drowning in the bass-heavy electronic tunes i drown myself in shots of god-knows-what. vodka? probably. i've lost my clarity hours ago when i started chugging down alcoholic drinks, feeling the ethanol seep into my veins, slowly blurring my sense of reality, dropping me to where all i could make out were psychedelic shapes and blinding neon lights.

i could've sworn i was a good drinker, rather, i had self-control when it came to drinking. i guess, habits change when the circumstances bid for it. i have lost almost every ounce of lucidity and i just hoped i was not going to have any part of myself compromised with me being so intoxicated.

or, whatever, since i've already lost what i considered the most important in my life.

i guess when you get your heart broken you choose to forget all other rational thoughts and focus on the excruciating pain (was it that painful is what you'd ask yourself days, months, years from now and wonder how you made it through, but now you were suffering and that was reason enough). taking a selfish yet derogatory attitude towards yourself, you adopt an escapist mode of thought, run away through different means.

for me i choose to indulge in things that remove the sensitivity in my mind and heart. things like these aren't usually healthy, which is exactly why i'm here, exposing my ears to music i wouldn't listen on a daily basis at such unreasonable volumes, hurting my liver, enduring the way my head spins to no end and i still chug chug chug down these drinks that appear unceasingly.

"do you wanna have some fun tonight"

i feel a hand brush the bared skin of my shoulders and i shrug off in annoyance, downing another shot.

that stranger waits and it is not before i throw a curt "no" that he leaves me.

i would like to put down my love story (and the end of it) here but as you can tell i'm not in my most coherent state of mind to do so. all i know is the pain is still here, ing resonating like a depressed love song and i can't let it stay and linger in my nerves for it only stings and cuts so deep i am sure i am rendered immobile (and it's not from the amount of alcohol i'm consuming).

staying still , though, because i feel the battle between the alcohol and the pain gushing in my body and i just want to toss everything into some nook and cranny of my mind and just let. it. go.

i uncurl my legs from the bar stool and swirl myself to face the dance floor. i stand, regain my compure and stagger towards it. i may be a girl but i'm not exactly sane and i'm also gay (did i mention i just broke up with my ex-girlfriend? she was the most beautiful and kind and caring and loving girl in my life and i remember her hair dyed with pink tips falling over my face as we kissed and i just dont understa—) oh look, i'm against the back of some tall girl, my waist around her, and she isn't too taken aback at me. instead she turns around wraps her arms around my neck and we are so close i can taste the alcohol dancing on her lips as she breathes heavily, her face glinting with perspiration.

my self-esteem had dwindled to zilch the day i was left a spinster (this is taking a little too far but just let me wallow in self pity for tonight) but i guess alcohol can resolve it — removing your insecurities and implanting some false sense of charm and confidence that is now me hitting on and dancing with a girl i barely just met (that's where you take into consideration her features — i may be drunk but i could make out the sharpness of her nose, the eyeliner marking her upper eyelids and her jet black hair pulled back into a slick ponytail)

the sane and sober me in the morning wouldn't approve of me doing this but it is twilight and i imagine myself in less than sober states the days following so i guess i will be leaving that part of me behind for awhile (although i do hope she'll forgive me when i return to myself)

the girl's hand is tracing the curve of my neck down to the bend of my shoulder blade and i look down, my body is starting to shiver in anticipation as i watch her palms draw lower lower lower all ready to slip through the end of my shirt.

and suddenly (or maybe only because my intoxicated eyes are not able to process it fast enough) i feel a shove and i'm being bumped and twirled around. i feel a warm hand gripped around my wrist but the sea of people is preventing me from connecting the hand to the entire body of the person. the soft small hand feels vaguely familiar but it could be the pain or the alcohol trying to make senseless irrelevant connections to my past in the hopes of healing and recuperation.

a breath of fresh air hits me when i come to realize i'm at the far corner of the club, away from the dance floor, the music being reduced to a low thumping and all i see is the outline of the most familiar face i've come to love (loved?).

"irene?" i barely manage a squeak.

i blink my eyes repeatedly because i really did not want to fall into a sea of delusion only to wake up the next morning realizing i was still on my bed feeling the cold sheets where her warmth once used to occupy.

i lean against the wall, confused, trying desperately to regain some form of sobriety and my whole body finally feels the crushing weight i've put it through tonight — i slump further back onto the wall. my eyes are burning, oh, those are hot tears in the process of being produced and i feel so out of place i do not know what is real or what i want to be real and is this really her and irene tell me is this really you and and —

she traces gently her fingers against the coolness of my jaw and i shiver because of the familiar touch. she steps a little closer and i catch a wisp of the shampoo she always uses on her hair and this is a different kind of intoxication, i tell myself.

i close my eyes, trying to compose myself, breathing in and out as regularly as i can.

i feel a pair of lips softly but firmly press against my open ones and i feel my shoulders lose their tension, sinking in relief. my hands trace the curves of her small waist and i pull her closer. her kisses travel to the nape of my neck and up to my ear and my breath quickens again.

she manages a whispers that i wasn't sure if i would wake up the next morning completely in belief all that was going on now had indeed transpired.

"i'm back, wan-ah"

----

a/n: (inspired from the song) i love club/bar stories even though i don't approve of it in reality lol sigh, the thrill of it though... hehehe. sorry i'm not done with seasons, i'm still busy with school (i will be for the next few weeks) so maybe i could entertain you guys if you wanna ask me lame stuff/questions on my ask.fm/bloodscrolls?! (i need a break from school anyway so pls, help me out.)

hope yall liked this simple shot & have a great day ahead :)