Donghae's P.O.V.

After walking away from Hyukjae, Donghae didn't go back to the orphanage, but walked right back to his own home. He wasn't in the mood to talk to the elder twins about things he couldn't really understand himself. And since all the children were already sleeping, he decided to pay a visit to the house he had been living at for a few years by now with his uncle, aunt and older brother.

Donghwa had already been 16 when their parents died and so he was able to stay at the dorms of his school, while Hae had to stay at an orphanage. His brother tried everything to keep his little brother by his side but school rules were rules after all.

Their uncle, who was building up his own business in America at that time, couldn't leave the companies issues to his sick wife, so only after two months they finally found a substitute for their matter and went straight back to Seoul.

Their aunt had always been a little weak concerning her health and body, which caused her to have a few miscarriages until the poor couple gave up on the idea of having children on their own. The loss of his brother and sister-in-law had shocked the kind man and he agreed on an instant to take care of his two nephews.

During the days at the orphanage, Donghae couldn't help but feel lonely and went to live in his own little world of pain and coldness. He couldn't believe his beloved parents were gone and his brother wasn't around often, because he wasn't allowed to leave the dorms during school days. So the boy spent his days alone, in the season he had learned to treasure for the love and joy he had received all the years. But this Christmas was nothing but horrible.

The other children either didn't realize him or used to bully him for his vulnerable state of mind. Every night he prayed for someone to come and get him out of this unbearable situation.

And as if his prayers had been heard, his uncle came up a few week later. Smiling at him with warm eyes and taking him by the hand to lead him to a home, the brunet had learned to be beyond thankful for. Since that day he had sworn to himself to honor the memory of his parents and to make Christmas a special time for the people around him, because he knew how lonely and cold December nights felt.

He also tried his best to never become a bother to others and get along on his own as good as possible. Somehow the thought of giving up never crossed his mind, because it wouldn't have been the way his parents would have wanted him to end up. Besides Donghae had always been hard working to achieve what he wanted and his father had always told him from a young age on, that his son was someone special, life had sent him as a gift from the heavens to be blessed with.

With that the boys pure heart kept him going. At first they all had lived in Seoul, so the boys could still attend to school, but six years later Doghwa had ask for his uncle to allow him to study business management in the United States to help him out once he was good enough.

With that they all went to live far away, but the brunet had been happy for his brother to have found something he enjoyed. Donghae got enrolled into a rather good High School nearby, where he had met his best friend Sungmin. And Ryeowook and Yesung as well.

One of the happiest about them moving, had been his cousin Heechul, because he finally got his “cute little favorite Dongsaeng” near. And even though they weren't related by blood, Donghae couldn't help but to love the diva-like boy with all of his heart. The elder had a way to cheer people up and to give them comfort in times when it was really needed. But he could also scare the hell out of people as well.

Looking back to all these happy memories, Hae was sure that life still loved him in some way. In fact it had given him a hard time with taking away the people he had relied on the most in life, but still it had also given him so many dear friends and good souls around him, that he couldn't be happier sometimes.

And then there was Hyukjae. The blonde angel he had just met this day. He wasn't too sure how he was supposed to feel though. On the one handside he felt consumed by the others presence but on the other hand side he was rather depressed, because he knew that a one-in-a-million-guy wasn't made for him. If there was something like love at first sight he had gotten it badly already.

Sighing heavily, the brunet sat down on his bed and looked outside the window. Christmas was only four days away. This year hadn't been as easy, but he still made it. He was surrounded by the people he loved dearest and who loved him in return and still there was something missing. It was the one person that would make him smile and cry at the same time. Or make him fly on the highest clouds or let him fall out of them and sent him back up again within seconds with only a single word.

In short: his one and only love.

When he wasn't able to catch any sleep after what seemed to be hours, Donghae decided to do what he always did, when his heart felt troubled. He walked downstairs into the living room to play some melodies on the old piano and to sing along. Closing the door as carefully as he could to not make any noise, the brunet the lights and sat down on his usual place, letting his fingers slide over the keys. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and soon enough music filled the room harmonic notes, giving him the peace that he wanted, even though Donghae's mind was still far away. Gone to a blonde haired guy,who owned the sweetest gummy smile the boy had ever seen.

After a few incoherent melodies, Donghae picked a song that somehow described his greatest desires at that exact moment. It was Kelly Clarkson's “Underneath the tree”.

You're here where you should be
Snow is falling as the carols sing
It just wasn't the same
Alone on Christmas day
Presents, what a beautiful sight
Don't mean a thing if you ain't holding me tight
You're all that I need
Underneath the tree
Tonight

I'm gonna hold you close
Make sure that you know
I was lost before you
Christmas was cold and grey
Another holiday alone to celebrate
But then one day everything changed
You're all I need
Underneath the tree

You're here where you should be
Snow is falling as the carols sing
It just wasn't the same
Alone on Christmas day
Presents, what a beautiful sight
Don't mean a thing if you ain't holding me tight
You're all that I need
Underneath the tree

I found, what I was looking for
A love that's meant for me
A heart that's mine completely
Knocked me right off my feet
And this year I will fall
With no worries at all
'Cause you are near and everything's clear
You're all I need
Underneath the tree

You're here where you should be
Snow is falling as the carols sing
It just wasn't the same
Alone on Christmas day
Presents, what a beautiful sight
Don't mean a thing if you ain't holding me tight
You're all that I need
Underneath the tree

And then one day everything changed
You're all I need
Underneath the tree

You're here where you should be
Snow is falling as the carols sing
It just wasn't the same
Alone on Christmas day
Presents, what a beautiful sight
Don't mean a thing if you ain't holding me tight
You're all that I need
Underneath the tree
Tonight

When the last sound of the piano went silent, Donghae sat there and stared into an empty space in front of him. He felt relieved in some way and satisfied. Music had always been like magic to him. He didn't just love it he lived it, just like his father had. Words he couldn't say he expressed with a song that came flowing from his lips like a stream of cooling water during hot summer days. All his worries, anger, depression and hurt, no matter what it was music gave him the possibility to let it all out.

A soft cough behind him, made the brunet turn around in surprise. In the frame of the door was standing his brother Donghwa, sending him an amused smile as a greeting.

“Hyung, you are back already? Didn't you say the trip would last for more than two weeks?”

“It turned out, I got my work done a few days earlier than expected, so I decided to come back. In that way I am able to be home at Christmas at least. How are have you been doing Hae?” the other asked with a gentle smile and walked up to the younger to give him a tight hug. After he took a seat next to the brunet, who was still sitting in front of the piano.

“I am doing fine Hyung, thank you. What about you?” Donghae asked in return, trying to hide his insecurity behind a smile, but he failed. Still he hoped his brother wouldn't notice it.

“Tired as always, but I already reached my limit for coffee today, so I guess the only things that will help me to feel refreshed again are a hot shower and a good rest afterwards.

But say little brother, what's really the matter with you ?”

Suppressing a sigh, the younger had known he wouldn't be able to trick the man, who had known him for his whole life by now, all too easily.

“Nothing's up Hyung. Everything is fine.”

“Common fishy, I know you well enough to see that there is nothing nothing. Usually you only come here and play the piano when something is bothering you. Especially at this time of the day. You already used to do that as a kid and you haven't changed much since then if it comes to old habits of yours.”

Was it normal that siblings always seemed to have a seventh sense for their Dongsaeng's state of mind?

Sighing again the boy gave up.

“I honestly don't want to talk about it now. And besides you must be tired Hyung. I am sorry if I might have bothered you with my music. Have a good night.”

Before the other was able to reply anything, the brunet already walked out the door, mumbling a soft.” I will be leaving first” on his way.

Donghae was happy that his brother was back, because it hadn't been sure whether the other would make it home for Christmas or not. In fact it was never sure when the elder would be home, because work and studies kept him busy all the time. Donghwa had started working at their uncles company a year ago and had still been a student at the same time, always trying to get even more qualifications for his job. And now he was working full-time, giving his all for the company and his family.

The only thing that could be bothersome about the kind man, was that he knew his younger brother inside out. Even though he hadn't been around much since they came to America, the dark haired boy always tried to be there for his Dongsaeng and not to miss a single thing in is life, which wasn't too easy. Things always changed too fast and it was impossible to stop them from doing so.

He was also one of those who realized that the brunet was bi-ual without being told. Not that Donghae said anything about his uality in the first place, but he had his reasons to be the way he was and his brother accepted him. But for now Hae wanted to figure things out on his own.

As long as he wasn't sure about his feelings and mental state it wasn't useful to talk to his brother, who would ask him questions he wouldn't know how to answer.

Maybe he would talk to Sungmin later on, but then again he knew the blonde would just be the same as Donghwa. Asking questions he didn't want to hear.

Entering his room once again, the brunet didn't bother to turn on the lights, he just walked to his bed and laid down on it. And luckily exhaustion knocked out his mind and body after he listened to the sound of running water next door for a few minutes and he fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

* * *

The next morning, Donghae woke up early. He didn't feel all too well, which probably got caused by the fact, that it was only five in the morning and he had went to sleep at two.

To sum it up, the amount of time he had effectively been sleeping counted less than three hours. The brunet got up with a huge yawn and rubbed over his face with his hands to get rid of at least some of his tiredness, but it didn't help much. Deciding that a shower would be better, Donghae scuffed to the bathroom. The warm water relaxed his tensed muscles and he felt how life slowly went back into his tired body. After that he walked into his room, with only a towel around his hips, to get the set of clothes he forgot and returned to finish his morning routine.

Later on he grabbed his bag and wallet and went out. In front of the house he waited a few minutes. The cold air was refreshing and he loved to see the white rooftops that were glittering in the morning sun. the day promised to become a pleasing one.

First of all, the brunet went to a store nearby to get the groceries Lissy had asked him to buy the day before. They needed fruits, bread, milk and some sweets the kids loved to eat. And even though it wasn't much he always paid for the groceries with the money he earned. The elder twins didn't like the fact that Hae was giving so much, but for him they gave him something in return money couldn't buy. So finally and after some long arguments they gave up and let him be.

Though many people didn't seem to like the early morning or to go shopping at this time of the day, Donghae couldn't help but to enjoy it. The streets were empty and clean and only a few workers passed his way, greeting him with a friendly smile which he returned. And the brunet had the time to go and see how his little friend was doing.

When he had reached the window, he waited for the little guy to come out and greet hi like every morning. It didn't take long and the white puppy with a red collar on, looked out of his small hut, barking in happiness when he saw Donghae standing there. The brunet guessed it had been love at first sight for the both of them, but unfortunately he wasn't able to afford a dog. Not with his part-time job, that barely got him enough money to buy more than just the groceries for the orphanage. And he didn't want to ask his uncle either. The man was already paying for all his school fees and private needs like clothes, so it didn't feel right to ask for even more. In the end all that was left to do, were his visits to the pet shop every morning. Even the shop owner, who was a good friend of the Smith sisters saw how much both individuals loved each other, so he did his best to prevent people from buying the pup, but he couldn't give him away for free either and the brunet understood that.

Still, a little bit of hope to maybe make a miracle come true wasn't forbidden.

Donghae knew it was rather childish and yet he couldn't help it. Sometimes wishes were meant to come true. And they weren't getting less on his list, in fact he felt pretty selfish to always ask the heavens for more, instead of being thankful for what he had.

Suddenly Hae thought of the words his father had always told him:

“A man with a heart filled with desire, is either selfish or lonely. Still it makes a difference whether you are a lonely dreamer with the desire to find happiness or a selfish egoist, who desires more, because he can't understand the true values in life.”

Well maybe Donghae was a lonely dreamer, but sometimes he felt like the unthankful egoist too. He wasn't too sure of it yet. His father had always said:

“ You will find out which one of them you are when the time is right to. If you have everything someone could ever ask for, but your heart still isn't satisfied you are an egoist. But if you your heart feels happiness with the things you come to call home, you will see that you were a lonesome dreamer, who finally found the place he had dreamed of and is exactly where he was meant to be. It might not be perfect from the outside, but you will know deep down inside of you that it will never be for others, because it is just right for you. And as long as you can wake up and fall asleep everyday, saying that you love your life you will die as a happy man someday.”

Hae knew that whenever Lee Seungyeon had said that to him, he was thinking about his family. His wife he loved with all of his heart and his two sons, who were his pride. The elder often told him he didn't have everything he always wanted to have, but life gave him an even better thing in return. Happiness and a loving family.

Since then those two things were the only ones the brunet had desired as a child and which he still looked for, hoping the heavens would bless him the same way.

Drowned in his thoughts, Donghae stared at the puppy with an expression full of mixed feelings. But soon enough his hungry stomach caused him to move on.

“Well then little buddy, I guess I will have to go now. See you tomorrow. Please wait for me as always.”

The puppy sent him another happy bark, before the brunet turned around to get a coffee in a small cafe he liked. Actually it was one of the places Sungmin used to work at and the both of them had worked there during summer vacation, because Hae could afford to spare some more time to help out and to earn some extra money. So the staff liked him and even the owner was always asking, or better said offering, him to back any time. First of all because he was a good boy and second of all, he and Sungmin built a great team, which on top of that increased the number of female costumers and children a lot. At work they both were professionals. Sungmin had that cool, yet cute look, while Donghae was good with the kids and just adorable with everyone. They all loved the friendly students, who seemed to read all their wishes from their eyes. But the brunet had to decline the offer in the most polite manner. School, his part-time job and the orphanage were taking all of his time, but he promised to come by once in a while and to pay them a visit. And that's what he did this morning, a smiling young woman named Judy was greeting him.

“Good morning Donghae, how are you today? You haven't been around for a long time by now. Still a coffee to go and the cake of the day as always I assume?” she asked with a knowing expression.

“Yes please and sorry bout that Judy. I am having a lot to do lately. The shop is getting busy during the holidays and the rest of my spare time belongs to the kids as you know” he replied with a boyish grin.

“Haha yes you know the costumers always look a bit jealous when they see you with Jae, Wookie and Minnie. These little fellows really got a hold of you” Judy stated.

“And I am not planning to let them go of me anyway” the brunet winked at her and bit his good-byes after he got his coffee and cake.

“Today is my treat Hae. Have a nice day.”

“Thanks Judy same to you. Until next time. Tell Sungmin to remind me that I owe you a piece of cake and a coffee sometime!”

“Will do so. Say hi to the kids for me too.”

* * *

Sipping on his hot drink from time to time, Donghae walked to the orphanage with a smile on his face, the troubles of the last day long forgotten. It was a new day now and his focus switched to the children of the orphanage. He decided to pass the park and take one of the less crowded streets to get to the old house.

He really loved the building that looked as if it had seen better days already, but he always got a cozy feeling once he entered the rather big entrance hall. Charly and Lissy were already sitting in the kitchen when Hae walked in to put the groceries into the fridge and the cupboards.

“Good morning ladies. I am sorry I didn't come back last night, but I was tired and walked home.”

“Don't worry Hae. We all had an eventful day I would say, but it is good you are back. The children surely would have started asking for you once they get downstairs” Lissy replied and got up to help her sister setting the table for breakfast. It was already 8 am and Donghae heard the first ones walking around and arguing around. It really wouldn't take long for the children to come down.

“Will you take care of the cooking again chef? You know the kids even seem to like their fruits and vegetables if they were cut by their one and only beloved Lee Donghae” Charly said jokingly.

The brunet just laughed and got his apron out of one of the cupboards to put it around his hips.

“At your service Ma'am” be bowed and walked to the fridge to get what he needed to prepare a yummy but still healthy breakfast for the children. In fact he took an extra class at his university to learn how to cook well. But before Hae could do anything the doorbells rang and he went out of the kitchen to open the door, suddenly freezing on the spot. What he saw in front of him was nearly impossible, it just couldn't be true.

It was like a small miracle.

_____________________________________________

Hey everyone!!

I am finally back with a new chapter. I am sorry about the long wait but gosh finals kept me busy.

Still I survived the written ones and now only the orals are left.

And I am happy we are finally getting somewhere in this story. Let's see who will be the one standing in front of the door.

Anyway only a few chapters left and we will be into the heart of the story that has a huge plot but well, I guess it isn't that much of a bad thing. A lot of mysteries about that pasts and relationships of the characters will be lifted, so stay tuned.

Until next time please all of you stay healthy and most of all be happy and seize the day!!

Yours Slade