Chapter 20

Go for another walk, or bike ride and just analyze your thoughts and everything, and see how you still feel about him.     Question 8.In your dream are they the one’s you fall in love with?   A....Yes! B.NO! I already said NO!   According to some studies, we always dream at night however there are times that we don’t remember it or it is vague. I admit, I sometimes dream of Jonghyun but he’s always The Auxiliary guy. And frequently, I always have obscure dreams, it only left me fragments and I’m positive that none of them are Jonghyun.   For instance, one of my fuzzy dreams is this: I’m walking in front of this person, we’re talking about something (but I cannot remember what it was) and he was smiling the whole time he was talking to me.   Other times I’ve dreamt of I was: in a skating rink, I’m watching a guy proposing (perhaps to his girlfriend) at her door and lastly, from afar I’m watching this person holding up high this placard.   Okay… Enough. I think I’m just talking gibberish here. So my answer is, letter B.     Question 9.How does your heart feel when you are around them?     A.It speeds up, pounds, and stops all at once but I love it! B.It really doesn't change C.It gets lighter, happier D.It and hurts bad     The last time I saw Jonghyun was like weeks ago++, so I really don’t know what and how to answer this. What I did is, I close my eyes and contemplate that Jonghyun is right here, sitting in front of me, talking like what we used to do.   I place my right hand above my chest and wait.  

{Jonghyun stirs his coffee as he takes glances at me. I look at him with a smile plastered on my face.}

  Did my heart speeds up, pound and at the same stop at once? I waited… But no, it doesn’t even change nor hurt seeing his happy face; nonetheless it gives me a good and cheery aura—and I like it. My answer is letter C.

 

Question 10.Do you get jealous when they talk about their girls/guys?     A.Yes B.Not really C.Don't even care  

{After I guzzle on my coffee, we stay silent. The atmosphere is quite gauche. When our eyes meet, I pressed my lips and smiled at him and then we laugh silently. I swallow hard and ask him how’s Shin Se Kyung.}

{Jonghyun starts talking about her and like me, he looks really happy. Now, seeing Jonghyun’s happy face uplifts up my mood.} 

  I smiled at the thought and stare back at the paper as I re-read the question.  Definitely my answer is letter B. I’m happy for Jonghyun—and I’m happy as long as he’s happy.   Because that is love.   Love is when the other person's happiness is more important than your own.
I finish up my coffee and swallow the last portion of my cake. I realize that, ‘Finally. I reach the last question.’ I grin at my own little accomplishment.     Question 11. Could you see yourself loving them and being with them? Having a sincere relationship that would never falter or die?     A.In a heartbeat! B. Maybe C.I couldn't     “…That would never falter or die?”  That would be impossible because there’s no such thing as forever.  Forever is just a word. Nothing last forever in this world.  Everything comes to an end and everything dies. So how is it possible that there’s forever? Especially for two people who are in love?   Perhaps two people can try, but the end is not far we love as long and as best we can, but some day it could come to an end.    When we die, that’s forever.   Even if Jonghyun and I can’t be together as lovers, I still wanted to be there for him as his best friend—always.   I scribble a C on the tissue paper and flip to the next page to tally up my scores. I compute my score and the funny thing is out of eleven questions, I only got five correct.     Are you in love with your best friend? Your Score: 45% Just Friends   Wow, you obviously don't need to worry you have a honest and fun relationship with them so just relax and have fun but don't just let them slip alright! You found a good friend so never let them go.   So… does this mean that I’m not really in love with him after all?   -   I’m walking on a long path by the city, past the park and benches. I couldn’t tear my thoughts away from the result of the quiz. I could say a part of me feels like it enlightens my blurred thoughts.   I stare off the faraway sky. At this moment, now, what do I feel about Jonghyun?   Do I love him?   Yes. Of course, I love Jonghyun. That would never change. I’m sure of it.   T