*thank you to dillatieva for the new banner featuring the pendant!!! ^^

I meant it when I said you're nice... Behind your mask, I have seen your kindness. I know my opinion doesn't count but I wish I could unlock you more... I wish I could solve you more. For whatever reason, I don't know. I only wish I was able to know you better.

By that perhaps you'd share something about your necklace. Don't you feel curious that we got the same pendant? I'm dying to know. I wish you could tell me something about it.

But that's just wishful thinking. You're not yet back and I am leaving. Soon these worries won't matter any more. I am bound to forget and though I wish I am not, I know I will never be able to escape it.

So goodbye, Jiyong-ssi. When we get to meet again in the future, please do not come near me. Please don't remind me who you are. It is already hard to accept the fact that everything about the aids will be deleted in my memory. I don't think I'll be able you take it the next time around.

So goodbye.

Thank you . 

Goodbye.

I am floating. I feel so light and I am flying. Is this a dream? It seems not. I don't know.

I'm not sure.

I am walking in a bright hallway, so bright that it almost blinded me. It's blurry even, at times. All I know is that I can see me.

A younger version of me.

I am wearing my highschool uniform and someone's holding my hand. Dad. It's dad.

"Dad... What are we doing here?"

"Aigoo. You're here for your regular check up."

Regular checkup... Somehow it rings a bell but it wasn't the check up most of us know. Flashes. I see flashes of scenes. I see a girl and another boy in uniform. They were talking. Then the vision becomes a blur, a haze. I see a syringe... A man and woman in white... They look so harmless but my eyes find their way to the metal cuffs on the bed. My breath hitches. What was that?

"I don't like it here." I tell my dad but he looks at me warily. 

"Sandara..."

How do I tell him being in this place suffocates me? I tighten my grip on my dad's hand.

"I'm scared..."

"Why? I'm here. Why will you be scared?"

"I don't know...It's just..."

"I'm here, Sandara. Don't you trust me?"

"I do."

"Then don't be scared. I'm here. Daddy's here. Don't be afraid."

And so my heart calms down at my father's words. I walk past the open door at the end of the hallway and I see two beds. The room is dark and the only source of light is the open door behind me.

But I almost jump up from my spot when it slammed close. My eyes widens and I turn around to pull it open but it seems like it was locked from the outside. I start to panic. 

"Dad! Daddy!"

"Dara!"

"Daddy open the door!"

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry!"

"Dad please!  I'm scared!"

"You'll be fine. Don't be. It's all for you. All for you sweetheart."

"Daddy, don't leave me here! Dad!!!" I keep on struggling to open the door but to no avail. I am crying. Tears flood nonstop down my face and I don't even  bother wiping them away. All I know is that I need to get out of the place. I need to escape.

"Don't waste your time and energy trying to knock the door down."

I stop moving. I turn around to find where the voice came from but it's too dark.

"W-w-who are you?"

"Seems like the chemical struck you hard. Can't you really remember?"

"Who are you? Tell me! Who are you???"

I see a shadow, a silhouette faintly moving on the farend bed. I step back until I reach the corner of the room. He's not going to hurt me, is he?

"Please... Don't be scared."

"I don't understand..."

"Don't be scared. You're not alone."

"You're not alone..."

*****

"Dara... Dara... "

"Hmmm..." I feel a tap on my shoulder but I am so drowsy to give a damn.

"Dara! Yah! Chief is here–"

"Shut up–"

"Aww you're the one who should shut up and wake up! Yah!"

"Let her be. I think she needs to get more few days off. What do you think?"

Few more days off.

Few more days off?

I snap my eyes open and shoot up from my seat. Damn it! How long have I fallen asleep?

 My eyes quickly scan the room and Choi Seunghyun's gaze greets me. I'm doomed. How many more times should he catch me in the same situation?

"Daesung, Seungyoon... Lead the forensics team to the site. We can never be too sure. It might be arson." he faces them and instructs them his way.

"Yes, sir, "

I look around only to see the others eyeing me before they go back to their own business. I stand up as I clear the files on my desk, grab my jacket and my gun only to feel Chief Choi Seunghyun's presence before me. I lift my gaze only to see him scowling at me.

"Where do you think you're going?"

I purse my lips to a hard line. He's doing it again. He's at it again.

It's been a week since I came back to work after some days of checkups and physical fitness tests. But damn Seunghyun won't allow me to get out of the headquarters. What's wrong with him? Was I demoted when I was unconscious and recuperating?

"I'm going with them. " I tell him directly to his face without even blinking.

"Sit down. You're not, " he says, grabbing my gun away from me. "Just go back to dreamland."

"Chief!" I stare at him in disbelief. What the hell?

"Don't start Dara. You should be thankful at least you're back here in my department,"

"I'm not sure if I should be really thankful about it, sir. I am not supposed to be warming my in this seat! Why won't you allow me to go out?"

"You haven't fully recovered," Seunghyun crosses his arms over his chest but I scowl at him, trying to contain my brewing irritation. He raises a brow. 

"What?"

"It's not fair. You are not being fair! Dongwook said I'm already well!"

"How can I trust you when you keep questioning my orders?" he asks and I swallow hard. Yeah he's right. Since I came back to work, he's been guiding me away from harm but I'm not stupid. I hate all these pretensions. There must be a reason why.

"Then why don't you just kick me out and allow me to go get assigned back to Ulsan. At least there, I won't feel as useless!"

He was about to say something more but then the door bursts open revealing CL whom I know has immediately sniffed out the tension between me and Seunghyun. She shifts her gaze to Seunghyun and back at me and I run my palm across my face.

Hers is another case. My poor clueless bestfriend. The more she looks clueless, the more I feel guilty over the fact that I can't share things to her... yet.

"Uhmm... Errr... Drinks to cool down your head guys?" she lifts up both bags in her hands.

"NO THANKS!" 

I see her flinch when both Seunghyun and I answer in a bit raised voice. I bite my inner cheeks and turned away. I'm not going to just sit the down.

"I am saving you and Lee for an important assignment. After we've settled the case in Gangnam, I'll be briefing you about it."

My mouth drops open the same time as CL's. She settles the bags of food on her desk before shuffling her way towards us.

"No kidding?" she pries and asks Seunghyun.

"I never joked about any of our missions," Seunghyun turns to her and CL clamps . I know the feeling, my dear dear bestfriend. Like finally, there's a miracle. 

"Do I get to have my share here?" Seunghyun rummages through the paper bags and lifted a cup.

"Oh please,  chief! Take your pick!" CL ran to him to allow him to choose. Seunghyun picks a doughnut and coffee and eyes me before going back to his office. And I know that stare. 

For weeks, he's been observing me.

"Listen to me for once, Dara." he squints his eyes at me before turning to CL. "Thanks," he tells CL and soon he's out of sight.

"You heard that? Oh God I missed the action!" CL runs to my and starts to shake the hell out of me.

I nod and force a smile at her as I sit down. I want to show some excitement and enthusiasm but I know I will just fail miserably.

"Your coffee," she sits on my desk and hands me a cup. I stare at it and shake my head.

I don't think I'll be needing caffeine in my system.

Not now that I feel like . I feel like a walking dead.

I barely had enough sleep since I gained consciousness weeks ago. Everytime I close my eyes nightmares keep haunting me. More questions start flooding my head, even far worse than those times I was with the aids.

Yes, I remember.

 I can still clearly remember.

Every moment. Every single event. Every name. Every pain, fear, struggle. Every ing goddamn emotion. 

And right now,  I'm on the verge of breaking down.

I got a shot of the drug.

Why didn't I forget?

Each day I am living in confusion and fear. What will they do once they discover about my case? Who can I trust? I shut my eyes.

Right now, I don't think there's anyone I can trust. No one can help me. 

Keep pretending, Dara. Keep pretending you don't know anything.

"Hey... You okay?" I raise my gaze at CL who is peering at me with so much worry on her face. "God, you're spacing out again. Tell me what's wrong,"

I shake my head. "Nothing. I... I just..."  my eyes dart to the cup in her hand before I switch to mine. "What's that?" 

"Milk shake– hey! That's mine!" she tries to reach out for it but I ran away taking my sip on it. "Aisht!"

"I can't drink coffee. Look," I point at my worsening eyebags. 

"You know what, your eyebags remind me of someone's... But... Well I just can't remember much but damn that's the worst I've ever seen."

I smile.  Seungri's got the worst yet the cutest dark undereyes. Perhaps CL still has some tiny little vision and blurry memories of Seungri in her head. I wonder what the boy is doing. Is his engagement due? I wonder if he's still planning to show up and claim his prize. Maybe I can set him up with CL for one night. They'd surely click. 

I shake my head. That's going to be dangerous. I need to stop thinking about those aids. But how? Where do I start?

It might sound crazy but I can still feel someone's still following me. Watching me... At night when I go home... In the morning when I go to work. Maybe Seungri's still  disobeying his Hyungs, especially Youngbae who is mad at the idea of him adapting to the city lifestyle. Maybe Jiyong gets to beat the hell out of Seungri to put some sense into his mind.

But no matter how hard I try to stay away from the thoughts about them, I don't think I will ever succeed. Those dreams and nightmares I have each night... How can they be so clear I feel they're all real? There's always that voice.

Jiyong's voice.

I slump my shoulders at the sudden flash of his name in my head. Jiyong. Why does he always haunt me in my nightmares?

Maybe, I'm just imagining.

Maybe I need to find a way to help myself.

Maybe, I need to admit that I'm officially a lunatic now.

*********

It's five pm and I am relieved I am finally able to finish summarizing the unsolved cases in our department in time. I am thinking of going out with CL tonight. Perhaps grab a drink. Go out to a club. Divert my attention into something else. I need a life. I need some distraction. 

I stand there facing Seunghyun's door and I am about to knock but I am startled when I hear him yelling inside his office.

"I need a clearer explanation for this, damn it! I did my part! What is wrong with you? What???"

I back away immediately. No one would want to mess with an angry Choi Seunghyun. And I wouldn't dare either. He just finally declared that he's going to assign us to a mission soon and I don't want him to take back his words.

I step aside and I don't know what kind of misfortune this day has in store for me until I feel my ankle twist when I stepped on something hard. I let out a not-so-graceful squeal as I let go of the files in my hand and before I know it, my lands on the floor just in time as Seunghyun opens the door.

. 

His brows connect then raise a bit when he finally see me, probably wondering what on Earth am I doing down here. 

"Sorry I... I slipped, "

"How long have you been here?"

"Not too long ago? Is that even important? Aisht, my ... Oh my what's this?"

"Damn Daesung! Aisht!I told him to keep his toys away!" he crouches down to pick up a piece of Doraemon toy near my right foot. I wince in pain and shift on the floor to stand up but he quickly reach out to check my foot.

"You okay? " he moved my ankle and I am glad it wasn't something serious. It feels fine.

"Yeah... I think my has suffered more injury." he pulls me up and I rub my behind. "You know what? If you really care then you might want to lift my office detention so I won't have to sit here all day and ease the pain on my behind."

He just smirks. "Nice try, temptress," he ruffles my hair while I stand stiff to my spot as the familiar words ring a bell in my ears.

I shut my eyes. No... Forget about it, Dara. Put those ing thoughts away.

"Hey..." Seunghyun snaps me out of my trance.

"Huh? S-sorry... I...!" I look down and remember the files on the floor. I immediately pick them up, gathering them  together, careful not to look at Seunghyun's questioning eyes. 

"It's just past five and you're done with that?"

"Yes. I'm planning to leave early. I'm going out with Chae."

"Where to?"

"I don't know. Maybe to a bar? Depends where our feet would take us,"

"Now that's dangerous. I'm going with you,"

I drop my mouth open. What the hell?  I need some space away from this man and he's making it harder for me.

"Seunghyun, I don't think that's necessary–"

"It is..."

"It's a girls night out for heaven's sake!"

"You haven't fully recovered–"

"Stop that crap, Seunghyun. I'm not dumb. You don't have to take good care of me. The tests say I'm fine. Dongwook said I'm fine! Why are you treating me as if I am a dying patient? Are you hiding something from me? Is there something I should know?"

That's it. At least he knows I'm not dumb. I need to let it out but I need to control myself. I cannot allow anger to overwhelm me and let unwanted words fly out of my careless mouth. Seunghyun tries to keep up a blank face but I'm sure he's quite taken aback.

Who is he to meddle with my personal business?

"Can I not care for you a little bit more?" he asks and I instantly throw him a confused stare. Something tells me there's something wrong.

"Seunghyun..."

"Just call me when you're going home then. I'll be picking you up,"

"Seunghyun, why are you doing this?"

"Can't I?"

"I am your subordinate here. We're friends. But I was never your responsibility–"

"You are. Let's end this argument. What time are you going home?"

"Aisht! How am I supposed to know? I haven't even left yet! And don't change the topic–"

"Either you take me with you or just allow me to pick you up. You choose,"

I raise both of my hands defeatedly. This is Choi Seunghyun, I forgot.

There's no winning against him.

********

"Thank you chief!" CL says as we climb out of Seunghyun's car. At the back of my head I am glad my bestfriend isn't in the same situation as mine. How's she going to take it? I bet she'll freak out.

Not that I didn't 

I did... And I still do. At night when I come home from work... When I take a shower. When I prepare food only to manage to eat a spoonful or two...when I hug myself staring at nothing in the balcony... When I go to