Sorry for the late update. It was Easter, so I couldn't update Sunday ;A; Then, all day Monday, I was writing this; big chapter. :x It's now like 3 AM Tuesday morning. xD I never sleep... but it's all good, it's for you guys. <333 Once again, thanks for the upvotes and comments! Keep them coming! And helloooooo~, new subscribers! ^^ I hope you all enjoy this update... this long, sad, update... please don't hate me. <3

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Taehyun’s POV

It’s been really nice these past few days. I just really love being close with Seungyoon again. Before, it was like I had a piece of myself missing… I was really being stupid then. How can I manage without my favorite hyung? He’s important in my life for so many different reasons… I can’t believe I almost messed it up.

We’re in the gym today, working out like President Yang wanted. Minho’s with Hwangssabu-nim, doing some brutal workout he wanted to impose on himself; Seunghoon’s lifting weights over by the wall of mirrors; Jinwoo’s happily using the jump rope while singing, and Seungyoon and I are on the treadmills by the windows. We got here early this morning, around 8, and have been working out since (it is now one in the afternoon) with a thirty-minute break around noon.

I’m running and listening to my music while Seungyoon’s walking for now and watching the TV. I pull out one of my ear buds and call his name. He looks up at me with a “Hm?” I turn down my music and ask him, “How much longer are we gonna stay here, do you think?”

He looks at his watch and thinks. Then he calls out to our trainer. “Do you think it would be good if we were done for today in about half an hour?”

He gets up off of Minho’s back, as he was sitting on him while he did push-ups. “Yeah, I think that would be okay,” he nodded. “You guys worked out well today.”

True to his word, Hwangssabu-nim let us go within half an hour, and he left the gym while we stayed to catch our breath and cool down for a few minutes. Minho played on his phone with Jinwoo laying his head on his stomach, looking like he could pass out at any moment. Seunghoon was still by the mirrors, his shirt lifted up as he inspected his abs. Seungyoon was on his phone.

I was taking a drink from my water bottle when I felt a hand in my hair. I pushed his hand away and complained. “Hyung~,” I whined. “My hair is sweaty. That’s gross.”

Seungyoon just laughed and poked me in my side. “Did you have a good workout?”

“Yeah,” I reply. “My legs will probably hurt like hell in the morning.”

Minho snorts. “This is what happens when you run the whole time, stupid maknae.” I just chuck my empty water bottle at him, the bottle making a *thunk!* noise when it hit his forehead. “Yah!” he cried and sat up immediately, making everyone laugh.

“Aish, don’t make me laugh. It hurts.” Seunghoon gestured down at his barely-there but forming six-pack. “I was working on core muscles all this time.”

Seungyoon pointed at him. “And that is no one’s fault but your own.” He turns back to his phone, smirking. “Sympathy denied.”

“Objection!!” Seunghoon sped up to Seungyoon with his hands in the air.

“Overruled,” calls Jinwoo from Minho’s stomach.

“Jinwoo-yah!” Seunghoon was shocked at his boyfriend while everyone laughed again.

“So I take it everyone’s ready to head back, then?” Everyone answers in the affirmative. “Alright then, let’s head out.” Our leader stands and we follow him.

At least, I tried. When I tried to take a step forward, my legs were just like ‘NOPE’ and gave out underneath me, making me fall flat on my face. I ate it hard. I look up and Minho’s laughing so hard that he’s silent-laughing, doubling over and pointing at me. Jinwoo slaps his arm and fake-glares at him. “Don’t laugh at the baby!” he chides, coming over to help me up. Seungyoon comes over to help too, looking guilty as he’s gone red in the face from trying to keep in his laughter. He’s biting his lip so hard…

I roll my eyes. “Go ahead and laugh,” I mutter as Seungyoon puts an arm around me to lift me up. Then he just lets go; both figuratively and literally. I drop back to the floor with a loud *thud* as he falls to the floor, just cracking up. Everyone laughs at me this time as I stay on the floor, face-down, Jinwoo backing away trying to cover his laughter with his hands.

“I’m dying,” he wheezes, still laughing as he rolls on the floor.

I sit up and growl at everyone. “It’s not that funny!” I cross my arms.

Seungyoon is the first to calm down again as he gets up off the floor and approaches me. “I’m sorry, maknae,” he says softly, a few giggles still escaping his lips. “Here.” He holds out a hand. I just turn my nose up and look away.

“Picking on the maknae?” a deep voice says. He tsks, adding, “That’s not very nice.” That voice… so deep, it makes drop everywhere around the world... Must be—

“Seunghyun-hyung,” I breathe. My breath has literally been taken away just by looking at him… Maybe I am just gay after all. I’ve never really looked at T.O.P, but now that I am, man is he beautiful! His hair is perfectly coifed, beads of sweat slowly rolling down his high cheekbones as he quirks an eyebrow. His mouth is a little open and he’s panting slightly, a towel around his neck—he must have come in here at some point to work out when we didn’t notice. He’s looking around at everyone until his eyes come to rest on me, his lips slowly—almost sensually—pulling up into a gentle smirk… if that’s even possible. He walks toward me, looking at me with those bedroom eyes of his, and I’ll be surprised if I’m not blushing right now because goodness, that man just oozes !

I swallow when he comes to stand in front me, the others scooting out of his way and bowing in greeting. I barely notice them; T.O.P just demands attention when he walks into a room, and it’s no different with me. Not wanting to disrespectful, I try to bow from my place on the floor. He just chuckles then, his dimples coming out to add to how handsome he is. “You’re so cute,” he says, his deep voice sending shivers down my spine. That fortune teller must have been trying to kill me when he said T.O.P and I were a match… I can’t handle him now and he’s barely spoken a sentence to me! I settle for nervous laughter as I run a hand through my hair, my cheeks definitely on fire now. He squats down so he’s eye level with me. “What are you doing down there, anyway?” He his head to the side in slight confusion.

I let out a shaky breath and focus on keeping my voice steady. “I worked out too hard… and now my legs are like jelly,” I say quietly, looking at his shoes instead of his eyes. “I can’t take another step.” I laugh again, still out of nervousness.

“Aww,” he coos. “Poor maknae.” He reaches out and pats my sweaty head; I don’t mind it this time… one does not simply tell Choi Seunghyun ‘no.’ Then he turns around, still squatting low to the ground. “Here,” he says.

“Huh?” is my confused reply. He chuckles at me and reaches back to grab my hands in his giant ones, pulling me onto his back. I quickly wrap my arms around his neck as he stands up—I am NOT trying to fall back onto that floor. “Nnf!” he cries out. Oops… I’m choking him a little. He hurriedly grabs my legs and pulls them around his waist and hoists me up a little higher so he can properly give me a piggyback ride.

Process that for a second. T.O.P is giving me a piggyback ride. Excuse me while I go die real quick.

“Sorry,” I mutter, moving my arms to rest against his collarbone. He shakes his head. “It’s fine,” he replies, hoisting me up a little again. Then he faces my members, and I notice them for the first time since he first walked in here. Everyone has shock written almost cartoonishly all over their faces. “Well? Who’s going to lead the way to the dorm?” he asks. Seunghoon glances over at our leader, whose face is a little blank at the moment. What for? Then Seunghoon smirks and says, “Follow me, hyung,” snatching the keys out from our leader’s limp hand and leading us out. T.O.P bounces me and then starts walking, making me laugh.

“You didn’t have to, hyung,” I say, embarrassed.

“I know,” was all he said back. “I wanted to.” Aigo, I swear he says such things on purpose to make people come undone at will…

“Well thank you.” I lean my head on him as we make our way to the dorm in silence. Then I say, “Hyung.”

“Mm?” I could feel his deep voice vibrate throughout his body since I was leaning on him.

“Do you believe in that fortune teller stuff?”

He was quiet for a moment. Then, “Ah. I remember what you’re talking about. Yeah, I believe in that sometimes.”

I felt tired from my workout, so I let myself close my eyes. “Maybe we should talk more, hyung… Exchange phone numbers… P.O boxes…” He laughs at that, and I feel him nodding. “I want to be friends, hyung…” I say, my voice growing quieter with each word. “Get to know you…”

“So get to know me. I won’t make it easy for you. I’m actually really awkward and shy.” He’s speaking lowly so only I can hear him.

“That’s fine, hyung. Just another lovable quirk.” I pat his chest and loll off to sleep for five minutes until we get to the dorm.

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Seungyoon’s POV

As the door shuts behind T.O.P, I stick out my tongue and make a crazy face at his back. The nerve of this guy! Swooping in on my maknae…

Seunghoon saw that I guess, because the next thing I knew, his hand was on my shoulder and he was giving me this huge smile. I groan.

“Wipe that -eating grin off your face, hyung,” I snip, turning away and shaking his hand off me.

“Language, Seungyoon-ah.” He keeps smiling and follows me into my room. I sit down on my bed; so does he. I cross my legs; so does he. I frown; he frowns. Trying to get him to stop, I get on my hands and knees and wiggle my in the air. He just does the same thing, which gets me laughing. “I knew you’d cheer up,” he says triumphantly. Then I go back to scowling. “Oh-ohhhh~, don’t make the face! Don’t you make that face~!” He pinches my cheeks and I bat his hands away.

“Stop talking to me like I’m a baby!”

“Then stop acting like one,” he retorts.

“Wha—“

“Man up and claim your babe. Then, you won’t have to worry about tall, handsome older men that are much cooler than you potentially stealing him away.”

I deflate, glaring at him. “Thanks for the pep talk, hyung.”

He looks at me, alarmed. “Did that seriously hurt your feelings?”

“No dip, donut.”

He gives me a look. “Are we 4^th graders now?”

I pull down the skin under my eye and stick my tongue out. “You’re the one complaining about my language, granny.” Then I sigh and look down at my hands.

“Aww…” Seunghoon scoots closer to me and pulls me into a sideways hug, resting his head on mine. “You know I love you. I totally like you better than Seunghyun-hyung… I choose you always.”

I sniff. He needs a shower. Bad. “He can’t sing like me…”

“Of course he can’t.”

“Can’t dance either,” I add.

“Absolutely not.” He snorts.

“Doesn’t play guitar… everyone likes a guy who can play a guitar like me…”

“That’s right.” He rubs my shoulder.

“Doesn’t have an as nice as mine…”

“No~,” he coos. He’s patronizing me. I don’t even care.

I sit up, leaning away from him. “I really do want to tell him how I feel…” I pick at a loose thread on my covers absently. “It’s so hard being around him again without being with him, you know? I can’t take the teasing… I used to be able to do it so carelessly when I didn’t know I loved him, but now it makes me want him so much more.” I puff out my cheeks. “Was it always flirting?”

“Probably.” Seunghoon shrugs and starts eating a Snickers bar that came out of nowhere. I glare at it warily. I just got a sense of déjà vu…

“You have to tell him soon… or else T.O.P or some other nice guy or girl will come and take him away from you for real.” He looks like he wants to say something else, but thinks better of it and just continues munching away on the candy bar he’s not supposed to have.

I squint at him. “Hey.” He looks up at me. “What are you hiding?”

“Um, what?” he asks, startled.

“You’re keeping something from me.”

He fidgets in his spot, and then looks at me uncomfortably. “Well… Let’s just say…” he sighs, then waves his hand as if telling me to forget it. “Just don’t keep it in. We’ve had this discussion before. You didn’t say anything then, and look at where that got you. Both of you with your feelings hurt.” I wince—he had a point. “Don’t do that again. It’ll put unnecessary strain on your friendship, I know you don’t want that.” He stands up, finishing his chocolate and throwing the wrapper in the trash. “Even if the outcome isn’t what you want, at least you’ll have gotten it off your chest. You can move forward then, and move on.”

I look up at him, scared all over again. “But what if… what if he hates me?”

“That boy will never hate you. Ever. I know that for a fact.” He sounded so sure of himself; I had no choice but to believe him. Then he turns around and leaves.

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Taehyun’s POV

T.O.P and I had exchanged numbers before he left. I’m sitting on my bed looking for him in my contacts, frowning when I don’t find him. “What?” I whisper to myself. “But I saw him put it…” I’m interrupted when I get a text from someone saved as ‘Bear Hyung <3.’ I laugh; that must be him. I open the text.

From: Bear Hyung <3

It’s TOP. Just making sure you know Bear Hyung is me ;]

I chuckle and text back.

Duh that’s the only new entry in my phone. I should change it to bingu hyung that’s much easier to recognize

My phone buzzes almost immediately.

From: Bear Hyung <3

Hey. Only super level friends can call me that… aka bigbang. >:[ You got a ways to go kid

 

Oh? But I can get there?

 

From: Bear Hyung <3

You’ve got potential. ;]

I smile at that.

Stop sending winky faces. Your eye will get stuck like that in real life.

 

From: Bear Hyung <3

I see no problem with that ;] ;] ;] ;] ;] ;] ;]

 

It’s amazing how shy hyung is in person but how bold he is through text! Kkkkk~

 

From: Bear Hyung <3

Just another lovable quirk, right?

Talking to him is too fun. I smile to myself and continue texting him for the next few minutes until he said he had to get back to his workout. I pouted then, bored.

Out of nowhere, the doorbell rang. My eyebrows furrowed. Who is that? We aren’t expecting anyone…

Hearing no one get up to answer it, I roll off the bed and hurry to the door. I open the door and am instantly surprised. This is strange…

“Noona.” I’m a little stunned, but bow quickly. She gives me a small bow in return and holds a finger to her lips, signaling for me to be quiet. Then she smiles and takes out her phone, leaning against the wall as she calls someone.

“Seungyoon-ah,” she says in a way I don’t like. Actually, I don’t like her calling his name period. I fidget nervously and listen quietly. She sighs as she says, “I’m so bored. We don’t have anything scheduled for today so Bom-unnie is going stir-crazy. She’s like a puppy… I told her to go for a walk.” She laughs then, and I irrationally hate her laugh. It’s so pretty… “Anyways, we should do something. Please tell me you’re bored, too…” Please don’t be bored, please don’t be bored, please don’t be—

My prayers go unanswered when Seungyoon’s door opens and he comes out, talking on his phone as he approaches. “Yeah, I gotta get outta here. What do you want to—“ He finally spots her as he comes closer. A big smile spreads across his face as he runs over and hugs her. “CL-noona!” he greets excitedly. She laughs and hugs him back. “What are you doing here?” he asks breathlessly as he pulls away.

“I told you, I’m bored. Let’s go for lunch.” She starts to tug on his arm when she stops, leaning in to sniff him. She jumps back, nearly knocking us both over; I grab her and hold her steady. “Seungyoon-ah, you stink,” she says, her voice nasally as she pinches her nose.

“O-Oh! Haha! Sorry, noona… I’ll be right out!” He disappears into the hall, presumably to get some clothes and towels so he can take a shower. We both shake our heads at him. Then she steps away and turns to me.

“Sorry about that,” she apologizes, patting me all over. “Did I bump anything? You okay?”

I laugh. “Yes noona, I’m fine.” I place her hands back to her sides and walk past her to my room. “Have fun at lunch,” I call back half-heartedly, going to my room to pout.

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It’s been an hour since those two left. I’ve been rolling all around on my bed, trying to get rid of my jealousy, but failing miserably. How come those two are so close? When did that happen? I’m sure my bottom lip is even poking out, but I don’t care. I can’t help but want him to myself… I sigh when I realize I have no right to. He’s not my boyfriend… The thought still makes me sad.

Then I hear a knock. I roll over to see a head with adorable eyes peek in at me. I groan and roll back over. “Jinwoo-hyung~!” I did not want anyone to see me pouting like this.

He bounces in and lays on the bed next to me, shaking the bed when he flops down on it. “What’s the matter, Taehyun-ah?” He notices my pout and pokes my bottom lip. “What’s that look for?”

I might as well tell him. I throw my arms up in exasperation. “Hyung went out with noona and I don’t like that!” I sound childish, but I still don’t care. It’s the truth; I don’t like it. “Whaaa~ what if she’s trying to date him, hyung? Ottoke?” I hide my face in his chest.

He scoffs. “She is not.” Then he pulls me up to look at him. “Taehyun-ah…” He has a smile on his face that doesn’t look good. “Is my little dongsaeng jealous…?”

“N-no…” I mumble, looking away. He just continues smiling at me, waiting. After a few minutes, I give up. “Fine! Yes I am!”

Jinwoo looks excited. “So Seungyoon-ah really is the one you were thinking of when you asked me about love that time?”

I am defeated. “Yes…” I admit grudgingly.

“Haha! You like him! Joaaaah~” He starts singing ‘Joah’ by Jay Park and I shush him quickly. He looks at me in confusion.

“Not ‘joah,’ hyung,” I say pointedly. “Saranghae.”

He squeals and starts spazzing out. I look on, bewildered, but eventually just join in the squealing. “My littlest brother: in love!” he squeals again, bouncing around. I just laugh and nod excitedly. Who knew it felt so good to love someone?

Just then, Seunghoon walks by and gives us a weird look. “What are you two doing? You’re in here screaming like a couple of girls.” He stops in the doorway and waits for us to answer. Jinwoo and I just look at him and get off the bed, squealing and jumping around towards him. He looks on for a couple of seconds, his eyes squinted as he mumbles, “What the …” But then he just shrugs and jumps in and laughs with us. A few moments later, we hear the highest pitched squeal of all as Minho sees us and joins in.

See what loving you has done to me, Seungyoon? Turned me into a jumping, squealing fool… and I don’t mind. You’re worth it.

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After Seungyoon came back from his lunch with CL-noona yesterday, he said she and the rest of 2NE1 would be coming for another visit today. So here we are, running around like mad men as we try to clean the house. When we’re finally satisfied, we get dressed.

“Oh!” Minho says. “We need snacks this time too, right? Or will they bring their own again…?”

“We have to make some,” Jinwoo chimes in. “We would be bad hosts if we didn’t.”

Minho groans, dragging me and Seunghoon into the kitchen with him so we can start cooking. “All right, you two. Work your magic.” Seungyoon tries to come in, but Minho pushes him right back out. “You stay out.” Everyone laughs at the pouty face Seungyoon makes.

We get a decent sized spread laid out onto the coffee table and have a seat, waiting for the girls to arrive. Just as Jinwoo’s hits the couch, the doorbell rings and he groans, getting back up to answer it. The girls are there, looking nice and greeting us.

The house soon gets lively, and we’re all having fun playing together. The chef line of Park Bom and Lee Seunghoon are at it again, Bom shouting “I don’t want you!” periodically while Seunghoon just rolls his eyes. Dara and Jinwoo are playing together on the couch, giggling with each other. Minho walks up to them and sits next to Dara, throwing his arms around her and surprising her. “Yah~, hyung! Dara-yah is supposed to be my best friend!” He whines at the older as he hugs the noona in question to him, making her laugh. Jinwoo just shrugs.

“Tough luck. We’re the cute line, no rappers allowed!” He then grabs Dara from out of Minho’s arms and hugs her to himself possessively.

Minho looks shocked. “This is incredible! Who gave you the balls, Jinwoo??” He turns to Dara, looking at her with desperation in his eyes.

She scoots closer to Jinwoo and shakes her head. “Omo, who are you looking at like that?” She playfully swats at him as she laughs. “You’ll convince no one to be on your side with an expression like that. Instead, I only want to run away!” They all laugh as Minho pretends to look hurt and starts to fake cry.

I shake my head and interrupt. “How many times do we have to tell you, hyung,” I say, “that that look is hideous?” I muffle my laughter with my hand as he pounces on me, screaming “Hey!” as he laughs and tries to put me into a headlock.

Meanwhile, when Minho had gone to go mess with Jinwoo and Dara, he’d left Minzy all alone. She smiles wickedly and turns on her aegyo to get her way. “Oppa~” she wails cutely. It works—Minho freezes and looks at her with wide eyes. She crosses her arms. “You left me to play by myself… how dare you? This is a two-player game…” She sniffs and points at the TV, where they had a game of Street Fighter going.

Minho immediately gets off me, which makes me crack up. He’s acting like a whipped husband. “Sorry, sorry Minji-ah…” He sits down next to her and whines a few minutes later. “What are you so upset for? You keep beating me!” She laughs that bubbly laugh of hers and pushes him playfully, asking for another round.

I shake my head, smiling as I notice that the snacks are all gone. I was just about to suggest dinner when I notice that the chef line is gone. I look around, confused, but then I hear commotion in the kitchen. “They’re there, alright.” I chuckle to myself as I go in the kitchen to see what they’re doing.

Bom and Seunghoon are bickering while they cook—nothing unusual. She had stolen his hat and was wearing it on top of her long, pretty dark hair; hyung didn’t seem to care. He’d apparently stolen her hair tie as well, so he was using it to wear his hair in a stumpy little ponytail that stuck straight up. It looked hilarious. I was about to say something when I heard squealing coming from the living room. All three of us look to see what’s going on, and my heart drops.

Seungyoon has CL gathered up in his arms as he’s swinging her around in the air. She’s laughing as she lightly hits his shoulder. “Put me down!” She looks uncomfortable, but she can’t help laughing anyway. Seungyoon’s laughter is contagious, after all, and he was laughing pretty hard at her discomfort.

“No way!” He smiles up at her. “What’s that? Does the baddest female want to be tossed like a child?”

She whacks him on his head, suddenly alarmed. “Yah! You better not!” She starts making a serious effort to wriggle out of his grasp. “I’m not confident in your strength… you’ll drop me, with those noodle arms…”

Everyone in the room (except me) laughs at Seungyoon’s embarrassed face. “Just for that, I’m really not gonna put you down now.” He squeezes her tighter, and it squeezes my heart as well. She just gives up then, dangling over Seungyoon’s shoulder in defeat, which makes Bom giggle in amusement. I look away from them; I can’t handle it anymore.

“Yah, Chaerin-ah doesn’t like being touched like that. If he’s not careful, he’ll get a Superman punch to the face…” She says this contemplatively, snapping the tongs in her hand for emphasis.

I look at her. “From who?”

“From me.” She raises her eyebrows and flips her hair.

Seunghoon scoffs. “Really now. You couldn’t even slap me properly.” She promptly whips off the hat on her head and bonks him with it. “Ow!” he yelps, making Bom and me laugh as she puts the hat back on.

Minzy comes up to us then. “Don’t laugh! Her karate chops are no joke!”

Bom smiles. “That’s right~” she sings sweetly, going back in the kitchen to poke at whatever they were cooking.

I shake my head, giving a small smile. “Sometimes, you scare me noona—“

“Good!” She spins around to glare at me fiercely, snapping her tongs and flipping her hair again.

“Yaaaaaaaaaah, you crazy lady! You’re gonna get hair in the food!” Seunghoon rushes back into the kitchen to bicker with her some more. I shake my head and turn to go back to the living room, nearly running Minzy over.

“O-oh! Sorry, noona,” I apologize, bowing. I hadn’t realized she was still there.

She shook her head and waved it off, smiling. “It’s fine.” She was looking at me, and it made me feel weird. Why is she looking at me like that?

“Um… is there something on my face…?”

She laughs. “No, no… Well, I suppose there is…”

I immediately start pawing at my face. “Where??” I ask severely. I take my looks very seriously, you know.

She stifles another giggle and pries my hands away from my face. “Not that.” She points at my heart. “Whatever is going on here…” She moves her hand up to my nose and pokes it delicately. “…is showing here.” She her head then. “Are you alright?” Wow… Minzy sure is no joke. She really is super wise for her age…

I duck my head shyly. “It’s nothing, noona.”

She just hums. “Well, I won’t pry, but you can talk to me whenever you want. Okay?” I look up at her and nod. She smiles again as she says, “I’ll give you my number later.” She pats my arm as she moves away.

“Th-thanks!” I stammer, bowing to her retreating back. It really does mean a lot… I need someone level-headed to talk to about Seungyoon… Jinwoo-hyung squeals too much.

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Later, I’m the first to finish dinner. I stand up from my spot on the floor and then take my plate to the kitchen. I grip the countertop as I close my eyes. I think I’ll go to my room now… I just can’t get the image of CL and Seungyoon out of my head, and it hurts. I walk back into the room and bow repeatedly, apologizing as I excuse myself to go to my room for the rest of the night. I hear sounds of disappointment come from the group, wanting me to stay, but I can’t right now. I exit the living room and retreat to my bedroom, shutting the door as I flop down onto my bed.

Ottoke… Seungyoon and CL are close friends. I know that. I can’t keep getting jealous… I just don’t want him to fall in love with her or anything. It’s selfish, I know… but can you blame me? I don’t know what I’d do with myself if the man I loved fell for another person… Honestly, even I’m surprised at myself. I never expected to get so jealous about it. But then, I was really upset when I thought he and Seunghoon were dating…

My thoughts were interrupted as I heard a knock. Figuring it was Jinwoo, I called, “Come in,” and rolled onto my side, facing the wall. The door opens and closes. Feet walk to my bed and I feel the mattress dip as someone sits beside me. I see a thin, pink hand reach over and poke me on my nose. I’m alarmed as I realize whose hand that is. It’s not Jinwoo’s…

I sit up. “Oh, Seungyoon-hyung,” I say as calmly as I can.

“Hey.” He looks at me, concern evident in his eyes. “What’s the matter, maknae?”

I sigh. I’m completely done with not telling Seungyoon how I feel inside, so I decide to tell the truth. “It’s just…” I run a hand through my hair. “CL-noona bothers me a little.”

“What?” He looks confused.

“I don’t like that noona…” I know damn well that’s not the whole truth. I liked her just fine before she started getting close to our leader. Then she began to irk me whenever Seungyoon was near.

“Huh?” Seungyoon’s eyes look like they’re going to fall out of their sockets. “Wae??”

I shrug, changing the subject. That part still has to remain a secret for now. “Do you like her?”

“Of course I do. She’s a good friend.”

“Sorry.” I clear my throat; he didn’t understand. “I meant, do you like like her?”

He laughs then. “What are we, in elementary school?”

I cross my arms. “I’m serious, hyung.” He stops laughing. “I’m just curious.”

“Oh…” He leans back against the headboard then. “Well, she’s pretty…” I moan inside in pain. “But she’s not my type.” He looks at me expectantly. “Answer your question?” He reaches over and ruffles my hair.

I grab his hand and put it back on his lap, looking away. That’s not the answer I’m looking for… He didn’t say “No, I don’t like her.” He said she wasn’t his type. Well, Seungyoon wasn’t my type at first, but then he became my type because it changed to fit him. That could happen to him with CL. I just… don’t know. I look back at him and smile, my heart heavy.

“Thanks for telling me.” I chuckle then. “You have company. Get back out there. What are you doing in here talking to me?”

He gently fake-punches my cheek. “Because I care about you, and you looked upset. I had to come check on you.” Then he smiles. “And you hypocrite; it’s your company, too.”

“Well I don’t feel well right now. Go on. I’m fine.” I literally had to get up and drag him to the door. He just stood there like he didn’t know what to do. I laugh at him—he’s so…

I push him, still smiling. “Bye,” I say, shutting the door in his confused face. Then I lean against the door and slide down, my head in my hands.

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Seungyoon’s POV

Something’s bothering my love, and he won’t tell me. He may have sent me away with a smile, but I wasn’t convinced. It bothered me the whole night, and CL could tell. When it was time for the girls to leave, she hung back to talk to me. The boys were all in their rooms, so it was just the two of us, standing by the door.

“Seungyoon-ah,” she starts, leaning against the door. “Your mind was racing a mile a minute; I could see it in your eyes. What happened?”

I smirk. “First,” I say, reaching to take off her huge sunglasses, “it is nighttime, and you are indoors. These are not needed.” I place them on my head and smile at her, and she laughs at me. Then I sigh and tell her that I think Taehyun’s shutting me out again. “It’s scary… I don’t want a repeat of what happened last time. We were doing so well… I don’t think I can handle another falling out.” My face fell at the mere thought of Taehyun and I being separated again.

CL looked deadly serious as she said, “And that’s the exact reason why this needs to be squashed as soon as possible. Things like this take a toll on everyone, and you guys are the last people who need drama at this point in time, considering recent events.” I nod. “Go to him. Do not wait for him to come to you, and do not take any crap. You know when he’s lying. But be gentle and calm. You don’t want to upset him and have another big thing on your hands.” She sighs then and just gives me a long look. Then she pulls me into a hug, saying “Good luck, Seungyoon-ah. I really hope things work out.” She leans back and smiles. “You deserve happiness.”

I smile back at her. She’s a really great friend, I’m so lucky to have her. Just then, we hear a door open, and our heads turn to see Taehyun shuffling out to the bathroom, giving us a small smile as he passed. I looked at him longingly, not wanting him to be upset. When I turn back to CL, she’s smiling at me. “That’s a nice look on you,” she says softly. I raise my brow questioningly. “The look of love.” I blush and look away then. She reaches up and tweaks my cheek affectionately. “You’ve become like the little brother I never had. I only want the best for you, and this is it.” She opens the door and steps out, plucking her sunglasses off my head. “Tell me everything tomorrow morning.” Then she closes the door, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I stay standing by the door for a few minutes, just thinking about how I should approach the maknae.

But then I’m surprised to see that he has come to me when I look up. He’s standing in front of me with his hair adorably messed up and wearing a large black hoodie (borrowed from Minho), and blue basketball shorts. I fight to keep a blush from rising on my face; ever since Seunghoon sent me that accursed picture of Taehyun in my shirt, the mere sight of his legs drives me nuts. He was looking down at the ground, but then noticed I had seen him and looked up at me too. He nibbles on the sleeve of his hoodie and shuffles his feet for a few moments before he speaks. “Hyung, can we take a walk?” His voice is small as he says this to me.

I just look at him for a few moments before I answer nervously, clearing my throat before I say, “Yeah, of course.” We put on our shoes and set out into the night.

Just like last time, I let him go where he wants and I just follow him. He swings his arms as he walks, avoiding every crack in the sidewalk like a child. It makes me smile—he’s too cute for words sometimes. Then I notice that he’s led me back to the playground: the same deserted playground where we last had a big talk. It made me nervous, and I hesitated before entering. As he sits down on the swing, he looks over at me and notices my uneasiness.

“It’s okay,” he says. “I feel it too.” I walk over to him and decide to push him this time. I place my hands over his and am about to start moving forward when he speaks again. “But here, too, we can create new memories. Some not so bad ones.” He looks back and smiles at me, and I smile back.

“Using my words now, are we?” I resume my movement and walk forward, then backward, then forward again, and back again before giving him a big push to get him swinging. I just keep pushing him, and a comfortable silence settles over us. He keeps going higher and higher, and I still keep pushing him. But then as he’s coming back, I don’t see his feet and they swing back to kick me in the face.

“Ah!!” My head jerks back with the force and I turn away and hold my nose. I hear Taehyun say “Oh !” and the sound of him jumping off the swing. He’s next to me in a second, apologizing and swearing at himself. “Are you okay??? Oh my god, Seungyoon!” I laugh at him and turn to face him, his worried face filling my field of vision.

“It’s fine,” I assure him, removing my hands from my face. “See? No blood. It’s okay. Just… ouch.” We both laugh at that and go to sit on a bench.

I turn to face him. “So are you going to tell me what’s really wrong with you now?”

He just smiles, still looking at the woodchips. “I shouldn’t be surprised that you saw right through me, huh?” He toes the dirt, then finally looks up at me, nodding. I wait, propping my arm up on the back of the bench and holding my head in my hand. He just fidgets then, thinking really hard about something.

He looks up and apologizes. “I’m sorry… I’m just thinking of a way to say this, that’s all.”

I smile. “No worries, take your time.” I give him a look. “I’m not going anywhere.” He nods appreciatively, and I wait.

Silence between us.

The wind blows.

The swings creak as they sway in the breeze.

The soft zooming sound of cars rushing past us.

The ticking of my watch.

Nature is the only noise around us as neither of us says anything. Taehyun’s still deep in thought, frowning.

I don’t mind. I’ll wait here all night if I have to… as long as it takes for things to be okay again.

I put a hand on his knee, gently rousing him from his deep train of thought. “Tae.” He blinks at me. “What’s this about CL-noona?”

He just looks back down.

“Can you tell me… can you tell me why you don’t like her…? You liked her before, I know. What changed?”

He just took a deep breath, thinking for a few minutes before he answered me. “I was jealous of her.”

My heart leapt a little. Was he jealous because of me…?

I internally scolded myself. He doesn’t have feelings for me… of course not.

“Wae?” I asked softly.

He had a hard time with this question, as he took several more minutes to answer. “…I was jealous… of her closeness with you.”

So that’s it. I was right. He’s just insecure about our friendship. I chuckle anyway and reach out to ruffle his hair. “Tae, there was no reason to be jealous. I know you had a hard time before because you thought I was replacing you with Seunghoon… I wasn’t, and I’m not now with CL. No matter what, you and I are the closest. Okay?” I expect him to look up at me and nod, and then this whole thing will be over with.

Boy, was I wrong.

He looked up finally, his face riddled with anguish. His fists clenched in his lap as he looked off to the side. “But I…” he ground out, his voice sounding pained. He grit his teeth and made that face; that face I knew too well. It was the face he makes right before he cries. He buried his face in his hands and said nothing else. I rubbed his back, murmuring “It’s okay,” waiting for him to calm down again.

But he didn’t. We must have sat there for 45 minutes, his head still in his hands as he sat still as a statue. My was getting numb, but I didn’t care—Taehyun is the most important thing right now, not how cold I am or how tired I feel. I wait for the moment when he talks to me again, but it doesn’t come.

I’m starting to get worried. This is a long time for him to be quiet. Even when he’s angry with me, he usually blurts out what he’s feeling at some point. But right now, there is nothing. That’s unusual and it scares me. He’s really not okay… he’s been sitting like that for I don’t know how long anymore. Suddenly, he just starts shaking his head. What’s the matter with him…?

I ask him, but he just shakes his head more. Then he lifts his head up, and I see his tear-streaked face for a split second before he stands up, his back to me. No, don’t do this…

“I’m sorry, hyung,” he croaked. “I just can’t… I can’t right now. I’m sorry.” Then he bursts out into sobs as he says again, “I’m so sorry,” and takes off running.

I immediately give chase. “No no no, you are NOT running from me. Not again!” I will not let him go this time; never, not after what happened last time. I’m never letting him go again…

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Taehyun’s POV

I run as fast as my legs will allow me, wiping my face as I go. I don’t even care that he’s chasing after me; I just had to get out of there.

I couldn’t do it.

I was going to tell him how I really felt, but in the end, I couldn’t do it.

I can’t.

I can’t risk what I just got back… I can’t risk losing him when I just got him back.

I don’t think I’m strong enough to say it… I just don’t know…

With Seungyoon right behind me, I dash up the stairs to the dorm, bypassing the elevator because hell no, I’m not gonna be stuck in a box with him after I just ran from him. I throw open the door, kick off my shoes without caring where they landed, and rush into my room. I turn to slam the door when Seungyoon grabs the door and stops me, pulling it open. I just stare at him for a second, wondering when he got so strong. Then I shake my head and give up, running to my bed and sitting down cross-legged, crying into my hands and waiting for him to come in—I know he will.

Sure enough, a second later, I feel the bed dip beneath his weight and his hands are on me immediately, pulling at my wrists to try to move my hands from my face.

“Taehyun-ah,” his voice is pleading, and it hurts me to hear him sound like that. “Don’t do this to me again, Tae. Just talk to me!” He gives up and settles with putting his hands on my knees. “Taehyun, please.” I can hear the pain in his voice but I just shake my head. I can’t do it.

“I can’t do it,” I whisper.

“Can’t do what, Tae? What’s the matter? Tell me so I can help you,” he begs.

I look up then, his image blurry through my tears. “Can you really…?” I sniffle and more tears fall. “Please help me… I don’t know what to do anymore…”

“Just talk to me. I’ll help you. Whatever it is, I can, I promise.”

I just put my face in my hands again, shaking my head. “No, no, you can’t,” I wail.

“Yes I can! Damn it, Taehyun!” He was back to pulling at my wrists, and I bat his hands away, pushing him away from me.

“Stop it stop it, don’t!”

“No!!” He was exasperated and frustrated. I know. But I don’t know what else to do. He grabs my shoulders then, his patience wearing thin. I know he just wants to help me, but he has no clue how powerful this secret is… it could change the way he looks at me in an instant. I won’t be his maknae anymore. I won’t be his anything.

And then where would I be…?

"Taehyun…”

“No, Seungyoon. I can’t do this. I just got you back, and—“

“I told you, I’m not going anywhere!!”

“How can you say that?! You don’t even know what I—“

“I don’t have to know, it doesn’t matter. I am always here for you, Tae, always! When will you realize this??” He shakes me a little.

“You’ll hate me!”

“NEVER!” he shouts. “Never.” His voice is a low snarl. “Don’t you ever say that. Don’t you dare because that’s not true, and you know it.”

“But—“

“And you know it!!”

“Seungyoon, I’m just trying to protect you…”

“I don’t give a !” His tone surprised me. “Can’t you recognize it when I’m trying to take care of you? I don’t care about me right now, don’t worry about me! If you want to help me out, then tell me what the hell’s wrong with you because when you’re hurting and don’t tell me about it, that hurts me, too!”

“You wanna know what’s wrong with me…?” I’m just done. I don’t care. I just want him to stop yelling at me. “You wanna know, huh?”

“Yes!”

“FINE!”

“GOOD!”

He’s looking at me so intensely now, waiting for me to say something. The next words that will come out of my mouth will be the hardest thing I ever have to say in my life, I know. But if I just say this now… Seungyoon will be okay. Won’t he…? And I’ll be okay. We can move on. He won’t look at me with angry tears running down his face anymore, red in the face trying to get me to open up to him. He won’t grip my shoulders so hard I’m afraid they might bruise. His lips won’t be pressed into that thin line, his entire face tense.

It’ll be over.

That’s all I want… No more angst. Goodness, all this strife these past several weeks… It’ll end.

He’ll reject me, and it’ll be over.

I clench my fists, trying to gather the strength say it. I look fiercely back into his eyes, my vision starting to blur with tears again. My lip trembles, and it’s a struggle to get any sound out of my mouth. “I…”

He just grips me tighter. Waiting.

“I… I… I…”

“You what, Tae?” His voice is so soft now, it’s barely a whisper…

I just keep repeating ‘I’ over and over again like a broken record. “I… I…” I break down all over again, hiding behind my hands so I won’t have to look at him when I say it, the tears coming down around and through my fingers.

“Oh, Seungyoon… I love you,” I wail. “I love you! I’m in love with you!! I’m so sorry… so sorry…” His hands leave my shoulders, and I mourn the loss of warmth. “Please don’t be mad… don’t go away… you promised…” I’m babbling now, anything to fill up the silence Seungyoon is creating by not speaking. “This… this is the reason for e-everything…” I hiccup, my sobs causing me to stutter. “Everything… everything I ever said these past f-few w-weeks… it’s because I was mad. Mad and confused. Confused a-about you and my feelings for you and mad at myself for having these feelings. I didn’t know until recently and I was going to tell you when I went to your mom’s house but I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable and ruin the friendship we just got b-back. Seungyoon-ah…” My voice cracks on his name. “Hyung, I’m s-sorry! I’m sorry I f-feel this way! I won’t act on my feelings, I promise! I’ll never make a move on you, ever! I won’t do anything bad, so please don’t hate me! I just want to stay friends a-and I didn’t want to keep a secret from you, so I t-told you…” His silence is scaring me, making me more hysterical by the minute. “I’m sorry, Seungyoon-ah! Please don’t leave me!! Don’t leave… Never leave! I’m sorry! I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry!” I keep apologizing over and over again, not stopping until I suddenly run out of breath and start gasping, trying to catch my breath.

I remember that time in the playground, when I was crying like this before and Seungyoon was comforting me. He told me to breathe slowly then, in and out; I try doing that now, too, and it works. My erratic breathing slows and calms down, and I can breathe normally again. I just sit then, my eyes still shut and hidden behind my hands. I don’t wanna see him right now… I don’t want to see the face he’s making.

I hear shuffling on the bed, and my throat tightens up, sobs threatening to escape again. That’s it. He’s leaving. He’s leaving me. He lied. We’re going to fall apart now. He’s going to ignore me and hate me and oh my gosh, I just lost my best friend.

My best friend…

My one and only…

I lost him.

I shouldn’t have said anything. I was stupid…

So, so stupid…

Why is he taking so long…? He should just reject me and get it over with.

Or have I shocked him speechless? Is he so repulsed by this? Is he disgusted with me now…?

Oh, how this hurts. It hurts so much. I didn’t know it would hurt this much.

The tears start falling again, and I cry silently this time. I’m afraid that if I even make the tiniest of sounds, he’ll dart out of my room and out of my life forever. I don’t want that. I want him near always.

But we don’t always get what we want, do we…?

A sniffle interrupts my thoughts. It wasn’t mine. Oh, god… I made him cry. This is so bad…

And then, finally. I hear his voice.

“Oh, honey…” he says weakly.

Did I… did I hear fondness in his voice when he said that…?

No. I must be imagining things.

Wishful thinking…

But I wish he wouldn’t call me that. It makes me cry harder, my sobs audible now. I’m confused. Why, of all things, did he say that?

Then, arms. Arms are around me. His arms, there’s no one else in here. Why is he hugging me? He holds me tightly and I just cry into the embrace, savoring it for whatever brief amount of time it lasts before he regains his senses and lets go. He’s rubbing my back now. Still confused.

“Taehyun-ah…” There’s no mistaking it. There’s… affection in his voice when he says this. But why? I don’t dare question him, though, and break whatever spell is over him.

“Taehyun-ah,” he says again. I feel him place his cheek on top of my head. “You don’t know how happy I am to hear you say that…”

…

…

…

…What?

The tears have temporarily stopped as I listen to him. “I’ve loved you for so long now… I can’t believe you feel the same way. I can’t believe that all of this…” he stops to laugh a little. “…All of this was because you loved me. You loved me, Taehyun. You love me.” He laughs again and I’m in shock.

My mind is still stuck on the first sentence.

He said… he said what?

He loves me…?

As if he read my mind, he says it again, like the first time wasn’t enough to effectively kill me. “I love you too, Taehyun-ah. So much…” He can’t stop laughing. “I’m so glad… I can finally say this to you with confidence. I love you, I love you, I love you, Nam Taehyun.”

He means it.

Despite my hysteria and confusion, I still know what he sounds like when he’s lying and when he’s telling the truth.

And what do you know… he’s telling the truth.

I cry again, but this time, they’re tears of joy. I remove my hands from my face and climb into his lap, wrapping my legs around his waist as I hug him back tightly, sobbing happily into his shoulder. He just my hair and holds me tighter.

I could run a marathon right now. Kang Seungyoon loves me.

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Seungyoon’s POV

Do I dare believe it? Is this the real life? Is this reality…?

I will myself to stop thinking in Queen songs and focus on the here and now. Nam Taehyun, my little love, just told me he loves me. Everything I’ve ever wanted has been laid out in front of me on a silver platter, and all I have to do is take it.

So I hold him tighter and don’t let go, just like I promised. I can’t believe it. He loves me too. I can’t keep the smile off my face. I’m just so damn happy…

I laugh, wondering how much drama could have been avoided if only I’d been man enough to state my feelings earlier.

I close my eyes and don’t dare to wipe my tears away: I’d have to let go of Taehyun to do that, and I really don’t plan on doing that right now.

This. Is. Bliss.

It’s the most amazing feeling. I want to go yodeling on a mountain, dive off a cliff into the ocean . I just…

I’m just so ing happy!

It happened!

Taehyun and I can be together now!

Never in my wildest dreams did I think that this could be the big secret weighing heavily on my maknae’s heart. But now I have him, and it’s beautiful. He’s beautiful.

And our future will be beautiful. I’ll make it so… I’ve just been given the most precious thing in the world: a chance at love. I’m going to cherish it, and Taehyun, for as long as I live.

I’m never letting this go. Never letting him go.

Ever.

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Taehyun’s POV

It feels like hours have passed since he hugged me. I don’t really care how much time has passed, to be honest. I wouldn’t care if our whole lives passed us by like this… just as long as I stay here in his arms, and he stays here in mine.

I’m wondering which of us will be brave enough to pull away first when he does. He leans back slowly, as if afraid I’ll break if he moves too fast. Then he just looks me in the eyes—he looks into my soul, really. I stare back into his. His lips are pulled into a small smile as he reaches up and wipes the wetness away from my face, and I reach up and do the same for him. A breathy laugh escapes him then, and he leans forward until our noses are touching.

I stop breathing.

He just stays there, still looking into my eyes, his lips parted as he breathes onto mine.

I could melt right here and now. Is this really happening? Is he really so close to me…?

I tentatively reach up to place my hand on his cheek, brushing my fingers across his cheek gently. He closes his eyes and leans into the touch, his long eyelashes casting shadows across his cheeks. It’s not fair for him to be so handsome…

Then he looks at me through his lashes, his eyes at half-mast as he breathes against my lips again. I shiver slightly, and I know he feels it. He his lips and then his eyes dart down to mine before finding my eyes again. “Tae…” he whispers, and I shiver again. The way he says it is the way everyone wishes to hear their name be called. “Can I…?” He swallows before he speaks again. “Can I… kiss you?”

I just nod, dazed from his closeness and the thought of him kissing me. Would it feel like I thought it would…?

I guess I’m about to find out… He leans even closer until his lips are barely brushing mine, and then he closes what little distance there is left between us and kisses me.

I close my eyes, and I hear fireworks go off in my head. I know that sounds cheesy, but that’s really how it happens. This has never happened before, so I know he’s it for me when his lips touch mine. It’s so different from kissing a girl… but good different.

I like it.

His lips are so soft, and he kisses me so gently. I bring my other hand to the other side of his face and pull him closer. I can’t believe he’s kissing me. This is… this is…

Sigh.

It was a long, chaste kiss, but it was amazing all the same. He pulls away first, and I open my eyes to see him looking at me. He leans his forehead against mine, simply looking at me, the most mesmerizing smile on his face. I feel myself smile back, and I slowly lean all the way back on the bed and pull him down with me. He holds himself over me and keeps smiling down at me, occasionally kissing my nose, my eyes, my cheeks, my forehead, or my lips again. I close my eyes and let out a long, contented sigh. I love this man so much…

He lets himself down and lays on me, snuggling into my neck. I play with his hair with both of my hands, just happy to have him like this. But then I can’t help myself.

I bite back a laugh as I say, “So… you don’t have feelings for CL…?”

I hear him groan, and I finally laugh. “That’s what you have to say after all this…? My ego is hurt. I, for one, thought that was an amazing kiss.” He kisses my neck then. “To answer your question, no.” He kisses me again. “Absolutely not. There’s only you in my heart, Tae.”

That makes me feel indescribably happy and warm inside. “Good.” I continue to play with his hair, a gentle smile on my face. This is all just so right, and I’m loving every second of it.

Just then, my phone buzzes.

“Who dares interrupt this moment…?” my love grumbles, leaning up a little so he can reach into the pouch in my hoodie and take out my phone. His face scrunches up at the name. “’Bear Hyung <3’…? Who the hell is ‘Bear Hyung <3’ and why is he texting you so late?” Ah, my Seungyoon… he’s so cute when he’s jealous.

I take the phone from him and toss it to the other side of the bed. “It’s just T.O.P hyung. He saved himself as that in my phone, so don’t look at me.”

“Ugh.” He pouts, leaning all the way up so he could make sure I saw how displeased he was. “I don’t like him swooping in on you and trying to take you away from me.”

I snicker at his choice of words. “No one is trying to ‘swoop in’ anywhere, hyung is just being nice to me.”

“Oh yeah?” He reaches back and opens my phone, looking at the message. “What’s this suspiciously flirty message, then?” He turns the phone so I can see. I read the message…

It says ‘Are you sleeping Taehyun-ah?’

I crack up then, dying of laughter. “How in the hell is that flirty?”

“He wants to know if you’re awake! He wants to come get in your pants!!” I push his shoulder then, signaling for him to shut up because I’m laughing so hard. He sounds like a grandpa! Who says ‘get in your pants’ anymore?? “I’m onto him… and look! All these earlier messages were flirty! You guys were flirting!” He pouts again, tossing the phone back away from us. “He wants a little Taehyun… well he can’t have any.”

I finally calm down, his hair affectionately, smiling. “I know.”

“He needs to know, too… No way are you ever getting away from me again. Especially not because of him.”

“Hey.” I tilt his chin up a little so he’ll look at me. “I’m not looking at T.O.P. I only have eyes for you, Seungyoon. I’m only looking at you.”

He blushes then… it’s so beautiful on him. “Really?” he says softly, his eyes shining.

“Mm.”

He smiles then, making me weak. Then he leans down close to me again, our noses touching. He rubs his nose against mine and then says, “Say it again.”

“Say what? I say a lot of things…”

“That you love me…” His cheeks flare red again, and I’m glad that I have that effect over him. “Say it again,” he asks again, his voice low and deep. I shiver underneath him.

“I love you, Seungyoon-hyung.”

He closes his eyes and smiles even wider. “Again,” he whispers. I just chuckle quietly and pull him down for another kiss.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Ahahaha! You thought it'd be sad... I lied. >:3 Yay, it finally happened! I hope you liked the update. Love~ <3333 Geez, was that long... :o