After getting back from the hospital, Baekhyun had slept the entire day away. If it weren't for his body clock he might've missed the appointment for the second time. She was finishing up household chores when he woke up and went down to the kitchen to satisfy his parched throat. When she was done hanging up the laundry, she made her way upstairs without so much so of a glance or a word uttered towards him.

It would be a forty-five minute drive taking consideration into the after-work traffic. If he had woken up any later, he would've been late. 

"I’m going to the villa in Bucheon," Baekhyun said, fiddling with his wristwatch behind his back. She looked at him, as if to say "so?", and Baekhyun shifted again. "So take care of yourself, lock everything securely. Use the stuff in the cabinet if you need to, hopefully you won’t."

"Okay."

Even after she replied and began doing something else, Baekhyun couldn’t bring himself to move. Bucheon wasn't that far from where they lived, but should anything happen, he wouldn’t be able to get back in time. But then again it was only for a few hours, one night if need be, nothing would happen to her, right?

"I’m going," he said meekly, sighing inwardly when she didn’t respond in the slightest way. Baekhyun shut the bedroom door and jogged down the stairs, making sure the cameras were recording before he got into the car. If anything happened to her and he couldn’t stop it, he could at least hunt down the culprit and destroy him in the worst way possible.

The drive to Bucheon was long and quiet, he hoped that a dizzy spell wouldn’t strike him in the middle of nowhere, because this time he was in the car alone. It was frightening, not knowing when the next attack might come, wondering if he could survive it when it did, or when his knees would next give out on him.

It was difficult bearing this secret, lying to Yixing was bad enough, although it was for the better. He couldn’t find it in himself to tell her his real condition. How would she react? Would she start showing a bit more concern for him? Or would she simply not be bothered? After all, she hated him with all her heart, seeing him suffer like this would please her the most, wouldn’t it?

Even though he knew that outcome was most probable, Baekhyun still hoped that she wouldn’t feel that way. Maybe she didn’t resent him that much? Maybe he still had a spot in her heart, no matter how small or insignificant it was. And that thought alone was what kept him going for the past four years. Losing her was something he feared to even imagine.

~*~

The silence of the house was something she wasn’t used to. Of course, she’d been at home while Baekhyun wasn’t. But this time it felt different. Perhaps it was because he was leaving for a city even further away, or maybe it was because that fainting incident had shaken her up a little too much than she would’ve liked. What if he fainted again, but this time nobody found him? Or worse, what if the unknown enemies took him while he was out cold?

The possibilities were endless, and each wild guess sounded more horrific than the previous. Was this the kind of silence Baekhyun had to live in for the past four years? Her feelings towards him, a block of ice long frozen stiff, wasn’t starting to melt, no, it was being cracked apart forcefully.

The blow was harsh, and the process of destruction too rapid and sudden for her to do anything to stop it. She was starting to feel again, and the first feeling towards Baekhyun was guilt. Maybe it was the argument they had not long ago, when Baekhyun said it was tiring to be in his position too. She had never really thought of that. All this while it had been me, me, me to her, and not once had she spared an extra thought of what Baekhyun might feel.

She might refuse to admit it, but since the argument she had been envisioning herself in Baekhyun’s shoes. And it hurt. It hurt when she pictured herself being ignored by the man she loved, being hated by the man she would give her life for. And that was just imagination. For Baekhyun, it was all reality. Reality he couldn’t escape from, reality he couldn’t change because she was being a stubborn fool.

Then there was this part of her that claimed Baekhyun had brought all this on himself. Which was true, since the day he waged that psychological war against her with her grandmother as hostage, there was no going back for Baekhyun. He took a gamble to make her stay, and it worked, but he could only keep her body. The very fact that Baekhyun would threaten her using her grandmother’s own unknowing words was good reason for her to despise him. How could he? He loved her, he said so himself, so why can’t he let her go if she clearly didn’t love him back?

She didn’t want to play hostage to such an uncomfortable feeling, so she left the house with the intention of spending time at her grandmother’s. Upon arrival, the woman had asked about Baekhyun, and she fought not to roll her eyes. Everywhere she went it was always “where’s Baekhyun?” or “where’s your husband?”. It irritated her. Why did everyone tack on Baekhyun when it came to her? Why couldn't she be seen as herself, no husband, no Baekhyun, just a woman named Yoon Nara, slightly rough on the edges, but soft and raw on the inside?

Had Baekhyun become such an integral part of her life that shaking him off was close to impossible?

"He’s in Bucheon for a little trip. He might be back tonight or tomorrow morning."

"Ah, what a pity. The bathroom sink needed fixing. Last night it leaked and the bathroom floor was flooded at least an inch."

"I can fix it too, you know. Who was the one who replaced the lightbulb in the living room back then? Who was the one who fixed the heating system all on her own during a freezing cold winter? It’s not just Baekhyun who’s handy, you should just call me instead."

"Yes, yes, I know you’re filial. But I have a capable grandson-in-law, I must have something to brag about to the neighbours, don’t I?"

"Then if I didn’t come today would you have just left it there for Baekhyun to fix? And when will be the next time Baekhyun comes over? Next week? Or next month? You’re just going to let the sink leak? What if you slip and nobody noticed until it was too late? I don’t live here anymore, you have to be more aware and take care of yourself. If something happens to you, I can’t be there immediately."

"Don’t talk like that! I’ll be fine, you worry too much. Your grandma isn’t that old. Also, why are you nagging me when I haven’t nagged you yet? When am I going to get a great grandchild? It’s been four years!"

Her heart sank as she looked away and began working on the pipes. “You’re that excited for one?”

"Of course! How many people do you know have great grandchildren?"

"Actually—" she began, and barely stopped herself from spilling everything. It would be a disaster if her grandmother found out she did have a great grandchild, only he died before he could even see the world. It pained her whenever her grandmother talked about this, but it would pain her even more if the old woman started grieving and scolding her for keeping that a secret. To her grandmother, the life she was living with Baekhyun was perfectly normal, the only exception was that they got married young, that’s all. Everything was well and beautiful in the woman’s eyes, and she felt that at least one person deserved to be blissfully ignorant.

"Actually what?"

"Nothing," she murmured, continuing with her task. "Do you want a boy or a girl more?"

"A boy, but a girl is fine too."

"Why a boy?"

"So he can protect his mother of course!"

She stopped working and gazed blankly at the pipe in front of her. If her son was alive and grew up, would he really protect her? What or who would he protect her from? He was probably too busy protecting himself from the enemies made during Baekhyun’s time as leader. But she was thinking too much. This conversation was pointless. The boy is dead and she wasn’t bearing another child for anyone any time soon. It was painful. The memories, the weight of another life in her hands. Until today, the guilt and grief still lingered.

"It’s done. Is there anything else that needs fixing?"

"No. Come and have some soup," the woman said from the living room.

"Is that another one of your fertility boosting soups? Because I will have none."

"You brat. It’s oxbone soup, do you want it or not?"

"I want it!" She quickly said, rushing over to the dining table. "It’s my favorite. Almost as if you knew I was coming."

"Oh please, who cares about you? I made it for myself."

"Hey, is that something you should be saying to your only granddaughter?"

"Drink your soup!" The woman chastised, smacking the back of the younger’s head with a tea towel.

"That hurt! Even a dog isn’t bothered when it's eating."

"You’re not even half as cute."

The lighthearted scoldings made her feel like a teen again. Back when things were as simple as what they were having for dinner, or what good television programs were on that night. Even though the apartment was falling apart inside out, what with the constant leakings and power shortages, things were still simple and carefree. Meeting Baekhyun had propelled her into a world full of new dangers and problems, so why then did she not leave while she could?

Because at that point in time, when she hadn’t been tied down by marriage and her grandmother’s well being, she truly thought something good could come out of her and Baekhyun’s relationship. And perhaps, back then she was a little bit in love with him, and she couldn’t bring herself to leave him just like that.

But now love was the least of her reasons for staying, it fact, that previous flowery feeling had zero impact on her now. Nobody meant more to her than her grandmother, and certainly nothing was more important than her happiness. If staying with Baekhyun meant that her grandmother had one less thing to worry about, then so be it. She would never, ever let anything negative intrude into her grandmother’s comfort zone, even if it meant she had to lie, even if it meant giving up her own chance at happiness.

She stayed at her grandmother’s place for hours, not budging even when the latter had jokingly complained that she was occupying space in the already small apartment. No matter how much the woman assured her she was okay living alone, she knew her grandmother would feel lonely. It was like that for everyone, especially the elderly, was it not?

She could never really feel at complete ease leaving the old woman here by herself, and when she had asked her to come and live with her, the woman had strongly refused, saying she would be too much of a burden. That pained her, because she couldn’t even take care of the one person who had raised her up until now. Leaving home and lying to her grandmother while she was secretly pregnant was the most difficult thing she had done.

The look on the woman’s face when she put up an act, saying she had had enough of living in the dingy apartment and wanted to live with her friend, almost made her want to give up and come clean. But she told herself no, it was for the greater good. She couldn’t let her grandmother find out she got herself knocked up, it would be too much of an embarrassment for the woman. She knew how much her grandmother was proud of her, and how often she would brag about her singing skills to the other old ladies in the neighborhood. Leaving seemed like the best thing to do, at that point in time.

But now, she had never felt such a strong desire to come home.

~*~

"First of all, I’m really sorry to keep you all waiting yesterday. Something cropped up and I forgot all about the meeting." The faces of his allies didn’t look too bright, but it was better than not apologizing at all. "The purpose of this meeting is to dig up all information we have on someone named Tao. He’s apparently quite big in an industry like ours, for someone who came from China. Is his backer really Wu Fan?"

"Yes, it is. This Tao person has been here for quite a few years already. Last year a crate from my arms shipment went missing, and I found out it was because a list of unknown crew hands was approved, but not by me. I tracked them down and found them to be Tao’s men, and the shipment already sold elsewhere. All in two days."

Everyone else began voicing out their displeasure against the person in question, and Baekhyun found himself pleased with the reactions. It was good knowing he wasn’t alone should things come down to a fight, and with all these leaders on his side, having Wu Fan behind him would still render Tao as good as dead.

"I understand where you all are coming from," Jongdae raised his voice, "but there’s something I must make clear. I don’t favor Tao, but my sister is in love with him. And like I’ve already told Baekhyun when the problem first appeared, Tao can do some serious damage to her should he choose to do so. I am not risking my sister’s life, and I will not let any of you do so either, even if it means fighting on the other side."

"So what you’re saying is, you’re breaking the allegiance because of some pesky woman?"

Before anyone had time to react, a gun was pulled out and pointed right in the face of the man.

"I will not let my sister be subjected to ambiguously ist insults," Jongdae said, putting his finger over the trigger. "I believe Baekhyun knows where I’m coming from best."

"There will be no blood shed in my villa.That is my one and only rule. All of you know what I feel about unnecessary violence. So either put that gun down, Jongdae, or I will put you down."

Although reluctant, the gun was lowered and taken away by Yixing, on Baekhyun’s command.

"I have made my stand clear, and I ask to be excused from this meeting should you be discussing plans to eliminate Tao, lest I feel tempted to leak out the plans. I act this way because of my sister, and not because I wish to outright offend any of you."

"You may leave."

With a harsh look, Jongdae snatched back the gun and left the room.

"The last I heard about his movements was four days ago. He's in China right now, so far I haven't heard anything of him being back. I don’t wish to clash head on with him. The power of Wu Fan is unknown to me, and to us, for that matter. A high number of men dying will make the police move, and that is not in favor for any of us. His main purpose of coming here is to make money, and if we take that opportunity away from him, he’ll leave quietly. From what I know, Jongdae supplies him with drugs. I don’t know what other areas he deals with, but we have to make it so that nobody does business with him."

"And what do you suggest?"

"Easy. The highest bidder gets the deal, is it not? From all your experiences, it seems that Tao is most often know for snatching business. With just six of us here, we may have well over a few thousand men under us. Surely they can source out who Tao deals with, and we’ll beat him at his own game."

"That means we’ll have to quote higher prices and raise the price of the goods. What if we lose business?"

"That money," Baekhyun said, "I will give it to you. If you make a loss, I’ll make it up."

Yixing’s eyes widened and he stared at Baekhyun in disbelief.

"You seem to be really eager about exterminating this guy."

"Yes. I hate him, I hate his guts. But even then, I have to be tactful. The full extent of his power is unknown."

"You’re not one to easily lose out either."

"If I can lower the number of lives lost by forking out a few extra grand then why not? Life is priceless."

After sending the other men off, Baekhyun promptly collapsed onto the bed in the master bedroom. His head had been hurting the entire time, but it was more of a dull pounding than sharp stabs, like the ones he experienced from time to time. There was a knock on the door, and the door opened before he could grant permission.

Yixing stood by the foot of the bed with an unreadable expression.

"I didn’t say you could come in, though," Baekhyun muttered tiredly.

"Why did you do that?"

"Do what? Oh, reimbursing their losses? I could feel you burning holes into the back of my head."

"Do you really think those people are going to obediently ask for the precise amount of money they lost? No! Those so-called allies are two faced liars, you just threw yourself out there to be mangled, Baekhyun."

"I don’t care. It’s money, money can be made again. Lives cannot be returned."

"You think you’re protecting the lives of your men? What if those people extort and extort, and you end up with nothing? This organisation you run isn’t a gang for rebellious high schoolers who are driven by their thirst for an adrenaline rush. This is business. Those men? They work because you’re paying them. They rely on the money you pay them to put food on the table. And what if you run out of money? You say you can make money again? Those men, women even, are the ones making money for you, they’re the ones who do the dirty work so that the money comes to you before you dish it out every month. You think they’re going to keep working for you if they know they won’t get paid at the end of the month? No."

"You should know by now, I’m a big fat hypocrite. You see me preaching about the value of life and detest for violence but look at me. Look at my job, I kill people for a living. I set up gambling dens and sell drugs to young fathers. I break families apart so I feel better about my own. I destroy lives so I can live. But those lives aren’t worth half as much as hers. I’d sacrifice everything if that meant I could protect her."

"You’re insane."

"No. I’m in love."

"You’d give up your life for her, yes, that’s noble. But think about it. Would she do the same for you?"

Baekhyun’s breath hitched.

"Don’t die for people who won’t die for you."

started a random one-shot (23k+ LOL) starring jongdae sehun and jongin clickity click if you're interested