Bringing down walls.
Daughter of Ardea
PRINCE SEHUN’S POV
We are riding the horse this morning. Lady Minah, my Queen-to-be, and I, the son of the throne. How magnificent a sight we were as we glittered and paraded for the court. We truly looked like a couple who have fallen head over heels for each other. She, gleaming against the sun looking at only me and I, captivated by her. We are picture perfect to the eyes of everyone around us. But it was all a ruse. The fact that only a handful knew about the real reason for this beautiful display had made this moment all a lie. The order of absolute lockdown from the King had been kept to a hush. No one had been allowed to leave because of a festival held in the name of our engagement. A three day event in the name of our grand love story. I look at Lady Minah now beautiful and elegant. Regal in every way she was bred to be. I have enjoyed our short time together thus far. I’ve learned more about her and thought that her genuine character had not changed since she was picked which relieved me. Not that I had doubted Lady Hei-Ran and her choice. But since the day she was picked, I couldn’t help but scrutinize everything about her. Her raven black hair. Her fair skin and in contrast her dark eyes. Her soft slender hands. Her poise. Her gentle movements cast from her regal breeding. Our conversations had been fruitful. She was well educated and she hadn’t been bashful about her thoughts. All that and more and I find I was comparing it to someone else. Though I’m certain of my decision, I have not been able to find something to attach myself to her. Like an enormous wall I can’t seem to break down, I just can’t get through to her. I remember my time with Lady Hei-Ran and how easily I had been able to connect with her, to divulge my faults and weakness without pretense. I somehow can’t do it with Lady Minah. There are times I'd jump when her hands brushed mine like I’ve been touched by something too hot or too cold. A spark of surprise pass between us before her eye smile eases the moment and I’m hoping she had not been hurt from my reaction.
Today is the day I had decided to break the walls around us and accept my reality. She had not been a bad choice and to be exact she is the best choice I could’ve made for myself.
“In honor of our beloved throne, our beloved Kingdom of Ardea and the love that resonates within its wall…” My Father is making a speech about the festivities and had urged all of us to stand. He raises his cup of wine and looks to each and everyone in court as he gestures his cup to Lady Minah and I. I watch him and my Mother and thought about their relationship for the first time. My Mother hadn’t always been the woman to hide behind her husband. She had not made herself an accessory to the throne. Something I’ve admired about her. She had stood beside him all these years and what a pair they had made together. But as for love, I had not seen their affection first hand. The power my Mother wielded whence she’s by my Father’s side had overshadowed anything that would come close to affection. My Father… He’s a different person. The years had been good to my Mother and still he looks at her gently with respect. Is that what love is? Respect?
“I raise my cup to the beautiful Son and Daughter to the Crown of Ardea, Prince Sehun and his bride to be Lady Minah.” Suddenly the room erupted in cheers and the merriment began. Until…
I felt her touch. A slight movement against the back of my hand before she boldly grabbed hold of my hands and intertwined our fingers together. I turned my head in surprise but her smile so pure had eased my shock. This time I had not jumped or pulled away. Instead, I welcomed the warm touch of her soft hands and slowly tried to break down the walls that I’ve always thought had been around her, but now realized it had been mine all along.
How fate plays with reality and dreams. As Prince Sehun the next in line for the throne tries to accept his reality, his dreams are kept stilled by the bonds and bricks he once laid. Lady Hei-Ran lays in the arms of the man she ought to be but her dreams keeps him at bay. She relishes on the nights she spent with the Prince and their ties left unsevered as she is nursed back to a reality she had not known existed. She was supposed to walk away and leave everything behind. But as it may seemed, she's left her heart as well.
She dreams of nothing but a feeling of loss. A hand reaching but couldn't be touched. A body craning to be held but was left in the cold. Her chest filled with emptiness and no amount of control and distraction could erase. Hei-Ran felt like she's drowning in the cold rapids. But it only had been sorrow.
The morning after she awoke to the lost of warmth she had been accustomed to what seemed like an endless night. When she sat up to gather herself, she was shocked to find her trouser loosened and tunic untied. In a panic, she picks herself up and reaches for the dagger that was hidden on her leg. However, now it was misplaced as well.
“Looking for this?”
It glistened in the sun before she saw his face. Kai. In the flesh. But her relief had been too short.
“How?”
Suddenly he flashed a dark crimson and she catches his eyes somewhere else other than her face before he turned away in a panic. She looks down to see her tunic exposing the birth of her . Binding loose and her flesh exposed. She glares at him and he suddenly panics some more backing up this time as he threw his hands up.
“I had no choice...” It had been enough. Her anger rose like bile from her stomach and she was suddenly holding the dagger that was in his hands mere seconds ago, her other hand stilling him against the hard floor behind him. She’s pinning him down straddling him with the dagger to his neck. It had not been the thank you Kai had hoped for.
But her sudden movement made her light headed and now she looses her grip on both him and the dagger. The dagger slides out of her grasp while Kai catches her by the shoulder.
"Ren!" But she had not responded. Her mind still in a daze. She's trying her hardest to shake off the fuzzy image. But her body give out more her weight now impressing.
Kai couldn't have imagine what was going on at the moment only that she must still have been too weak to move.
“I'm sorry. You’ve been out sick for the last two nights. I had to loosen your binding for your comfort. But I promise I had not touched you in that way. I would never dare-”
But he’s startled now by a sudden sob he’d heard on his chest. Clearly her tears aren’t from anything he did. Now she’s slumped to him crying about something entirely not about the loosened bounds. His hands had rested in quiet submission. Still on her shoulder as if he'd been scared to touch her. Wasn't it just last night that he was holding her, pressing his body to her to warm her body? How had he started to feel conscious about touching her now that she's awaken.
“Talk to me, Ren. Say anything. Tell me anything.” What is it you’re crying about? Though he already knew.
“Am I that unattractive that not even you would dare touch me in that way?”
The words had shocked Kai. Something he had not expected. He thought he'd pull her up to see her face but instead he had been paralyzed by her words, too confused to react. He thinks about what ought to be and what he’s always felt about her. Her affections for him back then and his to her all this time, but he hadn’t been ready to face this reality then. Now he's all together flustered from her question.
She had been so wrong about the whole thing. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to touch her. God knows it took all his might to not take advantage of her in the midst of her weak state. Especially when he had taken off his own tunic to press his body against her for warmth, it took all his reserve to preserve her dignity. He could've taken it if he wanted to. He's thought about it for heaven knows too long. But responsibilities had always gotten in the way and her safety took priority. Oh if only she knew.
He didn’t answer. He let the silence linger until she hadn't mentioned it again. His hands had somehow found the courage to unhand her shoulder and for a brief misguiding it traveled to the middle of her back and rested there. He wanted so much to hold her tighter and maybe even bury his face on her hair whisper to her everything he'd always hidden from her. Maybe even kiss her nape, her face, her lips. But it's not the right time. Not when she's thinking about someone else. Now whilst she's still crying about someone else. Instead he had closed his eyes and hoped the beating of his heart would make her realize his true feelings through the warmth of the security he can only offer at this time.
Not yet. Once I tell you the truth…then only then will I tell you how I really feel.
PRINCE SEHUN'S POV
“Tell me of your youth. Your adventures, your life as a young Lady Minah.” I mused as we sat idly in the study after dinner.
“What is there to tell? I hadn’t done anything but study. I had no time for silly things.” She says before dipping her lips slowly to the cup.
“Are you telling me you have not had an adventure worth telling?”
“What is more important than educating the mind?” She placed her tea down ready to battle me with words. Something invigorating to watch in a woman.
“Educating the soul?” I too was ready to parry sitting my own cup of tea down. A smile forming in my lips because I’m curious to hear her true feelings as a woman not just a well bred Lady.
“Educating the soul? You sound unsure of your answer.” She studies my face but I can't seem to read her reaction.
“Have you never felt impassioned by anything?” I leaned closer now, wanting no needing to see a bit more to finally find an anchor I can connect with.
“I have. I think highly of what the Kingdom needs and what I can do for Ardea. What other passion should I have than the servitude that is my duty.” Poised and gentle her wise words had been regal. Perfect.
I smile. A good answer indeed. An answer fit for a Queen if I was to be honest. But it had not reached me. Though I felt her sincerity, I couldn’t help but be very disappointed. I had never asked Hei-Ran this but somehow I can imagine many wonderful dreams and expectation from her. Now I mused what she must’ve been truly impassioned by. Her family? Her skills as a fighter? Climbing walls? Adventure? Food? She had made every single thing too beautiful because she lived in the present and lived with passion. Suddenly, I have come to a grave realization. I have been trying to break down the walls that separated me and Lady Minah but I had almost forgotten the Lady that once climbed it instead just to reach me.
I leaned back to the chair and had let our silence be thereafter. That night I dreamt about climbing up the castle wall, and watching the stars atop the highest tower. A giddy feeling inside exploding within as I laughed and parried with the best opponent I’ve ever had. Though she had not been as well educated and well thought, she had been the only one to understand me and wanted to understand my whole being. Hei-Ran.
When I awoke, I had not realized I’ve already been crying from the beautiful dream that felt more like a memory. It had affected me so deeply that I had not been able to hold my self anymore.
Would I be able to go through with this? Living without you? How can it even be called living?
My body had a mind of its own. Before I could wrap my head into my very impulsive decision, I was dressed and had found myself already scaling my own castle wall careful to be discreet. I can feel the exhilarating emotions boiling inside of me as I realize this is probably what she had felt like scaling the wall all those nights. Whence the memory making me closer to her, my feet landing in the very bottom, made my heart race. I am one step closer to her now that I want to yell out to her in excitement. "I am coming!" I turn the corner in haste with the anticipation of adventure that awaits me beyond the wall. But suddenly I was pushed back against the wall, a hand silencing me and another holding me in place. My eyes widened when I finally saw what was going on. He waited first for the sentry to pass us by before he whispered my name.
"My Prince. It's me Lu Han." My heart dropped as I had been found out. He lets me go and we stayed for a bit more until the coast had been cleared, I was going to make a break for it and leave Lu Han with an explanation that would have to wait until later. I hoped Captain Lu Han would understand my need to leave in a haste. But he pulled on my elbow and looked at me with narrowed expression not as my advisor, or my First Guard but as my friend.
"Don't tell me you're trying to go after her." I can see the sadness in his eyes now and it stilled me to see him make a plea as such. Even in the dark of night with only the moon shining on us, the hard lines of his pained face had shocked me.
"Sehun, you can't leave. Lady Hei-Ran--."
He begins to start but the words had been caught somewhere in fear of what I might do. I know this of Lu Han and it's getting harder and harder for him to tell me the more he looked into my eyes. He pulls me to face him but my fear and curiosity had won over.
"Talk Lu Han. You are scaring me. What happened to Hei-Ran?"
He bit his lips first before starting.
"I had somebody follow Lady Hei-Ran right after you told me she would try to leave after the ceremony. He was watching her until he lost track of her. He thought maybe she had gone ahead and was just in a hurry to go home but.. But when he got to her residence--"
My mind began to blur. I was already expecting the worst of it all. "Lu Han, please!"
"She wasn't there. But Sehun, the priest. Father Junmyeon. He's dead. Somebody killed him and I fear that she will be next." Lu Han had panted out the words careful with each detail.
My knees buckled under me and I found myself slumped against the wall. Now the shadow of the night hid my hard-stricken face and I began to feel the bile ride up inside me. Helpless King to be, I am stuck in here while the person dearest to me is in danger.
"I thought I had been able to save her? Why would such a thing happen?" I remembered the kind priest and his love for his daughter. I've only met him for brief time, but I had been in awed by Hei-Ran's dedication to him. The love Hei-Ran had for her father and his reciprocated back to her.
"This will kill her." I rubbed my temples trying so hard to hold the pain I suddenly felt for the Lady whilst she finds out.
"She would be devastated. What is she to do now? Where is she to go? How would she continue?"
Lu Han slumps next to me I know what he's going to say next. Because he knows me well enough. We both know what I am about to do.
"I have to go" I get up too fast making me a bit dizzy but a hand stops me paired with my dearest friend's plea and I couldn't take another step.
"You can't go. Your responsibility now is the Crown and Lady Minah. If something was to happen to you... We'll all be lost. And everything you have saved will go for naught. And Sehun, Hei-Ran, will she not hurt if something was to happen to you?" He clutches my shoulder and shakes me to my senses.
"Sehun, if it's Hei-Ran you're thinking about. Kai will be there. She's his responsibility now. Isn't that why you reached out to him? Don't forget why you're doing all this. I looked to him and I'm reminded of that single day I found him by the creek training by himself. I remember the jealousy that already crept on me the moment I saw his face. Handsome and determined, he was focused and skilled. There is a boyish charm that was sure to be popular with the ladies.
"Your highness." Kai lowered his obviously angered face to the ground. I've heard about his disdain with the Crown. I can only imagine how he felt whence I took, Hei-Ran and he found out I was the Prince not just a guard.
"Not yet." I said but his face just hardened in disgust.
"To what do I owe the pleasure of the Crowned Prince's time?" There was a smug look in his face like he's only humoring my position only feigning the respect due to me.
"I'm here for Hei-Ran."
His face suddenly darkened in my response and I tried my hardest to hold the last of my reserve. I had a purpose here and there's a reason for my tolerating his indifference and that's all for Hei-Ran. She had spoken highly about him and from the every bit of history she's spoken about, he's already a big part of her life. Someone she trust with all her heart. Someone I can trust with her heart.
"She needs you. I need you to be what she needs." He suddenly flinched at the words and I was glad he hadn't known off hand why I was really there for. It was gratifying to see his shock. He paused and studied me for a bit before he started. His voice different now, interest peaked at every intonation.
"What makes you think she needs me?"
"You don't have to hide anything from me. I am aware of how you feel about Hei-Ran. Since the moment I saw you say goodbye to her..." I paused relieving that very private moment they shared in the room when he kissed her forehead. It hadn't looked familial. He was too sad to let her go. "Your duty will be to the Lady. Not to me or the Crown. I want you take care of her and her father. Keep her safe but most of all make her happy."
Then something akin to a laugh, a chuckle escaped his lips. "What gives you the right to makes demands about her life? Are you her guardian now?" He suddenly made two steps closer to me and I had to wave my hands at the guards again to keep them at bay. The tension in the air shifted somehow and now his animosity is too apparent.
"Since when does the Crowned Prince's responsibility include a young maiden's marital future?"
"Since I realized I cared about what happens to her whence she leaves the castle."
Now Kai's brows creased and he's taking another to step to look closer into my eyes as if he'd find the answers I wasn't able to say out loud if he perused my face any longer. Until suddenly he took a sharp breath as if he finally found it and the worry in his face had shown too easily. All anger had dissipated and worry took its place.
"She's in trouble isn't she. You're getting her out of there for her safety. Because if it's not, you then would've picked her to be your wife."
Now I was taking a step towards him to silence his words in fear that someone would hear him.
"If you so much care about Lady Hei-Ran, you would have to trust me. I am doing this for the Lady because I know in my heart I can not give her what she needs."
"And what do you think that is?"
"Freedom, adventure and safety."
I begin to tell him what's been going on and the suspicions I've been having. For a second we looked like old friends talking and keeping up with each other. And I can see myself liking the brute. He's intuitive and he's definitely skilled. I can see much of Hei-Ran or maybe she's just depicted his true self too well that it feels like I've know him all these years.
Before I left. my parting words had been the only time I allowed myself the idea. Saying it once and for all had been the only proof of my true feelings materializing. I promised that after that, I would detached myself and leave Kai the responsibility.
"If no one else is to know of the truth, I'd greatly appreciate it. But just once I'd like to say it out loud for it will never be said again. "I love Hei-Ran. And this, as a useless Crowned Prince, is all I can do for her. I need you to promise me she will be taken care of for the rest of her life. I need to know just this much and I will never ever pry."
Kai looks at him and something akin to conflict had flashed in his face.
"Please Kai. Tell me you'll do everything to make her happy."
He nods and turns his back on me trying to hide his face. But I knew he understood. I saw it in his eyes before he turned with a pained understanding of what I was asking him. I have no doubt he will take care of her. I just hope that he'll do a better job of making her happy than I could've done.
The Lady is no better than a wasted maiden reduced to her rags and trousers. The man, once a guard still lifts his head in high astute. The air of once a man of the throne, hadn’t forgotten. They sit talking around the fire. The man watching her every move. The maiden oblivious of it all. There is a gleam in his eyes of victory and anticipation. His excitement lingers in the smile he is not able to hide. The girl looks beyond him when she does look at him. Uncertain of anything at the moment. It may seem her mind is somewhere else, thinking of someone else. She is magnificent to look at. It is sad to think that the beautiful girl is to die tonight. With his blade still warm from the priest’s blood, it tremors signaling its need to bleed once more. But he needs to await the signal from another pair of shadows beyond the darkness and the trees. Until then he controls his breathing and hides behind the shadows of the moonlight. It won't be long now.
a/n: it wont be long now. see you next chapter. action action action time.
Comments