a/n: of course inspired by the song. it's been awhile (i've been meaning to write this but time has been a ) and this is short, but i hope you still enjoy it :)

seulgi understands the workings of the cosmos (sometimes, most times, she thinks). she understands that the universe is vast, and she, a mere speck, has no significance in all its vastness. she, a mere speck, has no power in affecting the workings of the world. she has allowed herself to be swept by the so-called natural state of things, to go with the ebb and flow of the earth, and love, always love.

she understands she has no control over who her heart beats for and questions if the chordae tendineae in her heart was not tuned when her mother first borned her. afterall, she was certain her heartstrings should not be plucked by a girl, a very beautiful girl, or a girl who was her best friend, or a girl who was her best friend and definitely taken by the most popular boy in school. she sighs with a breath of resignation, she takes what she can get.

being with wendy is good enough. even if it means having a third party (oh the irony) come in between them.

"where are you?" she hears the husky voice over her mobile phone.

"on my way."

"i'll be waiting!!!" wendy replies excitedly, drawing out the ending syllable and makes seulgi's heart flutter a little more than before. she paddles a little harder towards the house of wendy's other half. she tries not to frown at the thought of that term.

a knock on the door and she feels herself drowning in the richness that is wendy's eyes. before she makes an attempt to calm her nerves, she is pulled into a tight hug and she feels like she is home. but no, not really, because with wendy's release, she is pulled into the crushing suffocating embrace of him, reeking of cologne and cheap beer.

wendy pulls her onto the counter, and smokes a cigarette, teasing seulgi as she leans into her a little too close for comfort and exhales the fumes into her face. seulgi inevitably breathes them in, feels the fumes sink in her chest and rise to her brain, dizzy with smoke and so much infatuation that she almost forgets wendy is just her best friend. she leans towards wendy before she is slightly jolted by wendy tracing her cigarette on seulgi's lips and seulgi takes it, breathes it all in, uses the smoke to convince herself this is enough. the smoke mars the truth that wendy is not hers but it's enough. because if she can't have wendy, she'll just have to take what she can get.

----

she closes her eyes and feels burn with the menthol and heat of the cigarette. she is transported back to when wendy takes her out again with her boyfriend, remembers herself refusing because she simply hates the idea of third-wheeling and seeing the person she loves pressed against the body of another. "but it'll be fun, i promise. and i missed you," she remembers wendy say as she grasps her hands earnestly. it's hard to say no to love and eyes that resemble the galaxies anyway, seulgi tries to argue for her lack of resolve.

in the vast openness of the field, the car pulls over. all seulgi sees are the trees, the dusty sand and smallness of houses below her eye level, that is, until her eyes stay glued onto wendy spinning around like she is in her own world, dancing to the tunes reverberating only in the nerve fibres of her own mind. seulgi still doesn't know what song she was dancing to, and likes to think it is the same song they used to sing along at their sleepovers. her eyes trace wendy's physique, from the lusciousness of her brown hair, to the smooth curve of her neck that edges out to her small shoulders and winding down to her tiny waist and toned legs, and seulgi has to stop herself from wanting to run her hands all over her best friend. she remembers another time wendy invites her for an afternoon swim and catches herself accidentally watching wendy change. ever since then she's got the bumps of wendy's spine memorized and wants to feel for herself how toned her abdominal muscles are. she clenches her fists hard and calms herself down, resumes watching wendy as if entranced by a ballerina box. she tilts her head to her side, smiles and watches endearingly as wendy twirls around in blithe.

a smack of the baseball bat to the ball shocks her to her senses, and she remembers why she is really here as she looks at him, slowly making his way towards wendy. in the expanse of where they are, seulgi can only feel the crushing burden of being a best friend and powerless individual who cannot stop loving someone she shouldn't love and cannot make someone fall in love with her. 

----

there are days when seulgi thinks wendy could like her back too, days when they are seated cross-legged from each other in the corner of seulgi's room and seulgi paints wendy's nails. she picks her hand up delicately and with a clean , brushes across wendy's nail. she feels wendy's finger twitch, so slightly she could've missed it, looks up and catches wendy looking back at seulgi in a way that makes her insides churn and her heart hurt, in a way that seems to say "i wish this was ok, but it isn't so this is it." the look never leaves seulgi's mind, because it seems to recur in the many moments they have together, like when wendy applies lipgloss for seulgi in return for the beautiful nail art. she leans in closer to get a firmer grip, places her hand gently on seulgi's thigh to steady herself and seulgi in response tries to steady her breathing. she focuses on the lipgloss approaching her lips, her eyes tilted down so they do not have to meet wendy's eyes that seem to drown her in unceasing want for air that can only be fulfilled by wendy's lips. but she hears an almost inaudible sigh that leaves wendy's lips and looks up at her best friend. she sees those eyes that pull her in like magnets. this time, however, seulgi senses it is more different. wendy's eyes seems to be hiding some restraint that she fails to conceal successfully, her eyebrows furrowed as seulgi sees wendy visibly try to swallow down her saliva, and all the other things she wishes to keep from seulgi. and these are still the things that make seulgi want her more. it is only when wendy blinks that both of them snap out of their infatuated trance and resume their activities, albeit in an awkward but pregnant silence.

----

this is the day she breaks, seulgi thinks. her walls of resolve and restraint and false obliviousness are close to crumbling when people stream in to the house the way alcohol is overflowing from the cups. seulgi swallows the usual sights of random make-out sessions, but it is when he grabs wendy by her arm and starts grinding and feeling her up that she hears the walls within her crack little more. wendy pushes him away, tries to giggle and lighten the atmosphere, "you're drunk, babe," but knows it's not helping when he storms out and turns to see seulgi writhing in obvious discomfort, turning away from wendy's glance of an inexplicable expression (was that guilt?)

wendy leaves and awhile later seulgi grips her empty beer bottle still wet with condensation and similarly feels the emptiness of her best friend gone. she scours the area searching for wendy and finally finds her by the pool side.

---

"sorry."

seulgi hears her walls break somemore. "what are you sorry for?" she was upset before, but now she is just confused.

"i may have been lying to myself all this while. and it's not breaking only my heart."

"w-what? wendy, i don't get what-" seulgi tries to finish but with her best friend edging closer, she can't help but to reciprocate.

but the distance was never closed as a harsh tug on her hair slams her hard against a smooth rock nearby and she winces in pain. she later hears the faded murmurings that are really shoutings by wendy's boyfriend who is fuming at her.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME? OF ALL PEOPLE, HER?"

she slowly turns her head to see wendy bowed down in submission and powerlessness, tears b in her eyes as her boyfriend lashes out at her. and finally seulgi hears everything within her crack, the walls crumbling to dust, igniting a new fire that cannot be extinguished. she stands up, wobbly at first, before mustering all the strength she has to punch him in the head. he falls, and she towers over him, sending multiple blows before wendy pulls her away and they're running as fast as they can now.

her heart is beating loudly in her ears and she can feel the blood rush in her veins, her legs carrying her to safety. they finally stop and they're panting so hard seulgi thinks it hurts even more than when she first realized how wendy could take away her breath. but their eyes stay fixated on each other as their chests heave non-stop. wendy looks at seulgi with a pained expression, and reaches out to wipe her bloodied cut lip with her thumb. she's a small speck in the universe, seulgi understands, but now feels the charge of a shooting star shoot through her as wendy grazes her lip. powered with a newfound electricity seulgi pulls wendy in by the back of her neck and kisses her so hard her wounded lips hurt, but pain never felt so good and so, so worth it before. she can feel wendy's palm resting on her cheek, just slightly touching her neck and ears and they're so close seulgi wants to cry. because it's the closest they've ever been and it's the only closeness she wants to feel from now on. so she starts crying, crying so hard that wendy smiles a small smile, because if they thought what they had before was enough, then this, this is definitely more than that.

this is perfect. this is love.