hy... it's ben long time..

finally i'm able to update this fic..

its short..

but i hope u enjoy it...

comments are loved..

^^

***

Tell me what you want to hear.

Something that'll light these years.

Sick of all the insincere.

***

“Do you love me?” Jae asked me out of the blue this morning.

“Why did that you ask me that in sudden?” I asked him back, while I sipped my coffee slowly.

Jae looked upward, “It’s just that sometimes I feel that you didn’t feel the same as me.”

I put my cup slowly, “Of course, I love you Jae. No need to ask me ‘bout that.”

He looked at me with a bright smile plastered on his face. I couldn’t help but smiled too in return.

‘You are such a big fat liar’, the voice in my head said, made my heart clenched in an instant.

My smile fell. Yeah, I’m a liar. Jae’s not him.

I don’t love Jae. I just love him. Until now.

“Yunho-ah, it’s your fourth cup of coffee this morning, don’t drink it too much,” Jae said.

I just smiled lightly.

“Do you love the coffee that’s much, huh?” Jae raised his brows, “It’s bitter, I wonder why do you love it so much.”

“I love the taste,” I answered simply.

‘Liar,’ the voice said once more in the back of my head, ‘You know you don’t drink it because the taste. You drink it because he loved it so much.’

My grip on the cup tightened. I know I’m a liar. He was the one that loved coffee so much. I remember how’s his smile would grew bigger everytime I brought him this bitter liquid. I hate the taste. It’s too bitter for my liking. But seeing his smile always got me wonder to taste this liquid all over again. In the end, still, I didn’t like it.

“Let’s go somewhere today,” Jae asked as he put the dishes on the sink.

“Where?”

“Anywhere,” Jae answered, “I really want to get a fresh air.”

“okay.”

I waited for Jae to get ready.

“Yunho-ah, how do I look?” Jae asked as he stood before me.

“You look good, Jae,” I answered. Yeah, he did look really good.

“Just good?” Jae raised one of his brows.

“You are the most beautiful person that I’ve ever met, Jae,” I wrapped my arms around his waist.

Jae’s smile brightened as he put his arms around my neck and pulled me for a kiss.

‘It’s a lie, I know,’ I said before the voice reminded me again.

He’s the most beautiful person in the world that i’ve ever met. Not even Jae could passed him.

This vanilla scent of parfum that emitted from Jae’s body. It’s exactly smelled like him. The sweet scent that always brightened my bad days.

‘Of course it is, you idiot. You bought Jae this parfume because it’s that man’s favourite parfum, didn’t you,’ that annoying voice said again.

“Yunho-ah,” Jae called.

“Hmm?”

“What are you thinking about? You looked immersed in a deep thought?”

“Nothing, Jae, ” I lied. Because that what you wanted to hear, right Jae?

The insecurity that stayed on your eyes for second was faded away.

I miss you, I thought as a looked up on the bright sky. I miss you eyes, your scent, your smile, your laugh, everything about you.

It’s my fault, for letting you go years ago. Should I keep you by my side by the fact that you are the love of my life. But because of my stupid pride, I let you go.

Years passed, but still, all the memories of you remained. The pain never faded away. Knowing that I waste my chance to have you by my side.

Yesung-ah, how are you?

The cloud reminded me of you. Remember the times we spent where we just lied on the grass and looked at the sky? I miss those time. I miss having you by my side. If there are one truth that I dare to say, it’s that I really love you.

I knew it’s late, Yesung-ah. I always wished that I could get one more chance to love you. One more chance to do my best for you. One more chance to be loved again like you did to me back then.

Although my mind forced me to forget you, but my heart couldn’t do that. The voice that always bugging me is my guilt. Guilt for being a liar. I don’t know when would I stop being a liar.

Unconsciously, I tightened my grip of Jae’s hand. I was just realized that when Jae squeezed my hand back. 

I took a glance at Jae. I’m a jerk that I used Jae as your replacement. He’s different from you. I thought it’s karma that I always in pain because of my love for you.

Deep inside my heart, I knew that Jae realized all my lies. But I couldn’t bring my self to cut all those lies. Because I’m such a liar. I’ll say anything that Jae wanted to hear. That’s the least that I could do.