11th Song

 

***

 

 

Love is the prelude to disaster and tragedy. (Skip Beat!)

 

 

 

***

 

 

Right after he drove Dara back, he immediately went to his own dorm. He was welcomed by his fellow members’ frowning faces. He pretended not to notice their expressions but they continued glaring at him but he ignored them. Instead, he searched he whole living room and looked for Siwon.

‘Where is he?’ Donghae mumbled

 

Eunhyuk cleared his throat and then he spoke. “Hey fish~! Where do you think you’re going? Explain~!!”

“Yeh, how dare you leave us without a ride hyung? And where did you go last night?” Kyuhun interrogated

“Yah, why do I need to explain? You’re not my mother. You got Heechul-hyung and Siwon to drive you back and I can wherever I like.” Hae snorted

“Yah right~What did you do to Dara-noona? Did you bring her to a cheap hotel and did something horrible to her? Aigoo~!” Eunhyuk pointed Donghae’s face. “Your face says it all! I can’t believe that you weren’t able to control yourself. You’re no gentleman after all.” Eunhyuk added

“Aisht, your completely wrong. How dare you! I didn’t do any of what you said! I brought her to my house and let her sleep there since it’s the nearest place from the club. And please, stop your erted thoughts because I’m not like you!” Donghae slumped down on the sofa. He took the throw pillow and threw it straight to Eunhyuk’s face.

“Yah!” Eunhyuk picked up the pillow and threw it back to Hae. “If it’s not true then why are you so defensive? Tell us; was it first, second or third base? Hahahaha. Come o—

Eunhyuk’s words were cut. Donghae lunged forward and hit him on the head. “Yah, will you stop already. I would never take advantage of a drunk person. I’m nothing like you guys!”

“Chincha, chincha?” Eunhyuk mocked

“Aisht, whatever.” Donghae said and then walked out of the living room.

 

The boys burst into laughter. Donghae’s reactions were priceless. Kyuhun and Ryeowook high-fived with each other. “We won, now hand us hundred bucks”  Kyu and Ryeowook said in chorus to Heechul.

“Yah, the deal was Hae will punch Eunhyuk. He just hit him; t’was clearly not a punch.”Heechul retorted

“Aniya,aniya,aniya! We won. It’s the same thing~! Now give us our money.” The two younger boys complained

“Nope, ain’t getting any.Hahahaha” Heechul said

 

“But seriously hyung, I think something happened last night! Donghae’s just being a shy-boy crap. HAHAHA. It was really really obvious." Eunhyuk said in a convincing tone.

 

***

 

“Aish, I still don’t know how I survived my idols years with them.” Donghae murmured.

Donghae walked down the dimly lighted hallways and stopped when he reached Siwon’s room. He clear his throat and knocked softly at the door. “What is it?”

Hearing his queue, Donghae opened the door.

 

 “Siwon, can I have Bom-noona’s number?”  

 

“Eh? What are you going to do with it?” Siwon raised his eyebrows and gave Donghae a piercing look.

“Yah! What are you thinking? I’ll just ask her something. And she’s not my type.”

“What are you implying? What did you come here for? Tsk, you’re asking for a favor yet you’re so rude. Chincha Donghae? Aigoo.”

“Stop saying non-sense and just give me Bom-noona’s number. Why are you grumpy? She’s not even your girlfriend.” Donghae teased

“Yah, Not yet—but we’ll get there eventually. And how dare you mock me? Look at yourself? You can’t even ask Dara-sshi out.Hah~!”

“Tss, whatever. Just give me the number and we’re done.”

“Arasso, arasso.” Siwon took up his phone and showed it to Donghae.

Donghae keyed in the number and saved it. He handed Siwon’s phone back. “Thanks man.” Then he immediately left the room.

 

 

 

***

"Man, you've been here since yesterday. I know that you're very eager to finish all of these but I think you should rest. You need rest."

When Teddy left the studio Jiyong said that he'll stay a bit later. Teddy said okay but reminded him that he shouldn't stay up late and he can continue it the next day.

Jiyong just shrugged and said that "You that whenever I write I do it continuously. Don't worry about me hyung."

"Yah Jiyong, you should go home. Go to your dorm and have some rest. And look at your lyrics... it's really depressing. What's wrong man?"

Teddy taped Jiyong's shoulder. The former sat down on the nearby couch. "You're aware that you have to do these all over again if YG didn't like it."

Jiyong just ignored his hyung's concern. He fixed his gaze on the paper his holding. He tried reading the verses that he wrote but for some reasons it seem like he can’t comprehend a thing. He heaved a sigh and starter massaging his temples.

“I am so messed up hyung.” Jiyong finally spoke up.

“You’re always messed up.” Teddy said. Jiyong glared at him so he smiled. “I’m kidding.”

“What is it this time Jiyong?” Teddy said in a serious tone

“Same problem.”

 

Hearing those words, Teddy understand perfectly what Jiyong means. It’s about his relationship and Dara. Teddy has been playing Dr. Love since day one of Jiyong’s relationship and just like the old times he’s very willing to help his friend.

“What about Dara?” Teddy asked.

“She talked to me.” Jiyong said. He paused for a few second; he stared blankly at the paper and then he continued telling his hyung what happened.

 Teddy listened intently as Jiyong tell him what happened.

 

 

“And that’s what happened hyung” Jiyong ended the story “I don’t know what to do. I know that it is my entire fault and that those things would never happen if not because of my stupidity. I don’t know what got into me.” Jiyong disheveled his own hair out of frustration.

 

“I don’t believe that you don’t know what to do. You say that you don’t know but the truth is you know it. It’s just that you’re afraid of the outcome; you’re afraid of what going to happen after you put those thoughts into action. You’re afraid Jiyong. And also, always remember that you always have a choice but as for your situation being afraid is not included on the options.”

‘I-I am afraid.’ Jiyong stated in his mind. He was staring blankly at his paper while trying to collect his thoughts.

 

“After what you did, do you expect that Dara will welcome you again with open arms? Jiyong do you have any idea how lucky you are to have Dara in your life?”  Teddy asked

 

“I-I do hyung.” Jiyong said

 

“Really, because I can’t see it; we can’t see it.  All we can see I you being a jerk and you causing her pain. She cared for you, she loved you and she gave all of her support on you but all you did is hurt her. The butterfly that you entrapped in your hands broke free already. You may have broken her heart but not her wings Jiyong. That butterfly is too fragile for you to keep. You left it unattended and unloved that’s why it flew away. And you know what, finding such rare kind of butterfly will take you such a long time. You should have been careful of your actions because there are plenty of man out there who are more than willing to take care of that butterfly—your butterfly.”

 

‘My butterfly… but not anymore. She flew away right in front of me.’Jiyong thought

 

“Jiyong don’t wait for others to make you realize what you’ve lost. I know that you’re aware how your past actions affected not only Dara but all those people around. It was a good thing that you’re in Japan the whole time. If not, you would have witness and feel your members’ wrath, 2NE1’s wrath and even my wrath. Dara’s very precious to us. She’s family to us Jiyong and she’s not a rag doll.”

 

****

 

After his serious talk with Teddy, Jiyong proceeded to YG-sajangnim’s office. He told Yg-sajangnim that he’ll be staying in his unit for a while since everyone in Bigbang has individual schedules and appointments and that they’re rarely complete these days. He said that he’ll bring his work there instead and that he wanted to clear his head. YG agreed with the arrangement Jiyong made and hope that Jiyong will be able to write and make a great song. YG also advised Jiyong to take some rest and eat on time. “I know you’re really committed to music but please do take care of yourself more.” YG said and Jiyong just agreed silently.

 

He gathered his other stuff right after he talked to YG then he drove of the YGE Building to his house. The drive home was a bit long since he came from YG. He paid no attention to his surrounding and tried to focus on driving and reaching home. He tried not to think of those things that bother him. Even just for a while. He parked his car in the garage and went inside the house. He put down his bag on the couch and sat beside it. Then he removed his shoes and ed the polo that he's wearing.

 

 "Ugh" he groaned. He ran his fingers on his hair but he stopped when it reached the back of his neck then he massaged it to ease the pain. He stood up afterwards and went to the kitchen. Without even bothering to turn the lights on, he took out a glass from the dish dispenser and the pitcher of cold water from the  refrigerator.

 

He gulped the cold water down and felt it went down his throat. It lingered in his system. Then he put the glass on the kitchen sink. "Argh, why do I feel so cold all of a sudden?" Jiyong crossed his arms and rubbed his biceps. Jiyong made his way upstairs. "I should take a shower." He walked lazily into his room; he stripped off his clothes and threw it on the bed then he stepped into the shower.

The water touched his skin and the drops of it produced rhythmic sound. Jiyong washed his hair and let the water run through his hair. He closed his eyes and let the water run down his face. He listened to rhythmic sound and tried to find some peace. His hyung's words ringed back on his ears. "Jiyong, you know what you’re so stupid; you’re like a brother to me but I would not tolerate you so please fix yourself. Fix this mess.”

 

He was in the midst of thinking when he heard his phone ring. “Tsch… who could it be?” Jiyong turned off the shower and wrapped the towel on his waist.

“Ack, I missed it.” He said in dismay. He gently threw his phone back on the bed and dressed in fresh clothes.

 

Beep.Beep

 

He picked his phone up and read the text message. “This is Lee Donghae. Can I talk you? I just want to discuss something with you. It’s VERY IMPORTANT. I hope you can grant my request.”

 

“Tss, who does he think he is? Something important? Tss, I can see his intentions as clear as the waters of Han river. Huh, does he really think that I’ll let him do what he wants to. Heol, no way. Dara is mine and mine alone.”

 

 

***

 

 

Dara looked into her rearview then to the sides. She stirred the stirring wheels, shifted the gears, stepped the break lightly and pulled the parking break. She removed her keys then unfastened her seatbelt. She quickly stepped out of the car.

 

In front of her is huge white building. Sirens ringed on the background as doctors, nurses, patients and others busied themselves. She fixed her hat and sun sunglasses and walked fast towards the elevator.

 

After a few, the elevator door opened and she stepped out. She walked straight down the hall and after passing three doors she stopped. She grabbed the knob. She was welcomed by a female doctor in her forties.

 

“Annyeong Doc.” Dara bowed a bit and smiled at the doctor.

“How are you Dara-yah It’s been years.” The doctor gestured Dara to sit down.

“It has been doc.” Dara replied shortly she heaved a sigh and continue her words. “And I’m fine, somehow.”

“Somehow? So there’s a problem. And I guess you need my help, isn’t it?” The doctor scrunched her forehead and raised her brows and waited for Dara’s confirmation.

 

“Umm, remember the last time we met? It has been almost three years when I told you that my anxiety, chest pains and those images and flashbacks stopped coming.” Dara paused and fixed her gaze at the window. "And I thought it would be gone forever but it happened again; it came back doc.” Dara said in a soft voice.

“I see, So when did it reoccurred?” The doctor asked then started scribbling on her notepad.

”

“As i can remember and if I’m not mistaken it was about two months ago when it reoccurred.”

“Oh my, you should have consulted have consulted me earlier, I told you before that if ever it reoccur, talk to me immediately.”

“Mian Doc, I was really busy and I thought it was just caused by stress so I somewhat ignored it.”

“I understand but you must never ignore these symptoms. We’ve been together in this long journey of battling against that and I done what you to experience those things again and I know that you suffered long enough to suffer again is not right. We don’t want that to happen again, don’t we?" The doctor looked directly into Dara’s eyes.

Dara painfully reminisced those days. She closed her eyes and frowned. She doesn’t what to experience it again. “I don’t want to suffer again doc. Not now, not ever. It strained my relationship with my friends and those people I work with. I can’t afford to have this again doctor.” Dara said. She rested her hands on the table.

 

“Dara.” The doctor moved forward and the held Dara’s hand. “The day you told me that it disappeared I explained to you that the reasons why it completely subsided are various. It could be the decision you made, it could be something or someone that helped you get over that situation unconsciously. The possibilities are infinite Dara and what I think is that it didn’t completely disappeared it just subsided. Just like what medication does, the factors that helped you might have just masked the symptoms but not the root cause.” The doctor calmly explained

 

“So doc, you’re saying that all it was never cured?” Dara said while trying to control her quivering voice.

 

“I’m afraid yes. Your improvements were slow but what mattered it that you improved. You learned how to properly handle your emotions.” The doctor tried to make Dara feel better and prevent the budding stress. “Also that day you told me that you have a boyfriend. May I ask how your relationship is?” The doctor politely asked

“W-we broke up doc.” Dara said

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine doc. It was it past anyways.”

The doctor just nodded. “Dara right now, I’m talking to you not as your doctor but as your unnie. I know that you’re very busy and very famous. Just a visit in the hospital can cause you trouble and your world is much harder and dangerous than mine. Being famous needs more sacrifice than being a doctor. I understand your situation so please don’t hesitate to talk to me if there’s a problem. We are in this together.” The doctor held Dara’s hand tightly.

“Thank you unnie.” Dara smiled. “I’m really worried unnie. What if I’ll have this forever? What should I do? I know that it’s not advisable for me to drink the pill medications but can you give me some just in case. I’m getting busier and busier each day and I can’t afford to be affected by this.” Dara frown and held the doctor’s hand tighter.

“Calm down Dara. I know you know what to do. Don’t let your fear get into you. Don’t let it consume you. You should not stress yourself any further because it may just worsen the situation. Now I want to know how often and how strong are the symptoms?”

“Compared to my past attacks, this time it’s mild. However, compared before my attacks happen a bit more often than before; I think it became a bit unstable because in the past it’s easier to be monitored, it usually happens during night time but now I don’t know. It doesn’t have a pattern yet.”  

 

The doctor scribbled down what Dara said then she looked up at Dara.

 

“Tsk, tsk. In that case I think I should give some pills but this doesn’t mean that you can take it anytime you want. And I think I should study your case a bit more; I’ll talk to the others for consultation and I’ll ask for a new program and procedure that’s appropriate for your lifestyle. I need your full cooperation on this because only you can really fully help yourself. The help that I can extend is just prevention; the rest would depend on you.”

Dara nodded enthusiastically. “I will doc. Just tell me what to do.”

“Great then, now I want you to come to my other clinic; I guess you still remember the address, next week so that we can talk about your case more extensively.” The doctor wrote something on the paper and handed it to Dara. “Here the meds that you need to buy at the pharmacy. I know that you know that there are side effects so I need you to follow the instructions precisely.”

 

“I will doc. Thank you very much for your help. I don’t know what I will do if not because of you.” Dara took the paper and kept in her bag.

The doctor stood up and so did Dara. The doctor ushered her at the door and Dara thanked the doctor once again and smiled brightly at the doctor.

“See you next time unnie.”

 

 

***

 

 

“Aish~! This is really unnecessary but I think I need to warn that fish to stay away from my rabbit.” Jiyong mumbled while he drives to their meeting place.

“Huh, I don’t care about him. I just need to settle this before I win her back.” Jiyong added.

 

 

****

 

 

 

 

A/N: Opps, short update.

Again. Mianhe. Huhuhu. I’ve been very busy and it seems like I’m getting busier and busier each day. I also feel so depressed lately and I don’t want my depression to reflect on my works.

I feel so guilty for not updating so I decided to upload this even though it’s shorter than my usual updates. Huhuhu. I hope that you’ll like it.

 

So tell me what you think.

 

BTW, have you guys listen to Taeyang’s new album? Esp. to Eyes, Nose, Lips?

I already did and I love the whole album~! OMG. My favs are ENL, Stay with Me and Love you to death!

How about you? What’s your fav song?

 

Tell me what you think~!kyaaa<3

 

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