Myungsoo shook his head. Hand to his forehead, dark brown eyes closed in exasperation as he told himself to calm down. He tried to breathe properly.

I shouldn’t be jealous. You’re not even mine, though.

Right, Kim Myungsoo was being jealous with whoever person came a little too close with Sungjong even though they were just his band mates or the managers.  He told himself that Sungjong wasn’t his repeatedly but deep down inside his little heart, he was screaming for that boy.

And he was missing him terribly. He believed no one had missed him as much as he did. Myungsoo missed Sungjong very bad. He could have sworn if he weren’t in his right mind, the moment he saw Sungjong again that noon, walking in the practice room gracefully as he always did, he might probably jump on the lemon candy boy, held the younger boy close to him with his lips crushed on Sungjong’s, soft and tender, long and deep.

He felt the days of their three days separation were too long but the nights were longer. Now, the person he missed the most had back but he still felt something was missing. Something was empty. His heart was empty.

The saddest part wasn't that with each passing day he felt like he needed him more, but it was the fact that he didn't need him at all.

Big ouch to the reality.

Why am I being like this?

Myungsoo fought the urge to hold back his tears, a show of his feelings towards the youngest member. That was a weakness, his weakness that no one couldn’t ever know.

It’s definitely strange… downright weird in fact.

Love.

That word suddenly came cross.

Love? No, it’s wrong. It’s totally wrong. Two dudes cannot be together. Impossible!

Love can change that. With love, everything is possible.

If you believe.

If that what you want.

If that what your heart craves for.

Myungsoo clenched his fists tightly, wondering where those little stupid voices had come from in his head and whose side they were on anyway. He closed his ears, declined to hear those irritating and obviously not helping at all voices in his head.

You can cover your ears if you don't want to hear, but you can't just keep your heart from something you don't want to feel.

!

Kim Myungsoo cursed. He lost control of himself. He tried but he failed, and he was tired.

Myungsoo sunk to his knees as the feelings that swirled within him constantly were laid bare before him. He felt empty like skins of game left from the hunts. But at the same time he felt ferocious love, a passion that surpassed all thoughts, all reason, and it ached unexpressed within him.

Hot tears pooled again. This time, he let them rolled down his cheeks. He was no longer plan to fight.

“Hey man. What’s wrong?” Sungyeol came closer while wearing deep frown as he saw his best buddy was hyperventilating. He never had seen Myungsoo in that state. Sungyeol was dead worried.

“Myungsoo, hey, calm down dude, why are you like this?”

“Sungyeollie,” Myungsoo quickly wrapped his arms around Sungyeol’s neck and brought his body closer to the taller guy. He cried harder and didn’t bother to stop.  He cried shamelessly. He didn’t care. He had to let everything out in order for him to get back to normal again. At least, that was what he wished for.

Sungyeol had no idea what to do. Somehow he felt he was the worst friend ever. Laughter and tears weren’t same. Hell, it was two different things and tears usually involved something very deep and more complicated. He was never good handling things like this. It was awkward. Sungyeol hated himself for that. He sighed. He just held the crying boy firmly and rubbed circles on his back.

“It hurts, it hurts so much.”

Sungyeol listened to his friend’s jabber but he didn’t get what it exactly means. Things got harder for him.

Nice.

“T–tell me Myungsoo, I want to help you.”

Myungsoo pulled out his embrace and gave a chance for Sungyeol to catch his breath.

The vocalist sent an intense look to the visual. It was nothing but full of worried and concern. Yet the visual just looked down, hiding his red puffy eyes, too afraid to make an eye contact. Myungsoo could feel his body was burning from Sungyeol’s gaze. It was kind of annoying but embarrassment came as the first winner. He sniffed and wiped his tears with his fingers. He cleared his throat twice.

“Care to tell what your problem is? What made you cried? Dude, I never saw you like that. Do you realize you were hyperventilating? You scared the hell out of me.”

Myungsoo was still wearing that sad face of his. He punched his chest lightly several times. “Here, in here. It was too much. It felt so, very tight. I cannot handle it anymore and I let my dam broke.”

“And what was that about?”

Lee Sungjong. 

Myungsoo answered mentally.

Love, Lee Sungjong and the whole crazy things.

Myungsoo shook his head. No, he can’t tell Sungyeol that. Sure Sungyeol would understand the word ‘love’ but this wasn’t that simple.

Yes, he loved Sungjong as a friend.

Yes, he loved Sungjong as a brother.

Yes, he loved Sungjong as his band mate.

But this was more. He had been in love with Sungjong.

Truth to be told, he wasn’t noticed that. He wasn’t noticed his heart was calling for Sungjong. But when he did, it felt as though his entire world makes sense. The deepest part of him was tethered with another and he felt more grounded to life than he had ever been.

His sight was both clear and wonderfully hazy with both the best part of sunshine and moonlight. And he felt everything.

Love was life’s best gift.

He knew that it will be difficult. But really, when he first looked into Sungjong’s eyes, he knew first that he was empty. Then he knew that the person would be the one to complete him.

These feelings he had for Sungjong were supposed to be calling as ‘romantic’ and ‘destined love’. But no. For Myungsoo, they were called ‘frustrating’ and ‘completely insane’.

For one part, Myungsoo wasn't gay. It wasn't that he had anything against homouals either though. It's just that Myungsoo knew that he wasn't gay. He was still confused actually. He liked girls, he liked them a lot. Girls were very kind and sensitive, and their bodies were beautiful. Yet on the other hand, Sungjong was… different. He was the only exception because he didn’t look at any other guy like how he gave all his attention to Sungjong.

Simple math; Myungsoo was Sungjongual.

Honestly, he hadn't wanted to become the person he was now. Before he was fine with seeing Sungjong as one of the members, but it'd grown to a necessity to be close to him, to watch him, to inhale his sickly sweet aroma, to protect him, to know he was okay.

It had gotten to the point that Myungsoo was practically stalking the younger male, got his eyes in every move he made, and it annoyed him as much as it annoyed that boy. He didn't want to want the lemon candy maniac, but he did. He wanted him, and he'd wanted to ing kill someone or anyone who intimately close with Sungjong.

Sometimes, no matter how long or hard Myungsoo had loved Sungjong, Myungsoo was pretty sure Sungjong will never love him back. And sometimes, Myungsoo knew he had to be okay with that.

Second big ouch to the reality.

He wondered if he should tell his best friend what were the real reasons but then he killed that idea immediately. Of course Myungsoo couldn’t bri