Even in my dreams, my mind's not resting... All my thoughts revolve around the pain and betrayal. The dreams won't let me rest. What the...?! I thiought I wasn't asleep for a long time. At least, I thought so. Still asleep, I somehow heard the voices and opened my eyes - the boys had just came in. I abruptly sat up, but I think he still noticed, that I was asleep just a few moments ago. We just looked at each other. And then he suddenly asked what the hell had happened and why after sending him a message I wasn't responding to his calls, it's been two days now. Two days... Two days?! Have they gone crazy? Or... Have I? Have I been asleep for two days straight? No, I didn't say a thing to them. Just made up some excuse. But I still saw his eyes become darker. That only meant one thing - he realized, that something was wrong. We sat and talked, and them they mentioned that Jintaek had come back. And that was a time for me to start panic. My face, probably, became deadly pale, because guys looked really freaked out. Then Jintaek came in and my heart dropped to my feet in fear. He didn't tell them anything, which was understandable - it wasn't any of their business. It was his business. Like nothing had happened, he smiled at me and greeting the boys, went through the studio to the little cabinet attached to it. My boys tried to get to to tell them what was wrong, but I couldn't even utter a word. The day went on normally... But in the evening... Well, Jintaek asked me whether I was coming home or what... I kept shut. How could I be in the same house with him?! He asked me to talk to him in private. We talked alright... He started gropping me again. God, why? I tried to hit him, but failed. I missed and stumbled and hit my face againts the wall, feeling my lower lip break. It wasn't severe, but it still hurt. Hustily wiping dripping blood, I ran out of the room, only to be stopped by Jongdae's strong hand. He held me by hand, not letting it go. Jintaek came out, came up to me and tried to kiss me, but I turned away in disgust. He said something like "what's wrong, baby" and I looked up at Jongdae. He also didn't believe that everything was okay. Now he got it. Got it all. When he started to catch up on the whole reality of things, he loosened his grip on me and I ran out of the studio. Pointless tears streamed down my face again. And now my lip hurt like hell too. God, please, let them get it all right. It was a good thing, I didn't look at the foxey-eyed, when Jongdae held me. God, help me...

I cannot find a way to describe it.
It's there inside,
All I do is hide.
I wish that it would just go away.
What would you do,
You do if you knew?
What would you do?
All the pain 
I thought I knew. ©