~13^th Song~

[a/n:  I’ve read all your comments and I just want to thank you all for sticking up with me. College took so much of my time and energy that I had to stop updating this temporarily. Anyway, I’m back and that is what’s important.]

***

Days passed by quickly for both Jiyong and Dara. It seems like day changes into night and into weeks without much distinction from the other. Dara has been pondering whether her repetitive daily routines help her or not to get by each day. Life is what you make it. Dara has been chanting this line in her mind every single day. She firmly believes that there is always a choice in life and each choice we make has a counterpart. Everyone should be responsible for the choice he/she made.

Now, she is contemplating on what choice to make. Moving on is never easy and even though she is good at hiding what she feels, it doesn’t help on the process of actually moving forward. She’s been doing a great job hiding it that she’s already feeling numb. Staying in touch with her emotions is getting harder each day. ‘My doctor will not be happy if she found out what I’ve been doing’

Dara is clearly aware that her current state is affecting her mentally and that’s the area where she’s not that strong. Thoughts of doubt and self-loathing invade her mind every once in a while but after what happened to them in the past, she can’t seem to control her thoughts anymore.

‘Sleepless nights and wet pillows. I wonder how long I can keep up.’  Dara heaved and breathed the tension that’s been building inside her. ‘I understand now why dating within the company is banned. It’s hard when your world is knit so close and you share common friends and even space. How do I get hold of this situation when even the simplest thing reminds me of him? It also doesn’t help that people can’t seem to understand why I don’t want to talk about it. What’s the use? The more they involve themselves in the issue the harder it would be to move forward.

More questions surfaced compare to the answers that she longs to have and thus frustrating her more. ‘I can’t stay like this forever! I can’t let him win. I know it sounds so selfish but I don’t want to see him looking okay while I’m having the hardest time of my life.’  And that moment Dara decided that she’s had enough. She’s going to move forward and move on even if it seems like she’s faking. ‘Well, they won’t say fake it ‘til you make it for no reason!’

And that night Dara made her choice.

*

Time is relative. Who would have thought that a person could change so much in just a few months and who thought have thought that even after a few months a person’s feelings didn’t even falter.

Since the day Dara decided to stop sulking around, she has been successfully distracting herself with her solo projects and promotions. There is not a day that she’s got nothing to do. She found herself going from one country to another for endorsements and for shoots. There haven’t been many 2NE1 activities so their taking some time off and individually working as well. In the span of six months Dara has been outside of the country for quite a few times. Going back and fro to Manila for endorsements and shows, flights to New York and Europe for fashion shows, and a short trip to China, Japan and Malaysia, Dara seemed to forget for the meantime the things that happened and all the unanswered questions in her head. She also dedicated some time to visit her old friends and family. They were good enough to free up their time to accommodate her and still allowing her to follow her schedule.

Being single is actually doing her good. It eased Dara’s heart that everything is going smoothly on her career and as well as her social circle. ‘I think my fault is that ever since I got into a relationship with him I unconsciously allowed myself to make him as the center of my world.’ Dara realized that her relationship with Jiyong turned out unhealthy. She realized that Jiyong became her world and that’s one of the reasons why everything went bad. She sacrificed a lot of things for him but unfortunately he didn’t seem to understand the weight of those sacrifices. All those traveling allowed Dara to think more clearly. She also figured out that she’s also at fault. She didn’t exert much effort in talking things out, she ended up bottling ill feelings up until to the point that she can’t take it anymore. Her thinking of ‘being not a burden’ was actually wrong and that made a damage to their relationship.

*

Dara is on her way to YGE building. She has a scheduled meeting with 2NE1 girls and YG himself. It’s been months since the girls got together and she wasn’t able to catch up to them that much even though she periodically check-up on them. That’s the consequence of being abroad most of the time and so Dara is feeling so excited to see the girls again.

“Good morning YG-nim! It’s been a while.” Dara cheerfully greeted him.

“Ah Dara-shii it’s good to see you back. I see that your trips abroad did you good.”

“Yes sajangnim, thank you what you’ve done for me.”

“Don’t mention it, you’ve been working hard.  You deserve it.”

“Still, I’m thankful…Ow, Chaerin! Bommie! I’m glad you are both here!”

Bom and Cl hugged Dara and greeted their superior. Bom sat down beside Dara and CL sat across them. Dara asked them how they are and the two briefly said that they’re fine. YG cleared his throat, catching the girls’ attention.

“You’re all probably wondering why I called you to come here today,” YG started and the girls nodded.

“Umm, are we not gonna wait for Minzi-ahh to arrive before we start sajangnim?” Dara politely asked

“Okay, I’m not gonna beat around the bush anymore. You all know that by next month your contract here in YGE will come to an end. It will be up to you if you still want to renew your contract or not. We all here hope that you’ll all choose the first one rather than the latter, however, I regret to inform you that Minzi-ahh already informed me and the legal team that she’s not going to renew hers.” He said, making the girls taken aback and surprised by all the information. Dara can’t seem to process all the information she just heard.

“W-what do you mean she’s not gonna renew?” CL reacted with a hint of panic in her voice.

“Does that mean that she’s leaving our group? When did all this happen? Why does it seem so sudden?” Dara’s voice cracked as she started asking questions. She looked at the other members in hope to find answers.

“I can’t believe it; she actually did it.” Bom blurted out, both the other girls looked at her with so much confusion in their eyes. CL’s forehead started creasing and then she said, “You knew?”

“I-I don’t. I-I thought she’s just feeling down that time. I didn’t know that it’s that worst. I mean, we have those moments right? When we feel uncertain. We once talked about the future of our group. She sounded uncertain that time. S-she joked about not renewing her contract. She even asked me what I think could possibly happen after that. I didn’t sense that she’s serious about it. M-Mianhe guys, chincha mianhe.” Bom explained but the feeling of guilt didn’t leave her.

“It’s not your fault Bommie, though I feel like l failed her also. I wonder when did she feel like quitting. We could have changed her mind.” Dara tried to console Bom but she also feels guilty.

“I can’t believe she didn’t tell us or even gave us a heads-up. She’s better than this!” CL said, sounding annoyed.

“Now girls I know you are all shocked. The truth is, Minzy actually begged me not to tell you about this issue just yet. She told me that she’s going to tell you all personally about her decision and her reasons. She already explained to me and I respected that. I know this is hard and the coming days will be harder. I want you to brace yourself. This is just the beginning.” he seriously said to them.

Dara’s chest felt heavy. YG’s words are making her think hard and worry.

“I don’t know how I’m gonna face her.” CL confessed.

“Chaerin, I know you. Please control your emotions and be careful of what you say to her when you meet up with her. Please hear her out and let her explain. She begged me not to tell for a reason yet here I am telling you still because I know you girls. Don’t let your emotions rule you.” He added. Bom started sniffing and sobbing so Dara held her hands.

“How come you can take this lightly sajangnim!?” CL asked angrily

With a straight face, YG answered. “I’m not. I am very much affected just like you but I can’t let myself be emotional. As your superior here, I need to logical. I need to be wise.  And if my future decision won’t be as want you expected then let me tell you this ahead of time, the decisions I make are not easy. I need to weigh in all and consider everybody that at the end, hopefully, it would be the best not only for you but for everybody. I called you all here not only as your superior but also as a father. I don’t your relationship with each other to turn sour. Whatever would the result be, I want you all to maintain what you girls have. I’m not going to disclose any information anymore. Allow Minzy to explain. I hope that you discuss this amongst yourself and remember all that I said. I care for you all and you can talk to me anytime.”

The girls remained silent for a minute or so. It seems like they are all trying to get a grip of the situation.

“You are all dismissed now.”

*

They’re all afraid to talk and discuss what just and about to happen, the girls couldn’t get a full grasp of their current situation. It’s like they are all refusing to talk and perhaps accept the situation. Honestly, the past few years weren’t easy for their group. They faced scandals, bashings and critiques from various people but they were able to endure it. Dara never thought that this could actually happen, that someone would decide to quit. She imagined the four of them retiring as a group and then pursuing their own individual careers after. That they would have their last concert, last song and last bow as a group. Complete and fulfilled. But then again, life really has a funny way of proving that you could never guess what could happen next.

 A week passed without any call from Minzy. The girls were getting more worried each passing day. They’re all trying their best to be patient but it seems like they’re running out of it, especially CL. CL is getting cranky each passing day and the two other girls are aware of why she is acting that way. CL has always been known as the tough, independent and confident girl. Everyone admires how tough she is and how unfazed she is despite the problems.

Dara understands why CL is acting that way. From outsider’s perspective, they may interpret CL’s actions as selfish and inconsiderate but the truth is CL is so protective of them. Deep inside, she might be blaming why Minzy decided to leave and that she could have done something to change Minzy’s mind but everything happened so fast.

Bom cries almost every day. Bom would call Dara in the middle of the, sobbing and sniffing. Not long ago when Park Bom’s name was all over the news due to the drug scandal. K-media painted her image bad and accused her and called her a drug smuggler. She received a lot of hate from k-netizens. Bom who loves food so much hardly ate during those time. The girls spend more time with her and supported her and reminded her that she’s not alone. Now Bom is feeling so guilty that she wasn’t able to do the same their maknae. Her heart burst and tears continuously stream down her face with that realization. If only she could change Minzy’s mind.

Seeing them in that situation, broke Dara’s heart. She wants to be sad and dejected at the same time but she knows that she can’t. She knows her shortcomings as a member and a friend and least thing she could do is be there for them, hold their hand, understand them and care for them.

A long time ago, Dara tried her best to be part of 2ne1. She trained hard and persevered until she’s finally got the spot, however, even after their debut it seems like she still needs to prove herself and earn her keep. People would often tell her that she lacks talent and that she’s only part of the girl group because she is pretty. She felt insecure most of the time but those didn’t stop her. She continued working hard to this day.

She can clearly remember how Minzy cheered her up and taught her the dance steps of their songs; how CL motivated her during those times and when Bom told her that 2ne1 wouldn’t be 2ne1 without her.

How ironic, now it’s just the three of them and the pang in her heart is because she knows that 2ne1 won’t be the same without their cheerful maknae. Even though they want to talk her so badly, they can’t contact her and YG refused to give further information so all she can do is wait.

***

[a/n:  Hope you enjoyed this chapter, I’m working on the next chapter already and I can’t wait to share again with you guys; originally, I wasn’t planning to write about 2ne1 disbandment but I suddenly got the urge to write about it. I got really really sad that time and I feel like I wasn’t able to express myself that time. It’s too painful. I love those girls and they’re the only girl group I 100% adore.

ALSO, HAVE YOU SEEN DARA’S POST ON INSTA. THE PIC WITH DONGHAE AND EUNHYUK. I FREAKIN SCREAM WHEN I SAW IT! I’M SO HAPPY! WHAAAAAA!

See you guys in the next update. Don’t forget to vote and comment. Love you all! <3]