Donghae’s P.O.V.

“Ok everyone let’s go to bed, it is already late and you don’t want Santa to think you have been bad two days before Christmas, now do you?”, Donghae asked the children that were sitting around him.

He had been singing with them in front of the chimney and the spitting of the fire gave the big, cozy room at the orphanage a special atmosphere, especially before Christmas.

Many shouts of disagreement were heard, when they began to argue about the fact that Donghae had called them bad.

And they had all the rights to do so. Most of the children at the orphanage were little angels and deserved much more than was offered to them.

Poor little things. Everyone should be home with their families and enjoy their time together at Christmas, but unfortunately not everyone was lucky enough to be able to do so.

It was one of the reasons, why he tried his best to make the children feel home, even though he couldn’t replace a family, he still could give them the feeling of being loved, so he played along and showed them the good sides of life, because he knew what it meant to be alone, a long time ago, too.

But now he had to help the two manageresses of the orphanage, to get the ten children and teenagers to bed, because it was already eight o’clock past midday.

He laughed heartily as Jeamin with a serious expression on his face said:

“But Donghae-Hyung how will Santa know if we had been bad or good, if he never shows around? Anyway Jaejae has been a good boy, right Donghae-Hyung?”

The little boy looked at him with his big, brown puppy eyes and Hae smiled, while he padded the child’s head and answered:

“Yes you have been a good boy Jaemin. Santa doesn’t have to be around to know whether you’ve been bad or good, he just knows, because he can feel the kind and honest hearts of all of you. As long as you are good in your heart, your behavior will be too. And now let’s go to bed. The sooner you will go to sleep the sooner Santa will come and bring you your Christmas presents.”

Jaemin nodded and said:” Yes Hyung.”

Donghae sighed. He simply loved that kid and his twin brother, who was currently shouting in his arms along with their sister Minhee, who was sitting next to Jaemin on the floor.

“Wookie has been a good boy too, right Donghae-Appa?”

“Yes Jinwook, you have been a good boy too. And now stop shouting at me you have to calm down. Let’s get you to bed too, young man.”

He stood up with the still exited child in his arms and said to all the others:

“Okay everyone it really is time to go to bed now. Come and follow me upstairs so I can wish you a good night, if you want me to.”

Loud cheers were heard and most of them ran upstairs to get into bed and get their good-night kiss from their favorite hyung.

Before Donghae turned around with Jinwook in his arms and Jaemin holding his hand, he looked at the eldest kid at the orphanage and asked:

“Are you coming too, Blake? I know you are the eldest and all that, but hey we are never too old for someone to share a good time with, including good- night kisses”, he said and smiled encouragingly at the boy, that had been sitting in the corner of the big living room, looking kind of lost.

He seemed to think about it first, but send a small smile in reply.

“Yes Donghae”, was all he said before he disappeared.

Hae smiled and walked upstairs with Jaemin holding his hand and Jinwook half asleep and cuddling with his left shoulder. Minhee just followed him and smiled at her brothers.

She was so smart and mature for her age and always taking care of the others.

“Hey little princess, would you mind watching after your brothers for a while, so I can go and wish the others a good night, before I return and give my favorite little panda girl her special Donghae-Oppa-good-night-cuddling-kiss?”

The girl giggled softly, nodded and took her brothers to their bedroom.

“A kingdom to have her as my daughter someday”, he thought and headed to the first room at the end of the hallway on the right side.

He knocked and walked in, a smile on his face when he saw Blake and his brother Johnny sitting on their beds, waiting to be said good night.

They would never admit it, but they still enjoyed to be taken care of.

“Hey you two. I see you are already in bed. Such good boys”, Donghae teased, knowing the teenagers actually loved it.

“Sure we are, we are old enough to get along on our own Hyung”, Johnny answered, but his eyes told a different story.

“I see, well then have some nice dreams you two”, was all Donghae answered, before he gave both of them a good-night kiss and left the room, turning out the lights.

And no, it wasn’t y to give a 13 year old boy a kiss. It was just Hae’s way to show his love and everyone else knew he loved skin ship. He also offered them to say no, if they didn’t like it, but all the elders never said anything against it so it was perfectly fine.

Turning around reaching for the next room, he already heard the cries of little Billy and Elisabeth’s efforts to calm him down.

“I want Donghae to tug me in! He promised me!”

“Billy please, be a good boy and lay down I am sure Hae will be here in a minute.”

“Noo! I want Donghae-Hyung!”

Smiling a little bit, he entered the room and said:

“Did somebody just call my name?”

“Donghae!!”, the little boy screamed happy and lifted his hands to get a hug.

“Now, now young man, why are you giving Lissy a hard time wishing you a good night? You know it is rude to scream at your elders!”

Billy looked up with a guilty expression in his blue eyes.

“I am sorry Hyung, but you promised to tug me in.”

“I know Billy and you know I always keep my promises. And it’s not me you should apologize to.”

“You are right, sorry again. And sorry Miss Lissy I was rude. It won’t happen again are you angry at me now?”, the six-year-old said facing Elisabeth with a serious face.

The older woman just smiled at him and left the room, giving Donghae space to manage everything.

He gave the boy a kiss on his forehead and tugged him in. After that he walked across the chamber and did the same to the 11- year-old Jamie. The teenager smiled at him and mumbled a “good night”, turning at the other side and falling asleep.

The next two were the nine- years old Brittany and the six- years old Lauren.

Both of them already under their blankets and only waiting for their Hae-Oppa to appear.

As he did their faces lit up, he smiled back, gave both of them a kiss too and said:

“Good night ladies, have some sweet dreams and maybe you’ll meet your prince charming there.”

The girls giggled and wished Donghae a good night too, turning off the lights at their beds.

He really loved to take care of the kids and as much as he loved them all his favorite little Dongsaengs were still Jinwook, Jaemin, Minhee and the four-years old Jaeden, whom he just met in front of his shared room with Min.

“Hey there young man. Shouldn’t you have been in bed already?”

With his head down low he just whispered a quivering: “Yes Sir.”

Jaeden was about to turn around when Donghae held him back and got on his knees to be at the same height as the little boy. He knew when he was addressed as “Sir” something wasn’t right.

“Dino, what’s the matter? You know you can talk to me, if something bothers you?”, he softly said and lifted Jae’s chin. It was then, when he realized the four-years old was nearly at the edge crying.

Not thinking twice Donghae took the little boy into his embrace and hugged him. Giving him the feeling of security and comfort.

That was all the child had needed to break into tears and he cried at the elders shoulder.

Donghae softly rocked the little body in his arms around and waited till Jaeden had calmed down a bit.

“Do you want to tell me now what happened Den?”, he asked drying the small tears still falling down from the boys cheeks.

“I-I-I g-got sc-scared wh-when Bil-l-ly screa-m-med a-and I-I pee-e-d in-into m-m-my be-ed, wh-while I-I wa-as wai-iting fo-for Min-hee.I am So-orry Hyung!”, the little one said while hiccuping from all his crying.

“Oh my. That’s no reason to be scared to tell me Jaeden. Things like that happen. You don’t have to be ashamed or something like that. Are your pajama-pants wet too?”

Burying his face into Donghae’s neck the child nodded again.

“Okay so let’s get you something to change and then wee will take care of the bed sheets, what do you think? Is that okay with you?”

“Yes Donghae-Hyung.”

After 15 minutes Jaeden had some new pajama’s to sleep in and his bed got some dry and clean bed sheets too.

Lifting the four- years old up and putting him under the blankets and gave him a kiss before he wished him good night.

He was about to leave the room when he heard a small, tired voice calling out for him.

“Donghae-Hyung?”

“Hm?”

“Thank you Donghae-Hyung for helping me.”

“Always Jaeden and now have a good night.”

“Good night Hyung.”

With one last glance at the little body lying comfy under the blankets he headed to Wookie’s and Jaejae’s room, where Minhee was already waiting for him, trying her best to keep her brothers in place, which meant in bed.

“Is everything alright with Jaeden, Oppa?”, she asked concerned.

“Yes little princess everything is fine now. Thank you for taking over.”

“Always Oppa”, she said smiling.

Donghae smiled back, turning to the three- years old twins.

“Wookie? Jaejae? I wish you to be good and wait for me just a few minutes longer so I can bring your sister to bed. If you can do this for me without moving out of your beds you will get a reward, okay?”

“Is it a nice reward Hae-Appa?”, Jinwooks exclaimed exited.

“It depends if you two will be some good boys until I am back.”

“We will be very good, right Jaejae?”

“Neh, hyung, we will be good.”

“Okay boys see you in a few minutes. Common my little princess let’s get you to bed. You look tired.”

“Oppa?”

“Yes, sweetie?”

“Will you carry me?”

“With pleasure my little beauty.”

Donghae lifted Minhee up in bridal-style and carried her to bed and gave her, her only special for her Donghae-Oppa-good-night-cuddling-kiss.

“Good night. Sleep tight my little princess and have some nice dreams.”

“Nighty night Oppa. Saranghaeyo.”

“I love you too, my little precious Minhee.”

Already half asleep, the girl smiled and slowly drifted off to her dream lands.

Slowly Donghae entered the room of the twins to see them sitting on their beds like the little good boys they were.

“Donghae-Appa Wookie and Jaejae have been good boys, are we going to get our reward now?”, Jinwook asked happily and proud of himself and his brother.

“Yes my little kitten you will get your reward now, since you have been such good boys.”

Both of them smiled in joy as Donghae got both of them in his arms, lifting them up and lying down with both of them on Jaemins bed.

“Hyung, is our reward a long good night cuddle?”, Jaejae asked with hope filled eyed.

Hae just smiled and prodded the kids nose.

“You are such a clever, little boy Jaemin.”

And the twins cheered in joy, because if there was one thing they loved it was their alone- time with Donghae.

They laid there a few minutes before Jinwook asked:

“Donghae-Appa? What’s your wish for Christmas?”

Hae stayed silent for a moment. He had a wish, but he knew it would never come true.

“Hyung?”, Jaemin asked.

“Ehm, well my wish for Christmas is to have a family on my own.”

The twins looked at him in awe and he could tell by their looks that they were thinking.

“So Donghae-Appa, do you have a girlfriend?”

Children and their need to get to know everything.

“No Wookie, I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“But how do you want to get your own family of you don’t have someone you love?”

Sometimes Donghae really asked himself whether the boys were only three years or not. They were much wiser than they seemed to be or just damn curios.

“You know Wookie, maybe Santa will send me someone to love so my wish will come true.”

“That would be really nice of Santa”, Jaemin said and yawned.

“It would be, yes. But I think it’s time to go to bed now. Tomorrow is going to be a new day with a lot of thing to do so sleep tight and have some nice dreams, my little angels.”

Getting Jinwook back to his bed and putting both twins under their blankets, he wished them a good night and left the room, glad they haven’t asked him any more questions.

When he walked downstairs he saw Charly with two cups of tea in her hand, waiting for him at the kitchen door and right behind her was her twin sister Bethie.

“Come here and have something to drink Donghae.”

Being painfully remembered at his own mom by the whole scenery, he rejected it politely and went upstairs to the rooftop.

Barely did he notice the knowing stares of both woman, looking after their young friend in deep concern.

After he had reached his favorite place at the orphanage, he leaned against the railing and sighed heavily.

Why had his life to be so complicated? Why was it so pleasuring and at the same time so hurtful to help at the orphanage?

It was because he would never have the joy to have children on his own. He was single and on top of that bi-ual with a tendency to be more gay than everything else. And even if he lived in America now for more than 5 years, it still didn’t mean he was in any possible way going to be accepted as an adoptive parent. That’s why it hurt so much. He loved Minhee. He loved Jinwook and he loved Jaemin. How he would give his everything to call them his children and how proud he would be to brag around with them, showing everyone how beautiful and talented his little angels were. But it was only a dream and he had to live with the consequences of his gayness.

Why couldn’t he just be as his brother? Having a loving girlfriend he could love back, an own home, a great paid job and a lot of joy in his life.

Dongwha always was Donghae’s number one idol, since he was his big brother and he always wanted to be like him. The only thing he never managed to be was to be straight and that was his biggest mistake now.

It wasn't that he wouldn't be fine with a normal girlfriend. His problem was that he had been hurt too much in life by woman to believe that love and a happy relationship with them wasn't possible or too difficult for him to manage with his young age.

But he once promised his mother to always be true to himself and he stacked up with his promises. And so he accepted the fact he would probably never have a girlfriend and never a family on his own, but he kept asking himself if he did the right thing. If it wasn’t better to deny who he was, but in return get something he had been craving for for years … a own family, with someone to love, his own children, a house and all what makes him feel home.

Or maybe he would just be happy with a relationship his friends Ryeowook and Yesung from his college had.

They were both man, but fell in love with each other in High School and managed to stay together since then.

And the best of all was, that they were accepted in the society.

But even this seemed to be a nice imagination and nothing more.

Who would love an orphan like him anyway?

Drowning deep in his own thoughts, Donghae hadn’t recognized that someone had been standing behind him until he felt a comforting hand on his shoulder, slightly squeezing his tensed muscles.

“You look like you could need a hot chocolate”, Charly said offering him a cup with the hot, brown liquid he loved, so he gladly accepted the drink with a smile, turning back to the railing.

Charlotte leaned next to him, watching his every move.

“What’s the matter young man?”

“Oh common Charly, don’t play all understanding and caring, that’s Bethie’s job remember?”, he tried to joke around but knew he had failed when he saw Charlottes serious expression.

“You won’t let me pass until I talked to you, now will you?”, Donghae asked insecure.

Shaking her head, the older woman crossed her arms and turned around to face the young man next to her.

Sighing again Hae gave in.

“Okay I will tell you, but please don’t stare at me with this Are-you-stupid-or-what-start-talking-look. It makes me feel even smaller than I am already.”

Getting a warmer nod in return Donghae started talking until he couldn’t talk anymore.

And Charly just stood there, listening to all he said and patted his shoulder at the end.

“You know what Hae? Sometimes we can’t change the world and it would be asked too much to change ourselves to be accepted by others, but … if we try to make them see, it sometimes is that is needed to get your dreams come true. Think about it”, with that she turned around and left. Donghae stood there looking upon the stars and muttering:”

When will I find someone to love? Can you tell me that?”, he asked while a shooting star maybe happened to hear him.