JANUARY 6,2013. SUNDAY

WIFE

The day that I am waiting for that I thought it woudn’t happen has come. I am on the waiting room that day, waiting for my groom to come. All our guests are there in the hall, waiting for the bride and to the groom to come out but the groom is still missing. I couldn’t do anything since I myself doesn’t know his whereabouts. It was already passed an hour and our scheduled ceremony was delayed. I kept waiting.

I hold my tummy and almost cried, yes I’m almost 3 weeks pregnant but I couldn’t able to say it to him, I didn’t able to announced it to the father. My tear fell and stained my white gown. I almost collapsed when I felt dizzy and my body was shaking. I cried silently while my face was covered with my veil.

“crying? A voice spoke.

I lift my head up and gasped. He’s there in the door wearing his black suit. He lowered his head after he gave a sheepish smile. He walked closer to me and stood in front of me. He lift my veil and wiped my tear that stained my face. He shed tear but he was controlling it. I hugged him and thank him for coming on that day. I didn’t question why he’s crying, until the coordinator already called him. He caressed my face and turn around. I cant find the right word but I feel guilty on the day of my wedding. I looked down to my tummy again and smiled.

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HUSBAND

I set my foot going back to korea. The day of my wedding day. I already planned on not attending but I feel guilty for ritchelle. I promised her, and I promised saeng to not break our words to her. I love ritchelle but with saeng it’s a different situation. I want to stay longer with him especially when I knew his condition is not even better after the operation.

I came back to korea with him as he requested for me to do, to bring him back to the place where he belong. I left him at the condo that I bought for him but we haven’t stayed more than an hour when he told me to go.

I don’t want to leave him, I don’t want to stay away from his sight even just a second. I don’t know what’s blocking me to go but he insisted. I left him with kyu. I kissed him before I go.

I saw tears coming out from his eyes while he was staring and caressing my face. He smiled, he managed to smile, which makes me feel sad all of a sudden. His eyes are sparkling like he was so happy and thankful. The brightest face ever he had gave me since the day he had stuck in the bed.

“why are you crying? I asked when I wiped off his crystals.

“I’m happy, that until now you’re still with me. Thank you kim hyun joong, thank you baby..I love you so much, please be good to ritchelle and to your baby..

“what are you talking about,,I will stay beside you no matter what. Ritchelle will understand us.. We talked about it already, she’s willing to give me the divorce..I told him.

Ritchelle texted me the day when saeng was in the operating room telling me that I can have the divorce. All I have to do is marry her for the sake of our parents. I agreed and was thankful that she can understand me.

“hyun joong, for the sake of your baby, ritchelle is pregnant. She’s two weeks pregnant when I met her in the restaurant. I didn’t told you because I was afraid that you won’t come to me again..I’m sorry..I’ve been selfish..he announced to me.

“you’re lying..tell me you’re lying..baby,,I don’t want to go…I insisted..

“I told kyu to prepare your suit, it’s in the closet. I want to see you wearing it. I want to see how it looks like when you wear it…please…he begged..

“why are you doing this things to me, to you? I almost yell but I can’t..

“please. I want to see if it suits you. He continued and told kyu to give me.

I grab it from kyu and wore it a he wished. Kyu helped me fixed it while saeng is instructing him. He smiled, and I looked away.

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THE LOVER

Saeng felt tired from the flight. Taking the surgery didn’t helped a lot, he’s still the same and weak, the difference is that he can talked longer now than before but his body is still the same. He’s not totally cured yet from the operation but he insisted to go back since hyun joong needs to go back home and attend his wedding.

Hyun joong refused at first and saeng decided to go back home.

“you can go hyun joong..I told him not waiting for a moment for him to rest from the flight.

His chest was tightening and he felt ache inside him. Knowing that today, his lover will entangled his life to someone else. But he needs to do it. Her condition was never been good even the tumor in his brain was gone and complications arise.

He’s been a burden to his boyfriend, he can’t walk alone, he can’t speak to answer and reply in every talked of his boyfriend, he can’t laugh and he can’t give him his needs, he can’t even do share flesh to his boyfriend. Having was already gone between them.

He announced the news that he had known few weeks ago, when ritchelle told him that she’s pregnant but saeng still begged for the man and let him stay with him. He promised to give him back to him and will never let the baby to be raised with no father. Ritchelle agreed to that and so he had hyun joong with him for the rest of the days.

“I’m pregnant,,,that’s what ritchelle had told..

“you’re lying,,saeng didn’t believed it..

“I had a test this morning, and I’m positive. Ritchelle said..

“my decision is still the same, you already know that I’m dying or maybe dying or I don’t know,,please let me have him,,,he knelt down,,I promise to give him back to you on the day of your wedding.. The pleading, begging and promised he had said to the girl.

Now, the day has come and he needed to let go of the man, he needs to comply with his promise for the baby. He knows he’s greedy when it comes to hyun joong but he wont let the innocent fetus to be fatherless.

He pushed hyun joong to go. The thing for them is over and soon be over. Time has come for him and he needs to let go of everything. He already suffered for long years and now, that he found the only wished he prayed, and that is to be with the man he loves, he’ satisfied  yet why he’s hurting.

He told kyu to get the suit he had prepared for this day and he begged to the man to wear it, though it hurts him, he had to do those things.

Hyun joong wore it but he was looking away and seems pissed off. He declined to go but why saeng needs to pushed him away. Hyun joong was shocked when he heard about the baby. And saeng insisting the things that he can’t do for now.

“you look good..saeng complimented with a forced smile. 

He was holding it in, he was keeping it in, he wants the man to stay and want him to be with him, he felt it already, his life was threatened. His life has no definite time to stay already.

Hyun joong bent down and plead not to sent him away but saeng refused and keep pushing him away.

“I love you, remember it. I love you so much, I’ll be back and I’ll be with you forever, forever, heo young saeng.. I will,,, just hold on and wait for me. I promise I’ll be back.

“I love you too kim hyun joong. I love you, no matter what happen, I will always love you, I will for the rest of my life..but please stay to your wife for the sake of your baby, she’s pregnant, you’ll be a father soon..

“baby..don’t push me away..please…hyun joong cried..

“I won’t..go, I will wait for you. I’ll rest, I will rest and wait you here…you’ll be late, go,,,saeng told..

“I love you…hyun said once again and peck him on the lips..

“hyun joong…saeng called when the man stood up..I love you so much,,so much.. We will meet again, we will and I will wait for that time…saeng cried, gasping with air.

Hyun joong bent down again and saeng pulled him closer to him and kissed him.

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January 1,2013 , that was new year’s eve

The couple were sitting on the same balcony on the long rocking chair while kyu is preparing their food to celebrate new year’s eve.

Both wrapped in a thick blanket, both hugging each other. It’s a new month, less than a moth since they both met, few days more and they will be in their first monthsary. Time is moving fast, 30 days but it seems like 365 days. They fell in love, they both shared nights, but it was just a short period of time and everything had been complicated. 1 month but it seems one year, that’s how long their relationship looks like due to the things that had happened to them. And their heart had been definite to each other, an infinite love between them.

“baby? How can we celebrate our first month? Saeng asked..

“hmmm..what do you want to do? Want to travel together? Hyun joong return a question.

“ahmmm no,,I want to spend it at the club, I want to go back where we met and falls in love…saeng suggested..

“ahmm,,not bad..then we will do it…hyun agreed and kissed his lover’s nose..

“I don’t care on whatever we do, all I want is to be with you. I want to be with you..saeng talked seriously again..

“of course we will be together and we will celebrate it together..you’ll be fine that day..see? The doctor released you from hospital so it means, you’ll get better soon…hyun said trying to cheer him up..

“I’m afraid hyun joong,,saeng tightened his grip to his man..

“what to afraid for..I’m here, I will never leave you..hyun comforted him..

“wahhhh happy new year~~~~~ kyu shouted and pointed the fireworks above the dark sky.

“baby, I have a surprise for you..hyun said and stood up, he left his boyfriend and lighted the fountains and firework he prepared.

Saeng smiled as the sparkling fountain lighted their garden. Hyun went back to him and held him up to see the sparkles in the night sky.

“it’s beautiful..he said while smiling and feel amazed on the dance of the fireworks.

“look at the sky,,stars looks like the fireworks that we had a while ago..hyun said..

“I want to be one of them, so that you can see me wherever you are, and whenever you’re lonely at night. If I died and didnt survive to the surgery maybe I am one of those stars already beside that brightest star..saeng pointed above..

Saeng knows, hyun joong was looking on his face but he didn’t dare to talked back and replied to his childish idea. He puts down his hand and faced his lover. Hyun kissed him on the lips and didn’t let him talk again.

One day, two days, is fine, until the doctors observation finally out and the final diagnose has been revealed to them. It was painful for hyun joong but everything needed to be accepted. Saeng already knows it even if they didn’t told him, it is his body and he can feel his pain and the fall of it.

every time he closed his eyes, the image of his lover keeps picturing in his blank mind. And it cause him to worry a lot. He’s afraid, scared even more, even if he prepared himself from this, he still felt scared that what if he won’t wake up again, what if he can’t regain his breath again. Things that make his lover sad. Ritchelle is right, he will just give pain to hyun joong, and now he was thinking about that, he prayed for an extension of his life to prepare his man from this pain that he will cause him.

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January 6, the same day.

WIFE

I walked in the aisle holding my groom’s arm, holding it tightly like I was cared to loose it again. Walking with smile though I know he was forcing it. I heard claps and compliments for both of us.

We reach the altar and we both faced each other, he smiled at me and I smiled back at him. Even if it hurts me more seeing him with his broken heart that was written all over his face, I had to endure it, he needs to endure it. I asked for this wedding for the sake of our parents and so I have no right to be hurt, but how can I not, knowing that he’s with me as my groom but he’s mind and heart are owned by someone else. I gave up but I want to try to hold him again, this time for the sake of the growing fetus inside me.

He looked down to his pocket and I saw his painful heart, a tear fell on his cheek and he clenched his fist. The ceremony has start and we both talked after the priest. Saying all the promises and vows for our marriage, it took a long while since it started and I notice his unstable feeling. His phone was vibrating since the start and it keeps vibrating until the end. He jumped whenever the phone vibrates and his worries in his face didn’t fade. I see him gritted his teeth and I see him clenching his fist.

The ceremony ended and we proceeded to the reception, there I told him to answer his phone. We were all alone in the room while I change my gown into something comfortable. He answered the phone when it vibrated again for the nth time.

I saw his blank face and his phone landed to the floor. I picked the phone and opened all the messages that he hadn’t read.

I was shocked and tried to comfort him, but he refused. His tears are genuinely falling from his eyes. The hurt in his heart reflects on the expression of his face. He doesn’t whether to cry or calm himself so I can’t see it. But in the end his tears flows down his cheeks.

“I’m sorry, he muttered and run outside.

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HUSBAND

I kept myself stable and as far as I can, I  stayed calm. But the non-stop vibration of my phone makes me more worried and nervous at the same time. I squeezed my eyes when I felt that my world is spinning, I gritted my teeth to control my threatening sobs, I clenched my fist to control my stiffened body. If I can just stop the time, I will stop it and know what is happening to me. What was that nervousness and pain I felt.

The moment I felt my phone vibrated, all I can see is saeng’s face, my heart beaten fast every time I think of  him. Until the ceremony ended and I able to answer the call.

“hyun joong…im calling many times already…the voice behind crying.. Young saeng,,kyu tried to call you but he refused..I’m sorry but when I tried to reach you, you’re not answering, I sent you few messages already…it was hyung jun’s voice..

My hand felt numb and I didn’t notice the phone fell on the floor. I don’t know what to do but all I did is run away and race my car towards him.

I reach the door and I hesitated to open it. I’m nervous actually. I slowly opened the door and walked short steps until the door of our shared room. I saw him laying in there, eyes were shut and he’s not moving. Beside him are some doctors and nurses trying to regained his breathing. Trying to save him. Kyu looks desperate already, frustrated that he can’t do something, crying.

They stopped, kyu fell down to the floor. My heart skipped a beat and my tears just pour all at once. It seems everything stopped and I can’t hear anything aside from the beep of the machine that was beside him. I went closer to him and held his head up.

“baby..I love you,,,I love you..please wake up,,I’m here, you said you’ll wait..the ceremony is done and so I run here quickly…i uttered with my unstable, crack and shaky tone while holding my lover tightly.

I kissed her cold lips and I can’t control my emotions, kyu was crying, hyung jun is trying to calm me. But how can I calm myself. I was holding him  few hours ago, talking to him and now I am holding him with his cold body, and not answering to my talks. I shed a lot of tears. My heart ached a lot. If I just stayed with him, I might not missed his remaining time. I didn’t know. I didn’t know that this morning is our last.

Is this what he meant to me before? One month is enough for us to be happy. One month and I will understand why he doesn’t want me to called off the wedding? Is this the reason why he was pushing me away from him? Now I understand everything. even though I was warned about his health, and I was told to prepare myself, I didn’t know that it will hurt me much like this.

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January 7, monday, 2013,..

WIFE

I came along with hyun joong, he sent him to rest. Me, along with the other close friends of young saeng was left, hyun joong was kneeling in front of the engraved stone with young saeng’s name. he was crying. 

Though it hurts me seeing him being like this, I realized that I took the remaining happiness to my husband. I know he will never be happy with me. He will never love me the way he loved him. He loves me of course I know it but he loves his man more than he loves me.

I witnessed how much he loves this guy. I saw how much happiness he had for the short days. But I am just in love too just like them and I had in pain too just like what they felt. And I had to fight for I think it’s right for me.

I want to hug him, I want to comfort him, but in the end, I couldn’t do it. He doesn’t want me, he wants this guy’s embrace and not mine. I turned around and left. How I wish I could be love by this man like saeng had. I wish I could have him just like this guy had. I envy him and I pity myself, but life I know isn’t fair and we are just the victims.

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HUSBAND

I was left alone after my wife and young saeng‘s friends had gone, I saw my wife turning around and crying, I know those tears are for me. I know she’s hurting because of me. But my mind right at that moment is for saeng. He left me. He said he’ll wait for me but he didn’t, he said we will celebrate our first month together but he didn’t.

I will never see him again, I will never be with him again. Now I know why he wants me to be happy with ritchelle, now I know why he gave our relationship a month, but isn’t it unfair, one month is not over and we have still 2 days to be together.

“you hurt me saeng. Do you know how much pain I have right now? Do you know how much pain you’re giving me? You told me you’ll wait but where are you…? Where are you? I cried even more while confronting him.

The next day, January 8, 2013, our supposedly first celebration of our one moth..

“I want to go celebrate it to the club, where we met and falls in love. That’s my man’s wish for our one month.

I was sitting on my bed, caressing the sheet of it, this is where we had our first night, the first night that we entangled by flesh and pleasure. I am confused that time and I asked him to help me, and the next day, the day when we both had a deal, one month and we will give ourselves a chance to be in a relationship, until days had passed and I realize that we are both in deep relationship and both in love to each other.

I went to his previous apartment but it was occupied by someone else. The place where I come home when weekends, where we deepens our relationship and where we shared our lustful nights.

I drove to the condo unit that I bought for him, the place where we share the so called home, our own haven, our own world. The place where we build our own fate. The place where everything was revealed.

I drove his car, the car that I gifted to him when our first week together along with the condo unit. I headed to the restaurant, the only restaurant that we went for our only one date. The place where we ate together romantically and the place where I officially proposed to him and gave him a ring as a sign of our shared love. I ordered the food we ordered that day and it brought me tears as I remember how he was so happy when I slip the ring in his finger. We were laughing together while eating ice cream and the cake that I ordered for our first date.

I went to the club, alone and headed to the table where we shared our hugs and exchange our sweet kisses. The dark place where no one can notice us. Everything came to flashback as I recall when we first met. The first time our eyes met, the first smile he gave to me and the first hug he attempted to do to me. And the kisses that he manipulated every time I visit him while working, the sharp glances I gave whenever he was escorting a customer, and the soft nibbled on my lips that he gave to me secretly whenever his customer is not around for a comfort  room.

He taught me the word love, he taught me the word happiness, and he taught me how to be true to oneself. He loved me the way I am. He loved me unconditionally, he love me as his whole life. 

“Wherever you are, whatever you do,, baby I know you hear me. Happy first monthsary baby. I know you’re here. I know you’re celebrating it with me.,,I muttered as I looked up to the sky and whispered to the brightest star..I love you saeng, I love you heo young saeng. I love you so much. I will come to you, just wait for me and I’ll be with you.

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9 months later..

WIFE

Hyun joong treated me the way his treatment to me before. I carried his baby in my stomach. I had a hard time in my pregnancy and so he was careful in taking care of me. I did want to offer him the divorce but I thought it was useless already since young saeng died already. I didn’t mentioned it to him and he didn’t mentioned it to me too. Sometimes I see him crying secretly. There were no weekends that he never visited his lover. I didn’t opposed into it though sometimes I still feel jealous but I ignored the feeling since he never been lacking to my needs and to my baby in my womb.

I was in the delivery room and I’m waiting for him to come. Time passes and the baby wants to come out. I delivered it without him. The baby cried and I felt more than happy. He looks like hyun joong, the nose the eyes. He’s a little hyun joong.

I was transferred to my room but I fall asleep when I came there. The next day I woke up, I saw him on my side playing with our little angel. With his widest smile ever since young saeng had gone. Finally I saw that smile, I heard that laugh. He came up to me after he gave the baby to my mom. 

“feeling fine now? I hear you had a hard time in delivering him.. He talked while my hair and kissed my forehead.

“de, im fine now..I answered, hesitant, I cupped his face.

He lean closer to me and kissed me on my lips, longer than he usually do ever since we got married. I was surprised but happy at the same time, is he back to me already? The question I thought.

“excuse me mr and mrs kim,,ahm can I have the baby’s name? a nurse came..

“ahm,,what do you want to name him? He asked me.

“we didn’t talked about the name yet..I pouted..

“ahh yeah,,im sorry…he apologize and felt a little guilty all of a sudden…

“ahmm it’s okay..I said..ahmmm we’ll tell you the name tomorrow,,.can we? We’ll talk about it first…I suggested and asked..

“it’s okay ma’am..the nurse agreed and left…

We talked about the name and exchanged different names and we didn’t notice that the time had passed that fast. He left leaving me a simple name.

But the next day, I saw my mom and my appa waiting for me to wake up. My mom was hesitant to say something while my appa is walking back and forth.

“what happen? Why you’re faces were like that? I asked with a small laughed..where’s hyun joong? I added..he said he’ll come back this morning to name our baby..I added..

“he got into an accident while on his way here. My mom announced.

My world stopped and I couldn’t process the news immediately on my brain. Few minutes later when I realize what were those words I just received, With my still weak body, I got up from my hospital bed and run towards the room where my husband is laying.

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DECEMBER 7, 2013 

It was exactly a year ago when three people, me, my husband, and his man just fell in love at the same time. A man whose longing for a love and happiness for his short chance, a man who search for his true self but found a true love that he wanted at the same time, and a woman, who wants to be loved and gave her whole life to her man. A one month story of my husband and his man that were trap to my own desire and love to one of them. A story of true love and  finding a true self. I’m ritchelle Claudio, who became Mrs. Kim with the name of my husband Kim hyun joong who found his self through another man and falls in love to a name called Heo Young saeng.

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..the last chapter, i make the epilogue and not a prologue, sorry for that if i mentioned prologue before, it's an epilogue, so you know what happen to the three on those days.. it on last but yeah..keke hope i made it..