Hm, I almost never write songs about things I don't feel. But after two months Jintaek asked me to sing about the things I don't feel. The song not about me. "Here it goes", I thought. I'll give it a try. It took me a week to come up with the song, and when I was done, Jintaek wasn't there to hear it. He went to pick someone up. Well, pick up, so pick up. I was sitting in the studing, plucking the strings and humming it, when he came back. But not alone. He told me, that someone was going to live with us for a week or so. It felt like he was informing me as if i was the hostess or something! So, after he left the studio, I continued playing. Playing the song not about me. But the shocking thing was - I liked it. Why? Maybe, because I was finally singing about the girl I used to be? Meaning, this song was still about me. Yeah... No, I used to be like that, I'm not anymore. While I was deep int he thought, I played it twice. I didn't even notice five people standing behind my back. Jintaek was smiling, leaning against the door frame, and the other four were silently eyeing me. After, I was trying to understand how exactly they were looking at me: with interest or contempt? I'm still not sure. I got startled, when they clapped for me softly, and immediately got embarrassed. No one'd ever clapped for me. Who would clap on the streets?! They were all so handsome. So so handsome. My eyes kept wandering from one boy to another. But I still saw some kind of twit in their eyes. I'm not sure... Maybe, I just imagined it all, because in the next second that "some kind of twit" turned to a warm friendly look. They asked me to play again. And then we all played together. The boy with beautiful foxey eyes gave me his guitar, taking another one from the wall. I was surprised that we all synched in the first try. But Jintaek! When I returned the guitar and came out of the studio, he played the record. God. I am really self-critical when it comes to hearing myself. It was horrible. Band-aid my mouth. He calmed me down and even assured that I was much better that most of the on-screen singers. They're only a huge amount of digital touch ups and I'm... Well, me. I became friends with the guys. Sort of. I liked to think so. And still, those looks... I felt like something was off. Or will be. Damn, I shouldn't have stayed here at all.

It's not too lovely 
It could start to get ugly 
It really bugs me 
If I don't get my way. ©