“Where is Sunny?”

I turned to look at the Jung sisters who stopped on their tracks. They turned around to face me. They aren’t surprised that Sunny is not around. “You didn’t know? Sunny has a new writing partner, and they have been working on a daily basis in the library since Monday.” Jessica said, and she continued walking.

“Oh? I didn’t know… How long will she be gone?” I asked, but Jessica didn’t answer.

“Until the finals, probably.” It was Krystal, pulling me and we caught up with Jessica. Krystal grew up to be just as smart and pretty as her sister, but the good thing is that Krystal never got Jessica’s cold attitude. She whispered to me, “Unnie is pissed so don’t mind her.”

We live about four miles away from the school. When we were younger, the school bus would fetch us, but right now, it doesn’t seem so far. We all decided to walk our way home ever since we entered high school. We were quiet all throughout the walk, at least I didn’t remember talking, and the silence was not broken until we entered the neighbourhood, and we could already see the freshly mown Bermuda hugging the grounds of the Jung’s mansion.

“Suho-ah, since we have practical exams in Physics tomorrow, don’t you want to practice at home? Dad could also help us with the circuits,” Jessica offered. “I was supposed to practice with Sunny but then you know that she goes silly every time Sungmin talks to her.”

Ah, so the lucky guy must be this Sungmin. “That would be great, right, oppa? You told me that you are having a hard time these days.” Krystal tugged onto me, showing a wide smile.

It was true, I’m having a hard time with Physics nowadays, but I don’t want to bother them. “It’s not necessary, Sica. I can ace the exam tomorrow.” I looked over at Jessica who is just beside Krystal.

“Look, Suho-ah. You know I don’t usually offer my help. Consider yourself lucky. I will be practicing until late night, so just come whenever you like.” Jessica said.

We are now in front of the Jung’s, and they are already by their gates. They waited until I am completely out of their sight before they went inside. After dinner, I realized that I can’t graduate without Jessica’s help. I came at around eight, and we practiced Ohm’s Law until nine. We did a final clarification of things and we cleaned up.

“Looks like you would do well tomorrow. But if you want to practice more, Krystal will accompany you.” Jessica said. It was actually bothersome for her because she believes that completing the 8-hour sleep is important.

 “No, it’s all right. It’s already late so you two should sleep. I’ve bothered you enough.” I said. “Besides, you shouldn’t let your sister stay up all night.”

She just shrugged. “Do you have a date yet?” She suddenly asked.

That’s when I remembered that the prom is about two days from now. I already have the tuxedo that I’m wearing, and I still got no date. “Still none.”

“Sunny thinks that Sungmin will ask her tonight.” She paused, and looked at me as if waiting for my answer. “But Sungmin doesn’t like her. When are you going to ask her?” Jessica said.

“I’m not going to ask her.” I said and then she laughed.

“It’s pretty obvious that you like her, Suho. Just ask her.” She said. I felt blood rose up to my face. It was about time I change the topic. Jessica suspects me secretly liking Sunny and ever since last month when the prom was announced, she had been bugging me about it.

“Krystal said you don’t have a date yet. Why wouldn’t anyone ask you out?” I asked.

She giggled at first, and then she turned back to her cold nature. She asked, “Why do you think?”

“Well, I thought that you already have someone since you were last year’s queen.” I said. It was pretty expected for both of the Jungs to have dates already. Even though Krystal is our junior, I couldn’t ask her out because surely she has a date already.

“Exactly.” She said.

“Do you want to go with me?” I asked. It was the first time that I said it to someone aside from the mirror. I’ve been meaning to ask Sunny, but it just seems so hard. But in front of Jessica, it’s just like friends hanging out on a Saturday.

“If no one asks me tomorrow, it’s a yes. The three of us can go to the prom together.” She said. And by three, she meant Sunny in addition to us. She smiled at me, probably reading my mind that time, and I nodded.

We have just finished returning the tools we used back to their rightful place. Jessica’s dad has everything we need in their garage, and by then, I knew that I will ace the practical test. Jessica’s phone rang violently. She looked at her screen, and answered it without hesitation. “Sunny-ah?” She said, both of us are silent.

“I’ll fetch her.” I told Jessica without waiting for her reply. I bid goodbye to Mrs Jung and I sprinted out of their house and out of the subdivision. The city library was about three miles from the Jung’s. I’d be able to get there in fifteen minutes, running at full speed.

I got there in twenty minutes. The library was just closing down when I got there. She was sitting at the top step of the marble staircase, holding on to her phone. “What are you doing here?” Sunny asked as soon as she saw me walking towards her. I climbed the stairs, and sat next to her.

“It doesn’t matter. Why were you crying?” I asked for I could see her red yes, and some traces of tear along her cheek. She looked at me, smiled, and shook her head. “Did he hurt you?” I asked. She turned way and looked at her feet.

“No… It’s just that… Sungmin is just using me so he could get better in Lit.” She said, and her eyes got watery once again. I will certainly kill that Sungmin only if killing wasn’t a crime. “He doesn’t even like me.”

“Is that why were you crying?” I asked. She shook her head again. I thought that she will cry, her eyebrows furrowed, and her face flushed crimson red in anger.

“He didn’t give me a ride home! He had this chauffeur and he offered me, I said no, and I thought that he would insist, because he should have, but he didn’t!” She in her high pitched angry voice.

“That …” I said, she nodded her head furiously. “Why didn’t you call me? I could fetch you.”

“Nah, I was planning to stay here longer anyway.” She said, and as if she remembered something, she turned to me and said, “And I called Jessica so I could apologize. We are supposed to study.”

“I studied with her.” I said.

“That should , Jessica sleeps at nine and still get an A.” She said, a laughter coming with it.

“Yes, it .” I said, and we laughed together. Jessica truly has the brains. She didn’t need to study during late hours to perfect the exam.

There was a moment of silence after our laughter died. The twinkling of the stars shining brightly took her attention, and my eyes followed to the night sky. I thought of asking her about prom, and I recalled the conversation I had with Jessica.

“You’ve got a date yet?” I should have said, but it was her who brought it up. Blood rose to my cheeks automatically at the thought. I didn’t dare face her because she would see, and she would be tactless about it.

“No… Jessica was thinking if we should just go together if no one asks her tomorrow.” I was kind of wishing you would want to have me as your date, is what I would have said if I had more courage.

“Are you kidding me? There are a lot of juniors out there who likes you. Believe me. I saw how they look at you.” She said, and I just smiled at her. I wish she liked me, too. “Don’t settle with Jessica. Come on, she was last year’s Prom Queen. If everyone found out that she doesn’t have a date yet, they’ll be swarming all over her. And it’ll be good bye for you.”

“I know. Do you have a date yet?” I said, which sounded too formal.

“I was partly hoping that Sungmin would ask me, but no.” She said and I was nearly in nirvana if it wasn’t for the fact that I find it hard to speak the next words.

“I guess the three of us can go to prom night together.” I said, almost like mumbled, but she heard it.

“Sounds fun.” She said, smiling at me.

The following day, Sunny and I were walking from the cafeteria back to our classes when the news came up. Someone from the football team asked Jessica out on prom night. I didn’t know who it was but Sunny said that he is someone named Donghae and that he is a friend of Sungmin.

My brother Kibum drove us to school that night. At school, we met Jessica and her date. He was the popular football player in Sungmin’s class. Well, everyone in Sungmin’s class is popular, but I don’t really know most of them. But they know me probably because I was batch representative aside from being a class president.

That night was supposed to be a perfect night for me. It was supposed to be magical, enchanted, and wonderful. My speech was prepared, my lines memorized, my friends tired of waiting, and all I needed was the right time. We just finished dancing to an upbeat American pop song with Jessica, who escaped her date for a while, then vanished again.

“That’s the problem when you have a pretty friend. One second she’s here, the other she’s gone.” Sunny said, as we walked back to our tables.

A slow song was being played, and it is not just our style. Besides, I asked if I could get all our slow dances vacated because I am planning on confessing with the sweet melody of romantic songs in the background. But the current song is not it.

“Now, look who is that with your writing partner.” I told her. She looked up and found her new writing partner slow dancing with a junior.

“Oh, I love her dress. Too bad it doesn’t suit her.” She said. I looked at her. She just shrugged.

“You’re being mean, Sunny.” I told her.

“My mom said that I should say the truth at all times.” She said, and we laughed.

I was supposed to get back at her, but someone approached us. I couldn’t recognize him at first, but I know I met him before. He was a tall and handsome young man. Technically, he is tall compared to me because of my stature. I am a guy, of course I could tell what is handsome and what is not. I know he’s a senior, because I saw him a while ago talking to Mr Kang and to another group of seniors. But I don’t know what class he’s in.

He bowed at us, smiled to me, before turning all his attention to my best friend. “Sunny-sshi, can I have the next dance with you?” He said confidently. I nearly scoffed, but I didn’t. It would destroy my image.

“If it’s a slow dance, then yes.” Sunny said eagerly. I turned to look at her. She had her usual expression whenever guys hit on her. I can’t believe she is flirting with another guy in front of me!

“If it’s not?” He asked. I wanted to roll my eyes but everyone will see. I just waited for Sunny’s reply.

“They are reserved.” Sunny turned to look at me and giggled, at the same time I took my glass of wine and drank from it.

“Can I reserve all the slow dances, then?” He asked. I almost spit the wine if I didn’t think much of my image. I gulped and looked at her. I saw Sunny’s eyes widened for a split second but she managed to look unsurprised.

“Yes, you may.” She said, smiling. Then the guy left. She sighed before turning to me in vigour, “Who is he?”

I sighed. I turned to look at the guy from before, walking casually along the drinks table, bowed at the teachers hanging out there, before proceeding to walk again. “Do you remember Mr Kang’s favourite student because he always goes into detention?”

“Black leather jacket who always sits at the back?” She asked for confirmation.

“Wu Kris.” I nodded. The Chinese transfer student during freshman year. He was very much discriminated that time that no one ever did actually speak to him. I spoke to him for a couple of times. He goes into detention a lot but he has fairly nice grades.

“I didn’t know he was hot.” Sunny observed from afar. Kris just took a sip from his wine while his friends talked to him. I didn’t even know he has friends. But he stood out among them because he is tall, way taller than I thought of.

“How can you tell if a guy’s hot or not.” I asked.

She laughed. “You wouldn’t understand. I have a reason why I have Jessica for a best friend.”

The next song was the perfect song that I’ve been waiting for, and she was dancing with the Chinese transfer. My speech gone, my lines dead, my friends disappointed.

When Sunny told me that she is dating Kris, I don’t really know what to feel. She is my best friend. I am supposed to feel happy for her. However, I can’t help but feel broken because I never got the chance to confess, and all my chances taken in just a glance.

It was the summer after graduation when it was impossible to find Sunny without her Chinese boyfriend. Jessica told me to stop being racist, but I can’t help it. I don’t like him, and I don’t like him for Sunny. I felt bad for him because Sunny will go back to the country after high school, and will not study college.

But she didn’t. And she is planning to go to college.

“It would be great. We will all see each other in the university.” Kris said. We are all in Sunny’s house. It was Sunny’s parent’s house, but they spend most of their time in the country during weekdays, and goes to the city on weekends. Sunny’s older sisters already have jobs in the city, so we are alone in the house for today.

“What are you studying, Kris?” Jessica asked.

“Legal Management. I want to be a lawyer.” Kris said. Jessica and I felt that Kris isn’t good enough for Sunny, too. Even though we all belong to one section during high school and Kris is a consistent member of the honour roll, it doesn’t change the fact that he got in detention frequently, and we cannot help but be suspicious.

“What a big dream you got there, Kris. Jessica’s parents wanted her to study something in Business, but she decided to follow her own will. How about you, Sunny?” I asked. It’s still a puzzle to me why would she suddenly change her mind about going back to her province.

“Oh, I don’t know yet. But I was thinking of studying Literature. It’s what I’m good at.” She said. I rolled my eyes. Of course she would study something in the same college as his.

“Why not just study something that would be helpful in the ranch, you own one, after all.” I said.

“You own a ranch?” Kris turned to his girlfriend. Sunny was really anxious about people finding out that she is not a city girl. She thinks that city people cannot just accept a country girl in their group of friends. She shot me a glare before turning to her boyfriend.

“Yes, is it weird?” She asked acting cutely in the process. I swear she should stop doing that because she melts my heart to bits. And I am certain that the effect is just the same with Kris.

“No, it’s awesome!” Kris said. Of course it would be awesome. And cool. For heaven’s sake, it’s not every now and then that you meet someone who owns five hectares of agricultural land. And there goes another reason why Kris should love her.

“So what are you going to study?” I asked, just to cut their moment even though it is kind of obvious that Sunny will study Lit.

“Oh, I don’t know.” This time her tone is serious, with a hint of superiority, keeping her gaze on me.

“Come on Kris, let’s cook dinner.” It was Jessica who got the signal that Sunny and I needed to talk alone. She stood up and went to the kitchen.

“Okay.” Kris probably noticed the change in the atmosphere, and stood up and followed Jessica to the kitchen.

Sunny and I was left alone in the living. Our eyes met in a furious staring contest, neither one willing to surrender. Judging by the fire in her eyes, the colour of her cheeks, and the frown at her lips, she is mad at me.

“I know you hate him but you don’t have to act cold towards him.” It was Sunny who started, not taking a single glance off of me.

“I don’t hate him.” I said. I lied.

“Suho. I love him. Please try to like him, at least.” She said.

“I’m telling you, I don’t hate him.” I said. I lied. I hate him so much.

“You are my best friend. You know that, so I’ll need your approval on this.” She said.

“You don’t have my approval.” I said.

“Oh, Suho. Stop being so childish!” She just yelled at me.

“Am I being childish? You were supposed to go back to the country and now you are going to college simply because your boyfriend tells you to.” I said.

“He didn’t persuade me to go to college. It was my own decision.” She told me.

“You’re already grown up Sunny. Have your own decision.” I said.

“Why are we having this conversation?” She asked.

“I’m just telling you that you should do what you really want.”

“What if all along I wanted was to be a writer, Suho? What if I don’t want to go back?”

She was angry. I made her angry. She stood up, and went to the kitchen with the others. I stood up and went out. I sat on the steps from their porch. I looked to my left, and beyond the fence. They might have heard us. They might have not.

I didn’t know that she wanted to be a writer. She had always wanted to go back to their province. She never told me that she wanted to write. Goddamn it. What a good friend you are, Suho. You didn’t even know your friend’s dreams.

I heard a series of footsteps and not later I was joined in the porch by none other than Kris. I could never forgive him, ever. He stole Sunny’s heart in that one night. I already have her for more than half of my life, and he suddenly appears and asks her hand for a dance and suddenly they are dating. I looked at him. He is handsome, hands down. I can’t blame Sunny for falling for him.

“Hey, Suho.” He smiled.

“You have no right to call me Suho.” I said.

“Yeah. It’s pretty obvious that you don’t like me for some reason.” He said. I was about to say something but I don’t know what to say.

I looked at him. His eyes were in the sky, watching probably the clouds, so I watched the clouds with him. “I know you like Sunny, probably longer than I have loved her.” He said. How could he even know that I only like her and not love her as he claims? I stared at him. He is now staring at me back, smiling. But I returned to look at the clouds, and he did the same.

“I know she wants to go to the province, and it was fine. I could come and visit her every week end.” He said.

“You’ve been dating for only three months and you know that you would do that?” I asked.

“Yes, if that’s what it takes.” He said.

“Since when did she decide to study college?”

“I didn’t know about it either. But it was great that she wanted to do it. I used to re-check the student’s test papers during detention. By then I knew that she loves writing and she’s pretty good at it.” He said.

“I know.” I pursed my lips.

“Look, I really love her, and I would never hurt her. I would never make her cry. You can attest to it. I am a man of my words.” He told me.

“Sunny is my best friend.” I said.

“You are her best friend. You should know what is best for her, too.” He smiled. I wanted to slap that smile off his face. I looked so much better than him.

“I got to go. I have some things to discuss with my family.”

“But you’ll come back for dinner? Sunny said about tasting wines.” He asked.

I nodded but I didn’t come back.

I didn’t come back because I realized that I am doing exactly the opposite thing a best friend should do. I should be supporting her in every way that will make her happy. Instead, I hated her boyfriend. I negated her on writing, which is all she ever wanted. Just as when she realized what her dreams are. Just as when she became happy with her love life. I decide to turn myself from her. I didn’t come back simply because I just cannot be her best friend anymore. When I was six I never thought that I wanted to be friends with her. And it was true. It turns out that I wanted to be more than just friends. It was late that I realized it just now.

The truth is I didn’t come back because I really do have something to discuss with my parents. I passed both the entrance examinations for the Faculty of Medicine and College of Education, but I don’t know which course to take. Ever since they noticed my abilities compared to my siblings, they believed that I should dream big. But all I wanted was to be a teacher. They believed that I deserved something promising for my future, after I graduated with honours. Since my grandfather was a medic soldier, they wanted me to go to medicine and serve the army right after. But I don’t want to go to medicine. I was never good in science.

“Why wouldn’t you study medicine?” The sound of my father’s voice alone gives me the fright every time. I wouldn’t dare look at their piercing eyes, but it is impolite to do so.

After mustering all the courage I would need, I looked at my parents’ eyes. “Kibum hyung and Hyoyeon noona do whatever they wanted. But why can’t I get to pursue what I wanted, too?” I asked.

“We wanted you to have the good life that you deserve. You are a good and a smart son, and we hope to see you live not the way your mother and I lived.”

“We lived just the way we wanted, father. We live in a simple house in the neighbourhood, you have a good income, and a good wife, and everyone’s happy. This is just the life that I wanted someday.”

“Joonmyeon, your scholarship promises you a better future. Maybe after your studies, you can go abroad and achieve the life that we wanted for you.”

“Abeoji, I wanted a simple life. Don’t expect something big from me because it is not going to happen. Just because your first-born son’s future isn’t the way you wanted, it doesn’t mean that I should take obligation.”

“I am not having this conversation with you. Go to your room and think about your future.”