Right, so these next few chapters will be angsty. And this one is so long, I had to split it in two. Don't worry, it's a double update this time :o They just keep getting longer and longer... xD Sorry if it's no good. :[ There's just a lot that needed to happen this chapter. I hope you like it. Again, welcome, new subscribers! :D Keep up the comments, everyone. :] Thanks so much everyone for supporting this story. <333333

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No one’s POV

Seunghoon and Jinwoo had gone on the roof to talk. The latter shivered in his hoodie while the former awkwardly shuffled his feet. It had been silent for the past few minutes, neither of them saying a word. Jinwoo was collecting his thoughts while the younger was wondering what this was about, anxious because they were alone.

Jinwoo’s finally figured out what he wants to say. He takes a deep breath. Tonight, the pain would end.

Before he can begin, though, Seunghoon speaks up. “What’s this about, hyung?”

Jinwoo looks down at his feet. “There’s something I wanted to tell you. That’s all.”

The other man raises an eyebrow. “And you couldn’t do this in front of Seungyoonie?”

“No,” was the quick reply.

Seunghoon just laughs. “Come on, hyung. You’re scaring me! You’re making it sound all serious.”

“It is. Could you please just listen? I’ll say what I need to say, and then I’ll leave you alone.”

Seunghoon his head, noting how nervous Jinwoo was. He then nods, waiting for the older to continue.

A sigh. And then, ”You probably already know this… but I wanted to tell you anyway.”

Oh, no, Seunghoon thought as he winced. Please don’t let him say what I think he’s going to say. I’m not prepared; I’m too vulnerable right now…

Jinwoo has the tiniest of smiles on his face as he finally looks Seunghoon in the eyes as he says, “The truth is… I love you. I’m in love with you. I have been for a long time…”

Seunghoon closes his eyes, his heart hurting. Why did he have to say this? This was the first time Jinwoo had admitted it to him, and he wasn’t able to handle it as well as he thought he could. His heart wanted to leap for joy at the confession, but he wouldn’t let it because of the overpowering sense of dread that overcame him. What if he was going to ask him out? He didn’t think he’d be strong enough to decline, and it would hurt him too much to bring up his and Seungyoon’s fake relationship. He was panicking until Jinwoo spoke up again.

“But I know your feelings… I know your heart is not with me.” Jinwoo was still smiling. “I won’t do anything to jeopardize your relationship with Seungyoon-ah, and I will let go my feelings.” A single tear escaped his eye. “Forgive me… I just wanted to be selfish this one time and tell you my feelings. I just wanted you to know. That’s all.”

Seunghoon’s heart dropped to his stomach, and he was shocked. This was not what he’d expected at all. He felt his eyes sting at the older’s statement that he would give up on him, even though that was what he thought he wanted. He was angry. Why was Jinwoo always putting others before himself? It’s like he never looks out for his own happiness! His anger only flared when Jinwoo stepped toward him and leaned up to place a gentle kiss on his cheek, smiling as he turned to go.

“Stop that.” Seunghoon’s voice was low and dangerous. Jinwoo stopped in his tracks, turning back to look at his dongsaeng in surprise. “Why do you do this to yourself…?” His hands were quivering, and his mind was a wreck. He didn’t know what the hell was going on with himself. Although he should be happy that Jinwoo can pursue happiness with someone else, he’s angry that he isn’t pursuing it with the person he really wants? All for someone else’s sake? He was confused. He didn’t know what he wanted anymore; all he knew was the emotions he was feeling at that point in time. Nothing else mattered… no more thinking. “You are always putting other people’s happiness before your own. To the point where it hurts you…” He wanted to growl at him, but managed to control himself. “It pisses me off. That’s so stupid!!”

Poor Jinwoo could only stare at him in shock and confusion. Where was this coming from? He’d never seen Seunghoon so angry and looking so distraught. Plus, wouldn’t this be what he wanted? He has Seungyoon… “S-Seunghoon? I don’t know what you’re—“

“Oh, yes you do!!” Seunghoon interrupts with a yell. “Everyone can see it! Can’t you see you’re destroying yourself by neglecting yourself?? Why are you giving up so easy?” Screw before. Seunghoon didn’t want Jinwoo to just give up on him like that.

“Wha--?! What are you saying, you big jerk?!” Jinwoo had had it. What was up with him? Why does he want to hurt me like this, knowing we will never be together? How could he tease me like this? “What is your problem? How dare you ask me why I’m giving up?? You know damn well why!!”

“At what cost, Jinwoo? At what cost?!”

“My heart is a small price to pay for your happiness!”

This is what made Seunghoon so angry. Jinwoo wasn’t taking care of himself at all. “How could you say this?! What about you?”

“Don’t worry about me…” Jinwoo looked off to the side.

“I hate when you say that, you never want anyone to worry about you, including yourself! Why is my happiness so much more important than yours?? Why—“

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!” Jinwoo screamed, tears streaming down his face. “Damn it! How could you be such a ??” Seunghoon stopped immediately; Jinwoo rarely cursed. “Of course that’s the reason why! When you’re in love with someone, your happiness doesn’t matter anymore—that person becomes the most important thing.” He turns his furious eyes back on the younger. “And are you trying to hurt me now?? How dare you egg me on, trying to encourage ‘my happiness’ when you know my happiness lies with you and you and I can’t be together because—!” Jinwoo is interrupted when he is unable to move his lips anymore.

Seunghoon had kissed him. It was very brief, barely lasting two seconds, but it was long enough to get Jinwoo to shut up. The elder now stood slack-jawed, staring at the tall man in disbelief.

Seunghoon sighs and runs a hand through his hair. He didn’t know if this was a good idea or not, but Jinwoo had to know. He deserved to. “Hyung,” he started, his throat a little closed up at how emotional he was getting.

He cleared his throat and continued softly. “You don’t have to tell me that. I know about what love does, too…” He’d had his eyes on the distant skyline until this point, but now he turned to Jinwoo with so much emotion in his eyes.

“I love you.” There; he’d said it. “I always have. I’ve always looked at you with loving eyes, hyung…” He looked down to the ground now. He never imagined that it’d feel so good to say those words to him.

Jinwoo, however, was completely floored. “Wh-what…?” He’d never seen this coming. Never in a million years. His love wasn’t unrequited after all. He began to smile. Could it be…? Was there hope in this situation after all? But this also raised new questions. Had he hidden it so well? Were the signs always there to see but Jinwoo never saw because he didn’t believe it? More importantly, why was he with the leader when he was in love with him? His smile faded. “Do you…” Seunghoon looked up at him. “Do you love Seungyoon-ah, too?”

“No.”

His smile returned, although a little confused. “Then why—?”

“Because we can’t, Jinwoo.” Seunghoon looked pained.

The smile completely disappeared, along with his heart being smashed to bits once again. “Why not?” His voice was distorted with the sobs that were on their way out, his lower lip trembling.

“You don’t…” Seunghoon sighed, wondering how he could explain this. “You don’t deserve me.” Jinwoo’s eyes widened, and he looked like he was about to bolt. “You deserve better than me,” he finished, effectively squashing Jinwoo’s urge to run away bawling and baffling him further. Jinwoo was incredulous. Had he really just heard those words come out of his mouth?

“What the hell are you talking about, better than you?” Jinwoo said, the sobs completely gone.

“I’m not a good person, Jinwoo-hyung,” he began. “I have a lot of issues I still need to deal with… I’m not the man I want to be. The man who can confidently stand by your side. The man who deserves to. I haven’t let anyone see the real me, because I’m afraid they’ll run away when they see how I really am. It’s hard for me to have good thoughts, and I’m a very jealous, selfish person, and I can easily hurt people without trying, no matter how much I don’t mean to.” He chuckled. “I think the fans can see it… I don’t have a lot. I think I’m the least liked in the group, and I can see why. I have self-esteem issues, anger issues, trust issues, everything. I’d only bring you down, Jinwoo. You deserve a better man… so that’s why I never told you my feelings. I tried to project my feelings onto Minho instead, but it didn’t work. I always ended up right back to you.” The stinging was back in his eyes, and he wished he’d just cry already. “I’m so sorry, hyung, for all the pain I’ve caused you. It hurt me every time to see you cry, but I was doing it for you, for your own sake.”

He sniffled, finished with his speech. Jinwoo had been silent the whole time, simply staring at him the whole time. Finally, he moved forward and began pounding on Seunghoon’s chest, surprising the younger man.

“Pabo! Idiot, idiot, idiot, you big idiot!!” He had tears running down his face, but he was determined to punch the out of Seunghoon, who managed to grab his wrists to stop him from pummeling him. Jinwoo snatched his hands away, shaking his head. “How much dumber can you get?? You don’t get to decide for me who I get to be with! That’s my decision and my decision only!”

Seunghoon growled. “I was only trying to protect you! I’d only hurt you—“

“You don’t know that. You haven’t tried.” Jinwoo sniffed, rubbing away the wetness on his cheeks. Then, softly, he said, “Seunghoon-ah. You’re not perfect, I get it. No one is. I have insecurities just like you do.”

But Seunghoon shook his head. “You don’t get it. My insecurities run deep and I’m still not done dealing with them. I haven’t been able to let go of the past yet… I’ve been hurt deeply before.” He clenched his hands into fists. “I’m still not a good person yet. I’m not someone who can be in a relationship right now, especially not with someone as amazing you are.” Jinwoo’s heart broke to see the younger man’s tears.

He approached him, stepping right in front of him. “But baby, you are a good person,” he whispered, reaching up to place his hands on either side of Seunghoon’s face.

Seunghoon shook his head again. “You still don’t get it.” His voice was strained. “You’re just so good, Jinwoo-yah… I don’t want to take that away from you. I’m not—“

“Stop that,” Jinwoo interrupted. “I will not stand here and listen to your self-deprecating comments. I think you’re perfect.” Seunghoon opened his mouth to interrupt, but Jinwoo shushed him and continued. “Look how much you care about me. Sure, your way of showing it was a little off, but you still care, nevertheless. You’re always looking out for leader, because you know he won’t look after himself. You console maknae and help guide him when Seungyoon can’t. You play along with Minho’s immature and mischievous ways, no matter how annoying he’s being. You help us when we get stuck with the music or feel down about ourselves, you cheer us up when we’re sad, you help anyone who asks you, you put your all into everything you do… I could go on forever, Seunghoon. The point is, don’t distance yourself from me because you think you’re not good enough. That’s stupid.” He the younger’s cheek with his thumb. “We can work through your problems just like we can work through mine, no matter how big they are.”

“You can’t fix me, Jinwoo-hyung,” Seunghoon whispers. “Don’t even try.”

“I don’t want to fix you, I want to help you,” he answers softly. “When you feel… like this… like you can’t do anything because of whatever bad things you think of yourself, I can be there to remind you of how good you are to everyone; how special you are to me. When your past, whatever it is, tries to drag you into the darkness, I can be there to pull you back to the light.” Jinwoo lets go of Seunghoon’s face and hugs him tightly. “That’s all I want to do. I just want to be next to you, to love you.” He looks up at the taller man with shining eyes. “So let me,” he whispers.

Seunghoon is conflicted. However, his resolve to stay away from his hyung was dissolving fast: it’s completely disappeared, actually. Maybe it’s okay, he thought. Maybe it’s okay for me to be with him. Maybe we’ll be okay. Maybe… I can be happy for once.

Having made up his mind, he slowly wound his arms around Jinwoo’s waist. He buried his face into his neck and said softly, “Okay.”

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Seungyoon’s POV

I look a mess, I know it. I was a worried wreck last night since Seunghoon never came back to my room. I stayed up until five in the morning, when sleep finally claimed me. Did they have a fight? Are they okay? What happened?

It’s about two in the afternoon, and I don’t care what I look like. I throw on basketball shorts and a hoodie that’s two sizes too big and trudge my way out of my room. I don’t care what time it is, I still feel like a zombie.

When I make it to the living room, only Seunghoon and Jinwoo are there. Jinwoo is watching TV with his feet in Seunghoon’s lap while he reads a book. I raise my brow a little but continue on to the kitchen anyway. After finding some kimchi in the fridge, I walk back out to the living room and sit on the armchair to enjoy it. I chew slowly as I stare at Seunghoon hard, willing him to look at me with telepathy. He finally looks up from his book and smiles at me. I widen my eyes and glance at Jinwoo and make a gesture that meant “Well?” He puts his book down and squeezes Jinwoo’s toes, making him frown and kick him in the stomach. He laughs and turns back to me.

“Sorry, but I don’t think you and I are gonna work out,” he chuckles, his eyes twinkling as he winks at me.

I get the hint and feel so, so happy. Yes! They were together! Operation Get Seunghoon His Man was a success (even though it turned out a little different than we expected)! I pretend I’m hurt and clutch my chest. “You’re breaking up with me? You !” We both laugh while Jinwoo just shakes his head at us, smiling.

I turn to him. “Hyung…” This was the first time I’d said anything to him in a while. “You do know that—“

“I know,” he interrupted. “And it’s okay. Though that plan was really stupid, if you ask me.” He stuck his tongue out, but smiled anyway.

“Yeah…” I laugh nervously and scratch the back of my neck. “So… Hyung, I’m so—“

“I know. I forgive you.” Another radiant smile. Wow, Seunghoon really makes him happy.

At that, I jump up and run over to hug him. “I’ve wanted to hug you for the longest! I’m so sorry hyung, I was a terrible leader and—“

“Cut it out,” he laughs, patting my back. “I forgive you already, no need to be down on yourself.”

Seunghoon whacks me on my with his book. “Yah, not too long over there!” He chuckles.

“Awwww, Seungie wants a hug too~!” I release Jinwoo and squeeze him instead. We’re all laughing when Jinwoo kicks me and says, “Yah! That’s my boyfriend!”

After we calm down, I go back to my food and finally remember the other two members’ absence. “Hey, where are Tae and Minho-hyung?”

“Minho dragged maknae away for lord knows what. Said he needed him as moral support or something.” Seunghoon shrugged and went back to his book.

Moral support? I scrunch my face up, and the jealousy isn’t so rampant right now since I don’t quite understand what that means. I finish my food and put the dishes in the sink. As I walk back to my room, I call back, “Back to the studio tomorrow.” They groan and it makes me smile (I’m not a sadistic leader, I swear).

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An hour later, the missing members have returned home. I go out to greet them only to see Minho snatching the new couple up to go back out with him, saying he wanted to go check out this arcade. Jinwoo hopped onto Seunghoon’s back so he could get a piggyback ride, looking at me with his puppy dog eyes. I roll my eyes and wave them away, turning to look for maknae. He was staring in Seunghoon and Jinwoo’s general direction, looking back forth between me and them seeming completely perplexed. I wait until they leave to attempt conversation.

But just as I’m about to open my mouth, Taehyun speaks. “Are… Are you…? I mean…” He coughs to clear his throat. “Are you okay?”

I my head. “Huh…?” But then I realize what he was talking about. “Oh, yeah,” I say nonchalantly, strolling to the couch and seizing the remote.

He stands in front of me, shocked. “Are you sure? Jinwoo and Seunghoon are acting like they’re—“

“They are, and I’m fine with it.” I smile and pat the couch. “Come sit with me.” I was feeling good after finding out that one of the biggest issues in our group had been solved, and I missed my maknae. But Taehyun wouldn’t give up.

“But you two were—!”

“Taehyun-ah. It’s really okay. We weren’t even dating anyway.”

His expression was almost comical. “WHAT??”

“Yeah. We just pretended so we could try to get Minho to like him. But we failed, haha!” My laughter is so light today. “Well, halfway. Seunghoon still ended up with a man.”

“Wait a minute…” Maknae’s voice turned low and I had to turn down the TV to make sure I could hear him clearly. “You… y-you were never together? B-but you…” He seemed so shocked, and maybe even a little upset. Why?

I wrinkled my brow in confusion. “Wae? You okay, maknae?”

He just shook his head at me and stormed off to his room. I sighed heavily and facepalmed. What did I do now?? Was it something I said…?

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It’s 5:30 now. They’re all still out. I texted Seunghoon to see when they were coming back and Seunghoon had replied:

Late late late. We’re being bad without Mr. Yang’s position, haaaaaaaa! ;))))))

I groaned and scowled at the message. His was drunk! They were out drinking before studio day! I texted back immediately.

You get your back here right now! What are you thinking?? We have studio tomorrow!!

From: Seung-Loon

S’k. It fine hangovers not so bad rofl I’m lyin we so bad xDDDDDDD

You are drunk off your . Well done!! I’m coming to get you! I have GPS on all of your phones!!!!!!!!!

From: Seung-Loon

Holy I was just kidding and wtf leadah?? O_O we’re staying late at the arcade 2 give u a chance to hang w/maknae

I yell in frustration at Seunghoon’s idea of a joke. That little…

From: Seung-Loon

Time for your happy ending, leadah :)

Ugh.

Not gonna lie, though… I’m kinda thankful for this opportunity. I’m feeling lucky today, I’m gonna get me and maknae’s friendship back on track! And maybe even…

No. I shake the thought out of my head. Taehyun’s with Minho… we can’t be together. But still—no matter how dog-tired I am, I WILL get maknae talking to me again.

Thanks. But still no drinking…!

From: Seung-Loon

OKAY mom! >:( but srsly tho. Thnx. w/out u me n Jinwoo prolly wouldn’t be 2getha 5evah

I didn’t do anything. And your spelling is atrocious.

From: Seung-Loon

Blah blah blah Mama Kang das all I hear o^u^o

I put down my phone and stride over to maknae’s door, knocking gently. “Taehyun-ah?”

No answer.

I knock again, and the door opens a little. I peek in to see him sleeping on his bed. Feeling daring, I run in and jump on him, bouncing a little as I yell, “WAKE UP, maknae~!”

He startles awake and is immediately trying to shake me off of him like some sort of wild bull. “What the hell?!”

I smile and get off. “Get up and come keep me company.” I walk back to the living room and sit on the couch. Taehyun walks in a few moments later and sits down.

“Where are the others?” he asks me quietly.

“They’re staying out late today.” I smile at him. “It’s just us.”

“Oh…” He fidgets uncomfortably then, and my smile falters a little. But then I bring it right back. Never give up! I think to myself.

“What do you want to watch?” I wait for his answer patiently.

“I don’t care,” he replies rather coldly. I sigh then.

This is gonna be a long night.

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