Prompt: Confess:My character will speak their true feelings about your character.

Luhan/Kyungsoo-Hoya

Emotionally, Luhan was comparable to a glass figurine that had dropped and cracked. Mentally, he had sunken to the bottom of an abyss that had no end, but physically, he could smile. He could laugh. He could be as happy as he was before, but was he really? After everything he had been through, could he really claim to be the same person he was? 

Sighing to himself, Luhan’s chest wracked with a cough that left his eyes watering and he slowly his side to alleviate the pain. Taking a deep breath, the hybrid turned the full page in his notebook to a blank one, pressed the tip of his pen into the pristine white paper, and began to write, simply looking for a way to release all of his pent up emotions. Having a cold was just making his mood sink lower and lower.

 If I let myself think about it, I’ll just feel lonely.. like I always do these days… Why does everything just feel so empty all of a sudden.. It’s like this apartment is just too big for me. There’s all of this empty space that’s just there and I’m so small that this bed feels too big.” 

Luhan bit his lip as his hand came to a stop, beginning to wheeze for a moment before writing more.

"I never felt like this.. when I had him.. when Kyungsoo were here. I remember nights where we would just cuddle up close together and if I were in a bad mood or I just didn’t feel so good, he would sing me to sleep or just let me listen to the sound of his voice until I felt better. When we lived together, in that apartment, I can’t say I didn’t feel complete, because I did. For a long time, I was at ease— I loved him. I loved him the way I love the starry night. I loved him the way I love the curve of a smile on someone’s face. I loved him. I loved him. I loved him so much.. Was it really just months ago that we would have been together for a year? I’m still shocked that he had put up with me for so long. 

Even after I asked for that break and Hobaby came into my life, going over to his apartment didn’t make me feel any less complete. Things had been strained and difficult, but maybe in that time I had loved him even more; I just had an awful way of showing it. My words are always so off when I talk out loud and I never know what to do or say, but he never seemed to mind. One of the things I miss about him is that he listened. Even if it was just me rambling, he listened and paid attention to me and took care of me- I still feel awful. Every single day I wish that I had been a better boyfriend and fiance to him. Whether it be Hunny Bunny or Hobaby, he was mine and that was all that had mattered to me. I never was one to care about appearances. 

But now, I mostly miss his friendship, because before we had taken that different road, when our lives had been different, he was someone I considered my best friend. He was someone I cared for so intensely and I hope I can do that again. I hope I’m not too broken to do that again. I sometimes think that the same thing that happened with Hobaby is going to happen with Sehun.. and then I’ll lose him altogether too— I’m really scared.. that I’ll drift away from him.. 

The tears stunned him to the point where he dropped his pen. Luhan had always been a crybaby and even now that was true. 

I wish Hobaby were here to wipe my tears away. His hands were always so soft.”

Luhan closed his notebook and pushed it off of his bed before reaching his hand up to wipe at his face, growing dizzy as he closed his eyes and tried to stop thinking again. He tugged his covers over himself and settled in for a restless sleep.

End.