The finals week is a busy week. The library, the coffee shop, and the church are always full at that time. In result, I always stayed at the dorm to study during any major examination week. Sehun is a good roommate, we didn’t talk much but I know that he cares about me. During the finals week, he is my study buddy and my love guru.

“So I was thinking about asking her to go steady.” I said. Sehun looked at me blankly until he noticed that I was waiting for his answer.

“I guess so…” He said after pouting on his trail of thoughts.

“What do you mean I guess so?” I asked.

“Honestly, it’s good that you are starting to talk about someone else except Sunny, but, if you are not ready for the consequences of a serious relationship, don’t do it.” He said. He turned back to his book when I gave it a thought, but something came instantly.

“I thought you wanted me to get in a serious relationship?” I asked him. He closed his book in a swift motion, and suddenly we are in a serious talk.

“Not Krystal, dude. You were friends. And as you told me, she is a sister of one of your best friends. If ever you realize someday that you are not ready, you will break up and her sister will kill you.”

“She certainly will.” I said, smiling, recalling about Jessica being over protective of her sister.

“What do you think about Krystal?” He asked me.

“Well, she is a good girl, and she makes me happy.” I said. It was true.

“Unless you are crazy about her, you will end up hurting her.” He said in a strong voice.

“I won’t.” I said.

Sehun raised both of his eyebrows and turned away from me, and he continued studying. I turned to the pages of my book, too, but I can’t seem to absorb anything. My thoughts wandered off about what Sehun told me. I love Krystal as much as I love everyone else. I would never hurt her. She is special to me, and I am serious about going steady with her.

And the day I was planning to ask her if she would be my girlfriend came rapidly. It was Friday night, last day of the finals week and the last day of the spring semester. Many students are going to celebrate in some bars, but I am going to celebrate it elsewhere.

My exams are finally over, and I can’t wait for this day to end. I asked Krystal to meet me at the usual coffee shop where my roommate Sehun works. It was already 5:15 pm when Krystal called me. “I just got in my dorm. I am going to be late, so don’t bother getting there in time.” I told her.

“Oh? Okay, just take your time. See you!” She said and then she hung up.

I took a change of clothes before I head out. I took my phone, my wallet, and my keys. And I am all set. I was just about to turn the knob when someone knocked. I opened it, and my world stopped.

Standing in front of me was my best friend. Her face flushed from outburst of emotions, her eyes are red. “Suho-ah…” She said and then she wrapped her arms around me. And she just cried. My arms protectively enclosed around her petite waist, tightly that I could smell her shampoo.

I didn’t dare ask her about what happened. Knowing her for years, she will open up when she is ready. Right now she just needed to feel cared for. I let her in my room, made her sit down on my bed as I made hot chocolate for her.

Sehun’s eyes piercingly watched me. He knows it is a tough decision for me to make. Krystal must be waiting, but I can’t let Sunny down. She needs me right now. I avoided Sehun’s gazes the whole time, but I met with his eventually. He had this look on his face, as if telling me that this isn’t right. Then the water boiled.

“Are you going somewhere?” Sunny suddenly asked, she must have noticed the silence that she made. “If you are then I will not stay any longer.”

“I’m not going anywhere. Well, I was just about to buy a coffee.” I told her as I poured the hot water. My words made Sehun jump from his bed. He grabbed his jacket. “Where are you going, Sehun?”

“I’m going to buy your coffee.” Sehun said. He turned to Sunny, “Do you want your usual?”

“No, thanks.” Sunny smiled.

“I’ll get going, then.” Sehun said and he left the room.

“Drink. You’ll feel better.” I told Sunny, handing her the cup of hot chocolate.

“Thanks.” She blew on the cup before taking a sip.

“Are you planning to tell me anything?” I asked as I took the seat by my desk, facing in front of her. She smiled a bit, but the gleam on her eyes showed that she was hurt as she did so. Her eyes dropped on the cup for a while before she spoke.

“Kris and I broke up.” She said. I was about to say something but figured that it really was. “This time it’s for real.”

“You two always fought, Sunny. You’ll get over it this time.” I said what I always tell her, even though it doesn’t seem to be the best words.

“He cheated on me.” She said.

“Oh.” Came out of my lips intantly.

She broke down. I quickly moved to her side and took the cup from her, trying to comfort her at the same time. I could feel that she was hurting so much inside. She hated crying but it seems that it was the only thing that could make her feel better.

“It is okay, Sunny.” I said, circling my arm around her, rubbing her shoulders. But I chose the wrong words. She nodded, agreeing at first, but she suddenly stopped crying.

“No, it’s not okay, Suho.” She said, her eyebrows furrowed.

“What I mean to say is—”

“Kris made me feel extraordinary, Suho. He made me happy and at the same time, I was crazy about him.” She broke down for a while, but she continued, “Every single time I see him, he gave me the butterflies. Every kiss he gave me makes me cringe but in a good way. We even thought about our future babies’ names.” She was about to giggle, but it turned into a sob.

I stayed silent. I don’t know what to say. But she took it as a sign to continue. This time, she is no longer crying. She was angry.

“And then this girl from his class came. I saw her, Suho. She is very pretty. She has long legs, and long hair… She is just perfect.” She said, standing to reach the cup of warm chocolate, and getting back to make herself comfortable on my bed, beside me, her back flat against the wall. I followed her.

“But how are you certain that Kris cheated on you?” I asked as she drank from her cup. Anger made her face go red as she recalled the events.

“This morning, just before my exam on Creative Writing, I went to the coffee shop. It was lucky Sehun was on the cashier so I got a ten percent off! And so, I was about to go to my usual place, when I saw them. Of course, I would go to them.”

She broke down.

“Hey, it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.” I told her. She just shook her head. I just watched her fight her tears for two minutes until she stopped crying.

“He was so shocked. The girl asked who am I, and he told me that I was just a friend. Can you believe it, Suho? I love him and all I am to him was a friend. I excused myself and went out. He didn’t even run after me.” She said.

“What happened to your exam?” I asked, trying to calm myself, too, noticing that my fingers are crumpling the sheets as well.

“It was such a mess, Suho. My professor gave me water during examination because I broke down on item number 1.” She laughed lightly at the thought.

“What was it?” I asked.

“It was an essay question about why Shakespeare killed both Romeo and Juliet in the end. It was tragic, Suho. The world is conspiring to destroy me today. And I think everything else I answered with my broken heart.” She tried hard to smile again, and then a tear escaped from her eyes. She laughed it off.

I laughed, and she just smiled.

“After all my exams, I went directly to his dorm. And we fought in front of his roommate, it was so embarrassing. And then he started speaking Chinese, we were shouting. Then I learned that his roommate was also Chinese, they were talking to each other in Chinese. I stood there, confused, not knowing what they are talking about. Then his roommate broke it to me because he can’t say it. He just doesn’t love me anymore.”

She broke down again. The empty cup remained on my bed as she buried herself onto my chest. Her breaths fell short as she cried her pained heart. Her warm tears are staining my shirt as she cried hard.

I wrapped my arms around her, rubbing her back occasionally as she cried on my chest. I don’t know what to say, but I started talking. “He is a jerk, Sunny. Don’t cry for him because he doesn’t deserve your tears. He is not a loss. He is the loser because he lost you.” I said. I felt myself starting to cry, too, hating him in the process, and hating myself, too, because I wasn’t able to protect her.

Soon my back hurt and we lost control of gravity. We fell on my bed, arms around each other’s as if our life depended on one another. Soon our tears stopped falling, when I thought she fell asleep. I moved, but she stopped me. And just like that, I realized that moving on is impossible. I am deeply, madly, crazily in love with her.

My pulse became stronger as I kept myself from peering over her. But when my eyes dropped to look at her, I just fell deeper in her spell. She looked up at me, her face glowing in a slight shade of pink. “She was pretty, Suho. Way prettier than me. It is not okay.” She said.

“You are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met, Sunny. You are also smart, kind, and filthy rich.” I said. She giggled. “You are a strong, independent woman. You don’t need him in your life. You have me. You have your best friends and the best family in the world.” I said.

She dropped my gaze. “Imagine our life right now if Kris and I never happened. Maybe we could still be celebrating Honey Day. I’m sorry.” She said. “I’m sorry for neglecting our friendship, Suho. I’ve been a bad best friend.”

“That’s not true.” I told her. “We are best friends, right? I will always be here for you, and just like how we used to, we could celebrate Honey Days.”

 “Will you be fetched by Kibum oppa?” She asked about tomorrow, I nodded. “Can I come with you guys?”

“Of course.” I said.

She smiled just before she fell into a deep slumber.

My phone beeped. I took it from my pockets and read Sehun’s message. I’m taking Krystal on a dinner, I hope you don’t mind. Then I realized what a jerk I also am. Sehun was right. I will end up hurting her, unless I am crazy about her. That night was the last night that I ever saw my roommate walk out of our room without a girl. While I was with Sunny that night, Sehun spent the last day of the semester with Krystal. They became crazy about each other.

I am crazy and I will be crazy only for one person. And moving on is impossible.