Hello, hello. Time for another update, right on schedule! :D I'm so proud of myself... *pats self on back* Warning: language and depressed Seungyoon. I didn't realize how angsty this story would become, haha. The chapter turned out kinda long... sorry :U Welp, enjoy :D Thanks for subscribing/reading/commenting <333

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Seungyoon’s POV

It’s 3AM. I’ve been up working on my music, waiting for everyone else to fall asleep so I could begin working on my newest attempt to win Taehyun’s heart. I sigh and lean back in my chair, more than ready to call it a day with the music. I check the time once more and then I just listen, making absolutely sure I was the only one awake. Then I get up and tiptoe with bare feet (for maximum silence) to Seunghoon’s room.

I ease open the door as quietly as I can and shut it behind me, hoping to minimize any sound that the members may hear after I wake Seunghoon. Creeping up to him in his bed, I reach down and start shaking him. “Seunghoon-hyung,” I whisper. “Wake up! Wake up!”

He growls and rolls away from me. “Go away,” he mumbles, pulling the covers tighter around him. I let out a huff and shake him more aggressively. He bats my hands away.

“Fine. You leave me no choice.” I scramble on top of him on the bed and lightly pummel him until he finally sits up. He his bedside lamp and glared at me with wild eyes.

“What. The hell. Do you want?” Seunghoon is always cranky when someone wakes him up.

I smile. “Get up! I need your help with my newest plan!” I get off him and start tugging at his arm excitedly like a little kid.

“Kang Seungyoon, it is literally -o’clock in the morning. What exactly do you need my help with so early? You’re a big boy, do it yourself.” He turns to go back to sleep.

“No, I can’t! Hyung!” I whine. I’m no good at aegyo, so I can’t use that to get my way the way the others do. Pouting, I say, “It’s cooking. I really can’t do it myself.”

He groans in exasperation and sits back up. “What are you trying to cook for Taehyun and why are you doing it now?” I quickly explain my plan to him, and how I wanted to get it done after everyone had fallen asleep so no one would know. Minho would be occupying the kitchen all day tomorrow before lunch so he could make his seafood spread before everyone got back.

“So you see? This is really the only time I can be doing this and you’re the only one who can help me out, Seunghoon-hyung.” I give him my best puppy dog face.

“Ugh, stop. That’s a pitiful face to make and you should never show that to anyone else, they’ll run.”

“So you’ll do it?” I give him my best grin instead.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” He rubs his face tiredly. “The things I do for you…”

“Yahoo!” I tiptoe off to the kitchen and wait for him. When he gets there, he suggests a dish and we get to work with me (of course) being the sous chef. Apparently, Seunghoon didn’t know the full extent of my ineptitude when it comes to cooking—he frequently had to keep himself from shouting at me because of all the stupid mistakes I’d kept making. I just thought it was funny to see him all red faced.

“Oh, come on~” I said. “You know you like me in the kitchen with you better than Bom-noona.”

“Ugh…” He pinches the bridge of his nose at the memory. “I suppose so. She was so fussy,” he whined.

“It seemed like you had good chemistry, though.” Since he’d banned me from touching anything else after all the mistakes I made, I was free to sidle up to him and put my hands on his shoulders. “Why don’t you ask her out, huh? You guys seem perfect for each other!” I smirk.

“No way!” He whirled around and looked at me in disbelief. “She’s so… so…” Silence. Then, “You really think so…?”

“Ha! You’re considering it~!” I tease.

“Nu-uh! I didn’t like that noona! Maybe Dara-ssi instead,” he says, laughing away.

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No one’s POV

Jinwoo stood silently, looking on at the moment his leader and the object of his affections were sharing. He’d heard voices and groggily dragged himself out of bed to check it out. His eyes were sad as he turned away to go back to bed.

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Seungyoon’s POV

I’ve been waiting all day for lunch to come; I just can’t wait to see the look on Taehyun’s face when I present the food that was made for him specifically. Seunghoon agreed that he’d let me take all the credit, but then turned around and said, “Good luck getting him to believe you made that all by yourself. Stick to takoyaki.” Whatever. His negativity couldn’t spoil my excitement.

Minho was excited as well, fluttering about the living room and generally being hyper all by himself since the other three were out doing errands. We were pretty much just waiting for them to come back; he’d already finished cooking.

After he’d worn himself out enough, he plopped down on the couch next to me. 2 seconds passed before he was up again. I chuckled quietly to myself. He came back with a camcorder and sat back down next to me, and we videotaped ourselves making silly faces and being complete weirdoes until he got a text from Jinwoo, which read, ‘Almost hoooooome~~~ ( ^3^ )/’ He then got up to go set the table for lunch. Twenty minutes later, the door opened and the other members walked in.

“Welcome~!” Minho shouted, dramatically sweeping his arm over the table to indicate all the food laid out. The three by the door simultaneously murmured “Wooooooooooooow” in anticipation and awe. “Yes, I lovingly made all this great food for you~!” His smile was so big, I was afraid it’d split his face in two.

A chorus of “Thanks!” was heard before everyone scrambled to the table to chow down. I was especially excited since I’ve been waiting on this good food all day. Minho had swatted me away every time I tried to get a taste while he was cooking.

I had gotten my plate first and was already eating as I watched the other four rowdily jockey for all of the food. I smiled and shook my head at them. Then I noticed Taehyun was kind of just standing there, his chopsticks hovering over the table uselessly. Everything on the table was seafood; there was nothing for Taehyun to eat.

“Yah!” He smacked Minho upside the head, which earned him a yelp in response. “You forget about me??”

“Whaa…?” Minho was clueless. Taehyun exaggeratedly gestured to all the food on the table, and then Minho finally understood. The look of regret on his face was almost painful. “Oh… oh no, Taehyun-ah, I’m sorry! I just got so excited about it that I guess I—“

“It’s fine,” Taehyun sighed, putting his chopsticks down and walking back to his room.

Minho looked like he felt so bad about it that I started to feel even guiltier for not telling him. It’s all for a good cause, I kept telling myself. Minho sat down dejectedly and ate his food. Jinwoo patted his hand and said “It’s alright. I’ll bet he’s not even mad. It’s an honest mistake, you just forgot this time,” he cooed, trying to comfort Minho. It worked, and the table was lively again.

After all the food was gone, everyone went back to their rooms. This was my chance. I went to the refrigerator and retrieved the lunchbox Seunghoon and I had prepared. Then I marched on down to my love’s door and knocked gently. “Come in!” I heard Taehyun chirp; he's so cute.

I opened the door and walked in. Taehyun was sitting at his desk working on some music. Upon seeing me, his content smile disappeared. Ouch, I winced.

“Hey,” I tried. He simply turned back to what he was working on.

“What?”

Pretending that his shortness didn’t hurt, I walked over to him and presented the lunchbox. He stared at it, visibly surprised. “I just thought… since you didn’t eat anything with us, you might be hungry,” I murmur sheepishly. He looked up at me for a few moments, seeming to debate whether or not to take it. In the end, the maknae’s hunger won out over his stubbornness, so he took it from me, saying a small “thank you.” I smiled.

Taking a bite, he smiled and went “Mmm~ it’s so good!” Then he looked at me suspiciously. “You made this?”

“Yes, for you.” It wasn’t a lie. I did make it… I just had a lot of help.

“It’s good.” He nodded and went back to eating. I stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do. He was talking to me again! Does that mean we’re okay now? Did I fix us? Arrgh, relationships are so frustrating… although Taehyun and I aren’t in one.

Yet.

A few moments passed, and then he looked up at me again. He stopped eating and set the lunchbox on his desk, looking at me carefully. “When did you make this?”

Uh-oh. “E-Earlier…”

“Before Minho made us lunch, right?”

“Yeah…” I admitted weakly.

“So instead of telling Minho about his mistake when you had the chance, you chose to let Minho go ahead and then feel REALLY bad about it while you had made me a lunchbox on the side already? And for what? So you’d look good??” He was so, so angry. “Well, you don’t look good! You look like the biggest on Earth! Did you see Minho’s face? He looked so guilty!”

“You think I don’t know that?” I pleaded with him. “I saw it myself and I felt twice as bad for letting him forget, but this was my chance! You’ve been avoiding me for weeks and this was my chance to try and patch things up between us! I just wanted to do something nice for you…” My shoulders sagged. This was not how things were supposed to go.

“Well you sure have an interesting way of trying to make amends with someone. Now you’ve upset both of your friends.”

“Minho’s fine—“

“Oh, so now you don’t know him?? You think he’s fine? You know he takes little stuff like this to heart!” He shouted at me. “I can’t believe how insensitive you are!”

My chest was hurting so bad, I thought I’d die. “Taehyun-ah, trust me, I’m ashamed.”

“Yeah, sure you are. Just get out.” He turned away and made a big show of dumping the lunchbox into the garbage.

There was nothing else I could do. This wasn’t going to go anywhere with Taehyun so worked up. I turned and trudged down the hall to my room, slowly shutting the door behind me.

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It was late, and I got up to go get myself a glass of water. I’d went to work on writing completely new songs, all inspired by my feelings for Taehyun and my heartache. Just as I was about to enter the living area, I saw Taehyun and Minho talking and stopped. I couldn’t help it; I had to listen in on what they were saying. I hid myself sufficiently before I began eavesdropping.

“I still can’t believe Seungyoon-hyung could be such a jerk,” Taehyun was saying.

There was a sigh before Minho said, “Taehyun, you’re overreacting. It’s not that serious. I do feel bad, but I’m not crushed. You aren’t that special to me.” He laughed.

Taehyun wasn’t having it. “But still! It’s like he didn’t consider others’ feelings at all just for his stupid plan to make amends with me.”

“And why won’t you let him? He’s been trying so hard, Tae.”

“I know. I noticed all the stuff he’s been doing for me lately that he wouldn’t do otherwise.” He noticed my efforts? “But it’s not enough.”

“Oh, come on! Give the guy a break and stop the drama! It’s giving me cramps!”

“What?” Taehyun could be heard laughing, and I had to stifle my own laughter as well. “Anyways, you just don’t understand. It’s more than just the incident today; it hurts that he won’t tell me what’s up with him. I’m his best friend and I care about him, I just want to know so I can figure out what I’m supposed to do as a friend to help him out! Is that so wrong? This is what friends as close as we are do for each other.” I was starting to feel sick at the amount of times he used the word “friend.” I didn’t expect him to have feelings for me yet, but it still hurts to have the reality of being friend-zoned right in front of you. “I guess I don’t mean as much to him as he does to me. It just really , hyung, when you find out that the feelings you hold for a person aren’t mutual. I don’t know if I can get over this or not… this sort of thing really bothers me. Just…” He stopped talking, or at least I couldn’t hear him anymore. I peeked around the wall to see Taehyun leaning into Minho, his head on his chest as Minho hugged him and kissed the top of his head.

That was it. The final pang. The final blow. I can’t stand here anymore, I can’t breathe anymore. Taehyun is truly forever lost to me, in more ways than one. I am so defeated. I turn around and go back to my room without making a sound, and when the door is shut and the pillow is planted firmly over my head, I allow myself to cry.

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The next day, I didn’t want to show my face. I really didn’t. For once, I longed not to be the leader so I could just hide away and wallow in my misery. But I can’t, because I am the leader, and I always need to put on a brave face for my members, no matter what’s going on.

I go through the motions slowly, mechanically, as if I’m not really aware of what I’m doing. I drag myself out of bed, force myself under a steaming hot shower, brush my teeth and dress myself, all with none of the life I usually have.

I sit, staring at my door. The others are out there, on the other side of that door, going on about their day. I don’t want to face any of them; I can’t face Minho and Taehyun. I just want to be alone. So instead of joining them for breakfast, I choose to stay in my room and immerse myself with my side projects until it was time for us to go to the studio. I ignore my growling stomach; I’ve gone without eating before, I’ll be fine if I simply miss breakfast for now.

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We’re at the studio. We’ve been recording all day, Taehyun and I directing the other members without speaking a word to each other. To say the least, it hurt to be so close to him yet so far away. The way he and Minho talked yesterday made me burn with jealousy; we haven’t been close like that for so long and don’t talk as much as we used to. It was awful. I really wish I never developed these stupid feelings for Taehyun—they’re making my life miserable.

Seunghoon, Minho, and Jinwoo went to go goof off downstairs and get some snacks before we finished up for today. Of course, this left me alone with Taehyun. He was on the other side of the room on his laptop, ignoring my presence completely. I might have joined the others if I felt up to it, but I don’t feel up to much at all today. I just sat and tuned out the world, my attention only on my writing and not at all on the freakish sounds my stomach was making. Yeah, I hadn’t eaten all day and it was getting late. I really don’t care.

A gasp is what snapped me out of my focus. It came from the maknae, and as I turned to look at him, he was staring at something intently on his laptop screen. I debated whether or not to just go back to my work and not bother him, but the debate ended when I saw him slowly stand up and put his hands over his mouth. I strode over to him in a second, whispering “Hey. What’s the matter?” I got no response. He stood stock still, but was very pale. I bent to look down at the laptop to see what had him in this state and my eyes widened. Oh, no.

The sasaeng fans. They’d gotten to Taehyun. We’d dealt with crazy fans before, even though we have yet to debut. But nothing like this.

What I was staring at was hacked footage of the convenience store near our dorm that was posted on some site I’d never heard of before. On the footage was Taehyun, wandering around and shopping as he normally did whenever he went to the store. It was scary what they could get their hands on, what they would do to invade our privacy… But what was arguably the most disturbing was the cute little drawing the fan had drawn onto the footage. It was a drawing of Taehyun. In the exact same outfit he was wearing that day in the store.

I looked back to him—the maknae was so shaken up. He’s the youngest and is easily freaked out by creepy stuff, so I can see how he especially would be so upset. Uri Taehyun… I looked back at the screen that was still playing the footage, wishing that he didn’t have to be exposed to this. I would give up all of my privacy if it meant they’d leave Taehyun alone.

He’d slowly moved his hands down from his mouth and had placed them on his chest, still pale and very still. I moved from behind him and quickly exited out of the site so he didn’t have to look at it anymore. He looked like he was going to be sick.

“What…” It was barely a whisper, and I was surprised I managed to hear it. He was still looking at the laptop screen, so I decided to flip it shut completely. I moved to stand behind him again, waiting for him to do something. But there he remained, still, starting to sway a little. I suddenly felt immense anger at the fan for putting Taehyun in this state. It was the first time anything like this had ever happened to him, and I wish it never did.

Wait. Taehyun was swaying.

I quickly hugged him to me, his back against my chest. I nuzzled my face into his neck and held him tightly. Upon touching him, I noticed he was shaking slightly, so I held him tighter and his sides softly, whispering “I’ve got you” in an attempt to calm him. We stood there like that for a while. Suddenly, I felt him getting heavier, and I removed my face from his neck to see that he’d fainted. Frantic, I’d called the manager after I laid him on the couch, staying there and watching over Taehyun until he arrived with the nurse from the infirmary. As they took care of him, I stood to go. I wouldn’t want Taehyun to be upset when he woke up, and my presence seemed to upset him these days, so I got my stuff and left the room, not really seeing anything or anyone I passed. I would find the members and tell them to look after him.

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I did find them, but before I could get to them, I again witnessed another scene playing out before me. Minho was play fighting with Jinwoo on the floor, and Seunghoon was trying to get their attention with his silly antics. He was ignored, however, same as Minho ignored Jinwoo’s playful pleas to stop.

“Hey, Seunghoon-hyung!” Minho sat up with a wriggling Jinwoo in his arms as he looked up at Seunghoon. “Go get us some water, will ya? I think we’ll need it after the smackdown I’m about to put on him!” Jinwoo squealed again as Minho went back to wrestling him. I looked back at Seunghoon. His smile was so fake I was wondering how anyone could have missed it. Behind the smile, I could see a feeling I knew better than anyone: heartbreak. His crush was ignoring him for the guy he likes, who isn’t him. What was annoying me, though, was how Minho was acting with Jinwoo after what happened between him and Taehyun last night. Either way, love was not a priority right now.

“Guys!” I called, finally stepping into the area to get their attention.

Seunghoon stopped in his tracks and looked at me, and, sensing the urgency in my voice, the two goobers on the floor stopped too.

“Taehyun fainted. He’s in the studio. He needs—“

I didn’t need to say anything else as they’d all already scrambled to get upstairs to reach him. I smiled a little at how much we all cared for one another.

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I was in the living room, ignoring the pain in my stomach as I tried to watch TV to take my mind off things. I went straight home from the studio after I’d alerted the others. Jinwoo had texted me that Taehyun was fine, and I didn’t doubt it—considering how much of a mother hen Jinwoo could be at times. They’d went out to eat and Jinwoo implored me to come along, but I declined. As much as I wanted to see Taehyun, it would hurt me too much to see him going back to ignoring me after the moment we had in the studio.

I sighed, picking up my phone when Seunghoon texted me that they were on their way back. I stood up, stretching since I was sitting on the couch without moving for a while. I then picked up my coat and left.

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I came home around 4 AM after walking around a bit to avoid the others. I sluggishly made my way to my room, weak from not eating all day. I wobbled in and the light, nearly screaming bloody murder when I saw Seunghoon sitting on my bed, glaring at me. The surprise made me stumble backwards, and when my back hit the door, I just slid down, my legs deciding they were too weak to support me anymore. Seunghoon’s glare turned into a look of concern and confusion.

“I can’t have scared you that bad.” His brows were knit with worry.

He doesn’t need to know, it’s not like it’s anything serious. I’ll eat tomorrow. “Well, you did,” I said lowly. I slowly stood up again and made my way to the bed to sit next to him, a little lightheaded. “What’s up?”

He wasn’t buying it. He placed his forehead on mine, which startled me. He moved away and squinted at me. “You don’t have a fever… What the hell, Seungyoon?”

“I’m fine, what do you want?” I snapped, annoyed, tired, and weak. I just wanted to sleep.

“No you’re not, you pabo! I saw you wobble in here! You will tell me what’s—“

My stomach made a horrible noise that sounded like a whale’s mating call, and I groaned at its betrayal.

“Kang Seungyoon, when was the last time you ate??”

I gulped at the scary look he was giving me. “Lunch yesterday…”

“WHAT!” He punched me in the chest. “What is wrong with you?! I knew something was weird when you went to your room yesterday and never re-emerged!” He punched me again with equal frustration, except harder. Okay, this was starting to seriously hurt.

He then stormed out of my room and came back relatively quickly with some ramen and bread. “Eat.”

“Hyung—“

“Do not question me!” he hissed. Yah, who was the leader here?? Nevertheless, I did as I was told. While I was eating, Seunghoon started talking again.

“I can’t believe your selfish actions today! You go without eating all day like no one will notice and like we won’t worry about you!” At the sign of my protest, he cut me off. “No matter how much you wish otherwise, we will always worry and care for you, Kang Seungyoon.” I sighed. “Don’t you sigh at me, mister! What in the FLYING is wrong with you, leaving Taehyun like that!?” I waited. “No, go on. I wanna hear your excuse.”

“He had you guys, the manager, the nurse… he didn’t need me.”

“That is some bulls—“

“It’s true!” I seethed, getting angry now. “Excuse me for trying to make things easier for him by not being around because I know he wants little to do with me right now!”

“You idiot!” He was trying so hard to restrain his voice so he didn’t wake the others. “None of the stupid that’s been going on between you two mattered anymore! No matter what, he needed all of us and you took that away from him!”

“It would have killed me if I had to look at him and see the intense negative feelings he harbors for me now after the moment we had in the studio! I didn’t want him to look like that. I—“

“Omo~! You really are a selfish bastard! Do you know what he looked like instead?? Huh??” His hands were fisted in my shirt now as he was shaking me. “Do you know what he looked like when he realized his favorite hyung had left him and wouldn’t come back!?”

I stopped. All of my anger left me that moment as I considered what he just said. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t want to. Did I really affect him in such a way…? I sagged, all fight having left me as I stared bleakly into my ramen, ashamed. Seunghoon saw this and let go, saying, “And don’t you stop eating.”

I started eating again, my eyes stinging with unshed tears. “What good am I? I never know what to do. Everything I do is to put a smile on his face, but in the end, I always fail. No matter what, I hurt him in some way. I’m not fit to be a leader, doing this to my maknae—“

“You shut the up,” Seunghoon said softly, grabbing me in a one-armed hug. “Don’t start feeling sorry for yourself.” He sighed. “I know your heart’s in the right place, but it’s so baffling how you always choose to do the wrong thing.”

“Maybe that’s it,” I whisper, almost to myself. “Maybe my heart isn’t in the right place… with him. He and I just aren’t meant to happen.”

“Seungyoon-ah…”

“No, it’s about time I just let it go. I try to be with him, but I just hurt him. The answer is clear. I need to just give up on my feelings.” My smile is sad, but determined. This is what I need to do—as a leader, and as a man.

“Oh, Seungyoon…” he sighs, just looking at me with all the empathy in the world, and I appreciate him so much in that moment.

“I saw, by the way.” I run my hand down my face before I resume eating. “You with Minho and Jinwoo. He’s such an oblivious jerk.”

Seunghoon was embarrassed I’d seen, I could tell. “He’s not a jerk, he just doesn’t know…” he says softly.

“No, he is. I saw him with Taehyun last night, he kissed him.” Seunghoon looks up at me, alarmed and hurt. “So I’m wondering why he’s still being so flirty with Jinwoo-hyung.” I glance at him again and notice he’s looking down.

“Ah… I see.” I’ve never heard him so sad. “I guess it’s time for me to give up too…”

“No. Taehyun is stubborn and set in his ways, but you can still get to Minho.”

“What? There’s no way! He hasn’t noticed me up until now, and he definitely won’t if he’s with Taehyun.”

“I don’t think anything’s official yet… but it’s starting. You won’t be taking Minho from anyone. I believe his heart is still free.”

He sighs. “This is all getting so complicated… I like Minho, but I don’t want to disturb my maknae’s feelings…”

I bite my lip. “But hyung… don’t you want happiness too? You’re always so selfless… unlike me, you can be selfish. Just this once.”

He seemed to think about it for a while before he finally gave in. “But how do I do it?” he whispers. “I have no idea…”

I finish my food and lean back against the wall. Then I scoot back up to him hurriedly, suddenly getting an idea. He looks at me expectantly.

I will not let my friend suffer the same fate as me; it’s too late for me and Taehyun, but not for him and Minho. My eyes are lit with the fire of determination as I whisper, “Go out with me. Just for pretend.” Seunghoon’s eyes widen as he gawks at me in shock. “Minho’s always been like a child… let’s see if he really is one when he wants you after he can’t have you.”

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Ooooooooh~ cliffhanger! x3 Please don't hate me :U This IS a Kang&Nam story, so trust that the two lovers will be together in the end. But the road to love is never easy, is it? Stick with me, guys... there's some twists to be had yet. :'} Til next time~ please comment/subscribe :D