“No thank you to anything neon pink. But yes to anything purple…” Midori muttered to herself as she eagerly rifled through the push-up bras, clicking her tongue and making strange noises every time she reacted to a bra she either liked or hated. Junsu stood off to the side, keeping his eyes on the red plushy carpet under his sneakers, refusing to look up anywhere his gaze might be tempted to infidelity (granted, it would be with a mannequin, but he didn’t want to risk that). He knew this store was notorious for lots of pictures of scantily clad models, and he was not about to be caught staring at one with big goo-goo eyes by his girlfriend.

“Junsu!” She held up a very nice, red, lacey one. “Do you like it?”

His voice came out like the squeak of a dolphin’s. “Yes!”

“Okay. I’ll try this one on…” She flung it over her shoulder and addressed the saleslady standing off to the side. “Miss, can you hand me that black satin one? Oh, and the pink one…and the magenta. No, I want the green one too. Ooh, the baby blue one is cute! Thank you, miss. Junsu-yah, I need you to do something for me,” she added, batting her eyelashes furiously. “I really like matching my bras with , and I see some right over there, so can you please go and find some in my size? I’m a five, or a small! Thanks, Su!” she called as she ran off to the dressing rooms.

Dear God, kill me now. He gulped and gingerly pinched a lacey thong between his fingers. It looked like none of the bras Midori had picked out. He dropped it and poked through the table’s contents again. Finally, he found one that had matched the magenta one she’d chosen. “Ooh,” he muttered as he felt the material in his hands. “This is really soft. I like it!” He put it in one hand and continued searching with the other one. “What the…?” He picked up a pale pink G-string. How can girls wear like this?! This would ride up your and split your boys in half! Then again, girls don’t have a pair so I guess it wouldn’t hurt as much.

He lifted his head, an imaginary light bulb flickering on. Maybe I can turn this into something a guy would like. As he randomly looked through different types, he found the word he was looking for: quest. “Huzzah! I shall fulfill my quest to my fair lady!” he said, failing miserably at a deep voice. “This mission shall be to find the great of lore!!!”

“Sir, if you need any…” The saleslady struggled to find words. “Assistance, we are available.”

“I’m fine,” he said breezily, dropping the deep tone. “I know exactly what my woman wants.” The salespeople stared at him as if he had some sort of plague or disease. Something attracted his gaze to the sleepwear section—a sheer black flyaway babydoll. Immediately, he walked over to examine the fine specimen. “OOH! DADDY LIKE!” He looked at the size and nearly squealed again. “BABY!!!” He rushed over to the dressing rooms and yelled again. “MIDORI!”

“What is it, Junsu?” Her voice came from a nearby stall.

“I found something I like!”

She hesitated. “Should I even ask?”

“No! Try it on, just in case!”

“Okay, fine. Throw it over.” He tossed it into the stall. “Did you find me any ?”

“Yep, I did!” he exclaimed happily. “I found a pair called hipster, and another called cheekie or something—”

“JUNSU!” she squeaked. “Don’t say that so loud!”

“Yeah, but they’d look good on you, babe.”

“Go back to searching, okay? I’ll be out in a minute.”

“Okay!” He turned around and took a step forward, but paused. “What kind should I look for now?”

“I don’t know! Just don’t tell me what kind they are until I see them!”

“Okie-dokie!” He marched back into the main room, whistling a random Justin Timberlake song. He really wanted to get more sleepwear for her, but she specifically asked for him to look for . He went back to the sections and glanced around. He couldn’t see any other colors that matched her bras. Wait. Beneath a sign marked “THONGS—25 % OFF” he spotted some black, blue, and red ones. “Yes, I am victorious!” He held them up high; one of the ladies working cashier burst into loud giggles, as did her coworker. “They are the mighty of lore! My mission is complete!” He ran back over to the dressing room and unceremoniously threw them over the door.

“That was quick,” Midori noted.

“I know! I’m just awesome like that!” He went back out to the main room again and headed straight to the sleepwear section. Since he had completed The Quest, he decided that she needed more sleepwear; he really wanted to see her prance around her apartment weary skimpy things like babydolls and camisoles. “Hmm, what to get her…” He spied a white camisole and shorts set. Little flower patterns covered the fine material. “How much are those?”

The cashier looked him up and down before answering. “A little out of your budget, junior.”

Why does everyone say things like that? It’s like a gay-dar, but with money! He simply blinked at her before turning back to the set; another light bulb came on. “Actually, my fiancée is paying for all of this.” He gently the clothes. “We’re getting married in October, and the place we’re going on our honeymoon will be extremely hot by then. It’s a shame she won’t be interested in buying this because it’s ‘out of our budget.’” He sighed. “And she so liked this store! Oh, well. I guess we can stop by a different store later. She loves shopping at Neiman Marcus.” He looked up. “May I have a word with your manager, please?”

That made the girl pale. Her coworker hastily spoke up. “Err, sir. That won’t be necessary. You see, I was under the impression that you were a couple on a tight budget, but seeing as how money is not an issue, we are willing to help you with anything. Just call on us if you need anything at all, dear!”

The cashier nodded vigorously, throwing him an apologetic look.

Hot damn, am I good or what? “Thank you, ladies.”

Midori was still in her dressing room, admiring herself in the mirror, when her cell phone started ringing. Her eyes glued to her reflection, she answered. “Hello, you have reached the ever-so-lovely Midori. What can I do for you?”

She heard the person on the other line laugh. “Oh, God. You’re bra shopping, aren’t you?”

“Says the chick who spends several hours shopping for this kind of !”

Hani laughed again. “Shut up. I only shop for Yoochun now.”

“Uh-huh. Right.” Midori took off the pretty babydoll Junsu wanted her to try on and put it in the definitely pile, which was growing bigger and bigger every time she looked at it. “Speaking of Chunbacca, where is that bastard? Is he composing dark and depressing music because his girlfriend doesn’t exactly understand what ‘too much information’ is? Especially when it comes to guys she’s ed in the past?”

“Hey, not my fault Apolo had to go and tweet Jaejoong about that one time in Cabo—”

“Oh, damn,” she muttered as one of the tags broke off the bra she was trying on.

“Is everything okay, Midori?”

“Yeah. Everything’s peachy keen.” She hurriedly glanced around, looking for the missing tag. “. Um, I am currently looking for something that I will get killed for if I don’t find, so I will call you back later, okay?” She snapped the phone shut and got down on her knees, searching for the stupid tag. “Little tag, where are you?”

As Junsu continued to find skimpier pieces Midori could possibly wear around him—with the prices slowly rising—the ladies behind the counter were quietly speaking with their manager on the store phone; apparently her car had broken down and she needed assistance immediately. Problem was the store would have to be left unattended if they were to be of any help at all. They kept looking over at Junsu, who was mentally arguing with himself about the most recent addition to the growing Midori’s Lingerie collection. “Ahem, sir.” One of the younger saleswomen shuffled over to him, giving him her best pleading look. “Listen, we have to go help our manager out for a quick second. Could you and your fiancée please help us and watch the store while we’re out?”

His expression turned from curious to blank to horrified in record timing. He nearly dropped the outfit in his hands as he hurriedly said, “I can’t do something like that! What if a customer comes in? I’m not going to be able to help her much!” He took a step back. “Just, ah, send one person over and the rest can stay!”

“But our manager’s in trouble!” she begged. “Please!”

“I—” Midori pranced out of the dressing room, the phone still held to her ear. She took the clothes from Junsu and ran back, chatting animatedly away. Junsu blinked a few times before his shoulders slumped forward, and his eyes were trained on the floor. “Alright, I’ll cover for you. But don’t—” The girls were already out the door. “Take too long,” he finished dully. Growling, he went to the door in search of their open sign. When he spotted the hours printed on the outside, he groaned. No need for a stupid OPEN sign then…

“Su!” he heard his lover call sweetly. “I need help!”

He gulped and went back to the dressing rooms. “With what?”

“I found this really cute dress, but I can’t seem to zip it up!”

“I’m still looking for for you,” he answered, backing away. “Um, just try something else on, and you’ll be okay without me for a few minutes. Bye!” He ran back out front, silently thanking whatever force had stopped him from entering that stall and undressing Midori faster than ever.

Once she was safely in her stall, Midori put Hani on hold so she could continue looking for the tag. “Oh, man!” she groaned, fumbling around on the floor. “Those girls are going to be so pissed when they find out I popped a tag off by accident! It’s a heinous crime to do that in a dressing room! With that tag gone, I have basically stolen a bra! Oh, what will that do to my record?! I am squeaky clean! I can’t have a felony under my belt! There goes my career in photography, because my boss might think I’ll try to steal from him! Damn, damn, damn!”

She stomped impatiently on the carpet. “DAMN IT!”

A quiet bell ringing made Junsu look up from the table. A young redhead and several of her friends walked into the store, looking around. Oh, great! Who the hell shops at Victoria’s Secret at this stinking hour?! Then he remembered. Well, I do now. Fabulous. Thank you, Midori.

“Excuse me. Sir?” called one of the girls. She looked a little uncomfortable; two of her blonde friends giggled madly as Junsu approached them, but they were silenced with a single glare from her. “I was supposed to meet Trish here for a fitting, but I don’t see her around. Is she, like, on break or something?”

“She stepped out for a minute.” He shrugged. “Maybe I can help you get fitted.” Whatever that meant, it caused the giggly girls to grow louder. One nudged the other in the ribs, wriggling their eyebrows at him.

Suddenly the redhead asking him about Trish (Probably one of the salesladies…) blushed a hot pink. “Err, I think that’s against the law, right? Can a man even get a bra-fitting job?” She paused. “Oh, you must be one of THOSE guys! That explains why you’re even working here! No straight man works here, duh!” She smacked her forehead. “Silly me! Of course you can fit girls.”

Junsu was thoroughly confused. One of THOSE guys? What does that mean? Then it dawned on him. “I’m not gay!” he burst out.

“Oh, you’re not?” She frowned. “But you work in a bra store.”

“Well, see, that’s the thing.” Again, he had to stop and think. If he told these girls he didn’t work here, and there were no salespeople in sight, they might come to the conclusion that he was a burglar and they were another neat thing to add to his night. “Err…Trish wanted to train me to not get excited when I’m around women, but I was coming along okay, so she went to grab me some ice cream so we can celebrate!”

One of the blondes giggled again. “Oh, my God. Are you twelve? You’re going to celebrate with ice cream?”

“Leave me alone!” His voice sounded more squeaky than manly.

“Oh, he’s so cute and cuddly!” Another girl, a brunette, sauntered over to him. “Just my type.”

“Your type hangs out in bars and has My Crankshaft tattooed on his chest,” a blonde retorted.

“But he has that angelic cute look to him! Would you look at that baby face?”

He pushed her away. “I do not have a baby face,” he muttered under his breath.

“Ooh, squishy cheeks!”

“And a round !” SMACK.

“Ow! What the hell? Get away from me!”

The redhead pulled all her friends away. “I told you guys you would be an embarrassment to me,” she snapped. “Go outside and wait, or go to another store.” Once they had filed out one by one—stealing a glance back at him before giggling—she sighed and turned to him. “Now we have some peace and quiet. Are you going to fit me or not?”

What is this fitting she was talking about? AHA! Bra fitting! He motioned for her to follow him to the dressing rooms in the back. He could still hear Midori talking loudly to someone on the phone. Over a stall door hung a long measuring tape, and he bowed her inside. “Okay, just relax and…” He flattened himself against the door when she tugged her shirt over her head. “Um…”

“Go ahead and do your thing,” she said cheerfully.

“…kay,” he mumbled. He had to take a deep breath before holding out the measure. Oh, . I have no idea what the I’m supposed to do. He looked down at her; her eyes were closed as she patiently waited. “Hey, I need to do something real fast. I’ll be right back.” He took off to the only computer in the store and quickly logged onto Google. He found what he was looking for and spared no time grabbing a pen and writing down notes on his hand.

“Right. Can we get started now?” she asked politely.

“Yes, ma’am.” Ignoring the creamy fleshed female, he wrapped the tape measure around her chest, under her arms. “Okay, so you are a…” He consulted his hand. “36 in band width and…” He took a peek at his hand again before stretching the tape across the fine fabric of her beige bra. “I believe you are a C cup. Excellent. I can show you the best bras we have in stock, but I think we can leave that for Trish—”

“Junsu!” Midori flung the door open. “What do you think of this one?” She was wearing a very short slip dress made of green silk. However, her attention became focused on the flaming red hair just over his shoulder and the fair skin he was touching. “What the…?” Her betrayed expression lifted to his mortified face. “Baby?”

“I swear to God, I’m going to kill those ladies!” He dropped to his knees in front of her. “Baby, listen to me! Those weirdo saleswomen left me in charge of the store while they went to go help their manager or whatever, and I randomly got a customer! I mean, who the hell shops at this time of night besides us? I swear, baby! I didn’t touch her or nothing! I was just fitting her for a bra! That’s it! I would never cheat on you with a redhead!” He whipped around to face his “customer.” “No offense, sweetheart.”

She waved it off. “None taken. You ain’t my type.”

“See, Midori? I’m not her type!” He was starting to become desperate.

Apparently he had no need to be. Midori just nodded and pointed to the large pile of clothes in the stall opposite them. “Maybe we can ring those up and leave them a couple hundred dollar bills? That will take care of everything, plus leave them fifteen bucks extra.”

“Yeah, that sounds nice.” He quickly kissed her, and the redhead slipped by them, mumbling about love-struck retards partaking in public displays of affection. “Grab everything you want and I’ll go swipe your pretty black AmEx card through that neat little gadget they have on the counter.”

“Thank you, Su-su!”

~
A little while later...
~

Steam poured out of the door as Midori stepped out of the shower. Junsu looked up from watching his Mozart! DVD to stare wide-eyed at her. “Ooh, new bra!” A split second passed before he looked closer. “Wait a second…I don’t remember picking that out…” He tilted his head to the side. “I don’t remember buying that at all?”

She was too absorbed in drying her hair to pay much attention to him. “Come again, baby?”

“…REGINA.”

That got her to turn around in surprise. “Whoa, you said that without butchering it at all. I’m impressed. Have you been hanging out with Hani more?”

“DID YOU STEAL THAT BRA?!”

A smile flickered across her face. “Perhaps…”

“Whoa!” For one long moment, he gaped at her. “That’s hot.”