I sat there frozen to the spot. It can’t be true can it? He was fine when I left this morning.

“You’re lying right? You have to be. It’s not true. He’s fine and he’s at home waiting for me.”

I said, my voice shaking.

“I’m not lying and I’m afraid that there’s more bad news.”

Covering my ears, I looked down, tears gathering in my eyes ready to spill at any moment.

“Don’t. Don’t…tell…me.”

I said pausing in between each word.

“Your mother died in a car accident after leaving the hospital. She died on impact.”

“No…no...”

Shaking my head back and forth, I didn’t want to believe it. This is all just a bad dream. It’s just a dream. Any moment now I’ll wake up to my mother cooking in the kitchen, my father snoring quietly in the other room.

“I’m sorry.”

Suddenly getting up, I yelled “YOU’RE LYING!”

I ran out of the room, tears streaming down my face and Mr. Lee yelling after me telling me to get back. I ran and I ran not knowing where I was going. Finally after I couldn’t breathe any longer from all the running and crying, I stopped and sat on the ground. Dead. Mom and dad are dead. Letting out a scream, I curled myself up into a ball and cried. I don’t know how long I stayed there or how long In Ho was watching me. I was vaguely aware of being moved into his arms. When the tears stopped rolling down my face, I remembered looking up into In Ho face and thinking, what is he doing here? I was exhausted, my breath slowed, everything seemed to be spinning, and my eyes beginning to feel heavy. Slowly darkness surrounded me and I gave in.

~~~

Slowly I opened my eyes to darkness, I was momentarily confused. Where was I? How long was I out? Finally looking around, I realized that I was at home in my bed. Thank god, it was all a dream. It wasn’t real. Or I hoped it wasn’t real. Quickly getting up, I ran over to the door and swung it open. Sitting on the couch was not my mom or dad, but Kim In Ho. I knew then that it wasn’t a dream. It had all been real.

“Finally up sleepy head?”

I just stood there and stared at him hoping that my mom and dad would walk around the corner. But neither of them came. Tears started to gather in my eyes and I tried my best to hold them back.

“Don’t cry on me again.”

Getting up, he walked over to where I was standing and placed his hand on top of my head.

“It’s okay. I’ll be here for you.” He said with such tenderness that the tears began to fall down my face.

Moving forward, I circled my arms around his waist and hugged him and he hugged my back. We stood there for a while like that, just him and me. Finally we broke apart and I wiped my tears with the sleeve of my shirt. Looking at myself, I realized that I was still in my school uniform. Giving a little laugh, I looked at In Ho and said,

“I must look terrible.”

“Very.” He said with a smile on his face.

Playfully punching him in the arm and I left to go take a long hot shower. The water running over my body, I felt so much better. Still nothing could ever heal that emptiness in my heart that I was feeling. I stood there with my eyes closed and let all the memories I had with my parents flash through my mind.

No more food waiting for me when I got home, no more kisses from my dad. No more hearing my parents’ laughter that raised my spirits. No more “I love you” and hugs from them before I left for school and most of all, no more memories to be shared with.  I felt the sting in the back of my eyes and forced myself not to cry. They would want me to be strong and move on. So I told myself that I won’t cry anymore. It’s time to be a big girl now.

Finally after soaking in the shower for some time, I got out and dressed myself. Walking into the living room, In Ho had ordered some food and had set it up on the table.

“I thought maybe you would be hungry, so I got some food.”

“Thank you.” I said as I sat down on the floor across from him.

I sat there for a moment just staring at him. Why was he being so nice to me? I mean, we did just start talking to each other. But I dismissed the thought and never thought about it again for sometime.

“Feeling better?” He asked.

“Yeah, much better. Though not as much as I would like.”

“Eat then, it’ll make you feel at least a bit better.”

“Okay.”

When we finished eating, In Ho decided he wanted to take me somewhere.

“Come on, let’s go.” He said pulling me out the door.

“I don’t feel like going anywhere.” I whined and resisted him.

“Come on, I’m just trying to make you feel better and this will help you.”

“No. I don’t want to!”

“Fine, I’ll do it the hard way.”

Picking me up, he threw me over his shoulder. I gave a scream out outrage and hit him on the back trying to get him to let go of me.

“Put me down!”

“No.” He said and walked out the door.

He carried me like that all the way to the bus station. I was so embarrassed that my face was bright red as we climbed onto the bus.

“You didn’t have to carry me all the way you know.”

“I know. I just felt like it.” He said with a big grin on his handsome face.

Looking away, I stared out the window as the world outside flew by thinking where in the world he was taking me. After some time, the bus stopped and he told me to follow him. So I did. I stepped out of the bus and walked with him until we reached a beach. I took off my shoes and walked to the water’s edge. It was breath taking, standing under the stars, the wave splashing on shore, the water glittering.

“What do you think?” Came In Ho’s voice from behind me. Turning around, I gave him a big smile.

“It’s beautiful.

“That it is.”

Walking up besides me, he stared out into the water.

“So, why did you bring me here?”

“I already told you, to make you feel better.”

He tilted his head towards me. He looked into my eyes and I could tell that he could see my pain.

“Also, I thought you would like to scream. Just let it out Hana. Just let out all your pain in a scream.”

Our eyes held for a moment. I wanted to scream. Scream my lungs out and yell at my parents for leaving me. I wanted to so bad that I did just that.

“WHY!? WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME!?”

Tears blurred my vision and I let out a heart wrenching scream.