Tired.
My soul, my body, my mind is tired.
No matter how much I rest, no matter how little I do through the day, I just feel constantly tired. Everything and everyone just seems to be so exhausting to me. It feels like all of my energy is drained away from me. Right now just existing is exhausting.

And it makes me bitter.
It makes me frustrated and confused. It seems like everyone is full of energy, full of happiness, full of life. Everyone seems so busy with their own lives. They are buzzing about the things they have done and the things they will do today, tomorrow, next week or next month. They are speaking with such excitement and that excitement is radiating. But it seems like that excitement will never reach me.

But it reaches others.
And those others are all next Jongin. They are his friends, his classmates. And then I catch a glance of him at school he seems to be the most uplifted one. It seems like he is the sun that radiates warmth that touches the hearts of his friends. Maybe that’s why they all seem to be glowing.  Yet somehow I can't glow like that. Even after all this time I have spent with Jongin, I don't get to glow like that. Maybe dull beings like me were never meant to glow anyway.

And that brings me back to the start.
Am I being delusional? Am I pursuing something that is out of reach? Maybe we have no future at all and all of these feelings are my own foolishness? Maybe we are just too different to be with each other? Maybe we are just like the moon and the sun that can never be together? Maybe we will become the recreation of the story about the moon and the sun in which the sun died every night to let the moon breathe.
Except this time the one dying would be the moon.

Thinking of him makes me tired.