How could I have known, that everything would turn out to be like that? In the first month so many things have happened. I was living with Jintaek, sometimes recording some songs and going to the work with him. The boys frequently played with me, some times for me. They even introduced me to some of their friends. Although there was no need for that, because I rarely see them. And then, after a month of my own quiet little happiness, I saw them on the street. No, not the boys, them I see every day. I saw mom and dad. They walked hand in hand, smiling at each other. I was walking there way and in my head I frantically tried to find the words to say. Unfortunately, nothing came to my head. Just some random phrases. But I didn't even need those random phrases. They walked past me. Looked at me and, not recognizing me, went on. Like I wasn't there. Like I never were. At that moment I thought that Gods had decided to play a game with me. A very cruel game. The game called "Life". What have I done to the? What have I done wrong? Tell me, explain to me... I'd shut down in myself. Hadn't eaten or drunk anything. I hadn't even laid a finger on my guitar. I just sat for days on the couch in Jintaek's living room, wrapped in a blanket. I didn't need anything. I was so in my head, that I didn't even notice what was happening around me. I had no idea, if Jintaek was even coming come from work. Had no idea, when he was leaving or coming. In a instant, it all had lost it's interest to me. I was thinking about my parents constantly. How was that? Why didn't they see me? I'm... I'm their daughter after all. Or I'd become an invisible girl? I couldn't understand it. Minutes were turning into hours, hours into days, days into weeks. Jintaek, Kyungsoo, Minseok, Jongdae and Chanyeol became frustratingly aware of my behavior, but they couldn't do anything. I refused to eat, because I wasn't thirsty. I was pushing the guitar away from me, because it's sounds sounded wrong to me now. I refused their help and support, because I believed that I could stop it all now, then then it won't hurt that much. Not as painful as now. They figured out that, but it seemed, as thought, they had their own thoughts on that matter. They, all five of them, decided to stay with me. One at a time. So, I was never alone anymore. I wasn't talking much and my voice turned hoarse. I saw their disturbing looks, but couldn't help it. And when it was becoming all too much, I quietly sobbed in the pillow. Tears just streamed down my cheeks leaving thin salty paths. And one of them, staying with me, would hug me, trying to calm me down. I had dark shadows under my eyes again, the eyes looked lifeless and lips were transparent-like. Sometimes I tries to sent them away, because they were sleep deprived themselves. They looked so tired. So, sometimes I pretended I was okay, so that would give them a chance to have a rest. But I couldn't keep it in anymore. When they were all with me... I just couldn't. I told them everything, Everything, that I had always kept solemnly to myself. I had never seen the looks they gave me before. To say, that they were shocked, would be to say nothing. I couldn't even describe their looks. I began crying again, but I didn't let them stay with me. This time I wanted to be alone. Few days later, they came to me, saying they'll never leave me. Said, but not with words. For that, probably, people should live. For people like them. Friends, like them.

You're not alone 
Together we stand 
I'll be by your side, 
You know I'll take your hand 
When it gets cold 
And it feels like the end 
There's no place to go 
You know I won't give in 
No I won't give in. ©