Pretty.

Anyone can be pretty.
You can change your hairstyle or use different make up products to become pretty. Not everyone can be beautiful though. You can be the prettiest girl out there, but have the ugliest soul in the world.
Pretty. 
It’s such a petty word with no importance behind it. It so washed out and overused, it doesn’t even bring any meaning then one says it. But why does it mean so much when Jongin says it? And why do I keep wishing for him to say that to me?

We spent the lunch break together.
Talking to each other, listening to each other, standing besides each other, looking at each other.  Just him and me. His face was so close that I could see every little detail of it. As minutes went by I tried to look away but I couldn't. His face was so captivating, his gaze so inviting. He looked so handsome. A presence like that can't be explained in words. And then I thought : 'does he think the same about me?'. Does he find himself staring at me and thinking about how can there be someone as beautiful as me? As attractive as me? As pretty as me?

Since when someone else’s opinion has become so important to me? Life is too short to waste any amount of time on wondering what other people think about you. Men in our culture have been socialized to believe that their opinions on women’s appearance matter a lot. And now it seems to me that I have become one of the women who seeks for approval. And I don’t want that.

I’m confident.
I know that I will probably never be deemed as attractive or stunning. And I know that there are millions of other women who are more beautiful than me, not just in the way that they look. But whenever I take a look in the mirror, all I can think of is : ’ Wow, who is this divine lady?’. I guess I just love myself.
And I hope someday he learns to love me too.