He was sitting in our receiving area speaking sternly to someone who looked important. Important enough to wear such a suit, white pants and red jacket, gold encrusted belt buckles and medals. They clanged as he turned to face me just like my father who noticed my arrival.  My father looks at me firm with jaws locked in place. The man looks me up and down. No warm greeting, no bright hellos as he would usually receive my arrival. He simply sat there rigid.

“Hei-ran…” A sign. My father calling me by my real name alerted me that something was up. He had only used it when I was reprimanded. But nothing in his face looks chastising at all. He looks worried, anxious in the presence of our guest. He beckons me to come sit with him and I do. Slowly and cautiously taking my place beside my father who still doesn’t move. His body relaxed but rigid, his face calm but too serious. I had to look him over one more time to find something in his face but there wasn’t anything. It was in the folded hands that told me something was wrong. Knuckles whitened and blanched, he seems to be gripping tight to fingers a sign of his so obvious anxiety. 

    The man in front us doesn’t speak waiting for my father to begin the introduction but my father doesn’t do that as well. Instead, he hands me an envelope with the royal red seal of the King. The King. Why on earth he’s handing me an envelope with the king’s seal is beyond me. I was almost hesitant to open it, scared that they might’ve been mistaken.

The man sees my hesitation. And with fierce conviction he speaks up voice loud and rebuked.

“I am Captain Lu Han of the Kings’s court. I am here to deliver this message to you. You are to read it and respond as quickly as before I leave. Before you respond however, I need you to choose wisely and think of the consequences if you shall respond inappropriately.”

Inappropriately? Suddenly my hold on the envelope tightens. His words were a sharp threat if I wasn’t mistaken. Now I understand why my father has his own aversion to our guest.  I break the seal and cautiously read the letter.

To Kim Hei-Ran,
    You are invited to the Grand Ball in celebration of the 50th Anniversary of the King’s Reign as a participant in the long awaited search for the next Queen of Ardea. We are happy to inform you that you have been randomly picked along with 30 other young maidens from the Kingdom ofArdea to represent your own sector. Please be advised that as….

    That was enough for me to hurl the lunch I’ve eaten hours ago. The Daughter of Ardea Lottery is a random contest, with all intents and purposes, to find the next Queen of Ardea. A rather absurd idea as per tradition which may be of great opportunity for a young maiden of every sector of the land that is well under the King’s reign. Participants chosen are cleaned and clothed and trained well over the span of a year until a suitable Queen is chosen. Simply put, it’s a fight for the throne with every maiden from any background to advance not as per their sector or ranking but as per their ability, talent, brain and beauty. In the end, the one chosen by the Crowned Prince becomes the Queen and no body can rebuke the position. The ones that are not chosen, would have the great opportunity to have been exposed to luxury and wealth as per their stay in the castle with monthly pays to the family. It benefits through widening their connections and opportunities for themselves and their family even if they were found unsuitable for the position.

    My mouth gapes open. A loud gasp had escaped my lips. When I look up for confirmation, the two men in front of me stare with different expressions. The man in the suit has a hint of a smirk while my father looks like he’s holding in some deep emotions. 

“Is this —“ I was cut off. The man in the suit straighten even more and he speak louder than before as if he had been successful already. 

“This is when you start thinking about your answer, My lady."

  Ugh that again. I have the strongest aversion to the name and I swear I want to cringe. I bit my bottom lip and suddenly hoped that the disdain for the name didn't display on my face.

"This is a great opportunity for you" He continued. "to make grand changes in your life. As a young maiden such as yourself, this is the best marriage proposal that will bring both honor and privilege to your house. Your father tells me—“ It was my turn to stop him.

“Who said I wanted to change my life?” There was a pause as I glare at the man in front of me. I stare at him in disdain but he only tilts his head and pressed his lips together into a line. All sort of grin and success erased from his face. 

“Are you not aware the women your age and stature may have grave responsibilities to her house, to her parents? Marriage is the biggest responsibility you have for your family. It secures your future as well as your father’s.”

  The words had stung me deep. It was a repeat of everything this whole day had irritated me. Marriage. I, being a woman with responsibility to my father.  I loathed the idea that that is the only way I could take care of him. That that is the only role I have as daughter and as a woman. But I looked at my father who sits in between us and I see him look down sighing to himself. There’s the fatigue and exhaustion as he had devoted his whole life to only me. I almost slumped at the realization that maybe he feels the same way. That everything Mr. Park said, this man, Kai, everything they've said was true and what's more, my father agrees. I watched his eyes unmoved. He was thinking hard about something as he furrows his brow and pressing his lips in a line. 

“Father, please tell me you don’t agree with this.” I carefully reach out to him.

    But he could only look up at me and speak through his gritted teeth. It was so apparent and I don’t understand why he is going against his own convictions.

“This is a great opportunity for you, Hei-Ran. You are young, beautiful and ready. You’re not getting any younger. I am not getting any younger-“ and suddenly he stops, pressed harder on his knuckles that are still on top of him. He inhales deep and lets out the air in defeat.

“I am tired, Hei-Ran. It’s time.” He says it soft and low. So defeated I’ve never heard my father like this before. And to use my name twice in one day, I just knew he must’ve been really serious about it. 

    He turns to me and places his hands atop mine. I didn’t even know I was shaking in anger until he held my hands and squeezed it willing for them to calm down. 

“I love you, Ren. But it really is time for you to grow up and find your true self. There’s nothing else I can give you nor teach you for you to survive on your own. I know with all my heart that you are ready to stand alone. Because now, my child, you have to be what you ought to become.” 

"I can never be the girl you want me to be father. I will never resolve to the weaknesses and fragility that I was named for. I will be strong. I will be me... Just me. And if you can't accept that—.

"Who said I'm asking you to be weak? You were not named after an orchid because you are weak and fragile. You were named to fulfill the promise that you would be as undeterred as an orchid who withstands the cold of the night and the heat of the morning sun. An orchid is not as fragile as you think. It is versatile as the trees and grass of the fields of Ardea. Right now that’s all I need you to be. I need you to be just that. There will be more aversion in your life to come and you will need to be strong when the time comes. You will need to rise in to the occasion and accept your rightful place. That is all I want for you my child. Nothing more. 

“Oh, father. I — I can’t leave you. This thing lasts a year and if I’m picked I’m never to see you again. Who’ll take care of you?” Tears are now fighting to fall but I stood my ground trying to be strong for my father. 

“Actually, your father will be taken care of. Your agreement of participation entitles your family to a monthly salary and free medical attention for the length of your participation. You are not allowed to make contact for the first two months, which is the first phase. Training if you may. But after that, as soon as you move into the castle, you are more than welcome to write to each other as often as you want. Visitation will be a planned event, so there isn’t really anything to worry about.” The man speaks once again. I've almost forgotten he was in the room. There is a sudden and very remarkable change in his voice and it almost erased the scowl on my face I have started to habit myself. 

“Listen, Ms. Kim Hei-ran. This is just an invitation. There is no telling that you’d even win. There are thirty of you who will participate. So if in the slight chance that you don’t like to participate any more, you’ll be asked to or be permitted to leave as you wish. Still you get to keep all the benefits you have received while you are in the castle’s care.” The man continued.

“Hei-ran, what ever you want to be, become it. Commit to something as opposed to avoiding the inevitability of your future. You need to start thinking wisely and start living up to your name. You are special. More than you’ll ever know. You are perfectly suitable whether you believe it or not. I will support you here from home and Kai will be here as he promised."

"K- Kai knows?"

"He was just here. I called for him and in the instant I mentioned this opportunity, he vowed to come take care of me. I refused him at first knowing how much he already has in his plate, but that kid is relentless. He's a good friend."

  The word friend had been emphasized in the slightest of tonal conversation. Like he was trying to make a point, to make me realize something, to shake off my weird thoughts of Kai being a boy, a boy I could've liked, a boy I could've been with for the rest of my life. There was nothing to compare it to but the ease of being Kai's friend had been safe and comforting that I couldn't believe that he wouldn't be a part of my life anymore.

"I, we will watch you through it all. If in the slightest chance, you find that it really is not for you, then you may come back and I will receive you wholly. But don’t turn it down just because you’re scared to broaden your horizon, just because of fear of the unknown. Life is beautiful. This life is. I’ve tried whilst I could, to show you as much of the world as I can. But I promise there is more to see, do, feel and this is your chance.”

“Father, for once in my life I’m not sure-“

“Be brave my daughter. Show the world you are as strong and deserving as your namesake. You can do this.” My father holds me still. Keeps his distance as he usually does. It’s as if he knew all along that this day will come and he’s readied himself a long time since. 

“Not to hurry you, my lady. But sun has retired and we should really get going. You were the last participant to be picked up. And well, there isn’t anymore time. We must get to the palace grounds as soon as possible. Your peers have been picked up and are being dropped off as we speak. Now only you are left.”

I take a look at my father and he squeezes my hand. 

  Such hurry. I couldn’t even wrap my head around it. The two men demanded answers, and I’m here still sitting in shock. As much as my father is giving me what looks like a choice,  I feel like he had decided for my sake already as easy as it had been for him to let go of his only daughter.

  I look at the letter again and clearly the royal seal, the beautiful script handwriting show the elegance and luxury that I soon will be able to taste. What a wondrous position, yet I was still hesitant.

“If I found myself unsuitable—“ I started to say

“If the Crowned Prince found you unsuitable…” He corrected. “You may be relieved of your position. If he finds that you are exactly not what he’s looking for, it will be known. And I assure you, the Crowned Prince is meticulous. I dare not think he will force someone who doesn’t desire the position to stay. So if you must go, I’m sure he will grant your wish.”

I inhaled sharply and as soon as the air had been unfilled, my mind cleared, and sooner than I hope I was able to make up my mind. 

“I will do it then.” Now speaking to my father. “I will take this opportunity to polish the woman I shall become so when I come back I can take care of my responsibilities at home.” Clear I had stated word for word. Knowing fully well, no Prince will ever take me. But as Mr. Park had stated earlier, I must start somewhere. I must start taking care of myself and finding the woman in me so I can marry and secure my future and my father's.

  The quick response, had surprised my father. I guess he was expecting me to whine and throw a fit. But not today. I must grow up somehow. They were all right. It’s now time I move on from my childish ways and start becoming a ‘lady’.

Though, still I hate the word.

    When I stepped into my bedroom, I was surprise to see the one person I was just thinking of, Kai. I don’t know why exactly I was thinking of him. But despite the surprise, I was relieved to see him. He was sitting on my window with his finger on his lips.

“I know you have to go. I just needed to see you before you leave.” He whispered low enough only for me to hear.

    I quickly locked the door behind me and half marched, half ran towards him. Not knowing why, I wrapped my arms around him hiding my face in his broad chest. Clinging to him like this, it surprised us both. But he didn’t say anything nor push me away. Instead, he placed one hand on the small of my back and the other on my head comforting me. He’d only held me like this once back when my father got sick. I ran to him as soon as I settled my father at home after picking him up from the castle and ran back to the castle to see him taking over my father’s duties for the day. I had clung to him the same way now and he held me tight just like this. I try not think that this was pity yet again because my pride can only hold so much beating in one day.

“You knew.”

“It doesn’t matter.” He started to say this time pushing me a bit to look into my eyes.

“Stay.” He uttered with voice uncharacteristic to his usual confident tone.

    I match his stare broken and unwilling. It took much for me to decide something this important and I couldn’t just back out.

“I can’t.” There’s worry in my tone and he’s already half expected it.

“I know. I just needed to try once.” This time there’s an obvious furrow on his brow and his eyes began to glisten.

“Kai, why are you here?” Not really sure why I ask. The way he still clings to me tells me there is more to this tryst and I’m losing my resolve.

“For this.” And then suddenly both his hands were on my face cupping it gently as he presses his lips against mine. He stays there unmoved, unsure a side he’s never shown me before. And I should really push him away but there's not one nerve that wanted to move, no limb wanted to cooperate. The kiss, albeit chaste, had left me frozen in my spot in shock. 

    Then he pushes me away and suddenly I was at a lost. Missing the warmth I have never known I wanted, now I wished he’d do it again. 

“I know you have to go but you must know, I will wait for you. So, please come back soon.” And then one more time, he closed the gap between us and I closed my eyes as he kissed me on my forehead. A knock on the door had startled us both and I turned to make sure the door was still lock. It was. But when I looked back in front of me, sadly Kai was gone. Running to my window, I chanced a last glimpse of him but he’s hidden or ran fast enough that he was already out of sight.

“A second please. I’ll be right out.” And when I finally opened my room, I let myself look back swearing to the wind that I’ll be back soon. My father walks along side me and sees me and Captain Lu out the door. No hugs, no warm goodbyes. He simply bowed low and then urged me to go on. He didn’t even give me a chance to run to him. Before I can make a move, he’d already turned around and closed the door.

“Farewell my dear father. See you soon.”

a/n: Hello my readers! if you know anything about me
it's that I had always been a big fan of sekailu. I wrote this
fic and almost 3/4 of the chapters literally 1.5 years ago. 
There might be some who might not like the idea of Luhan 
in this fic for obvious reasons and that's fine. I've delayed
putting this up for that reason and in the end had decided
to include him. I just couldn't see this fic without him. I hope
that inspite of that fact, you'll still enjoy it. Subscribe and
comment please.