Happy.

If I repeatedly say that I’m happy, will I become happy? Will endorphins suddenly fill my body if I deceive my mind? Will my face shine brighter than the sun if I keep lying to myself?
I’m not happy.
Or maybe I am, I just don’t realize it? It is said that you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. But yet I don’t feel like something is missing. So maybe I was never happy after all.
Still sometimes I search for reasons to make me happy. As I walk home from school I try to memorise all of my surroundings. I try to appreciate the wind that seems to never stop blowing, the sun that never stops shining, the leaves that come back every year even if they’re thrown away by the trees as winter comes.
Will I become like that as well?
Will I go back to him when he finally decides to throw me away? Will I become dependant on him? Will my happiness depend on him? If he says I am happy, will I become happy?
I hope not.
Sometimes at night I pray. I pray that I will not become controlled by my feelings. I pray that I will become so strong that nothing will make me doubt myself. I will become a rock. A rock that never cracks.
But will that make me happy?

My smile.
He said he loves my smile.  
We were just strolling around the local park, side by side with empty minds and peaceful hearts. It was a bit chilly, but the sun was shining and it seemed like everything around us was glowing. And as minutes passed by I tried to think of a word that could describe this moment. The only word I could come up was  - perfect. And that made me smile.
Maybe I should smile more? We smile when we’re happy.
He makes me happy.