Well, damn. This chapter is REALLY long. xD Also, sorry sorry... more hurt Jinwoo. :[ But no more, I promise. Don't hate me~. Surprise inside... read ahead to see. *devious smile* Also: wow! Upvotes! I just noticed! Thanks! <333 Welcome, new subscribers! Thanks for reading my story :3 Keep the comments coming, I love them~ <333 Enjoy~

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Taehyun’s POV

It’s been a couple days since Seungyoon and Seunghoon came out as a couple, and I’m still not sure how I feel about it. I mean, it’s weird! All of a sudden, they’re a couple. Just *BAM!* Here we are! We’re together! It really threw me for a loop, and I have so many different feelings about it that I just can’t sort them out.

For example, Seunghoon. I wasn’t aware he had any feelings for Seungyoon. I thought he liked Minho… I’ve never seen him so much as look at our leader with fond eyes, but I guess maybe he was just hiding his feelings or something. It’s not like everyone tells me everything, so I can’t really claim to know.

But Seungyoon… I would think that I’d know about his feelings, at least! I’m supposed to be his best friend, he would have told me! Arrgh, but then we haven’t been talking for the past few weeks… could he have developed feelings for Seunghoon so quickly? Why does this make me feel hurt? I don’t understand… I don’t understand any of this. I thought that I…

I sit up on my bed and frown. I thought that I what? What about me? This is exactly why this whole situation lately pisses me off… I have no clue how I feel about anything anymore. Seungyoon pisses me off even more because he is the source of all this confusion and anger, I’m sure of it. It’s his fault since he wanted to be an and push me away as his friend. Fine then! He doesn’t deserve a friend like me anyway. A friend who understands, who cares, who…

…

I growl at myself and start tugging at my hair. This is all my fault, isn’t it? It’s not like he wasn’t trying to make things right between us… I’m just so stubborn! He really doesn’t deserve a friend like me… no one deserves a friend like me.

I flop back down onto my bed and close my eyes. What I don’t understand is why? Why am I so stubborn? Why am I hurt by every little thing Seungyoon does nowadays? Why do I care so much?

I smile slightly at that. I know why I care so much. My favorite hyung is an amazing person, that’s why. He always looks out for s, what’s best for everyone. He’s not a selfish person (though he does selfish, stupid things from time to time). He’s very intelligent and a deep thinker… he’s not a one-dimensional, cookie-cutter kind of guy, unlike some people in the idol business. He’s not afraid to be himself, he’s a good listener, he doesn’t judge… Gosh, when did he get so perfect? I rub my hands down my face. Seungyoon is so good… As the maknae, I’ve never felt as important as the others and kind of left out, but he’s always looked at everyone with fond eyes…

Turning over, I curl into myself and try to ignore the stinging in my eyes. Well, maybe he used to look at everyone with fond eyes… Maybe not me anymore. I wouldn’t expect him to with the way I’ve been treating him. I’m amazed he even tries to talk to me still; I would’ve given up long ago if I were him. That’s the difference between him and me. He doesn’t give up on people, he’s kind… I’m the exact opposite in every way.

I sniffle. I guess I must be pretty awful because in a way, I feel like Seungyoon has given up on me. First, he’s replaced me already as his best friend with Seunghoon. And now, they’re dating. He really doesn’t need me anymore… What if Minho and Jinwoo get together next? Then everyone will forget about me, I’ll be all alone…

I angrily wipe my tears. How could he do this to me?? Just leaving me like this! I know I sound selfish, but I don’t care. I’ve already established that I’m not a good person. Why can’t he pay attention to Seunghoon and me both? Why does it have to be one or the other with him? Yeah, he’s trying, but not hard enough. It’s because he really doesn’t care.

Or does he…? See, this is why I’m starting to resent him. He keeps giving me mixed signals! One minute he’s there, and then he’s not. One minute he tells me everything, the next he’s not telling me anything! He’s making me so confused and this rage is turning me into a different person. I so badly want to tell him off, but I won’t. He already has enough to be stressed about, and I know he’d be even more bothered if I tried to unload my feelings onto him. I have to keep my mouth shut for his and the group’s sake, and I hate it. I hate that I care so much, I hate that he has this effect over me, and I hate that I can’t figure out why. I hate him!

…

I start crying again because I know that’s a lie. I could never hate him.

Rolling over, I grab the pillow to muffle the sobs currently coming from my shaking body. Oh, Seungyoon… what do you do to me? What do I do? I can’t forgive you but I can’t let you go either… and I can’t figure out why. Tell me what to do, like you always used to…

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Seungyoon’s POV

In the past week, we’ve been resuming work in the studio. I think we’re close to being done… President Yang says we’ve been improving and the list of complaints about our work has steadily been decreasing each time we met with him. It brings a smile to my face because soon, we’ll be able to debut. I know the members have all been anxious for it, and it will finally happen; it’ll be the most amazing feeling ever.

Taehyun’s been doing okay at the studio. I think he’s beginning to put the sasaeng incident behind, which is great because he’ll (hopefully) get back to his old, happy self. I didn’t like seeing him so scared and upset.

But since a couple days ago, sometimes I’ll look at him and catch him looking at me with a look that I really can’t describe. For a split second, he’ll look so broken that I’m afraid my heart will give up on me just from that one look. But it’s gone as quick as lightning, his expression switching to neutral so fast that I’m not entirely sure that I wasn’t just imagining things.

Everyone is waiting on me in the living room so we can go to the studio, and I’m running behind. I literally jump into my skinny jeans, hopping around while cursing my newly acquired . I’d been trying to eat more, and I guess it all went straight to my backside since I noticed that the curve of my is more prominent. Nice, but decidedly annoying when I’m trying to squeeze it into a pair of tight jeans.

I manage to get the pants on and skate out to the living room on my socks. Seunghoon is refereeing some sort of hand game going on between Jinwoo and Minho while Taehyun is just standing in front of the window, looking out at the city. I look between him and the others and wonder why he’s by himself. I shrug; I’m not gonna agitate him today. I’ll leave him alone.

However, that thought disappears after I said, “Let’s head out” and everyone shuffled out the door except the maknae. I tilt my head in confusion. What’s the matter with him? Was I wrong when I thought he was over the sasaeng incident?

I tentatively call out his name, but I get no answer. “Taehyun?” I try again, but he’s still just standing there. I walk up behind him—no reaction. Now I’m really worried… this isn’t like him. What could possibly be worrying him so bad?

I look at his face in the reflection of the window. That has to be the saddest I’ve ever seen him. I suddenly feel a flash of anger run through me. What’s going on with him? I wish I knew so I could help him, and it makes me angry that I’m powerless to do so since I went and messed up our relationship. I brush away my self-loathing for the moment and focus on Taehyun. He’s still standing there with that horrible look on his face, and I’m not entirely sure what to do. I decide to forget about upsetting him and be selfish… I need to do something; my maknae isn’t supposed to look like this. I slowly wrap my arms around him and hold him as tight as I can. I know a hug may not be much, but it’s still one of the best comforts there is.

I feel him jump a little in my arms, and I look up to see that the sad look is gone and has been replaced by a slightly surprised one. “Huh?” he says, startled.

I wasn’t quite sure what to say… No matter how much I wanted to know, I wasn’t going to pry because I wasn’t sure that he would tell me anyway. So instead, I said softly, “We’re going to the studio. I called for us to leave and called your name twice, but you didn’t answer.”

“Oh… sorry, I guess I spaced.” He looks away from our reflection in the window.

I knew that was a lie, but I didn’t press. I chuckled and replied, “Well that’s not like you. Daydreaming again?” I squeeze him once more before moving away a little and placing a hand on his back. “Come on.” I start to guide him away from the window, and he actually follows me. I keep my hand on his back until he puts his shoes on and we’re walking toward the others, which I’m glad for because he lets me. I just want him to know I care and that I’m here for him any time.

He latches onto Jinwoo and Minho as soon as we reach them, and I sigh. The spell is broken, he’s back to ignoring me. As I meet up with Seunghoon, though, Taehyun looks back at me with a look that isn’t quite neutral, but I can’t describe it either.  Maybe he’s not ignoring me now…?

Seunghoon notices and raises an eyebrow at me. I shrug exaggeratedly to show him that I have no clue either. He hums and looks away, linking his arm with mine.

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On our way to the studio, we make a detour to the cafeteria because the rappers wanted to stop and get snacks. Jinwoo and Taehyun accompany them, leaving me by myself. I take a seat at one of the tables, taking out my phone to text Youngbae-hyung. I really wish he wasn’t so busy… I could really use some advice from him. He gives the best advice and I really value his opinion. He’s busy working hard, though, so I decide not to bother him with my problems.

I look around and spot Bom-noona and CL-noona. CL is getting up to go somewhere, so she doesn’t notice Bom spot me and wave. I wave back, smiling. She motions for me to come over, so I do.

“Have a seat, how are you, are you hungry?” she asks in the same breath. I’ve barely sat down and shook my head ‘no’ before she’s stuffing some bread into my mouth. I don’t object since it tastes good.

I swallow and say, “I’m alright, could be better. Working hard.” I smile.

She smiles back and nods. “That’s good, me too.” She tosses her hair over her shoulder and giggles. Well of course she’s working hard… She’s actively promoting and currently in the middle of a tour! I laugh along with her until she calms down and says, “What’s the matter with you? You look so pensive. That’s not good for you, you know. You’re still young! You’ll ruin your pretty face with a bunch of frown lines if you keep that up!” She makes a big show of rubbing the confused wrinkles away from between my eyebrows and raises one of hers at me.

Would it be okay to tell her? Maybe… She is my senior, after all. I hope she can give me some insight. “Well, I am having a little trouble with the group and also some, uh, love issues,” I manage to mumble. She blinks at me and is silent for a second. “Oh… I can see where that might cause a frowny face.”

“Do you think… do you think you could help me?” I ask meekly. I’m a little embarrassed asking her since we’re not close, but I have no other choice. “You should be able to help since you’re in a relationship.”

She gives me this adorable little smile that I’d bet money on that it says I’m right. It’s no secret… Bom acts very suspiciously whenever the topic of romance comes up in interviews. She has to be hiding someone. “Hm. I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She looks away, but gives me a sidelong glance. “I wouldn’t be of much help anyway, I’m terrible at advice. You might wanna ask that one, though. I think she’d be of more help.” She smiles mischievously and points behind me. I turn to look and hear her get up and scurry away somewhere, leaving me alone with… *gulp*…

CL.

She’s holding a cup of coffee and looking very beautiful today, as always. Her long blonde hair cascades down her back and she’s wearing a black oversized sweater, her long, tan legs on display since she’s probably just got on shorts underneath it. Her black pumps make her taller and only enhance the magnitude of her presence, much in the same way the large black sunglasses shielding her eyes do. Looking at CL in person was the same as looking at G-Dragon in person: exhilarating, yet a little scary.

I hurriedly stand up and bow several times. “Hi, noona… Was I in your seat?”

She bows back, laughing a little. “No, you’re fine.” She sits down in the seat Bom had just vacated and takes a sip of her coffee. “So, what was unnie saying? Did you need something from me?” She crosses her legs and leans back into the plastic chair, which doesn’t help at all with the intimidation factor. She’s actually really nice and sweet, and I know she doesn’t mean to be intimidating; it just happens. Like how G-Dragon, even when he was lying on the floor, had such a powerful presence, he made Jinwoo sweat buckets. I know she’s harmless, and I try to remind myself of that as I clear my throat to speak. Perhaps she really is the best to help me… She’s a leader, too. She knows the struggles of carrying the group on her shoulders and worrying every second if what she’s doing is right for them.

“I actually need some advice… the stress of being the leader is really getting to me.” She nods, waiting for me to continue. “I also am having some romantic problems…” At that, she slowly removes her glasses and looks at me, raising an eyebrow. “Oh…?” She looks at me as though she’s waiting for me to elaborate.

“Uh…”

“Is this an in-group problem?” She winces.

How did she know?? My jaw drops. “Y-Yes…” She sighs and leans back, pinching the bridge of her nose. I hang my head, ashamed.

“No, no, no! Don’t feel bad!” she exclaims, as she sees the ashamed look on my face. “It’s okay. You can’t help what happened. It’s how people feel. It’s just…” She runs a hand through her hair. “This is a very serious and tricky issue to deal with. Not only does it affect group dynamics, but it affects a person’s heart as well. It can spill over into work, too. Am I wrong?” I shake my head ‘no.’ CL really does know a lot.

She takes another sip of her coffee and clears . “Well—“

“Heeeeeeeeeey~! Seungyoon-ah!” Minho is waving his arms around while the others stand there holding various snacks. “Let’s go!”

CL smiles. “I guess you should get going.” She puts her glasses back on.

I deflate. “Yeah, I guess so…” I start to get up.

“Wait.” She stands up, too. “Give me your phone number.” I blink, surprised, but manage to rattle off the numbers to her as she types them into her phone. I get a text a few seconds later from an unknown number. “That’s me. Now you have my number. Text me or call me, I can talk to you later.” I’m about to object when she hugs me. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be busy, but I’ll make time for you.” She leans back and smiles at me, her hands on my shoulders. “Let me do something for my dongsaeng. I can’t do a lot, but I can do this.” I bow to her again in thanks and she gently pushes me off toward the guys.

Minho’s looking at me with that surprised face of his. “What did you talk to noona about?” The rest are looking at me like that as well (except Taehyun, he has on his poker face again…).

“Stuff and things.” I shrug and grab Seunghoon’s hand, tugging him along as we head to the studio.

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No one’s POV

It’s cold in the studio today, so everyone is shivering as they do their work. Jinwoo is in the booth redoing some vocals while Taehyun directs. Minho’s in the corner looking over a rap he wrote for a song, trying to see if and how he could make it any better. Seungyoon is working on rewriting an entire song while Seunghoon flits about everywhere, helping everyone any way he can.

Seunghoon is especially cold because he’s wearing a tank top, his arms covered in goose bumps. He settles down next to Seungyoon at the computer, shivering. He looks over and notices that his dongsaeng is paying him no attention, making him pout. He shivers on purpose this time and keeps doing so until Seungyoon finally rolls his eyes.

“You’re shaking the desk. Stop it.” He sticks his tongue out at the older.

Seunghoon whines in response. “So mean to me! I’m cold!”

“And whose fault is that? No one told you to come here in so little clothing!”

“How was I to know that it’d feel like the freaking tundra in here??”

Seungyoon growls and goes back to his work. After a few minutes, Seunghoon is shivering again. “All jokes aside,” he whispers. “I really am cold.” Seungyoon looks up at him with a sigh and his eyes soften. He takes pity on him and takes off his jacket, placing it on his hyung’s shoulders. Said hyung smiles gratefully and says, “Thank you~!” and leans on his shoulder.

“Don’t come asking me for a massage later when your back hurts,” Seungyoon replies, noting the awkward way Seunghoon has to sit on the stool to lean on him. Seunghoon doesn’t say anything, continuing to watch Seungyoon compose his lyrics. Eventually, Seungyoon again gives in and reaches an arm behind Seunghoon to gently rub circles on his back to try to relieve any tension. Seunghoon smiles and thinks to himself, Anyone would be lucky to have this guy, he’s so sweet…

Meanwhile, Taehyun is trying his hardest not to notice the interactions exchanged between his favorite hyung and his new enemy, Seunghoon. His stomach drops every time those two touch, and it was driving him crazy. Couldn’t they be lovey-dovey somewhere else…? the maknae thinks to himself. Good thing Jinwoo is still in the booth. He turns his attention back to him, but not before glaring his fiercest glare at Seunghoon.

Upon feeling like the back of his head was going to catch fire, he slightly turned his head and rested his chin on Seungyoon’s shoulder, looking behind him to see who was glaring lasers at him. His eyes settled on Taehyun, who was focusing on Jinwoo a little too innocently. He sighs and thinks, Well, well. The maknae has his mask back on. But at least I got a reaction out of him.

Seungyoon suddenly starts shifting in his seat uncomfortably. “Damn!” he says to Seunghoon. “Move your Dorito chin off my shoulder! You might pierce right through!”

“Yah!” Seunghoon exclaims, laughing a little. “What did you just call me??” He purposely digs his chin harder into the leader’s shoulder, who howls in pain. This draws the attention of Minho, who just shakes his head and laughs at them, and Taehyun, who just stares at the two coldly. They also get the attention of a certain hyung, whose eyes widen when he walks out of the booth and witnesses Seunghoon’s arms around Seungyoon’s neck as he kisses his cheek repeatedly, smiling the whole time. Said hyung then bolts, startling everyone present when he slams into the door. Taehyun quickly gets up to give chase. “Hyung!” he calls after the poor man.

Seungyoon and Seunghoon look at each other and wince. They’d waited until Jinwoo was in the booth to be flirty to avoid this exact situation—they were only out to make Minho jealous, after all. That plan backfired since they weren’t paying enough attention, and now they feared that they’d hurt their hyung beyond repair.

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Seungyoon’s POV

It’s been a week, and Jinwoo still refuses to come with us to the studio, or go anywhere, really. He’s stayed in his room all this time and only came out to use the bathroom and shower. He doesn’t even eat with us anymore… he manages to ninja food into his room without us noticing.

I feel awful. In these stupid games we were playing to get Minho’s attention, we’d hurt someone we loved so badly. I’m seriously considering returning the role of leader back to Minho. I’m doing a real ty job since now, there’s not one of us who doesn’t have something against someone else in the house. Minho’s judging me, Taehyun shakes his head at me in disgust now, and I don’t blame them. Seunghoon feels just as guilty as I do, yet he still tries to comfort me. I tell him to leave me alone.

I don’t want to do this anymore. Enough is enough. We’ve hurt Jinwoo enough; we shouldn’t have done this stupid trick in the first place.

CL agrees. I took her up on her offer and called her, explaining everything. She listened calmly, but chastised me for doing some of the things I did; namely, coming up with this harebrained scheme to get Minho to notice Seunghoon. She gave me an outside perspective, which I really needed to see that, once again, I’d done something selfish, even though it wasn’t for my own sake. She also gave me tips on how to cope with all of the other stresses of being a leader and told me some things she does when she gets stuck writing lyrics. I appreciate her so much, and I made sure she knew so. Noona tries to dissuade me from my thoughts about giving up as the leader, but the thoughts won’t go away. How can I be the leader when I’ve managed to so royally screw things up?

I’m going to end this. I’ll talk to Seunghoon about it, and I think he’ll agree that it’s time too. Minho still has shown no interest in Seunghoon anyway, which probably means he really doesn’t see him that way. A tough pill to swallow for Seunghoon, but I’m helping him come to terms with it.

He and I are lying on my bed, my head resting on his outstretched arm. It’s silent, because we don’t really need to say anything. I look at him curiously, and he looks at me back. The wheels have been turning in my head for the past couple weeks and I can’t help but have some… interesting thoughts. Thoughts that I really want to discuss with him. In fact, I think it’s important that I do, seeing how I am still the leader of this group. He turns his body fully to face me and I turn to face him, my head still resting on his arm. I squint at him a little. “What?” he whispers, genuinely confused.

I open my mouth to reply when I feel my phone buzz next to me. I groan and blindly reach behind me to grab it. I hold it up in front of my face as I read the message, my face losing some of its color.

“What? What’s the matter?” Seunghoon scoots closer to me and peers up at the message when I don’t stop him from doing so. His eyes widen when he looks at the message, too.

From: YG

We need to talk.

“What could he want?” I whisper. “We just met with him about the tracks again, so it can’t be that… What—“

“Calm down, Seungyoon-ah,” he shushes me. “Maybe the news is good? What if he just finally decided on a debut date for us, hm? Think positive thoughts.”

I ignore him and text him back quickly so as not to irritate him.

We’ll be there right away

I sit up and start moving around the room, trying to find something more presentable to wear. Seunghoon stands up too, ready to call out to everyone about the meeting. My phone buzzes again and I stop him quickly, holding up a hand and saying “Hyung.” He looks back at me as my body turns cold.

“Hm?” He walks over to me and puts a hand on my shoulder. I hold out the phone for him to take as I continue my hunt for clothes other than sweats. He sinks back down onto my bed as he reads the message, his eyes widening again as he looks at me. “Oh, Seungyoon-ah…”

From: YG

No. Just you. Come alone.

I’m finally done and wordlessly head for the door. I hear Seunghoon calling after me, saying, “Think positive thoughts.”

Yeah, right. Tell that to my urge to suddenly crap my pants.

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I’m sitting in his office, silently staring at my hands. There are no words spoken between us, there hasn’t been since he told me to sit. He simply sits in his leather chair, his demeanor relaxed as he plays on his phone. I discreetly look around the room, not daring to make any noticeable movements. All the Gundam toys and bears sitting on the shelves around the room seem to be mocking me. It only adds to the frightening atmosphere of the room.

Twenty minutes go by, and he still has said nothing. All I hear is the quiet ticking of his watch. Yeah, it’s that quiet.

Five more minutes and he finally puts the phone down, gracing me with his stare.

“Seungyoon.”

“Yes?” I lift my head up to look at him properly.

“Why do you think you’re here?”

Oh .

I swallow. “I’m not sure,” I say, fighting to keep my voice from shaking.

“Tell me why you’re here. I already know, so just confess now.”

What? What does he know?? HOW could he know?!

I struggle not to squirm in my seat and look him right in the eye. I can’t let him see me weak. Not me, I’m the leader. I will not back down. Instead, I think back to something I heard Seungri say in a broadcast a few years ago… He had landed himself in this exact situation, with YG telling him that he “already knew” so he should just confess. In his case, he really hadn’t done anything, but that is probably not the case for me. Nevertheless, I follow his example and reply:

“I really don’t know, sajang-nim.”

“Hm… Is that so…” He leans back in his chair and stares at me for a couple more minutes. Finally, he says, “What’s this I hear about Jinwoo not coming to the studio to work?”

I almost sigh in relief. It’s still bad, but not as bad as it could be. Shouldn’t he be asking Jinwoo this? I don’t say that, though. Everything my group does falls on me because I’m the leader.

“Is this true?” he presses.

“Yes.”

“Why is that?” I don’t answer right away. He squints at me.

“He hasn’t been feeling well.”

“Don’t lie to me.” He smiles, and I gulp. This isn’t going well at all. “You are the leader, are you not?”

“Yes.”

“Would you like me to relieve you of that title?”

My breath catches. I know earlier I was thinking about quitting, but now that President Yang was threatening to do it for me, I realized CL was right. Leaders don’t give up, no matter how tough it gets.

So I won’t.

“No, sir.”

“Then fix it.” He leans forward. “Don’t make me delay this debut further, or else it won’t happen at all. I can’t have any of you holding up the process.”

“I understand.”

“Do you?” He sighs. “I hope you understand also that I’m talking to you not to berate you or criticize you, but because I’m concerned and I care about you all.” I nod. “This is one of the hardest parts of your career. If you can’t stay strong and lead through this, you cannot be trusted to lead through the easier times. Not that this gets easier,” he warns, and I nod again. “You can’t have your group in disarray right before a debut. I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s your job to take care of it. I’m entrusting this to you.”

“I know, sir,” I say softly. “I will.”

“Don’t tell me you know, show me you know. I don’t want to hear about anyone skipping out on important studio time. Understand?”

“Yes.”

“Then go.” He goes back to scrolling through his phone.

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When I get back, it’s late. This is because I stopped to get dinner in the cafeteria and conked out on the table after I’d eaten. I walk into my room, the light already on. I’m thankful for this because this time, I’m not startled when I see Seunghoon sitting on my bed.

“Hey, how’d it go?” He looks up at me, worried.

“He called me about Jinwoo,” I say, flopping onto the bed next to him.

“Oh…”

“He also questioned my leading skills.”

“Oh, no!”

“It’s okay, it’s okay. It’s helped me realize that I can’t quit. I have to show everyone that I can do this, and I can.”

He smiles down at me. “That’s the spirit.” I chuckle as he punches me in the arm.

We get back into the position we were in before I left and it’s silent. Just before I’m about to drift off to sleep, I remember something. The something I wanted to ask Seunghoon about before. I look at him again, completely serious, and he looks back at me, facing me fully and muttering, “Uh-oh. There’s that face again.” He pats my head. “Remember somethin’?”

“Yeah…” I mumble. Now, I’m no psychologist, but I must say that Seunghoon’s behavior as of late is a bit… abnormal. Considering how he feels about Minho, there are certain ways in which he should be acting, but he isn’t. Things he should say, but doesn’t.

Things he shouldn’t be doing that he is. Given the information I have, at least. But now I’m wondering if that information is completely accurate, and if my hunches have the slightest bit of truth in them.

“Seunghoon-hyung.”

“Yep?”

“It’s time for you to come clean.”

“About what?”

“About Jinwoo.”

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No one’s POV

Jinwoo sneaks out of his room, hoping to steal some dinner and get back unseen. He checked to see if the coast was clear, then hauled to the kitchen to hurriedly make a sandwich. He snatches a bag of chips and is almost out of there when the lamp in the living room flicks on.

He jumps and nearly screams, his heartbeat still not calming down when he sees Minho staring him down from his place in the armchair. They stare at each other for a second before Jinwoo tries to make a run for it. Minho dashes at him with almost superhuman speed and he does the only thing he can think to do in the heat of the moment. Jinwoo spins around and launches the sandwich at Minho’s face, hitting the target perfectly. Minho immediately freezes as the food slowly slides off his face. Jinwoo stops too, staring at him forlornly thinking, My sandwich…

Minho quickly wipes the stunned look off his face and drags Jinwoo to the couch to sit. He doesn’t object, watching the fallen sandwich as he goes. Minho sits the both of them down.

“We need to talk—“

“I’m sorry but I don’t feel that way about you!!” Jinwoo blurts, immediately slapping his hands over his mouth.

Minho just stares at him. “Oh…” he says softly.

Jinwoo sags, inhaling shakily. “I’m sorry Minho, but…”

“Say no more, I get it.”

“No, I have to say. I have to tell someone…” Jinwoo then whispers, “I’m in love with Seunghoon… I really can’t return your feelings.”

“It’s alright, Jinwoo-yah, look at me,” Minho insists, lifting his hyung’s head up to look at him. “It’s okay.”

“I still feel bad… I don’t like hurting people.” He lets out a whimper, and Minho’s heart breaks. “I’ve already promised my heart to Seunghoon.” He’s so beautiful as he smiles, a tear running down his cheek quickly. “Even though he doesn’t want it.”

“Hyung…” Minho can’t take the look on Jinwoo’s face. A sob escapes the older, his lips still pulled up in a sad smile. He quickly gathers Jinwoo in a hug. Jinwoo clings to him.

“He’s so happy, so I-I’m happy…” he lies, his sobs making him hiccup in between words.

Minho stays silent, cursing the two Seungs as they’re together in the leader’s room, probably cuddling or something. How could they so carelessly hurt Jinwoo like this?

Jinwoo grips Minho’s shirt tighter. “But why not me…? Why him? Why couldn’t he love me, who’s always looked at him with loving eyes?” His tears are soaking the younger’s shirt, but neither care at the moment. “Seungyoon just noticed him! I’ve always loved him! Why can’t he love me instead, Minho? Why can’t anyone love me…?” He trails off, his sobs overtaking his words.

“Hey, hey!” Minho interjects, rubbing his hyung’s shaking back. “Don’t you ever say that! We all love you! Your fans do, your family and friends—“

“I know, and I appreciate that! I appreciate all of you, you know I do!” He leans back, his eyes puffy and red. “But the one who matters most to me… the one whose love I seek the most… he doesn’t return mine. He doesn’t see me as a man, just his hyung…” His voice catches on the last word.

Minho looks at him. “Have you ever told him that you see him as a man?” he asks softly.

Jinwoo shakes his head. “No…”

“Well why not?”

“Because…!” Jinwoo cries. “I would never do that to him. I wouldn’t want to make him uncomfortable and make him feel awkward around me. I’d die if he couldn’t stand to be in the same room as me.”

“So you settled for friendship.” It broke Minho’s heart to hear how Jinwoo thought that telling someone you loved them was something you “did” to them.

“Yes. I just want to be next to him, in any way I can…”

Minho clenches his jaw. “You should never settle, hyung.”

“I know, but I was okay with that! As long as—“

“How do you know he never liked you? How are you so sure? You never said anything!”

“Because look who he’s with and not with! If he liked me, he would’ve—“

“Really?” Minho’s incredulous. “Are we talking about Seunghoon here? The shy guy?”

Jinwoo looks away. “Well I—“

“Perhaps if you would have said something, he’d be with you right now. But because you didn’t, he’s moved on, probably tired of waiting for you.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?!” He smacks Minho’s shoulder.

“No! But maybe now you realize what you have to do!!”

“What’s that? What can I do??”

“Tell him now!”

“NO!” Jinwoo shrieks. “Are you crazy!? I’m not going to risk him hating me. He’s in a relationship! I will NOT come between that! I want him to be happy!”

“And where does that leave you?”

Silence.

“Alone? Hurt? Crying every day and hiding from everyone? Broken?” He stressed the last word. Minho shook his head. “You deserve better. You deserve happiness.”

“And they don’t? Seungyoon-ah doesn’t deserve happiness? And what makes you so sure Seunghoon can find happiness with me?” Jinwoo waits for his answer.

“I’m not sure. All I know is that you have to try. At the very least, you deserve closure. You won’t have to wonder ‘what if…’ You’ll know exactly where you two stand.”

Jinwoo thought for a few moments, wiping the hot tears from his face. He had to admit, however reluctantly, that Minho was making a lot of sense. He really didn’t want to mess up anything with Seunghoon, but he was tired. Tired of seeing someone else make him happy while he was thrown away and sitting on the sidelines, watching… hurt. He also realized that perhaps he was being so selfless to the point where he was sacrificing his own happiness, which was not okay. He really wanted Seunghoon to know how he felt, despite his and the leader’s relationship. And he wanted to hear from Seunghoon’s lips that he didn’t feel the same way so that he could start on the path to healing… moving on.

“You have to promise me,” Minho whispered, grabbing Jinwoo’s shoulders. “Promise that if he rejects you, you will move on. I can’t stand to see you this way, none of us can. You don’t deserve this.”

He’s right. Jinwoo didn’t deserve this… he deserved better. He deserved to know. But…

“I’m scared,” Jinwoo whispered back. Another tear rolled down his cheek at the thought of the possibility of his relationship with Seunghoon deteriorating.

“I know.” Minho leaned in and kissed his forehead. “But you need to get over that fear, for your sake. So you can start being happy.”

Jinwoo slowly nodded. He could do this. “I will do this…” he said to himself.

“Good.” Minho hugs Jinwoo tightly again and they stay like that for a few minutes.

“Are you gonna go now?” Minho asks, pulling back.

“Now or never… I won’t have the courage later.”

Minho hummed. Jinwoo then looked at him and said, “You’re sure you’re okay? That I don’t like you? I don’t want us to—“

“No, no. You’re fine, hyung,” Minho laughed at Jinwoo worrying over him at a time like this.

Jinwoo then smiled knowingly. “I thought so. I know you liked me, but I also know you love someone else.”

Minho blanched. “W-who?”

“I wanted to go to the cafeteria one day but got lost. I ended up passing you and Bobby.” Minho gulped visibly. “You were watching over him while he was asleep in the studio. I think he’d fallen asleep working on a song. Do you always watch him from afar?” Jinwoo giggled.

“Ugghhhh!” Minho groaned. “Did maknae tell you?? I told him to keep it secret…”

“No! I saw it, I told you!” Jinwoo laughed more freely, which made Minho smile. He elaborated on everything that made Bobby perfect to him, making sure to mention his admirable work ethic and how adorable he thought it was the way his eyes completely disappeared whenever he smiled. He hadn’t heard a genuine laugh from Jinwoo in a while, and he wanted to keep it up. He hoped it would come back for good soon.

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Seungyoon’s POV

Seunghoon is still being stubborn, and we’re both annoyed.

“Stop dodging my questions!” I demand.

His eyes bulge in irritation. “I’m not dodging !!”

For the past hour, I’d been trying to convince him to tell me how he really feels about Jinwoo. Throughout the time that I’ve been closer to him, I noticed that while he’s always upset when it comes to Minho not returning his feelings, he’s been exponentially more upset at the mere mention of Jinwoo in most circumstances. There’s always a certain grief, anguish, a strain in his demeanor every time we talk about him or whenever we see him hurt. He’s absolutely devastated each time we hurt him, even more so than me.

You see, I messed everything up. I got it all wrong. The hurt look on his face whenever Minho and Jinwoo were together wasn’t because of Minho. No, no, no, that’s not it, at least not completely. It’s Jinwoo. It’s always been Jinwoo. No matter how much he tries to tell me and himself how much he likes Minho, it’s always Jinwoo that he looks at fondly whenever he looks Minho and Jinwoo’s way.

I recognize all of his symptoms as my own, and he definitely knows because he was the one who saw them in me. That’s probably how he knew I was in love with Taehyun.

He knew because he was going through the same thing with Jinwoo.

Seunghoon is in love with Jinwoo.

I punch the pillow next to him as I’m straddling him. “Damn it, yes you are!” I’ve been trying to get him to admit it to me, but no dice. He puts on a good mask, but since we grew closer, I’ve been able to see past it. Behind all that anger and denial, there is panic in his eyes. Fear.

“Just drop it, Seungyoon! I told you no!”

“Why can’t you talk to me!? I’ve put my faith in you to talk to, why can’t you do the same??” I punch the pillow again, the fight leaving me. “I thought we were closer…”

“We are!” He sits up and slides me off his lap, holding my shoulders and looking at me intensely. He worriedly runs a hand through his hair, his façade falling.

I don’t get it.

Jinwoo loves him back.

Why aren’t they together?

“Seungyoon, please…”

“Hyung, just talk to me.” I look back at him. “What is going in with you? Why do you insist on rejecting him when you love him too?” I’m exasperated. “Don’t you know what I would give to have Taehyun love me back? Don’t you know you’re hurting Jinwoo?”

“I know that!” he growls, clutching my shoulders painfully before he relaxes his grip. “I know that. But it’s a bit complicated, Seungyoon-ah…” He hangs his head.

“Then tell me. I want to help you for real this time.”

“…” He just breathes. Then, “I did like Minho, I really did. But I only started noticing him because I was trying to forget my feelings for Jinwoo-hyung…” He sounds meek. “My feelings for both are real, but my feelings for Jinwoo are stronger. And I now realize that they will never go away. I see that now… It would never have worked with me and Minho anyway because of that.”

I lean my head down until I can see his eyes. “But why, hyung? Why can’t you two be together…?”

He finally looks up at me. “I have a lot of baggage, Seungyoon-ah. I have issues. I don’t want to burden anyone with them; not you, and especially not hyung. Such a happy person can’t be with me…” He mumbles the last part.

“It’s okay. You’ve been there for me; let me be there for you.” He helped me out a lot, and I want to return the favor. “Talk to me.”

He smiles. “Because you’re the leader, right?”

“No.” He looks up, confused. “Because I’m your friend.”

He looks at me for a moment before he smiles, a choked sob escaping him as he does. Some tears escape and roll down his cheeks. “It hurts, Seungyoon-ah… It hurts.”

I hug him. “I know. But it’ll be okay now.” I squeeze him tighter. “Talk to me. I’ll do everything I can to help.”

“And what if you can’t? What if there’s nothing to help?”

“Then I’ll help you make the pain go away… I’ll help you make it easier, like you did for me.”

“Seungyoon-ah…” he wails into my shoulder. I shush him and rub his back until he’s calmed down a little. He leans back and takes a deep breath, wiping all the tears from his eyes. He starts to talk to me when I hear a knock. It barely registers in my mind until I notice Seunghoon looking at the door with contempt. The door opens, and Seunghoon’s face goes blank.

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No one’s POV

He opens the door to see the two of them sitting on the bed. Seunghoon looks like he’d been crying, and Seungyoon looks shocked. This sight only momentarily hinders Jinwoo before he snaps out of it and remembers the reason why he came in, for once not caring if he’d walked in on something. He’d been quiet for far too long, endured the pain long enough. It’s his turn to say his piece, to chase after what he wanted. It was his time to be thought of, recognized, noticed. He wouldn’t be quiet… not anymore.

He clenched his hands into fists as he said calmly, “May I speak with you, Seunghoon?”

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Hwehwehwe. :3

Ain't it cute? =u=