It's already been two weeks since 4.Tune debuted. Our schedule was always busy, which meant that we were doing fine. We had just four hours of sleep and then we had to work all day. It was exhausting, but at least, it kept my mind busy.

The day of our debut was so full of events. Our first interview, my encounter with Kim Sunggyu, his discover of my child and then the encounter with the father of that child. I think I've cried more that day than the whole 2013.

When Myungsoo's face was just a few inches away from mine I had all kind of feelings and emotions in my mind: happiness, surprise, enthusiasm but also fear, regret, anguish and sadness. I couldn't listen to my heart nor to my mind. I could only focus on his face, so close to me but his eyes looked so far away. I hoped he couldn't recognize me, but he did. I was glad he could remember my face, but I really wished that he wouldn't had. Then, like we were friends who hadn't met for so long, he hugged me so tight. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, my head rested on his chest, near the crook of his neck, my nostrils filled with his perfume, the same he used two years ago. The one that I gave him, because it was my favorite. My arms remained on my sides for a while, not knowing how to react, but after a while, not even noticing, I wrapped them around his torso. His muscles tensed a little but then relaxed. I don't know for how long we've been like that, but, after a while I felt something went on my neck, where he rested his head. I tried to escape from his grasp but he didn't let me. Then he started to sob. He tighten the hug, getting even closer. <Jae Lyn... I missed you...> I started to get teary too. I couldn't speak, if I did, I would've started to cry too. <Why didn't you take any of my calls? Or answered my texts? Why> I was still silent. <Please, answer me. I need to hear your voice again.> I finally managed to escape from his hug, even if I didn't want to. I looked up, right into his eyes. <Why should I have done it?> I tried to sound as cold as possible. <Because you loved me...> he answered.

-And unfortunately I still do.- I couldn't look at him anymore. All my feelings for him were surfacing again, even if I didn't want to. I thought that if I was going to face him after the break up I would just feel anger and hate for him, but it wasn't like that: I wanted him back even if it wasn't right. Was it really difficult to remove all your feelings for your first love?

I was still in deep thought, remembering that scene when someone slightly slapped my cheek. It was Yoseob.

“So, what happened two weeks ago?”

“Uh?”

“When Myungsoo came in and I was changing...”

“Oh, yeah. What about that?”

“What was the reason for you and Myungsoo hugging? And... It seemed like he was crying. As soon as he hugged you I left you guys alone in the room. It was awkward for me!”

I chuckled. When it happened I forgot that Yoseob was still in the room with us. “It's not funny Destiny! What happened then? After about 10 minutes you burst out the room running towards the elevator and going to the rooftop. I wanted to come after you but then Myungsoo arrived looking so down and like a zombie. He asked me to tell his hyung that he was going back to the dorm. What did you do to him?”

-I told him to forget me and to never search for me again because now, the only feeling I have for him is hate.- “I told him that I don't like skinship and I don't have time for him and his flirts.”

“You're mean, you like skinship and what's the problem if he flirts with you. We all do it, even if it's just for fun.”

“I just don't have time for those things anymore, you know. I have to concentrate on my career and on Verah.”

“Uhm... yeah,” he said not really sure, “Or was it because he wanted to hit on you but you said that you have a kid, he freaked out at the thought of a baby and you felt bad, so you went out, and he was crashed. Anyway, I came here because your manager is looking for you.”

“Oh, okay, you have a fervid immagination. He doesn't know about Verah, and he doesn't need to, okay? And, what did Sunggyu say when you told him that Myungsoo was going back to the dorm?”

“Just that it was okay. Why?”

“Nothing.” I then went to the office where SunYung usually stays when we practice. She was sitting on the sofa while talking on the phone while Verah was sleeping next to her. When she saw me coming in she ended the call.

“Destiny.”

“Yeah unnie?”

“Did the other girls tell you?”

“Tell me what?” I started to worry a little. Her expression didn't look very happy.

“The CEO wants you to make public the fact that you have a kid. I don't know if I should be sorry or happy that you don't have this secret anymore.”

“Why?” I couldn't hide my surprise.

“Next week you're going to start to record a kind of diary of your rookie life. Cameras will be put in your dorm and they will also follow you around. How can you hide a person if you don't have privacy in your dorm? What do you think?”

“Well, I'm happy that I won't have to hide Verah anymore but... What do you think the public response will be? Won't people stop to support us?”

“I don't think so... Maybe you'll become a model for every young mom like you or you'll be looked by others in a very bad way. But this second option will happen whatever you do, there will always be people hating on you because it's impossible to please everybody. Then, if you make it public before the media does, don't you think it will be more accepted by your fans?”

“Yeah... You're right. Even if I don't want to make it public it's already decided. What worries me the most is Verah. She won't receive anything bad, will she? She didn't do anything wrong, so people won't hate her, right?” I looked at the beautiful kid who was still sleeping.

“Of course nothing will happen. She's so beautiful and nice, why would they do something to her?”

“I don't know... Unnie... What will I say if they ask me about the father?”

“What you always told us. You were young, you do mistakes because you're human. You and her father broke up but you didn't know you were pregnant. You didn't want him to come back and also because you couldn't contact him. That's why you're raising the kid alone, end of the story.”

“But... I think that the father will understand that I'm talking about him...”
 

“Is there a problem?”

“What if he tries to contact me? I don't want him to get close to me or her.” -Even if it already happened.-

“Don't worry about it. Me, the girls and all the Cube will help you. Everyone here loves you and Verah. Trust us.”

The news came out two days after. I was on the first 10 positions of search rankings and my cellphone kept on ringing because of all the notifications from the various social networks I was on. What really surprised me was the amount of people who was supporting me, of course there a few leaving bad comments and such, but I thought they were gonna be a lot more.

“Have you seen, Destiny? They don't hate you that much, the fans are thankful for coming clean and not hiding anything from them.” Ji Sun said while we were riding the van, on the way back to the Cube to practice.

“I should be the one thankful.”

“But, unnie, where's Verah?” Jess, who just woke up from her nap, asked.

“She's with a grandpa oppa.”

“What? Unnie, are you okay?”

“WHAT? You mean with Sunggyu oppa?” Kim, as always, shouted.

“Yes, he's with her. Soon he'll come too.”

“Yeheeey!”

During practice.

It's been at least one hour and a half that our group was dancing non-stop. We were exhausted and sweaty, so we decided to take a little break. At that exact moment the door opened and we saw and as well exhausted Myungsoo. I was so tired that I couldn't perceive any emotions. He came in still panting for a probably run.

“Jae Lyn, what's this story about you having a child?!” Then I regained myself and realized what was happening. Myungsoo now knew about my child and he didn't look very happy about it.

“I have a baby. Why do you look so down?”

“Why?” Now he looked angry and desperate. “You're asking me why?! Maybe because I just discovered that the girl I've been in love with for the past 4 years and who I broke up with, still being in love with her, has a child?! Maybe, you know! Who's the father?!”

“Wait, you said that you two broke up?” Kim looked at me and then at Myungsoo, then back at me.

“Myungsoo ssi, could you please lower your voice?” Ji Sun asked.

“I'm sorry, but how can I do it when I'm so angry?!” Ji Sun stayed silent.

“You're not even looking at me Jae Lyn! You never look at me in the eyes...” His eyes were red and teary. Seeing that I wasn't answering to him nor looking at him, he grabbed my shoulders and shook me a little.

“Myungsoo oppa, you should stop.” Jess said getting closer to us, but, when Myungsoo glared at her, she stopped where she was.

“Moooooommyyy!” A high pitched voice echoed in the room. I looked up and Myungsoo turned his face. Verah was at the door in Sunggyu's arms.