joohyun remembers the time they first met, two years ago: tongue tied, not because she was in love (she didn't know that would be part of the reason, too), but because she knew this girl hailed from canada, played four instruments and was a pretty darn good singer. placed on a pedestal, joohyun wondered then if they could ever be friends.

"hi, my name is seungwan, i'm 18 years old this year," the entire sentence enters joohyun's mind like an incoherent ramble. she starts by picking out words she understands "hi", right, "my name", right, "18???"... she begins reciting the numbers in english in her head... "18", right. and maybe she took a little too long, so seungwan switches to imperfect korean and introduces herself, albeit nervously and in a stuttering state. language was perhaps the biggest barrier for them.

she knows she should mingle more with the canadian, try to pick some english so that they can converse more and be the friends they should be since they're going to debut as a girl group anyway. it is selfish if seungwan is the only one trying to pick up korean all the time to assimilate herself. as if getting the hang of korean culture isn't enough, she has to understand the syntax and grammar and lexicon of the language as well. joohyun tries to empathize, but everytime she hears herself speak a few words of english, she groans in disgust and tells herself maybe it is better to shut up. her friendship with seungwan progresses very slowly, but definitely.

sometimes seungwan watches her from afar, sees her trying, and appreciates the effort. it isn't necessary, she thinks, so she walks over wraps her arm around joohyun, whispers "thank you for trying" and leaves joohyun with furrowed eyebrows and a hardworking brain processing, although with much arduousness, the mere four words.

---

seungwan knows the korean culture is a funny one, even more so the kpop culture. fans seem to adore her and joohyun being together and yet she knows clearly at the back of her head that it shouldn't ever materialize into reality. yet when a clingy joohyun wraps her arm around seungwan's own arm, slides her fingers down and laces between the gaps of seungwan's fingers, she turns her head to see how close joohyun is, can almost smell her shampoo (true, they all use the same one, but seungwan thinks love segregates and makes all experiences unique, even scent), she knows this isn't just the mere feeling derived from fan service. there's a growing urge within her that she cannot put a finger to, her stomach lurches forward so hard she feels herself want to crash on top of joohyun and make her feel incredible things, because if joohyun feels incredible, then she feels incredible, too. she wants so badly to hide behind the flashes of camera, screaming fans, to retreat into their dilapidated dorm, onto the bed where joohyun lays. in the quiet of the night she stills feels intensely the inexplicable urge inside her, her heart racing in her ears, but she knows she is safe.

ever since joohyun answered in an interview she wanted to room with seungwan, playful frivolous seulgi and sooyoung conspire and throw seungwan out of her bedroom, and she finds herself in joohyun's room with two single beds pushed together. seungwan thinks that they do not talk much, but she still feels close to joohyun and she smiles because words aren't everything. maybe, definitely, joohyun feels the same way, because when she answered "seungwan" in the interview, it was only after she recalled the times seungwan woke up earlier than all of them to prepare breakfast, or when she did the chores, fixed the lights, tucked them into bed and joohyun especially, always enquiring if the leader was alright and coping well, that joohyun realized love cannot be expressed by words alone.

this feeling intensifies, when joohyun shivers in cold nights, and seungwan swiftly rolls over to her side and wraps her own blanket over joohyun and holds her close. joohyun remembers always sighing, feeling warmth emitting from her back. she knows she is safe from the harsh wintry weather that plagues korea. she too knows, in the dark of the night, seungwan cannot see her blush and she is safe.

---

the sky is crusted with thick heavy clouds and the wind howls, swinging doors back and forth, shaking the hinges of windows. temperature has dipped and the winter chill sets in, as usual, as always. seungwan walks around, closes their door shut for good, locks the windows to prevent further slamming. she slides into the bed and lays close to joohyun.

it's their free day tomorrow but they have retired to bed early, out of sheer fatigue. yet joohyun and seungwan lay restless in bed, stare limply at the ceiling with paint chipped off, feel their beds creak if they move too much. the silence is deafening, but it beats hearing the winds howl and feeling its harsh cold bite thereafter. seungwan laces her hands with joohyun's and realizes it is still cold, despite being in the room for half an hour already.

"you're still cold"

"yeah"

seungwan wraps her other hand over joohyun's, and rubs the hand between hers feverishly.

"it's ok, you don't have to."

"i want to"

seungwan asserts in english, ending the conversation. joohyun in fatigue and incomplete grasp of the english language, struggles to understand and formulate a relevant response, so she turns to seungwan and watches her. seungwan smiles, throws an arm over joohyun's waist and pulls her near. joohyun looks deep into seungwan's eyes, stares into an unending dark brown that holds the words she hasn't learnt in korean to say, and joohyun wonders what she did right to earn someone this precious. she wants to thank seungwan for always being there, wants to craft a 10 000 word essay to express her love for seungwan in poetic and lyrical ways but seungwan doesn't understand korean poetry and joohyun doesn't know the techniques to write one in english.

she tries, in the simplest way, and hopes it is enough for seungwan.

she pulls their interlocked hands up to the air, uses her free hand to trace over the bare skin of seungwan's forearm. she slowly spells "i love you" on her arm, and ends with a full stop. because her love for seungwan is simply that, no conditions or need for explanations, in its simple and unadulterated form.

seungwan pouts and then the words on her arm visualizes coherently in her head; she breaks into a grin and turns their interlocked arms over so joohyun's arm faces her, she replies "i love you too", but in korean this time.

the gleam of the moon seeps into their room and accentuates the features of joohyun's face, seungwan sees a tinge of red slowly daub her cheeks and a shy closed-mouth smile form on her lips. they both inch a little closer, closer now, and their lips meet in a chaste kiss.

words aren't everything, because in the months and years they have come and showered affection upon each other in various ways, in the times they have come and lain in bed together; in the times where they have held each other close in silence, they have come to realize their language barrier is surmountable.

afterall, love is a verb.

---

a/n: happy new year in advance :) this is the happy ending i would've liked to have in my life but i guess i can't always be the lucky one. i wonder if things will get better one day, hmm.

nonetheless, i hope you enjoyed this piece <3