I was staring at my computer Sunday afternoon, nothing getting done.

 

I had forty-two names to organize into three lists: Junior Varsity, Varsity, and cut.

 

It was an even harder task because I didn't know virtually anyone who had tried out. A few were in some of my classes, and that made it a bit easier to put faces to names, but for most of them I had to go straight off my notes.

 

I knew I wanted no more than fifteen on each squad. That meant twelve cuts, but it was a big school. After about half an hour, I had the Varsity list made, I still hadn't touched JV, and there was still the question of captains.

 

Varsity captain was where I went next. I looked down the list, trying to make my decision. Of course only one name stood out: Lee chaerin .

 

I knew that my feelings aside, the spot should go to her. She was far better than anyone else who had tried out. But still, a position as captain meant that I would have to work more closely with her. I might have to meet with her alone. And did I want that for myself? Did I want that kind of pressure? I was just setting myself up.

 

I sighed, pushing the computer away. It was all getting so, so complicated.

 

I heard the door to my apartment open as taeyeon let herself in with the key I'd given her.

 

"Hey, baby," she said, putting her bag down on the kitchen counter and kissing my forehead. I forced a smile. I felt guilty just looking at her.

 

"Hi," I