The year came and went, but Nara felt like she had lived through a lifetime's worth of obstacles and happenings. It had been two months since the good talk she had with Baekhyun, and four months since she last heard from Minseok. Her relationship with Baekhyun was improving through baby steps; they could now share carefree laughter and hold amicable conversations. Love was still lightyears away, but neither of them wanted to think about that. Right now, all that mattered was learning about each other all over again—right from the beginning. 

Letting go of her hatred, Nara realised, made her life so much easier. She felt like a noose around her neck had been loosened, and she could finally breathe again. It was so much easier to see the little joys in life too. She never paid much thought to the greetings of her co-workers whenever she entered the office, but hearing them now with her newly unclogged ears brought about a warm tingle in her chest. It was nice—feeling appreciated. 

And she was getting re-acquainted with Baekhyun's playful nature too. After four years of resentment, she almost forgot how easy of a job making her laugh was to him. Life was suddenly a lot brighter, happier, and easier. There was so much to live for, so much to look forward to, and she wondered why it took her so long to let go. 

But even then, she didn't wish she had let go sooner. She thought of it like she needed this exact amount of time in order to completely move on. She felt letting go prematurely could cause complications—maybe down the road she would remember something he had done and resent him all over again. Perhaps picking on every single one of his flaws and blaming him for every little mistake he had committed could take more than just four years, maybe ten, maybe twenty. But Nara was willing to go through it, because she knew that after it was all over, she could forgive him wholeheartedly, knowing there was nothing that could ever bring her back to square one. 

If you looked at it in another way, she didn't spend four years resenting Baekhyun. It's just that her resentment for Baekhyun needed four years to pass.

"Is Eunhye's baby shower today?" Nara looked up from the television to return his gaze. 

"Yeah. I've already prepared the gifts," she answered, going back to the cooking program she was watching. 

Baekhyun sighed wearily and ran his fingers through his bangs. They were getting long and starting to cover his eyes again. "Thanks, I almost forgot if I didn't see all that stuff."

She turned and glanced at the door, where a large box containing the parts of a diaper station and multiple bags of diapers sat. "It's okay, you've got four hours. Get some sleep, you've been working a lot lately."

"Please wake me up," he said as he began climbing up the stairs. She hummed a reply back. A year had barely passed since Eunhye's wedding, and they were already having a baby girl. Nara was reluctant to attend because of the nature of the small party, but she knew it was time to face up and move on. If she could do it with Baekhyun, she could do the same with this. 

At two in the afternoon, she went to the bedroom and woke Baekhyun up. While he stumbled into the bathroom drowsily for a shower, she sat by the vanity and did her make up. It was just a casual afternoon tea kind of party, so there was no need to be formal. She decided on a simple floral printed dress and got out a pair of black flats to put on later. She stepped out of the wardrobe to let Baekhyun assemble his outfit and reminded him to be casual. After brushing her undone hair a few times, Baekhyun stepped out in a simple pair of black jeans and a loose white button-up with the sleeves rolled up just below his elbows. 

Once they were good to go, he loaded the gifts into the back of their car and keyed in the Eunhye's address in the GPS. Baekhyun hadn't said much about his willingness or reluctance to go to such a party. When she brought it up to him last week, all he said was a detached "okay". The party itself was that big of a problem as compared to the questions the two of them would have to answer once they got there. They married the earliest out of everyone else, and during the four years they've been together, there was no news of pregnancy at all.

But they did have a baby boy together, his existence was just a highly protected secret. So even when they lost him, nobody knew apart from themselves. And they couldn't let anyone else find out. She didn't know about Baekhyun, but she felt horrible at the thought of her answers to such questions. "No, we haven't had plans for one yet," or "yes, there hasn't been a baby yet". She felt like she was betraying her unborn son, like she was ashamed of him. It wasn't like that, nobody could ever understand just how much she wanted to go around telling people she was going to be a mother. Despite the child being conceived when she didn't want it, the thought of becoming a mother still made her heart flutter. It was, after all, something almost every girl would fantasize about at some point in their lives. 

Honestly, she was more jealous than anything else. Why did they get to have life go so smoothly for them? Why did she have to go through so much just to get to where she was today? And it wasn't like she was anybody of worth now, she was a mere salary-woman. She wanted to flaunt too. She wanted to hold a grand wedding too, and invite all her friends and her grandmother. That old woman would be so proud. She wanted to show people ultrascans of her baby boy, she wanted to announce to her ex-classmates that she was expecting, hold a baby shower, hold a one-year birthday party. 

She could have all that whenever she wanted it. If she talked to Baekhyun about her wishes, he'd definitely concede. But it wasn't easy—bearing the weight of a life on her shoulders. Who's to say history wouldn't repeat itself this time? She wasn't going to let another innocent life be lost. The first time struck her badly enough, if she were to go through that again, she might not make it out alive. You could call her paranoid, but letting your own child die inside of you wasn't something you could forgive yourself for just like that. 

"Hey," Baekhyun's quiet voice broke her out of her thoughts. He had one hand on the steering wheel, and the other over her own. "Relax, just think of it as a normal party."

She shut her eyes. "Why did I even agree to go?" 

"Because you're brave. Don't worry, okay? I'll be there with you every step of the way."

She turned to look at him. "Thank you."

They arrived at the parking lot of Eunhye's apartment complex and entered the elevator for the 23rd floor. The ride up was in silence save for the soft classical music playing.

"She got a good house," she commented, trying to ease her nerves.

"Yeah, but we've got better," Baekhyun replied, chuckling. They arrived at the designated floor. Nara picked up the bags of diapers and stepped out first to hold the doors so Baekhyun could carry the large gift out. It was easy to identify which unit was Eunhye's without needing to check the invitation, because there was only one door left wide open with multiple pairs of shoes right at the doorstep. Taking a deep breath, the two of them headed down the short corridor. They barely managed to remove their shoes when one of the attendees noticed their arrival.

"Hey, Nara's here!" a man announced happily. She put on a smile despite the soft voice in her head that pointed out Baekhyun was looked over yet again.

"Nara?" The host finally came into view, looking heavily pregnant. When she spotted her, Eunhye smiled brightly. "Finally! Come on in, gosh, what is that huge box?"

"The baby's gift, of course," she answered as Eunhye's husband came over and helped Baekhyun carry the box into a bedroom somewhere. "I see so many familiar faces."

"Yeah," Eunhye laughed softly. "Any drinks for you?"

"Just water," she said as Baekhyun came back. 

"Sure thing." He took over the spot Eunhye emptied out and let out a sigh.

"Why the sigh? We've been here for barely three minutes," she joked and Baekhyun just gave her a look. To be polite, the two of them went around greeting the faces they knew, which were mostly their high school friends. 

"Nara, oh gosh, it's been so long! I didn't manage to catch you at Miyoung's wedding the other time, even though Eunhye said you came," said a woman named Jooyoung. 

"Oh yeah, something urgent cropped up so Baekhyun and I had to leave, we couldn't even make it to dessert." 

"Did it resolve okay, though?"

"Of course, everything's fine. How are you getting along? Found a man yet?"

"I have a fiance, we're getting married sometime next year in March, we'll be inviting you and you definite have to stay until the end, alright?" 

"I'll try my best." She laughed. 

Soon, the host couple gathered everyone and unveiled what they were all waiting for—the ultrascan. It'd been a while since Nara had last seen one, the other time being an ultrascan of her own son. Seeing something like that again after four years brought about a bittersweet feeling in her. She could've been the one in Eunhye position, she could've had it all if she were just a little more careful.

"Can I look at it?" She found herself asking. Baekhyun eyed her warily from the side. 

"Of course!" The ultrascan slipped into her fingers as she brought it closer to her eyes. Identifying the head and limbs of the baby girl, she couldn't hold back a smile.

"I'm sure she'll be beautiful," she said quietly, handing it back to the mother. She felt a warm hand on her knee and met eyes with Baekhyun who gave her an encouraging nod in return. When Eunhye began telling them about her pregnancy as requested, Nara got more and more immersed in her memories. 

~*~

"You two will be receiving your first ultrascan today. Are you excited?"

The young couple shared a glance with each other before turning back to the doctor. Grinning wildly, Baekhyun said, "very."

The elder man chuckled. "Alright, by the end of this check-up, you'll be able to receive it."

They went through the usual procedure; listening to the doctor point out the features of the fetus, taking note of what to avoid eating and various exercises to ease the discomfort. At the end of the half-hour long check-up, the two finally received the first ultrascan of their son. 

"How are you feeling?" the doctor asked kindly.

"Overwhelmed. He's really inside of me? Growing like that?"

"He is." The man smiled fondly. "And I have a feeling you're going to be an amazing mother."

~*~

Baekhyun was getting worried with each passing minute she remained still. The others were still chatting happily, oblivious to her faraway state. He could understand how she felt, the child was his too, after all. But it's been years since then. He wished she could stop tormenting herself with something that wasn't even her fault to begin with. It was insensitive of him to think this way, and if he ever attempted to tell her what he thought, he would look like he didn't care about the child as much as she did. Which definitely wasn't the case. 

It was just that Baekhyun loved the person who was alive and in front of him more than a mere memory. 

Carefully, he brought his palm and placed it over her knee. She blinked once, twice, then turned to look at him with a blank face. He smiled at her, which seemed to help a little, since she smiled back and appeared more alert. This wouldn't do. He couldn't just let her sit there and put herself up for more unknowing attacks. It was enough; they'd showed up, gave a gift, played good guests. There was no need to keep staying. 

"Hello?" Baekhyun spoke into the receiver of his phone. "What?"

The chatter ceased and everyone looked at him worriedly. 

"Yes ... Yes that's my unit. Flooding? Oh, God, alright. Yes, yes, I'm on my way. Thank you."

"What's wrong?" She asked, looking alarmed. "What's flooding?"

"Apparently a pipe somewhere burst and our place is getting flooded," he answered, standing up fluidly. "I'm sorry everyone, our neighbour just called us to say our house is being flooded pretty badly. We have to get back and do damage control, I'm afraid we can't stay to the end."

"Don't worry about it," Eunhye's husband assured. "Thank you for coming and for the generous gift. I'll see you out."

"Sorry everyone," Baekhyun apologized once more before firmly taking her hand and headed towards the door. 

"Tell Eunhye we're sorry for always having to leave like that," she said while putting on her shoes. 

"I will. Take care, hopefully we'll see you soon."

Baekhyun led her towards the lift, and it was only once they got inside and the doors shut that he erased his vexed look. 

"What are you laughing about?" She questioned, still visibly worried about the situation of their house. 

"Our house is fine."

"What?"

"It's fine. There's no flooding, it was a lie."

It took her two seconds to come to terms with the news before she instinctively slapped his arm. "You had me so worried! At first I thought it was that, you know, happening all over again."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you like that. It was getting boring, I'd much rather go and do something fun than sit there and listen to that woman talk about her morning sickness and food cravings."

She laughed hearing that. "Thanks."

They returned to the car and drove out of the apartment complex. 

"Where are you going? I thought we came from that way?" 

"We're going to play." Baekhyun glanced at her briefly. "I told you, right? I'd much rather do something fun than listen to her talk about things I don't care about."

"Are you sure you didn't plan this from the beginning?" She questioned, amused. 

"I might have. Since it's almost dinner time, let's eat? What are you craving for?"

"Steak."

"Awesome. I know just the place."

"I don't know why but I feel like we're going to get caught..."

Baekhyun laughed. "Relax, we're not high schoolers playing hooky." 

She smiled and leaned back into her seat. "Okay."

They became silent afterwards as Baekhyun drove to the destination. He wondered if Minseok had bought her steak before. He didn't want to take her to places that guys had taken her. Partly because he didn't want her to be reminded of someone who couldn't come back to her, and partly because he felt bitter about it. 

He thought she had fallen asleep, so it surprised him when she opened her eyes as soon as he killed the engine. 

"We're here?" He nodded and got out of the car. Rushing over to her side, he opened the door and helped her out. "It looks like a nice place. Expensive?"

"Nah. It's just yor average steakhouse, but it's good. Don't you remember? We came here before in high school."

She furrowed her brows. "We did?"

Baekhyun blinked in silence. No, he wasn't mad that she didn't remember. He was just surprised. He was supposed to be the one forgetting. Maybe he was just lucky this part of his past hadn't been erased yet. 

"We did. Don't forget, okay?"

I might not be so lucky the next time. 

"Okay."

A young waiter showed them to an empty booth by the window. Taking their seats, they began to thumb through the menu. He wasn't particular on what he wanted to eat, so Baekhyun looked up, intending on asking her for her choices. He found himself gazing dumbly at her. Her hair was now tied into a low ponytail, with stray strands of hair framing her petite face. She was so effortlessly beautiful, it hurt just looking at her. Even until now, his ability to breathe was robbed so easily. 

And somewhere at the back of his mind, Baekhyun wondered how badly he will miss this feeling. 

"Have you decided?" She asked gently, lifting her head to meet eyes with him. 

"Yes. The black pepper sirloin," Baekhyun answered, trying not to sound dazed as he gazed into her captivated brown eyes. "What about you?"

"I'm stuck between ribeye and sirloin."

"Get the ribeye and we can share."

"Good idea." She laughed and raised her hand to call over a waiter. She gave him their orders, and for beverages, she didn't even need to ask for her to order a iced lemon tea for Baekhyun and a strawberry one for herself. 

"I'm glad you know my favourite drink, but I was thinking wine would suit the mood better."

"No alcohol, you have to drive," she reminded, smiling. 

"Right." Baekhyun chuckled as the conversation died down. He couldn't help but keep staring at her, the way she daintily crossed her fingers over the table, the way she leaned forward to him with attentive eyes and ears. 

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

Because he had to look to his heart's content before time ran out. 

"Can't I?" Baekhyun countered teasingly.

"Sure, sure, look all you want."

"Don't tempt me, I could look at you forever."

"And you won't get bored of me?"

Baekhyun felt the back of his eyelids sting and his heart wrench. 

"Never."

She fell silent afterwards, looking shy, surprised and unsure all at once. 

"I should be the one worrying about all that, though," Baekhyun jested, trying to ease her. 

"I'm here for you as long as you're here for me."

"It's comforting, but hard to actually believe, as much as I would love to."

"We're working on it, aren't we?" She offered a small smile. "It'll work out, somehow. Just trust me."

Trust her. Yes, Baekhyun just had to trust her. 

"I trust you. And now we'll use that trust to eat steak, okay?"

Laughing, she nodded. "I hope it's still as good."

~*~ 

After dinner, they decided to take a stroll around the area. They were somewhere in Garosugil, a bustling, high-end street jam packed with cafés. With a bit of walking, they came to a wide street filled with people and shops. Trees lined the sides of the road and lights were hung across them. It felt very Christmas-y, only without the snow. 

They did a bit of window shopping, just enjoying each other's company, but decided to head back early because of the crowd. It was nighttime by the time they arrived in the garage. Baekhyun felt especially drowsy, perhaps it was the mental drain that he suffered today. But if he was already this exhausted, what about her?

Taking a peek, she seemed at ease. A little tired, yes, but she looked fulfilled. Whether or not it was because of his efforts today, Baekhyun was just glad. They headed up to their bedroom, and upon her insistence, Baekhyun washed up first. When he came out of the bathroom though, he was met with a cheeky grin on her face and a weird set-up behind her. 

"What's going on?" He asked, dumping his clothes into the laundry basket. 

"It's still a bit early, so I was thinking of watching a movie to fall asleep." Baekhyun took a proper a look at the machine behind her and realised it was a projector. 

He furrowed his brows. "I feel like we've done this before."

"We have. Don't you remember?" 

Baekhyun swallowed hard. 

"It was after our mid-years in second year. You came over to my place with that projector and we watched a movie together, exactly like this. It's weird you don't remember, you were the one who bought the projector."

"Yeah, weird. What are we watching, though?"

"I haven't decided. Why not you decide? No horrors, though."

Baekhyun laughed and made his way over to the spread of DVDs at the foot of their bed. After a sweep, he picked up Spirited Away and booted up the movie. The makeshift screen was the wall opposite their bed, so they could lay comfortably while watching the movie. While she went to get drinks for them, Baekhyun climbed into bed and made himself comfortable. 

Had he really done this before? He the key hanging around his neck; he would have to record everything in his journal tomorrow. 

She returned shortly after with two flasks in hand. "Warm milk."

"Thanks." He helped her set everything on the nightstand before she too, settled under the covers. It had been a while since he watched a movie, he wasn't sure about her since Minseok happened, but it didn't matter. Not anymore. 

They were barely halfway through the movie when Baekhyun's eyelids felt heavy. He didn't want to fall asleep that quickly, specifically not before her. But he felt a sudden weight on his shoulder. Slightly more alert, he turned his head slightly and glanced down. 

"Thank you," she said in a small voice. 

"What for?"

"For protecting me."

"Hey, I'd do anything for you."

"But I can't. I'm not that selfless, I'm not in love."

"It's okay. It doesn't matter. You're here with me now, that's all I care about. But... If it makes you feel better, there's one thing I'm sure you can do for me."

"And what's that?"

"It's not much." Baekhyun smiled. "Just don't forget to remember me."

Hi all. It's been a while. I'd like to first thank everyone for the support and encouraging messages. When in difficult times, knowing that you're not fighting alone really means a lot. You have no idea how much strength and smiles those comments gave me. I am so undeserving of everything, but here you guys are. Thank you all so much! 

On a side note, here in my country, EXO will be coming on August 23rd for their TLP concert. Of course, I will be going to support him. The fact that I'm going to see him again isn't really hitting me. Although I am one in thousands, I don't know why I'm so worried over how I'm going to face him again. It feels like meeting an elementary school friend that I've fallen out and lost contact with after twenty years; a little awkward, a little embarrassed, and a little excited. Of course, it's all on my part. I'm very nervous and afraid. I'm worried about the post-concert withdrawals that I will have, but I guess for now, I'll just focus on being there for him, and giving back the strength that he has given me. 

As you can see, I'm back to writing again. I feel this chapter was a little lackluster, especially my sudden shrinkage of vocabulary. I'm worried about the continuity of moods from the previous chapter and this one, since the time gap between when I wrote those two is a little wide. I hope I haven't disappointed everyone too much, but nonetheless, here's to a new start!