It was October 20 and it had been two months since I last saw Hanbin. Our last meeting was in Japan in the convenience store, where I ate two packs of ice cream and him two Pringle containers.

Since then, Hanbin has been real busy with Mix and Match preps. Word is that he rarely came to the dorm anymore. He often slept at the YG building and only went to the dorm to shower. The iKON guys were so busy that they couldn’t make it to the monthly potlucks. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I found myself missing Hanbin. I wanted to know how he was doing but I knew it best not to disturb him.

I, meanwhile, busied myself with practically nothing. I worked out now and then, visited the YG building just to say hi to oppas and unnies, and spent literally the whole day at the dorm in front of the piano to compose songs.

I was at the YG building alone that day, both my manager and stylist were on their day off. I had a recording session with Masta Wu oppa for a collaboration with Suhyun (yay!), but Suhyun couldn't make it to the studio that day because she was performing at an event with Chanhyuk.

It was typical Masta Wu oppa to be late, so I wandered around the YG building. There were only two security guards waiting at the entrance doors and probably no one else.

I left my bag at the studio and took the stairs. As I walked down a flight or two, I heard music blaring from a practice room. It was 10cc’s I’m Not In Love – my song. It was so loud that I was sure the music could be heard throughout the whole building.

I peeked into the practice room where the music was coming from; it was the practice room reserved for the iKON boys. From the small window slit, I saw no one so I quietly pushed the door open to let myself in.

I approached the computer where the music was coming from; I thought someone must have forgotten to turn it off.

Beside the computer, though, I saw Hanbin, in the same fetal position he was in when he cried in front of my dorm, though this time he wasn't shaking. He had his back against the mirror wall, his head tucked between his knees with his hands hugging them. Although I couldn't see his face, I could tell it was Hanbin from the clothes alone; a Mickey Mouse snapback.

"Hanbin-ah," I greeted as I sat down next to him.

Hanbin looked up.

"," he jumped back. "You scared me."

"Hi," I greeted again, smiling.

"Hi," he replied, with a slight smile on his face.

"Everything alright?" I knew something was wrong. It was 6 in the morning and Hanbin was alone in the practice room with music on so loud.

Hanbin hesitated. He opened his mouth as if to say something but closed it again. He took a deep breath. This happened at least five times before he finally talked.

"My dad was arrested," Hanbin finally said. Surprisingly, he was smiling, though a really sad and weary one. I opened my mouth to say something, but he stopped me before I did. "Don't say anything. Don't pity me. I'm alright."

I studied his face. I knew he was gulping back tears. The last I heard was that his dad was fired for embezzling funds from the company he worked on. I had no idea he would be arrested. I knew it was especially hard for Hanbin, since he’s the oldest son with such a young baby sister and a stay-at-home mother.

"I won't pity you, but you can cry if you want," I said nonchalantly. This tough guy act really needs to stop.

And he did.

He hid his face between his arms. He cried and cried until his soft cry turned into a sob, then onto small hiccups. I watched him while trying to decide whether I should console him or let him cry in peace. I decided the latter.

"You know, bottling up all your feelings like that can literally drive you insane. It's okay to cry, Hanbin-ah. No one would expect you to be fine in this situation," I said after his hiccups died down.

"I have to be strong for the boys. For Hanbyul. For my mom," he sniffled.

"Well they're not here right now, so you can let your guard down a little," I chuckled.

We stayed quiet and listened to the song, which had now changed to Epik High oppa’s It’s Cold, which I featured in. To cheer him up, I started singing my parts, and rapping Tablo oppa’s verses with a mock swag, borrowing Hanbin’s snapback. Hanbin, meanwhile, jokingly tried to sing my parts and failed miserably.

“You’ve learned well, student,” Hanbin laughed, patting my head as the son