He woke me up at 6:00 am every morning, kissed me on the cheek and said “Morning princess.”

He did this every single day until the semester ended; it was a grueling cycle because every morning, I sat there in bed for a good fifteen minutes frustrated as .

My hands were always curled up into a fist from clinging onto the bedding so hard. Jongin said he loved me every single day and I had to respond with “I love you too” when I knew very well that I didn’t.

Everything was a lie to me; I only loved Jongin because the book said so. I believed in the book and thought it was right, I believed that my life was planned out and that everything would fall into place. I believed in it for the longest time until I met Sehun.

I threw the book into a corner of my closet and locked it up, refusing to believe that Jongin was my true love and the fact that Sehun was just a friend.

How could Jongin be my true love?

When he pulled me close and kissed me, it felt wrong.

When he hugged me in my sleep and nuzzled my shoulder, it felt wrong.

When he sent me cute texts and picked me up after class, it felt wrong.

Everything seemed so out of place and so artificial, so forced…so fake.

When he brought me out on dates and took pictures of me posting them on social media, I felt like an object that existed so a man named Kim Jongin could idolize and love me.

The book claimed him as my soul mate but I thought it was all bull , it must’ve been a one sided thing or what they called unrequited love.

I’d rather wake up in the morning alone than wake up and tell him I love him even if I didn’t. There comes a point when it’s not that I don’t care but I can’t, and today is that day. Tomorrow will be that day as well, and so will the next and the next…

He tells me every morning that he’s grateful to have me in his life, and that he needs me more than anything but I beg to differ; more than anything, I want to walk out of his life right ing now because I don’t think I belong there anymore. I never did.

It’ll when I tell him because we were once so close but suddenly he’ll mean nothing to me.

Jongin comes home late on the last day of class before winter break. It’s three in the morning and I’m sitting on the counter with my energy drink and my bag packed for the break.

He comes over and drops his bags on the counter before kissing me on the cheek. “Baby why didn’t you sleep yet?” He asks.

I look him straight in the eyes and get up. “I’m going away for the break.” I say with a stoic expression.

He furrows his brows. “B-Break?”

“I’m sorry…I know you wanted to go snowboarding and but…” I shake my head. “Jongin, I can’t do this.”

“M-Miyeon…” He looks at me with pained eyes. “What…you can’t do this? What’s that supposed to mean?”

For some reason, my eyes water a bit and the back of my throat burns from the guilt. “I don’t love you.” I whisper.

He’s speechless for a second before walking towards me. “Miyeon-“

I back away and shake my head. “Jongin I can’t…I can’t stay with someone I don’t love.” My arms are shaking and he looks scorned.

“Why? What’d I do wrong?” He asks softly. Then he shakes his head and there are tears in his eyes. “Miyeon you can’t do this to me…you…Remember that summer after I asked you out? You vowed to love me forever…”

“I was eighteen damn it.” My eyes are rimmed red and my throat burns. “I rushed … I was in such a hurry to…to find someone for no reason and I rushed.”

“You’re just going to throw all these months we spent together away?”

“Why can’t I?”

Jongin looks away and clenches onto the bottom of his trench coat tightly. “You’ve never loved me? This entire time we were together…you…There wasn’t even a day when you loved me?”

I shook my head. “I thought I did… But I don’t.”

He comes over to me and grabs my jaw, slamming his lips against mine; he kisses me until I find strength to push him away.

Tears slide down my cheeks as I cover my mouth.

“You meant the world to me, God dammit Miyeon.” His eyes are angry and sad at the same time. “You meant the ing world to me…I told my parents about you…I told all my friends about you.”

“All this time you meant nothing to me.” I retort back, I’m crying and he looks horrified when I tell him that.

“How…could you…”

“You meant nothing to me. I’d rather be alone than have to lie to you every morning…telling you I love you when I don’t.”

Jongin looks like someone just ripped his heart out.

“Let me go.” I whisper. “Just let me go…”

“I can’t…” He looks at me. “Miyeon, you’re …stressed out from school. You’re saying things because life is over whelming…we’re not ending things, not like this.” He whispers.

“They say loving someone who doesn’t love you is like hugging a cactus…because the longer you hold on the more it hurts.”

He looks up at me.

“Don’t reserve a place in your heart for someone who won’t make an effort to stay.”

There’s a period of silence before I look up again.

“Jongin…let’s…take a break.”

I grab my bag and head out, leaving him in tears as he stands by the counter bewildered by what happened.

It’s a thirty minute drive from our apartment to my house. Luhan’s standing outside waiting for me when I get there. I called him earlier telling him that I’d be home for winter break.

“Miyeon!” He smiles as I step out of the car, then that smile disappears when he sees my dark eyes and smudged mascara. “Mi...yeon…”

I look at him with a sad smile and hand him my bag.

He leaves me alone in my room for a few hours, I could hear him on the phone with Jongin and never in my life have I heard someone cry that loudly before.

“You…You said all those things to him?” Luhan asks as he comes into my room. “To Jongin?”

“We had a fight.” I mumble.

“Miyeon!”

I look up and he’s frustrated.

“Why? You guys were getting along so well…”

I shrug and put my hood over my head. “I don’t know.” I simply say.

“Yes you do.” He sits next to me. “You’re doubting something…”

I hate how he can read me like an open book.

“You didn’t mean half those things you said, you were just angry and wanted to get a point across. You always do that…but what was the point of that argument?”

I look him straight in the eye. “I had to prove…that…”

“That?”

“I don’t love Jongin…I never did.” 

[a/n]: MIA for so long, i'm sorry!!! 
Comments are much appreciated! 

Happy holidays everyone! Gosh, 2015 is so soon, where has all the time gone? o.o