"Hyena-ah, I like you."

 

 

My eyes went big and my heart did skip a beat. I could not believe my ears. Did I hear it wrong? Jongin likes me? Was that a confession?

 

 

For a moment, I am unable to think straight. My mind was in such a mess because it was so sudden. What in the world am I supposed to reply to that? I am inexperienced in this kind of thing. This is the first time a boy confessed to me.

 

 

What should I do?

 

 

I can't even face him right now let alone to give him a reply. Of course I like Jongin but not in a romantic way. I like him only as a friend.

 

 

Furthermore, I think I can't open my heart for another guy yet. I still can't completely erase my feeling for Sehun. I will feel guilty if I date Jongin while my heart is thinking about another guy.

 

 

I don't want to hurt Jongin.

 

 

The silence overtook us. It was so awkward and I can't bring myself to face Jongin at all. If only this was a dream.

 

 

"Hyena-ah," Jongin sofly uttered my name and let go of my wrist. He slowly made me turned to him, facing him. But I can't look at him in the eyes. I was looking at the ground.

 

 

"Please look at me." He spoke. I was hesitated at first, but I slowly lifted my head to look at him.

 

 

The moment I looked at him, I saw his face was in a deep red colour. It's like he put a blusher on his face. That time I realised that it must took him a lot of courage to confess his feelings to me.

 

 

At least he had courage, unlike me. If only I had courage to tell Sehun about my feelings before, I wonder if anything would change now.

 

 

I gulped the lump in my throat and looked at him properly.

 

 

"I'm serious about asking you to be my girlfriend yesterday. It was not a joke." He noted, making me flustered.

 

 

I only was able to blink my eyes, still could hardly believe what I was hearing.

 

 

"I really really like you. Please be my girlfriend."

 

 

If he likes me then why on earth did he say that it's better if he stays away from me earlier? I just didn't get him.

 

 

This is too much for me to handle.

 

 

"T-then why you were avoiding me today?" I confusedly asked him.

 

 

"Because I'm upset,"

 

 

My eyebrows were pinching together. Upset? Because of what? Did I upset him or something?

 

 

Jongin noticed my confused look and continued, "You didn't tell me that Heemi bothered you again yesterday."

 

 

I frowned again. How did he know about that? It's nothing to be worried about, so why did that upset him? I am the one that is upset now.

 

 

"Hearing about that from someone else doesn't feel good you know." Jongin added again and I could see that his face was turning even redder.

 

 

"How did you know about that?" I asked while frowning. Jongin seems hesitated to answer. Just then a thought crossed my mind. "Did Sehun tell you about it?"

 

 

Jongin's face immediately changed. He was making a how-did-you-know-it kind of face. Seriously, that guy. Why did he tell Jongin about that?

 

 

"I knew it." I proudly exclaimed. "What else did he tell you?"

 

 

Jongin childishly shook his head, saying that Sehun didn't say anything else other than that. But, I could see that he is lying. I just know it. Jongin-ah, you better spill out the truth.

 

 

"Tell me. I know you're lying." I continued to question him like a detective questioning a culprit.

 

 

"N-nothing. H-he really didn't say a-anything else." He tried to argue but something seems fishy. Well, I'm stubborn so I'm not going to give up that easily. I am Shin Hyena after all.

 

 

"Well, it's okay if you don't want to tell me. I will ask him myself." I lied, trying to make him to spill the truth. I am so curious about what did that guy said and I know I will get nothing if I asked him directly. Well, I already tried asking him and he said nothing happened.

 

 

"N-no, don't!" Jongin quickly uttered.

 

 

I blankly looked at him.

 

 

"Man, this is so not cool. I don't want you to know." He whined with that red face of his.

 

 

I arched a brow, signing him to speak. He emitted a sigh before speaking.

 

 

"He told me that it's better if I stay away from you so that you won't get hurt."

 

 

My jaw dropped and my eyes automatically rounded by itself. So, something really did happen between them both. Did he really say that? That's why Jongin was avoiding me today? And how dare he said nothing happened when I asked him earlier. Oh Sehun, I don't know why you did that but you're so gonna get it from me later.

 

 

"But," Jongin spoke again earning my attention. I looked at him.

 

 

"Because I don't want to do that, that's why I came here. I can't afford distancing myself from you. It's hurt to not be able to talk to you and it's hurt even more when I'm trying to avoid you. That's why, what he said doesn't matter because my feelings for you is real and it won't change. I really do like you!"

 

 

I was speechless.

 

 

But would it be cruel of me if I can't respond to his feelings?

 

 

"I-Im s-sorr-"

 

 

"It's okay you don't have to answer it now. Because no matter how long it would take, I will be waiting." Jongin immediately cut my words.

 

 

"B-but,"

 

 

"I know that you like Oh Sehun." He sternly told. How did he know about that? I definitely didn't tell anyone about that. I gasped in shock and was speechless.

 

 

"That's why I said that I will wait for you."

 

 

"H-how d-did you k-know?" I queried. I felt like burying my face into whatever that will hide the colour of my face. I could feel the blood was rushing towards my face, feeling embarrassed.

 

 

He smiled, "I have been watching you for so many years. I have like you since our first met, when we were in our first year of middle school. That's why I know that you like him."

 

 

I was surprised to hear that. Jongin has like me since middle school? But I don't even know him at that time. And our first met was in middle school? Not in high school?

 

 

"B-but Jongin, I c-can't--"      "Please don't say it now! I told you that you can take your time considering it." Jongin cut my words again.

 

 

Somehow I felt like the tone of his voice was a little higher than usual.

 

 

I gulped and a sudden feeling of guilt overtook me.

 

 

"Even if you can't return my feelings now, it doesn't matter. I just have to work even harder and make you fall for me. That's why please don't completely reject my feelings."

 

 

Jongin added again, making me feel even more guilty. He tried to give me a smile, but I know that it's fake.

 

 

I bit my lower lip, didn't know what to say.

 

 

Jongin is a good guy and has always being kind to me. He treats me so well but I don't think I deserve him. He is way too good for me and I am not good enough for him. He deserves someone who is better.

 

 

I am no good because my heart is beating for someone else, not Jongin.

 

 

"You know that Sehun already has a girlfriend, right? So, he can't possibly return your feelings."

 

 

I don't know why but my heart hurt so much when he said that. I know it too well myself that Sehun won't return my feelings.

 

 

"I know," I simply answered. "That's why I am trying to erase my feelings for him."

 

 

"Then, just look at only me. I will help you to forget him."

 

 

Like I said, Jongin is really a nice guy. He is willing to go that far for me. That is why I don't deserve him. He deserves someone who is better than me.

 

 

My eyes became red and teary. No one had ever been this kind to me. The tears could roll down at any minute. I bit my lower lip again to hold myself back from crying and my eyes were staring down at the ground.

 

 

Just then, I felt like a hand was patting my head.

 

 

Jongin gently patted my head. I lifted my head and  looked at him. He flashed me the most beautiful smile ever.

 

 

At that time, I thought; "If only I could love this guy instead. If only I fall for this guy instead. If only I met this guy first."

 

 

I gave him a small smile and nodded. Maybe what Jongin said is true. I should consider his feelings. Maybe I should try to love him? It doesn't hurt to try, right?

 

 

But first, I need to get over my feelings for Oh Sehun. I won't be able to let anyone in if I am still in-love with him.

 

 

I have decided! I will erase my feelings for Sehun completely.

 

 

"Go inside. It's getting cold now." He gently said while still smiling. "I'm going now. See you tomorrow!"

 

 

*****

 

 

The sound of my alarm clock chimed through my phone speakers. I reached my hand t