The sound of beeping and machinery wasn’t foreign to me anymore. I had been sitting next to Yongguk for two months, yet he still hadn’t shown any signs of waking up. The physical injuries were starting to heal and only small marks were visible on his face. Beside the serious injury to his head, Yongguk only had scrapes and cuts.

The most heartbreaking part was what I had to tell Jini. She didn’t understand what a coma was and I tried my best to tell her. 

“Daddy’s hurt, right mommy?” she asked me, playing with Yongguk’s fingers while visiting him. 

“Daddy’s just gotta sleep a lot to get better, baby.” I sighed, trying to tell her. 

Watching her sit next to him nearly everyday, telling him stories of her day, I was so hurt. She’d nudge him and poke him, hoping to get a response. But like any other time she’d try, Jini would still be disappointed, since Yongguk would show no response. 

I sat next to him and just stared at him. There wasn’t anything else that I could do. Although I knew that he couldn’t wake up if I sat there, I still did. I wanted to be there when he woke up. So I spent nearly every waking moment of my day in the hospital. Seeing the oxygen mask on his face, I sighed and hoped that he’s wake up. 

Through out the two months that Yongguk was asleep, nothing was normal. I had people from the media bombarding me with questions, paparazzi's following me whenever I went. Whether if I was picking up my daughter, or if I was visiting Yongguk, they’d follow me. With the amount of pressure and and stress I had, the media only added to the weight. 

Another problem we had was financial issues. Since Yongguk couldn’t do his music work, or go on tour, our income was slow and I found myself struggling to pay the bills and mortgage on time. The due dates were nearing, yet I didn’t have close to enough money. 

“When I grow up, I’m going to make lots of money to help you, mommy.” Jini hugged me, when I sat in bed, crying. 

Crying in front of Jini wasn’t something that I wanted to do, but the pressure just gets to a point where I couldn’t keep it in. Jini was only a child and I didn’t want to put any unnecessary pressure onto her. 

_______________

Sitting next to Yongguk one day, I had fallen asleep, resting my head on his bed. When I was woken up by someone patting my head slightly. I sat up quickly and looked around, seeing no one. But suddenly froze when I saw Yongguk look up at my, fully conscious. 

“Oh my gosh, Yongguk!” I gasped, “You’re awake. Uh I-“

He opened his mouth and tried talking, only to let out a struggled breath. He tried again, swallowing before he spoke. Although it was struggled and hard, he managed to croak out my name through his dry throat. 

I nodded and felt tears of joy b at my eyes. I reached out a hand to caress his cheek, feeling my whole life come back together. Having my best friend, my soulmate back into my life. Yongguk realized that he was in a strange place and looked around in shock.

“Where am I?” he said, looking suspiciously at the room. 

“You were just in a car accident. You’re in the hospital now. You’ve been in a coma for two months, Yongguk.” 

I tried explaining to him, which I shouldn’t have. Since he has just woken up and still dazed, I shouldn’t have fed him so much information to take in, it would have caused a shock, which lead to a very strong reaction.

“Where’s Kimhan?” he asked, looking around. “Why isn’t she here? Where’s Kimhan?”

I furrowed my eyebrows and didn’t understand what he meant. I didn’t know what he was referring to or what he wanted. But seeing my lack of reaction, Yongguk began panicking and throwing the covers off of himself. Before I could stand up and stop him, he had already tried to get out of bed. 

As soon as he stepped onto the ground, he fell right down. His legs were not yet used to his weight after two long months, so they gave right out when he stood up. 

“Oh my gosh, are you okay?” I gasped, trying to help him. 

“Where is she?” he cried, tears b in his eyes. “Where’s Kimhan?” 

It wasn’t until then that I understood him. Yongguk and I both knew a Kimhan. She was Yongguk’s ex girlfriend. But what bothered me most was why did he want to see her. His wife was right there, in front of him, yet he wanted to see his ex girlfriend. 

After his little break down, nurses and doctors came in, pulling me outside while they did their check ups. I sat nervously outside the room, still torn by the fact that he wanted to see his ex girlfriend. s started coming in, after I called them and were just as confused. 

_______________

“Memory loss or amnesia.” the doctor sighed. “He may not remember some things from the recent years.” 

I sat in my seat and tried not to cry. We had been through so much, yet there was another obstacle in our way. Yongguk sat on his bed, staring at the wall, I wasn’t sure of what he was thinking. As if lost in the moment.

“Do you know who I am?” I turned to him.

“You’re my best friend.” he sighed. “Why wouldn’t I know.”

“I’m your wife, Yongguk.” I said. “We’re married. We’ve been married for five years now.” 

He looked at me with blank, yet questioning eyes, as if I was lying to him. He didn’t believe me and continued to look at me expectingly, as if expecting me to tell him that I was joking. He swiftly shook his head and tried to let out a stifled laugh. 

“What? No.” he said. “I don’t remember falling in love with you. Or ever feeling that way about you. I’m in love with Kimhan.” 

Hearing those words coming from him made my heart squeeze and I couldn’t keep my eyes from watering. Yongguk, the man that meant the entire world to me, was saying that he didn’t remember loving me, or remember marrying me. 

“Yongguk, how old am I?” I asked, trying to pinpoint where his memory was at. 

“Uh.. seventeen. But you sure don’t look that same.” he chuckled. 

Seventeen. His memory was seven years late and to him, I was still that little girl best friend he had. To him, he was still desperately in love with Kimhan, the girl that could care less about his musical career. I breathed and tried to think of a way to tell him without, scaring or confusing him.  

“Yongguk, you were in a car accident and you’ve been in a coma for two months.” I said slowly. “You don’t remember now, but we’re married and we have a daughter together. Her name is Jini. Do you remember that?” 

He continued to stare at me, as if I was telling him the biggest lie. I looked into his eyes pleading, trying to stir some emotion, try to make him remember that he loved me and not a girl that he hadn’t heard from for eight years. But then, my heart dropped when he adverted my stare and looked at his hands, as if not buying the lie. 

“How do I know you’re not lying to me?” he asked. 

“Yongguk, I’m your wife. I’m your best friend. Don’t you trust me?” I shot back without a second thought.

He looked back up at me and was about to open his mouth, when there was hassle outside the door. The room door opened to s, all five of them and Jini in Himchan’s arms. 

“Daddy!” Jini cried, jumping off Himchan and rushing to his bedside. 

“Jini,” I said, holding her back. “Daddy needs a bit of space.” 

She looked up at me and frowned, not quite understanding why I was holding her away from her father. Yongguk stared at the little girl in front of him, then looked back at me, asking silently if it was what he thought it was. Asking me if Jini was his daughter. I nodded. 

“Hi daddy.” Jini smiled, waving at Yongguk. “Are you better?” 

Yongguk hesitated for a second. 

“Hi…Jini.” he said. “I uh… I’m fine.” 

Jini let out a giggle and freed herself from my grip, jumping onto the hospital bed next Yongguk. Her high pigtails too adorable for me to handle. For a moment, looking at my daughter made me forget that I was half broken because my husband didn’t remember me. It made me forget momentarily that we were having financial problems. 

I snapped out of my daze when I heard Jini laugh out of no where. She was probably only laughing because Yongguk was awake and that he could talk to her. Although he didn't say much to her, only staring at her in fascination. Suddenly she swung her tiny arms around his neck and brought his close roughly. 

“I missed you, daddy.” Jini whispered. 

Yongguk let her hug him like that for a while, not responding or reacted. He only just stared right ahead with wide eyes. But slowly, he rested a hand on her waist and rubbed her back with his other hand. Seeing that scene broke my heart. Jini was Yongguk’s world and there I was, witnessing his blank and confused eyes dart the entire room. 

“Okay, come on, Jini.” I swallowed a lump in my throat, carrying her off the bed and into my arms. “Daddy has to rest.” 

“Are you crying, mommy?” Jini looked at my face. 

I shook my head and turned to the other members, still standing at the doorway, as shocked and as hurt as I was. I handed Jini to Himchan and asked them all to wait outside. As I faced the door, I made sure to dry my face before turning back to look at Yongguk. 

“I don’t remember her.” Yongguk said softly. “You don’t know how hard it is when a little girl comes in and claims to be your daughter. A daughter that I don’t remember having.” 

“Yong-“ 

“Then my best friend claims that we’ve been married for five years. It just feels like I’ve woken up from a nap and everything’s changed. That’s not easy to take in, okay? I’m still in love with Kimhan and I can’t feel that way about you. I’m sorry.” 

I sat there and stared at him, trying to control my emotions. The doctors said that mood swings and extreme emotions were very common for people who have woken up from a coma. I tried to understand, but it just hurt so damn much. 

“What do you want me to do, Yongguk?” I asked. “Tell me and I’ll do it for you. I’ll do anything for you.”

“Just,” he sighed, running a hand through his dark hair. “Just let me set my priorities straight. Let me just know where I want to be and who I want to be with.” 

I walked out of the room, not able to take anymore.