What just happened?

Hanbin and I stood there for a while, looking deep into each other’s eyes, unsure of what had just happened.

We’ve hung out plenty of times and often it was just the two of us, late at night on the rooftop of the YG building. There would be moments in those times where the air was different. After the laughing and giggling faded, we would look at the other’s eyes, sometimes longingly. It was no longer just the friendly look — it was something entirely different. Something I had never felt before.

Of course, both of us being inexperienced in relationships, we would usually just clear our throats and look away, being anything but discreet. But there was always something left hanging; something left unsaid.

Now I understood what should have happened those handful of times we looked at each other.

My heart was pounding so fast that I was sure Hanbin and probably everyone in the studio could hear it. Hanbin hands were still cupping my cheeks, which felt hot and probably turned bright red by now. I was still looking into his eyes, my whole entire body tingling while trying to comprehend the kiss. Our lips still gaped open, unable to move or say a word. I replayed the scene over and over again in my head.

Then I started to think about everything. And by everything, I mean everything. Why did he kiss me? What did that kiss mean? Are we dating now? If we date, what about Hanbin’s fans? What about our careers? What if people find out?

And... do I kiss him back?

Yes. I wanted to kiss him back.

Without putting much thought into my actions, I leaned forward, stood on my toes (Hanbin was so much taller than me) and slowly placed my lips on his.

I stayed there for at least two seconds before he returned the kiss, this time more agressive. He held me, one hand on my waist while the other on the nape of my neck, while both my hands ran through his hair.

We both crossed the invisible boundary, and broke the unspoken oath to never cross the line that we had so delicately maintained. We were so far beyond the boundary that we could no longer see the line.

But I didn’t care. All I could think of was how much I loved Hanbin right then and there.

Wait, what? Do I love him?

—

“Unnie.”

It was that time of the year. The time to torture myself at the gym because my come back is close (finally!).

I had finished cardio and was now resting before the squats and the lifts. And the whole time I was there, all I could think of was Hanbin and what had happened between us in the music video set almost two months ago. It started off innocently but had somehow ended up—

“Unnie!!!” Sohyun yelled. She had probably been calling my name 10 times but my head wasn’t here in the gym, it was at the set, two months ago, with Hanbin.

“What?! Stop yelling, geez,” I said, finally snapping back to reality.

“What is up with you lately, unnie?” Sohyun said, visibly annoyed by my lack of attention. “I was asking how the preparation for your comeback is coming along.”

“Oh yeah, so far so good,” I said. “Everything’s ready, all I need to do now is work out to look good in front of the cameras.”

It was now November 2015. These past two months, Hanbin had been busy with iKON’s debut, and I had equally busy preparing for my comeback. I was now with HIGHGRND, a sub-label under YG Entertainment, and I was given the freedom to produce the kind of music I wanted and enjoyed.

The catch was, I now rarely visited the YG building. Meaning that I rarely got to see Hanbin any longer.

Sure, we lived in the same building, but we were rarely ever there, especially now with the debut and comeback.

After that night at the set, Hanbin and I have only seen each other a handful of times, and none of which was without the presence of at least one iKON members (Junhoe that punk following Hanbin everywher