’ll be the one who kicks his away and no more Kwon Ji Yong in my life. This time, I and he are at the same position, he wasn’t the one who I had to dream about. This beginning of us, we all must learn how to hold out hands…not just I hoplessly reached my hand to him…not just I sang my lonely song alone in the darkness…

And…I just won’t say I love him. Not now, or near future. The wound he gave me, I’m not an angel, I can’t just say, okay, I forgive you, just forget all and be happy. No, I can’t. I’m just a human, who love and hate all exist in me. I both love and hate Kwon Ji Yong. And I still love him more than hatred, so sad but true, Lee Seungri…just can’t help but love Kwon Ji Yong. He’s my tattoo of heart, he’s my curse of soul, he’s the one who fate just tied me around his finger.

However, I can love him in other way. The way just I know and he can’t. He can’t know how much I love him, need him, wa