The room was dark, the only dim light came from the last rays of the sunset coming from the window. I don't know how long I've been in my bedroom laying on the bed doing nothing. I was tired, tired of crying, tired of keeping all these emotions just for myself. It's been so hard to keep them seized inside of me. What happened this day was the straw that broke the camel's back. I couldn't take it anymore. After crying so much, I just wanted to sleep but something stopped me to do so, it felt like it wasn't right. I had to know what he was doing. After what happened in the practice room, that was Verah's arrival, I couldn't remove his eyes from my sight. There were tears that wanted to fall but he prevented them to do it. They were red and what you could read from them was pain. It was the similar to the expression he had when we broke up but this time, it seemed even more hurt. His eyebrows were furrowed and his jaw was clenched, lips clamped. Seeing him like that almost made me cry, but I couldn't, I had to look strong in front of him. 

Sensing that Myungsoo and I had to talk about something very serious, the girls went out taking Verah from Sunggyu, who was still at the door not knowing what to do. He then followed the others outside, closing the door. Myungsoo didn't start to talk immediately. We stayed for 2 minutes or so looking at each other while standing in the middle of the room. Then, like a sack of potatoes he threw himself down on the floor, his head down while using his two hands to keep his upper body balanced. I didn't know what to do but after a while I followed his steps: I sit on the floor waiting for him to talk, or shout at me his anger. I was ready for everything except for him to stay silent. The silent treatment was always the awful one, I didn't know what he was thinking and I couldn't imagine what he was going to do. Afterwords, he raised his head, the tears couldn't help it more and they started to wet his cheeks. “Is she really yours?” His voice cracked at the first syllable, he couldn't speak properly since he was trying to hold his sobs. I just slightly nodded. “Is S-sunggyu hyung... The... F-..f...”

“Don't say such stupid things.”

“Do I know him then? The father?” Since he was asking I thought that he didn't see Verah's face properly. I was fighting with my heart and mind, one was saying yes while the other no. “Please...” At the end, my mind won, I denied. “Can I see her?”. Of course I told him no. “Why not?”. His voice became a whisper.

“She has nothing to do with you. So why do you want to see her?”

“Please, don't say such things. She's the daughter of my love, I need to see her. I have this need to see her.”

“What are you saying Myungsoo? “Your love”? I think you're not feeling well, you should go and rest a little.”

“Of course I'm not feeling well! The girl I had to leave when I didn't want to, is here right in front of me and she's being so cold towards me. I just discovered that this girl has a child that could be mine! I think I'm going out of my mind.”

“She's not yours, you don't have to worry about it. And about that girl, well, she is being cold towards you because her heart broke when she was left and since then, it 's been impossible to heal it, so, there's no way it can go back like it was before, at least with you. Therefore, you can go back to your path and pretend we've never met. It 's the only positive thing for the both of us. The door's that way.” And I got up but something stopped me and dropped me back to the floor. Myungsoo's fingers were wrapped around my wrist, his grip wasn't that hard but it still was difficult to free myself from him. “I know I hurt you, I know I did wrong, I know it's hard for you to forgive and especially forget what I've done. I know all of this but please, I beg you, can't we go back to at least how it was before we started to be a couple? Friends? I miss seeing you, I miss your smile and your laugh. I'm a stupid for letting you go the way I did but please...” While he was talking his fingers moved from my wrist to my hand and then fingers, intertwining. My mind wasn't working very well and my heart was like a smoothie where my feelings and emotions were mixed. Myungsoo's words were so touching and I had to get very far away from him if I didn't want to fell under his spell and feel the feelings I've avoided to feel since he left me. “Myungsoo ssi, you are forgiven but I can't forget what you've done to me. You have no idea of what I've been through and what made it worse was the fact that, since your popularity was rising, I had to see your face everywhere I went, even when I didn't want to. While for you, you probably deleted every picture of us so you didn't have to see my face.”

“You're wrong, I still...”

“Let me finish. Even if you're forgiven, we can't be friends. I can't do it. I can't be friends with you.”

“Why not? Do you still have any feeling for me? Because if you do I'm ready to start all over again our relationship and...”

“Stop. There's no feeling for you anymore. Start all over again? Are you serious? I just can't be friend with you, don't you get it? I don't want to see you again nor have any contact with you. Sorry for being this mean, but this is the only way to make you understand.” Even if what I said wasn't what I really wanted to say, I managed to say it. I know it hurt him hearing those stuff, but I was also hurt by saying it. Not wanting to keep the conversation going, I stood up as fast as I could and stepped out of the room. In the waiting room, sit on the sofa there were everyone waiting for us. Sun Yung manager was on the phone, Ji Sun was composing some melodies, Kim was sleeping while Jess and Sunggyu were playing with Verah. As soon as she saw me, she came to me. I took her and started to put her coat on. “Where are you going Destiny?” our manager asked. “I'm not feeling well, I'm going back to the dorm. I'll come back here and practice after dinner, don't worry.”

“No, just rest for today. If you want we can keep Verah with us.”

“Aniyo, it's okay. I haven't been with my daughter so much these past days.” And so, Verah and I got back to the dorm. Myungsoo didn't come out of the room right after us so he didn't catch us. As for Sunggyu, I left him there with the others, I felt sorry about him but in that moment what was on my mind was to leave that place as soon as possible, before I changed my mind and go back to his arms.

We were laying on the bed for a long time, Verah felt asleep while I started to replay all the happenings of the day. Why did Myungsoo want to get back together? Then, something came to my mind: did Myungsoo understand that Sunggyu knew about Verah? Did they fight? Becoming nervous I decided to call him. “Hello? Jae Lyn?” The voice from the other side asked.

 

“Yes, oppa... Did something happen between you and Myungsoo? I mean... Did he understand that you knew? What did he say? Is he mad?”

 

“Yes...”

 

“Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry for putting you in this situation! I...”

 

“Listen to me first Jae. I know you didn't mean to do anything like that. You even almost made me believe that she was your and some stranger's daughter. Are you wondering if something happened between Myungsoo and I, right?”

 

“Yes...”

 

“Don't worry, I told him everything. He said that he can understand my reason why I didn't tell him: to protect you. Of course he's a bit mad at me, but it can  be solved in a couple of days.”

 

“Okay... I'm happy that this situation didn't made you take different ideas and start a very risky fight. Again, I'm sorry I...”

 

“I got it. You don't need to repeat it a million times, you're already forgiven. But, what's going on between you and Myungsoo?”

 

“Nothing's going on. He asked me to be friends again but I told him no. I can't to do it.”

 

“Do you still have feelings for him?”

 

“Again, no. I just don't want to remember the pain I had to suffer by being close to him.”

 

“But he still have feelings for you.”

 

“No, he doesn't. He's just imagining, it's the shock of seeing me after so long. After a few days you'll see that he actually have no feelings for me. And even if he did so, what can I do about it? I'm already taken.” The last part was a lie. I had to stop everyone from thinking that Myungsoo and I could go back together.

 

“Wait, what do you mean you're taken?” And the hubbub in the background became noisier. 

 

“What's all this noise oppa?”

 

“You were on loud speaker. What do you mean you're taken, Jae Lyn?” The voice coming from the other side changed to Myungsoo's.

 

“Why do you want know Myungsoo? I thought I was clear about the “I don't want see you again nor have any contact with you”.”

 

“I just told you that I'm still in love with you, I want you back as a friend or even better, my girlfriend and now you're telling that you're taken? By another man?”

 

“Yes. Myungsoo, stop caring about me! Stop saying stupid things such as “still in love with you”! Stop it! I don't want you to be in my life anymore!” I ended up shouting. There was no answer: he hanged up.

 

-Did I just cross the line and ended up being too cruel to him? Was excluding him from life the right thing to do even if I secretly still loved him?-

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note: Helloooo guys! Sorry for taking so long to update TT.TT I would've post this chapter three days ago, but when copying the document in here some piecies were cut, I don't know why :L Anyway, finally I managed to update! Hope you liked it! ^^